"So who's Kurda Smahlt?" I asked inquisitively.
"Well, he is the most gorgeous vampire you will ever wish to meet," Arra Sails started to smile, holding her mouth.
"Why do you like him so much? I thought you hated all men."
"Who told you that I hated all men?"
"You did, about a million times and Mr. Crepsley mentioned it a few times." Arra stared at me strangely.
"What else did Larten say about me?"
"Ooh, he said you were the most ugly, horrible vampiress he's ever seen,"
I thought Arra was about to cry but instead she giggled.
"I knew it!" she said triumphantly.
She stood up and walked towards the chambers.
"Oh no!" I groaned, I didn't know what she was going to do or if Mr. Crepsley was in trouble.
"Hello… Darren," Harkat looked happy to see me. "Darren… what's the… matter?" he asked, the grin vanishing from his little round face.
"Sorry, I've done something really terrible,"
"What have you done… which is so… terrible?"
"£I told Arra that Mr. Crepsley said she was horrible and ugly."
"But Mr. Crepsley… did… say that,"
"I know… but to us… in private," I said, feeling more and more guilty. "I'm going to go and see what's going on, bye Harkat."
"Bye… Darren."
I walked quickly up to the chambers, fifteen minutes had gone since Arra had left. Mr. Crepsley could have been dead for all I knew! When I reached Mr. Crepsley's chamber there were weird noises coming from inside. Like someone sucking something. That was when it hit me, Arra was sucking Mr. Crepsley's blood!
"No!" I ran into Mr. Crepsley's chamber as fast as I could. Arra was sucking on Mr. Crepsley's neck. They were both naked on top of each other! They looked like they were tied in a knot! Mr. Crepsley looked up suddenly.
"Darren!" he exclaimed, he looked a little dazed and there was an unusual smile on his lips as though he'd taken drugs or drunk too much ale. I backed out of the chamber and then turned on my heel and ran as fast as I could. Mr. Crepsley turned the corner a few seconds after me, pulling on his pants.
"Darren… Darren come back!"
"Go away!"
Mr. Crepsley soon caught up wit me and grabbed my arm.
"Darren listen to me!"
"What was she doing to you?" I asked, gulping.
"We were…" Mr. Crepsley looked uncomfortable.
"You were what?" I snapped. Mr. Crepsley turned an interesting shade of beetroot.
"We were mating," he said quietly.
"You were what?"
"Mating, Darren, mating!" he snapped. I stood for a while, trying to work out what he meant and then realisation struck.
"You mean you were having sex?"
"Well… yes,"
"I thought vampires can't have children," I said suspiciously.
"They can't."
"Why would you want to have sex then?"
"Vampires, like humans, don't just mate to have children, there are other aspects of it that are quite enjoyable."
"You mean you were doing that for fun?"
"Yes."
"But I told her you said she was horrible and ugly," I said, confused.
"When you are talking to members of your own sex in private you say nasty things about women you fancy and deny liking them."
"So you said she was nasty because you love her?" I asked, trying to make sense of it.
"I don't love her,"
"You do, you just said…"
"Alright!" Mr. Crepsley snapped, "I love her, are you happy now? Just don't tell anyone, especially not her alright?" he pleaded, he looked desperate. I stared at him strangely, thinking of ways I could use this to my advantage.
"Darren!" he yelled.
"Ok, ok! I won't tell anyone, I promise," I sighed, "Does Harkat count?"
"Darren!"
"Ok! I won't tell," I promised, "Why do you want to mate with her anyway?"
"I told you, I love her,"
"Marry her then,"
"Vampires don't get married,"
"Well there's a first time for everything isn't there?"
"I suppose so,"
"Tell her how you feel,"
"What if she doesn't…"
"Feel the same way? Don't worry, she will! I know she loves you too," I assured him.
"She told you that?"
"Not in so many words, but yeah, of course she loves you!"
Mr. Crepsley got up and walked towards the chambers.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To get married," Mr. Crepsley said determinedly and then faltered, "… I hope,"
"You need a ring," I told him.
"What do I need a ring for?"
"You need to get down on one knee and ask her to marry you," I explained.
"Is that what humans do now?"
"Yes, try it and see what she says."
"I'll try.." and with that Mr. Crepsley headed for the chambers.
A little while later Mr. Crepsley and Arra appeared, laughing and cheering. Mr. Crepsley swung Arra into his arms and carried her over towards Harkat and me.
"Darren! Harkat!" Mr. Crepsley couldn't stop smiling.
"Hi," I said half-heartedly.
"Darren, whatever is the matter?"
I wasn't about to tell Mr. Crepsley what Gavner told me.
"Darren, what's wrong?" Arra asked with uncharacteristic gentleness. She sat down beside me and put her arm around me and although I tried to stop myself I couldn't help crying.
"Darren, please tell us what has upset you," Mr. Crepsley said, looking concerned.
"When are you two getting married?" I asked him, side-stepping the question.
"In a few weeks," Mr. Crepsley replied, looking away. I got up and ran towards the chambers.
"Darren!" Arra yelled.
"I… will go… after him," Harkat said, smiling.
"Hello… Darren," Harkat grinned at me.
"Hi Harkat," I mumbled, "How could they do this to me? How could they!" I snapped.
"Calm down… Darren," Harkat looked worried, "What did… they do?"
"If they're getting married they'll want children and if they have children then Mr. Crepsley won't need me for an assistant anymore will he?" I growled.
"Of… course he… will,"
"I got up and walked towards the Hall of Sports. I was utterly furious. I marched into the Hall of Sports, picked up a staff and started to beat it vigorously against the wall. Kurda came marching towards me.
"Darren Shan what the hell are you doing?" he asked.
"How could they do this to me!" I yelled, thrashing the wall harder on every syllable." To me!"
"Who did what Darren?" Kurda asked, desperately.
"Am I such a bad person?" I asked, dropping the staff and sinking to the ground.
"Darren what's wrong?" Kurda said gently.
"Mr. Crepsley…" I said vaguely, not wishing to go into depth about what happened. Kurda sat down beside me.
"What has he done that's hurt you so much?"
"He's going to Marry Arra Sails," I told him.
"Oh I see," Kurda said, giving me an all-knowing look, "You think that if they get married they'll have children and leave you."
"Well, yeah," I admitted, Kurda made it sound like I was being silly.
"Larten would never do that to you Darren," Kurda assured me.
"Yes he would," I growled.
"Have you even spoken to him and Arra about this?" Kurda asked, when I didn't reply he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the door, "Go on," he urged. I realised that what he was saying made sense and stood up.
"Thank you," I said and shook his hand.
I waked nervously towards the hall of Perta Vin Grahl, where Mr. Crepsley was showering. I entered slowly, went in and sat on the edge of the water.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
Mr. Crepsley whipped round and noticed me sitting there, "That's alright Darren, I quite understand it must have been a shock. Where is Arra now?"
"She's gone to fight Gavner Purl on the bars," I replied. Mr. Crepsley allowed a smile to spread across his face.
"Gavner's a dead man," he said and then started to laugh, he really was in a very good mood! Just then there was a crash at the door and I turned to see that it was Gavner. At that moment Arra came running in after him.
"So Gavner Purl, you think you've won do you?" she snarled, grinning menacingly.
"No… never," Gavner stuttered. He started to back away from Arra, he somehow managed to back right into the falls without noticing until the freezing water drenched him all over. Mr. Crepsley was laughing so much he almost split his sides, Arra started to giggle.
"I thought the boy had a right to know," Gavner looked cold.
"Yes, Gavner, he had a right to know, but we'd rather have waited for the opportune moment to tell him ourselves instead of you sticking your large nose into other peoples business as is usual!" Mr. Crepsley snapped, "We were actually going to ask Darren if he would be willing to become our son." Mr. Crepsley looked at me and smiled.
"How can I become your son?" I asked, confused.
"Arra and I would adopt you and you would, by vampire law, become our son and a Crepsley.
"No way!" I exclaimed as I started towards the door.
"Darren, why?" Mr. Crepsley asked, sounding surprised and maybe a little hurt.
"With a surname like Crepsley, are you for real?" I laughed and then walked out of the door.
I headed towards my chamber to see Harkat
"Hi Harkat, guess what just happened to me," I said, grinning ,as I swung myself up into my hammock.
"I give… up, what happened?"
"Mr. Crepsley and Arra Sails asked me if they could adopt me," I said.
"What did… you say?" Harkat suddenly looked interested.
"I said no of course, Darren Crepsley doesn't sound very cool does it?" I said and started to giggle.
"Isn't that a… bit mean?" Harkat asked.
"I was joking," I told him, "I'd love to be their son I really would, I just want them to know what they're dealing with, make them sweat a bit," I grinned. "Do you think… that's fair… Darren?" Harkat asked, looking shocked.
"Yeah it'll be fine," I said and then thought about it a bit, "I hope," I added uncertainly. "I'll tell them as soon as I see them ok?"
"Good… idea," Harkat said and smiled.
"A little while later Mr. Crepsley appeared at my chamber door.
"Hello Darren," he said, looking uncomfortable.
"Hi " I said, trying to ignore him and stop myself from smiling. I started to fiddle with my hammock casually.
"I'm sorry," Mr. Crepsley said quietly.
"For what?" I asked as though I didn't really care.
"For having a surname like Crepsley," Mr. Crepsley said, smiling uncertainly.
"I suppose it's not that bad," I replied teasingly, "it could be worse like… err… Mansbridge or Ingram or Aylmore or something horrid like that."
Mr. Crepsley shuddered. "Thank the Gods I'll never be Larten Aylmore," he said, "So if it's not the name then why don't you want us to adopt you?" he asked.
"You're a bit slow off the mark aren't you? I was just joking about you stupid old codger! I suppose I have to call you Dad now don't I?" I replied, laughing.