This is just a little silly something that came to me at 11:30 pm on Saturday night. I just rolled with it and typed it all out on Google Docs. Except for a couple of small punctuation/spacing changes, everything is just as it was when I finished it at 12:30 am Sunday morning.
This is inspired by the children's book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.
Thanks to the lovely ElleMalfoy65 for looking it over. This one's for her and for Iloveplotbunnies, who is the queen of humor. Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry Potter or
If you give Hermione a book,
She's going to want to read it.
And because she's finished all the books in her library
She's going to want to go to Hogwarts
To see if the library has stocked anything new.
When you get there
You're met by Draco Malfoy
The new potions master.
Draco immediately teases her
About her insatiable quest for knowledge.
Hermione teases him right back
About his insatiable quest for hair products
And redemption of his family's name.
They continue to bicker
As they've always done
(And probably always will do)
Until you start to think that the books
Have been forgotten.
But of course with Hermione
Books are always a priority.
And Draco, knowing this, tells her
That he can take her to a real library.
Of course, she bristles
Because the Hogwarts library to her
Is better than the one at Oxford,
At least in terms of memories
And its large role in her life.
And then he tells her that his library
Is even better than this one
Because it has a more extensive collection
On the origins of magic
And magical history.
Not to mention many rare texts
And first editions.
And she knows
(And you know)
That he's talking about Malfoy Manor.
She's reluctant to go, of course,
Which is understandable,
Given her past experiences there.
(You know this, because she wakes up
Screaming from nightmares
And has to reassure herself
That she's at home
And not at the Manor,
A name that makes her weep.
Draco's name, however,
Never does.
It just infuriates her
As she tells you what ridiculous thing he's said now
To rile her up.)
But somehow, he convinces her to go
(You think he hooks her in with a promise
Of a first edition
Of Hogwarts, A History.)
So off you go
To Malfoy Manor.
You get to come, too,
Although you wonder if it's just because
The blond wizard
Is trying to ingratiate himself
With Hermione.
You arrive at the Manor
And you can tell from Hermione's face
That it looks drastically different from the last time she was here.
Remodeling the Manor
Was an absolute necessity, Draco says,
Because they needed to cleanse the walls and rooms
Of all of that evil.
Hermione looks mollified and pleased by this
And so Draco leads her
(And you)
Through the halls of his home
Until you reach a set of double doors.
He throws them open
With a patented Malfoy flourish
To reveal what is admittedly the most glorious library
That you or Hermione have ever seen.
You're reminded of that movie Hermione likes
Where the furry beast gives the girl
A humongous library for her own
Because of his newfound feelings for her.
Because of course the best way to a bookworm's heart
Is to give her more books than she's ever seen before in her life.
And that seems to be what's happening here
Because as you're strolling behind them
As Hermione oohs and awes
And Draco points out special texts
That are sure to capture her interest
You turn the corner and find them
Locked in an embrace,
A first edition of Hogwarts, A History
In Hermione's hand-
The one that's not ensnared in Draco's hair, that is.
His hands are entangled in her curls
As they kiss as if their lives depended on it.
And you think that maybe they do,
Because you can just see them
Spending a long and happy life together
Reading and bickering and loving each other
Until death do them part.
And to think that Hermione discovered
The love of her life
And mountains of books-
Both to keep her happy-
All because
If you give Hermione a book
...she's going to want to read it.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please leave a review if you're so inclined :)