I couldn't listen to the whispers behind me. They would only bring the tears. I couldn't let them show; not when I could tell Horatio and Eric were being strong. I looked down at the ground, desperately wanting to grasp onto my arms to keep the feeling in them from completely taking over me. My heart beat so fast I could barely breathe. I felt like leaning against something, but it would be disrespectful to sit down. Not when attending the funeral of a slain officer.

I want you to live
I want you to love

Those weren't the words we used at the lab. No. Those were the words the reporters and papers wrote. Words that no one spoke. Nobody could say Tim was dead. We all knew it. No words needed to be said.

Officers, full-fledged in uniform walked down the aisle. He rails of the coffin clutched in their hands as they slowly made their way to the front. I reached my hand out to let my fingers slide across the well-polished wood, smooth and shiny on my skin. Like the ring that, at the best of times, slipped and slid on my finger. I smiled, blinking back tears as memories flowed back like the blood that seeped on the floor of the jewelry store.

I wanna go back
To the way it was

Horatio looked back at me, his eyes full of concern. He opened his arm, letting me come in. I nodded, starting to sob as he took me under his arm. Through stinging tears I saw the officers pull the American flag off Tim's coffin, folding it into a triangle and handing it to his mother. I shook my head. It should have been me, I thought. The one who had been shot. Dammit Speed. I wanted to sink to my knees and cry out to the world. I just kept shaking my head, letting Horatio's arm support me as my knees began to give way beneath me.

To hear you say my name again
I wanna see you smile again

Bang.

The shots fired in a twenty-one gun salute, and I sobbed one last time. Standing up straight, I looked across the broken faces of my teammates. Alexx was sobbing as well, trying as desperately as I was to hold them back. She had always treated Speed like her own son. And Eric, his best friend, looked down at the ground. I saw a tear roll down his cheek and my heart sank another inch. And Horatio...

I want you to live
I want you to love

As the coffin was lowered into the ground, all of us CSI's stepped forward and saluted our friend. A reel of grainy, patched memories ran through my mind. His smile, his laugh, his words that dripped with sarcasm almost all the time. Then came the memories only I would know. The soft and gentle touch of his hand, the taste of his lips that lingered on mine for days, the way he looked at me when he slipped the ring on my finger...

"Calleigh?"

I looked up at Horatio, the tears coming back.

I want you to go on and not give up
I want you to live
I want you to try

He gave me one last squeeze before letting me go. Sighing and swallowing, I walked bravely towards the short man and his wife in the dampening deck chairs. Tim's parents. He always said they were good people, generous and friendly. I smiled for them, holding out my hand.

"I'm Calleigh Duquesne." I said, breathing deeply to hold back a sob. "I was Tim's fiancee."

His mother looked at me, breaking into tears over the loss of her son. She fell into me, and I hugged her back. Her tears were warm and cold at the same time on my neck, and I started to let my own flow.

I want you to know that I won't cry
I want you to fall in love again
I want to see you smile again and again...

I want you to live.