There has to be an easier way to do this.
He did the Ben & Jerry's paired with The Notebook binge. He did the storing the photos and sweatshirts in a box shoved far from reach. He did the finding a cute guy to rebound. He did the 'staying friends', but strictly that.
Why was it still so hard? What was he doing wrong?
He cried every time "Come What May" came on, "Teenage Dream" had to be changed immediately, he stopped wearing bowties, finches brought nostalgia, hair gel was thrown out, any and everything reminded him of Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.
He can't escape him. And he's 600 miles away.
He's frustrated, to say the least.
It's Karaoke night at the bar, that bar, and Rachel is forcing him to go. And sing.
So he will. His name is called, and he steps to the piano sadly, sitting to play.
"I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave,
'Cause your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase."
The nights he spends tossing and turning as he dreams of what could have been, the lessons he's missing because he keeps daydreaming of Blaine, the music he can't handle listening to anymore, the tears he's cried when no one looks.
He just wants it to stop.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me."
He can't even look at roses the same anymore. Him, the hopeless romantic.
"You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase."
He's getting bags under his eyes. Bags! He can't look at his own home without seeing where Blaine showed up, seeing his bed without remembering the one night he slept there and couldn't even bear to look at him. It's been months, they spent Christmas together for fucks sake!
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me."
Blaine's even applying to NYADA! To see him everyday, and be unable to hold him, touch him, love him. It just might kill him.
New York will be forever tainted by him, not just the bit he had been in.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along."
He knew he was drawing away, being sucked into Vogue and forgetting the dramas Blaine was facing in a homophobic Highschool. He should have known, should have tried harder. How was he to know his life would become this?
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.
...me, me, me."
He sits there, deaf to the applause as tears drip down his face. He's everywhere.
That's it. He can't handle it anymore.
He's going to fix this.
Yes, Blaine cheated. But he's begged and pleaded and apologized nonstop since then. Gaga, he's still his best friend. He still loves him.
New York just won't be the same without him anyway.
So it's decided. Right after his father's been cleared of cancer.
Kurt Hummel is getting his Blaine back.