Holly

This has been the longest three weeks of my life and that's including my second year of residency in which I'm almost positive I didn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time for over a year.

There's been a turf war going on between two local gangs and we've had 7 bodies in two weeks from that alone. That's not counting the one that I've been called to this morning. And joy of joys this one is actually on the boundary of 27 & 15 divisions which means that there is a good chance I'm going to see the other reason that these last few weeks have been so long. Gail.

My Gail. Well, that's probably not accurate anymore. I know she was hurt at the Penny and didn't really mean what she said in retaliation for what she thinks I said but goddammit I've called, I've texted. I haven't been to her place but if she won't pick up the damn phone then I think the message is clear. I've quit calling in the last few days. I was afraid I was becoming a stalker. Leave it to me to get involved with someone who on the first day she meets you tells you that she's no good at relationships. It was like a siren call to me.

But this. This is going to test my resolve. I knew I was going to have to see her eventually but I had hoped it would be under different circumstances. Maybe she won't be here but I brace myself anyway. I park the car and scan the scene. I see her almost immediately. That blonde hair. I wonder, not for the first time, how they hide her if they have a night stakeout with that hair and that porcelain skin. God she's so beautiful even in that uniform that doesn't quite hide the curves that I know are there. Though the uniform is hot in a badass cop sort of way I have to admit.

I start to get out of the car and stop when I see another officer, a woman, walk up to her. She's pretty in an obvious way if you're into that sort of thing. Gail smiles at her and from this distance I can't tell if it's her genuine smile or her "I hate you" smile. I'd have to see her eyes to tell. I watch the woman touch her arm and my vision goes hazy for a second. I feel like I might throw up. I'm cold and clammy and hot all at the same time. This is stupid. So, so stupid. Get a hold of yourself Stewart! This is Gail's decision. She walked out of the Penny. She jumped out of the fucking tree whatever the hell that means. I take a deep breath and get out of the car ready to act like the forensic pathologist assigned to this body.

Gail

I'm assigned to the boundary tape at the crime scene. There's a body inside which means that someone from the morgue is on their way. God, I hope it's not Holly. Please anyone but Holly. I feel like my sanity is slipping away from me bit by bit. I wonder if I'm going to have to step up the retail therapy again. Then I hear someone call my name. I turn and it's that idiot Luck from 27. She's talking to me the way boys did in junior high and maybe some of the girls. Does she like me? I can't even concentrate on what she's saying. I mean even if I was interested, I'm too worried about seeing Holly. So I try out a smile to test the waters. She looks like her face is going to crack in half. Fanfuckingtastic. This asshat is the kind of person attracted to me. She touches my arm and she's saying something again. I catch the last of it.

"You know we could go and get a beer after shift." She says.

"Yeah. No. I'm pretty tired. This is my last of seven. I'm just going to go home and go to bed." I reply. She smiles at me again and I'm kinda afraid of what is about to come out of her mouth when I hear it, a throat clearing behind me.

"Excuse me. I need to get through." She says as she picks up the tape. Resolutely refusing to look at me. This day just gets better and better. Awesome.

"And just who are you?" Luck asks Holly's back.

"Forensic Pathologist" she replies holding up her 'Lunchbox' she never stops walking. Never looks back.

I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest and I'm not entirely sure I'm not having a heart attack. Luck, clever girl that she is, notices nothing.

"Should we stop her?" Luck asks.

"No. She belongs here."

I need this shift to be over. I need someone to take over so I can go home and crawl into a bottle of tequila or something. Because I don't think even tequila is going to erase the memory of Holly Stewart completely ignoring me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Holly walks in clearing her mind of everything but the task at hand. There will be time to process what was going on outside but not now. Now she has to be at her best for the person that lost their life in this old ramshackle house and for their family. They deserve her full and undivided attention.

She walks in and sees Detectives Swarek and Nash standing over what looks to be a male approximately 25 years of age.

"Detectives."

"Dr. Stewart."

"Have the crime scene techs taken photographs?"

"Yep. Sure have." Traci replies.

"Good. I'll take a few pics for my records, get a liver temp and then we can move the body. As you can see looks like a GSW to the head as cause of death but I don't like to make assumptions." Holly knelt down next to the body to take pictures. There was a sound behind Holly. Swarek and Nash turned in time to see Duncan Moore tackle someone. They careened together into Dr. Stewart who fell forward and slammed her head into the wall.

Swarek got there first. "Moore what the hell? Dr. Stewart are you ok? Dr. Stewart! Nash she's out cold. Call a bus."

"Dispatch this is Detective Nash we need EMS immediately at 1520 Holy Oak. We have an unconscious person injured on scene."

Gail heard the call go out over the radio. "Diaz! You're on the tape ok? I'm gonna go in and see what the hell is going on." She walked in to see Swarek kneeling down over Holly and Moore and Nash cuffing a heretofore unseen perpetrator.

"Oh my God. What the hell?" She rushed over to Holly's side. There was a growing knot developing on her head. "What the hell happened?" She looked around. "Gerald! What the hell happened?"

"Officer Peck, it wasn't my fault. He was hiding in a panel in the wall. He tried to run past me and I went to tackle him and we fell into her."

Gail turned back to Holly. "Holly! Holly! Wake up! Let me see those beautiful brown eyes. Please Holly." She knelt down held Holly's hand and said quietly, "Please Holly."

Swarek stood helped Moore pick up the suspect and they walked him out. Traci said, "Gail the EMTs are on the way she's going to be fine. They'll be here any minute."

The EMT had finished putting the stabilizing collar on Holly and had her on a spine board as just a precaution they said. Gail refused to let go of her hand. They had just loaded her on the stretcher when she started to come around.

"Hey there. Can you tell us your name?" The EMT asked.

"Holly. Holly Stewart."

"Do you know what you were doing here Holly?"

"I'm the forensic pathologist. I belong here."

This was going to take forever. Gail spoke up. "Holly if you are examining skeletal remains and find diatoms in an otherwise intact femur what does that tell you?"

Holly looked confused for a moment. "Wait. I know this one…it means…it means…"

"Gerald!" Gail turned around to yell at Moore. "You've knocked med school right out of her head. I swear…" Gail started but was interrupted by Traci.

"What does it mean Gail?"

"It was the first thing she ever taught me. The Robbins case. That's how she knew he drowned." Gail looked at the others. "She's not okay."

"We'll take her to the hospital and get her checked out. Probably just a pretty good concussion. They'll check her out to be sure it's not more serious. She's going to be pretty out of it for a while. Anyone want to come with?" The EMT said.

"Peck will go with her." Sam stated. Gail nodded at him gratefully.

Holly's eyes tracked to Gail "You're so gorgeous. Do I know you?"

"You used to." Gail smiled at her a little sadly.

They were behind a curtain in the ER. Holly had been examined and had X-rays which were negative and they were waiting on the results of a CT scan. Every few minutes Holly would move the ice pack off her head, look over at Gail and say the same thing. "Hey, do you know you're gorgeous?"

Gail would smile and reply the same way "Yes. I've been told that before." The EMT told her to keep Holly conscious and keep talking to her but it was like her brain was on reset. So she tried a different tactic. "So since I'm gorgeous and all, and you and I seem to agree on this" she looked at Holly conspiratorially "are you seeing anyone?"

Holly blushed furiously. It may have been the cutest thing that Gail had ever seen. "Umm…ummm…I'm not sure. I think I have a girlfriend but I think she's mad at me. I don't know."

"What happened? Do you know? It's okay if you don't." Gail reassured her.

"I mean she got mad at me for no good reason. I adore her and I could care less what my friends think. I mean just because I got out of a relationship they think I'm just looking for a rebound relationship and I'm not. I'm so not. She's so gorgeous. I think…Hey, do you know you're gorgeous?" Reset time for Holly's brain.

"Really? You think I'm gorgeous?" Gail smiled.

"I do. I think anyone with eyes would honestly." Holly replied. A moment and then, "Where are we?"

"We're at the hospital. You were on scene and hit your head. They think you have a grade 3 concussion and we're waiting on the CT scan results to see if it's anything more serious."

"Checking for brain bleeds and such." Holly replied.

"Go Dr. Stewart. Look at you recovering your mental faculties." Gail smiled. She felt weird not calling her Holly but since Holly didn't seem to know her she thought Dr. Stewart might be less threatening. "Now do you know who I am?"

"I don't but you're gorgeous."

"Yeah. I get that a lot."

"You're holding my hand."

"I was wondering when you were going to notice that."

"So I know you?"

"You used to. My name is Gail…Gail Peck." Gail smiled sadly.

"Okay. I'm sure I'll remember you soon. Memory loss and confusion are common with concussions especially a grade 3."

"I know. The doctor that was in here a while ago explained it to me. They said you should be fine barring anything negative showing up on the CT." Gail smiled at Holly.

"How long have we been here?"

"About an hour or so. Maybe a little less. They wheeled you in and took X-Rays and the CT almost immediately."

"That is fast."

"I might have had a little to do with that I was…insistent." Gail replied almost sheepishly. In reality she had demanded at high volume that someone see to the dedicated medical professional who had been injured in the line of duty.

"Why?"

"Your brain is the most attractive thing about you Dr. Stewart. I'm sort of attached to it. I feel the need to look out for its well-being." Gail said looking right into Holly's eyes. "I mean that's not to say that the rest of you isn't well…gorgeous, but I love your brain." Holly blushed again and looked like she was about to say something when her friend Rachel rushed in and pulled the curtain closed behind her.

"Rachel?"

"Of course you remember her" Gail murmured sotto voice "at least it isn't 'boob job'."

"Holly hey! I came down right after your office called me. I'm her emergency contact." She explained to Gail. She faced Holly "I spoke to Dr. Jacobs. He's looking at the CT now and thinks you should be fine. You'll just need someone to watch over you tonight."

Rachel turned to Gail. "Gail, I know you might not think this but I like you. You make Holly smile like I haven't seen in years. Lisa was shitty the other night and I'm sorry you overheard her. There is a lot of history there but honestly she just wants what's best for Holly which brings me to my next piece of news. Gail I'm truly sorry for what is about to happen in the next few minutes but whatever it is, I need for you to stay here next to Holly and I need you to keep holding her hand. Can you do that?" Gail nodded.

"I should tell you, she doesn't remember me." Gail said gesturing to Holly unnecessarily.

"Really? Alright. We can still do this. Holly sweetie. I was having lunch in the cafeteria when I got the call. Melissa overheard. She's coming down here to see you."

"No. I don't want to see her." Holly shook her head like a child and then groaned at the pain.

"It's okay sweetie. Just keep holding Gail's hand. Roll with whatever we say and Gail and I will make her go away." Rachel looked at Gail.

"Absolutely." Gail smiled at Holly. "If you don't want to see her, we can handle that."

There was a commotion outside of the curtain. Rachel said to Gail out of the corner of her mouth, "Gird your loins."

Gail

I have just enough time to think, Gird your loins? What the what? before a 6 ft. redhead bursts through the curtain and barrels toward Holly. Rachel and I step forward blocking her view. I'm still holding Holly's hand.

"Holly sweetie how are you?" The redhead is determined to ignore both me and Rachel it seems.

"Dr. Carson" Rachel emphasizes her title I assume to snap her back into some sort of professionalism "I told you in the cafeteria that Holly does not want to see you that this is an intrusion and an abuse of your privileges at this hospital. This is her girlfriend Gail."

"Holly, Holly baby you want me to be here to take care of you don't you?"

"No Melissa. I don't want you in my life anymore. You've left it too many times voluntarily. I'm too tired to play games. Please go."

Well this woman is an idiot. Who in their right mind would leave Holly? Oh right. I did. But that doesn't count. That was Boob Job and Holly and my truckload of baggage. Boob Job voicing all my fears. I left her before she left me. I did it to not get hurt. But it did. It hurt so much. Hmmm so that strategy actually backfired. I'm going to have to rethink this.

"Holly you don't know what you're saying. You've been injured." That bitch. She's trying to use Holly's weakened state against her.

"I know exactly what I'm saying Melissa." Holly holds up our hands. "I have someone else who takes care of me now."

I hold out my right hand. "Gail Peck. I would say it's a pleasure to meet you but I'd be lying." I smile.

She barely looks at me and then continues speaking only to Holly. "No one is ever going to love you like I love you Holly-Lolly."

Holly

I don't really know how to describe "waking up" from a concussion. It's a little bit like coming to from an alcohol blackout I think. I sort of wake up from this drunken dream-like state as I'm telling Melissa I don't want her in my life. I register that I'm holding Gail's hand grateful for her comfort and strength next to me. She tries inserting herself in this conversation that Melissa is determined to have with only me. That's when it happens. Melissa calls me her pet name for me "Holly-Lolly." God how I hate it. I absently wonder what the odds are that there could be a tectonic plate shift large enough to swallow up the hospital so I won't have to be here for this. Unlikely. What about a sinkhole? Much better odds there. Is a sinkhole too much to ask?

Gail starts to shake her head like she's trying to get water out of her ears. "Holly-Lolly? Holly-Lolly?" She turns to me, "Really? Dr Stewart, I can never ever unhear that. I'm going to hold you responsible. You are totally going to have to make this up to me."

I start to laugh. She's so adorable. She's making me laugh at this incredibly awkward situation.

Gail turns to Melissa, "And you. You pitiful excuse for a girlfriend. You have this" she gestures to me "to work with and you pick Holly-Lolly? Seriously? She's so beautiful. Ridiculously sexy. Incredibly smart. Unbelievable in bed and that's what you go with? You don't deserve her."

I see what she's doing. She's baiting Melissa. I squeeze her hand. "Gail."

"No. She doesn't deserve you." Gail says as she reaches toward me and that's when it happens. Melissa lurches forward. Gail pins her against the wall. "Now, you're going to listen to me carefully. You're going to walk out of this room right now and you're going to leave her alone for good or Rachel over there is going to call security and report this breach of conduct. I'm going to give a statement as an upstanding police officer and say that I felt threatened."

"You looked threatened." Rachel agrees.

"Go." Gail releases her. Melissa stalks out of the exam room.

"Wow Gail. That was really impressive." Rachel smiles at her. "I've never seen anyone get under Melissa's skin so fast."

"I've had some practice." She smiles. "Dr. Stewart how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Why are you calling me Dr. Stewart?"

"Because that's who you are. Oh. My. God. Do you not know who you are now?" She looks at me panicked.

"Of course I know who I am but you've never called me Dr. Stewart in your life."

"What does she call you?"

"Holly or if she's feeling froggy, Lunchbox." I reply with a smile as I lean back into the bed. Gail beams at me.

"You remember me."

"What?"

"You haven't known who I am all morning. Quick if you are examining skeletal remains and find diatoms in an otherwise intact femur what does that tell you?"

"That the subject drowned. You were paying attention." I smile at her.

"I always pay attention to you Lunchbox. I'm glad you're feeling better and that you remember me."

Rachel takes this as her cue to leave. "Holly, I'm so sorry about Melissa. I have to get back to the floor. Gail, call me when they release her. It's probably going to be a couple of hours. Do you need a ride? Did you ride in with her in the ambulance?"

"I did."

"Okay. I can run you wherever you need to go to get some things if you need to do that. Can you stay with her tonight? I would but I have my kids by myself tonight and the headache she has will not appreciate my twins running around her house."

Gail looks at me. "I'd like that." I say.

Hours later I'm safely tucked into a blanket on my couch. Gail is in the kitchen, cooking of all things. Cooking is really a loose term. She's heating canned soup for me. Rachel had dropped us off after swinging by Gail's place so that she could change and get some clothes for tomorrow. I didn't remind her that she still has a toothbrush here at my place. I feel raw and exposed and not sure I'm up to any sort of conversation that little factoid might start up. So I sat in the backseat silent with my eyes mostly closed. It's weird seeing one of my best friends and Gail interacting in the front seat the way I had hoped they would on the infamous night at the Penny. I realize that they think I'm asleep. They're talking about me.

"So how loopy was she?" Rachel asks grinning. "I've very rarely seen Holly not completely in charge – even when she's drunk. She's kinda perfect." What a rotten thing to say. I almost harrumphed out loud.

"I was worried that the EMT didn't realize how serious it was. I mean she knew who she was, what she did and why she was at the scene. You know Holly, only 5% of her brain could be functioning and she could still think circles around everyone else."

"What did you do?"

"I asked her the diatom question and then it really didn't matter because she didn't know who I was and finally everyone else saw it too."

"That must have been hard."

"It was kind of liberating in a way. I kept getting to make new first impressions. I've been told I don't make a great one and that was before our night at the Penny." Gail smirked.

"Yeah that was not totally your fault you know. Holly is going to have to tell you the story and Lisa was completely unfair but she really does want what's best for Holly. But you did run out of there like your panties were on fire." Rachel looked over at Gail and raised her eyebrow. "Are you going to do that again? Because I have to tell you I'm going to have to send you the bill for the best friend therapy time that I'll have to spend talking Holly down again." I really need to get new friends I think. Rachel is leaking information like a sieve.

"I can't make any promises but if she wants me to stick around I'm going to do my damnedest not to run. I think we have a lot to talk about and work through though. Uggh. I hate talking about my feelings. It's one of the things that makes me bad at relationships."

"I'll let you in on a secret. Holly hates it too. You two are perfect for each other." I've never hated Rachel more than in this moment.

"Really?" Gail brightens. Okay hate is a strong word.

"Okay. So no more feelings. Tell me about loopy Holly Stewart."

"Well every few minutes she'd look at me and say, 'You're gorgeous' or some variation of that." Oh. My. God. I can feel my face burning and hope that Rachel doesn't look in the rearview mirror too closely.

Rachel laughs. "That's nothing. She said that about you all the time before we met you at the Penny. It was Gail this and Gail that." On second thought hate seems just about right.

Gail moving into my field of vision snaps me back to the present. She sets the tray down on my coffee table. There's a bowl of vegetable soup, some crackers, a mug of what looks to be green tea, a glass of water and the medication the hospital sent home with me.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted to drink so I made both."

"I feel like I'm in my right mind now. You could have just asked me." I look up at her and smile to take any sting out of my words.

"They said you needed to take the pills on a full stomach." She's fidgeting with her hands.

"Gail, honey what is it?" I reach my hand out to her. She sits across from me on the coffee table.

"Holly, now's not the time to embark on any deep discussions but I just need to tell you that I was so scared today. I'm willing to work on this if you are. You don't have to decide anything and you don't have to talk about anything tonight but I just wanted to let you know." She dragged her hand through her short hair. "I'm not sure how to be here with you though. I don't want to put anymore distance between us but I'm not sure how to act anymore. I don't want to assume anything."

"Gail" I sigh tilting my head slightly. "How about we begin, at least for tonight, where we started? As friends. Okay? There was an easy intimacy with us then. Though I was crazy attracted to you and couldn't stop thinking about you." Holymotherfuckingshit! Did that just come out of my mouth?! I blush furiously and hope that the dim lighting and my skin complexion will hide most of it. Damn concussion. I may never recover my dignity from this day.

She smiles at me and it's like standing in the sunlight. It warms me all over. "I bet I know what you thought the first time you ever saw me."

I decide to play along. "Oh really?"

"You thought I was gorgeous." She reaches out to touch my cheek. "I'll let you in on a little secret. I thought the same thing about you. I felt like you hit me right between the eyes. You were a puzzle I couldn't solve. I just knew I wanted to spend time with you. I missed you when you weren't around and you just grew on me. Like a fungus." She reaches down to hold my hand biting her cheek to keep from laughing.

"Smooth. Really, really smooth" I do laugh. "I did think you were gorgeous. I still do." I say softly.

"Obviously because I still am."

"Obviously."

"What? I'm awesome."

"Yes Gail. You are Officer Awesome."

"Oh can I change my contact in your phone to that?" I don't hide the expression on my face quickly enough. "What?"

"I deleted you out of my phone." She starts to pull her hand away. Her face stricken. "It's not like that Gail. I had to quit calling you. I made Rachel write the number down and then to keep from continuously calling you and driving you further away I deleted it."

"Why didn't you write it down? What if she wrote it down wrong?"

"Because I have a very good memory. Look you're right we have a lot to talk about but not tonight okay?"

"Okay. Eat your soup. I'm going to eat that leftover white pizza that I brought over." She stands up and walks into the kitchen.

Gail

I feel like I've been punched in the gut and I should know. I've been gut-punched. Getting left at the altar will do that to you. I take a shaky breath and try to calm myself down. She had given up on me. Just like everyone else. I had driven her away. Just like everyone else. Just like Chris. Just like Nick. I wasn't worth it. My beautiful amazing Holly had given up on me. Somehow this is worse than the fun comment at the Penny. I mean at least then she wanted me in her life – just not the way I wanted to be in her life. Now here I am probably against her wishes. She's just too nice to say anything and doesn't want to hurt me. She's nice like that. After tonight I'll get out of here and find that bottle or twelve of tequila and try to forget about all of this. God and it's worse now because I had started to hope. Hope that we could somehow rebuild it. I don't notice that she's gotten up off the couch and is standing behind me until I feel her arms around my waist.

"Stop it." She says.

"Stop what?"

"That internal dialogue. I could hear it from the couch." She turns me in her arms until we are facing each other with her hands on my waist. "I want you in my life Gail. I never wanted you to leave it. I was trying to respect what I thought were your wishes. I left you 8 voicemails and 27 text messages."

"28"

"You brat. Why didn't you return any of them?"

"I didn't know what to say. I mean how do you follow 'tase myself in the eye'?"

"It's a strong exit line. I'll give you that. Let me ask you this. Do you still feel that way?"

"No of course not. I didn't even at the time. I was just hurt and when I'm hurt I don't like people to see."

"So you lash out."

"Yes"

"I figured that out. I'm pretty smart. That's why you got 8 voicemails and 27 text messages."

"28"

"My point being I thought I had done everything I could to breach that gap. I needed you to acknowledge it. I thought that you had given up on me and it hurt." I let that sink in. I had hurt Holly. Not just with my stupid Taser comment but my silence.

She continued "You met Melissa today and I only have the focus for the cliff notes version but I had to convince her over and over to stay in our relationship. I wasn't enough for her. We'd break up and get back together. Over and over. She never cheated but I never felt like she was 'all-in' if you know what I mean. She always had one foot out the door. I worked too much. I didn't want to have sex enough. It went on and on. I couldn't chase you like that too. I wanted us to be different."

"We are Holly. We are. You are everything I never knew I always wanted." I kissed her then. Just briefly bringing out lips together. It was like touching a live wire. "God how I've missed that."

She hummed. "Me too."

"So how many times a week did she want to have sex?" I arch my eyebrow. "How much is too much?"

"You would zone in on that." I continue to stare at her. "I'm not discussing my sex life with another woman with you Gail Peck. It's indelicate." I snort.

"Tell you what. When the time comes. I'll make a formal complaint if I'm unsatisfied. How's that?"

"And thus far have you been unsatisfied?"

"With the exception of the last three weeks? No. Not once." I shudder at the memories flooding my system.

"Good." She leans her forehead into mine and brushes our noses together. "I'm a little dizzy."

"I know me too" I start before I get her meaning. "Oh you mean from the concussion? Let's get you back to the couch."

I navigate Holly back to the couch. Reheat her soup a bit and warm my pizza. We eat sitting shoulder to shoulder and then I lean against the back of the couch and she leans back against me against my chest between my legs. She feels wonderful. I feel like I'm home. I have turned the TV to a nature documentary about sloths. My nerd loves sloths. Not as much as that actress from Veronica Mars but she loves them. I had noticed it was going to come on last week and remembered. I'm cool like that.

"How did you know that this was on?" She tilts her head back during a commercial to face me.

"I may have taken notice of it when I was browsing through the guide last week and remembered. Maybe I was planning on watching it because I knew you would love it."

"Such a softie you are."

"Thank you Yoda." I kiss the top of her head. "Are you about ready to go to bed? They told me I'm going to have to check on you every so often and wake you up. I'm sorry."

"Did they tell you what to look for?"

"Yes…Holly?" I hesitate. She looks at me and her face is so wide open I ask what I want to ask "Can I sleep in your bed with you?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

After the documentary finished we walk upstairs and go about what had become routine. We begin to get ready for bed. I walk into the bathroom and I see it. I see my toothbrush. Something that she would have seen every day. I feel absurdly happy at the sight of it. I must have been grinning because she bumped her hip into mine and said. "I told you. I didn't want you out of my life." Then she just starts brushing her teeth like the world hadn't stopped turning for a minute.

Soon we are in her bed. She's on her side with her back to me. I'm on my side facing her. She reaches around and pulls my arm over her stomach. "I've missed you. I've missed you in my bed. I've missed this." It's too much. I can't help it. I begin to cry silently. I know I should respond but I can't. The feelings are too overwhelming. She feels too good. It's too good. I just squeeze her tightly. After a minute she turns to face me.

"Gail, what is it? Is something wrong?" I begin to sob. She wraps those wonderful arms around me and pulls me to her chest. "Honey, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" I shake my head against her chest. She continues to hold me until I cry myself out.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…I just missed you. I was so afraid I'd never be able to do this again. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I want to be good enough for you and I keep falling apart in front of you of all people. The person I want to be most together for." I make a face.

"Honey, I love the fact that you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable in front of me. I feel very honored that you let me see all the sides of you even the ones you try so hard to hide from everyone else. I don't want you to be upset but I'm glad that you care so deeply for me and for us. If you think that I don't feel the same way you're wrong. Now, do I want another Brittney Spears/Amanda Bynes hair massacre in my bathroom? Maybe not. Maybe I should go hide the scissors." She smiles down at me and pretends like she's getting up. I pull her closer. "You don't scare me honey. I can handle all of you. I want to know all of you. I want you to feel safe opening up to me. You know what they say about making love to a porcupine?" I look up at her. "It can be done, you just have to do it very carefully." She smirks at me with that lopsided grin of hers and I know that I'm a goner. I smile and kiss her gently.

"Thank you. Thank you for being you and letting me be me. I'm okay now. Let's get you to sleep. Can I hold you?" I ask.

"Absolutely."