Okay, so as it turns out, getting out of school for two days due to snow makes you a little bored ... or creative. Either way, I've been writing almost non-stop. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Not by a long shot.
Two Years Earlier ...
"Edward?" I whispered, looking up at my best friend. Well, he was my best friend, and I was secretly in love with him. "What did you just say?"
Edward grimaced a little, and I knew that I had heard correctly. "I'm leaving, Bella. I have to go to Dartmouth. My parents won't let me go anywhere else." I looked up at him, shocked. He was picking college over me? Of course he is, Bella, I told myself. You're just his friend. This is his career we're talking about.
I nodded slowly, still upset that he was going to leave me like this and never return. I felt my heart break as I realized that this would probably be the last time I ever saw him. "Okay, Edward."
"You're okay with it?" he asked, almost in shock.
I forced myself to nod. "Of course, Edward. If Esme and Carlisle won't let you attend any other college, then that's where you have to go." Oh, but how I hated to let him go, just like that.
Edward and I had been best friends since we were little. We had grown up together in the small town of Forks, located in Washington. I was incredibly close to Edward's siblings, Alice and Emmett, and Jasper and Rosalie, Alice's boyfriend and Emmett's girlfriend. We were one huge family. Of course, Edward and I had been merely friends, nothing more. We'd watched each other grow up. I'd seen Edward hit puberty, and vice versa. While those had been extremely awkward years, we had been there for one another.
I'd first started crushing on him when he was about fifteen. Before then, things had been pretty normal and easy. There were the instances that Edward would hold me closer than dictated. We wrestled a lot, and there had been the time I was sixteen that he had landed on top of me. He'd frozen for a good two minutes before shaking his head and getting up. I had been fighting back a blush the entire time.
I had watched him in his first relationship. Seeing him with Tanya had burned a hole right through my chest, and during that time period, he would blow off our plans for her. It made me insanely jealous and pissed off. To this day, I still wasn't sure whether he knew how upset he'd made me by spending more time with her than with me. After five months or so, he finally learned that she had been cheating on him and dumped her. He hadn't had a girlfriend since.
And now, here we were. He was heading off to Dartmouth while I was staying in Forks to take care of my dad. He was getting older, and I was worrying about him constantly. "But I'll still get to see Esme and Carlisle and everyone, right?"
Edward's eyebrows dipped, and he grimaced. I knew that the news couldn't be good. "Well, actually, Bella, Carlisle got a job offer in California. Esme and Carlisle are moving there. And my siblings are coming with me to Dartmouth."
Sudden realization washed over me, and I thought I would fall to my knees. "Everyone's leaving?" I whispered.
Edward grimaced. "Yeah. I'm sorry, Bella. I meant to tell you, but I didn't know how you would take it. We'll still keep in touch, right?"
How could I keep in touch with him? He has going to be all the way across the country. But I couldn't tell him no. That was always my problem. I could never deny him. He was everything to me. "Yeah, yeah, of course," I whispered, nodding. I wasn't sure if I was nodding because I knew I had to, or if I was trying to convince myself that it would be possible.
Edward hugged me tightly, burying his face in my hair. "I'll miss you, Bella. Take care of yourself, all right? And if any guy pisses you off, I'm a plane ticket away." He smiled into my hair. I never wanted him to let go. I wanted to stay in his arms my whole life, and I didn't want him to go all the way across the country.
I knew I had to say those three little words before he got into his car and left for the airport. I knew I had to say them, but when I had finally cleared my throat, Edward had let me go. He smiled sadly. "Goodbye, Isabella."
He took my hand, squeezed once, then released.
"Edward, I -" I paused, looking at him. His face was full of wonder, and his piercing green eyes were trained on my face.
"Yes, Bella?"
"I l -" He arched an eyebrow so I quickly changed my words. Friendship with Edward was better than nothing. "I'll miss you."
His face fell, and he nodded slowly. "I'll miss you, too." He winked once, then got into his car. I knew as I watched his car disappear that I was a coward.
---
Present
It had been two years since Edward and I had spoken. When he had left, just as I thought, his family hadn't maintained any sort of contact with me. I missed talking to Carlisle. I missed hugging Emmett, or talking about cars with Rosalie even though I had no idea what she said half the time. I missed Esme's cooking. I even missed shopping trips with Alice. But most of all, I missed Edward. Things had been hard the past few months.
Charlie had gotten extremely sick, and he had returned home from the hospital the previous week. I was stressed beyond belief. My job was full of creeps who couldn't get a clue, and I was worried about Charlie all the time. I needed my best friend, but as far as I knew, he'd moved to Alaska or Hawaii. He'd disappeared off the face of the earth.
My cell phone rang, and I was jolted out of my thoughts. I nearly swore when I saw the caller ID. Alice Cullen was calling me. I swallowed as I accepted the call.
"Alice?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone, then finally, "No. It's not Alice." Edward's beautiful voice flowed to me through the phone.
"Edward?" There was no way. He couldn't have disappeared on me for all this time and then expect to call me back and everything would be fine, could he?
"Hello, Bella. How have you been?" It appeared that he did expect that. Well, I was too stressed to try to pretend like everything was okay.
"I've been stressed out and wondering where the hell you went. How are you?" I knew I was being snippy, but I couldn't help myself. He had been everything, and he had effectively cut me off from his entire family.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I've been exhausted. Studying all the time does that." He chuckled a little.
"How are Rosalie and Emmett?" I sat down on my bed, hoping to calm down before I bit his head off.
There was a long pause. "They got married."
Anger surged through me. I hadn't even been invited. They knew where I had been the entire time. I knew Rosalie hadn't been all that fond of me, but I had figured Edward or even Emmett would have stepped in on my part to make sure I was invited. "Oh, really?" I snapped. "When was that?"
"A few months ago," he admitted. "We're sorry, Bella. That's what Alice wanted to tell you." I heard some fighting, and then Alice's bubbly voice came through the phone.
"Bella, we are so sorry. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Jasper proposed a few weeks ago, and I wanted you to come be my maid of honor! We wanted to have the wedding in Forks, you know, so we could come see you and Charlie." I heard the grin in her voice as she talked about my father. Charlie absolutely loved Alice.
"Well, um, that's going to have to be soon because he's . . ." I sighed deeply. "He's not doing so well, Ali."
I figured that would shock her, but it didn't deter her for one second. "I figured as much, so that's why we're coming down in a few days! Won't that be fun? Esme and Carlisle are going to let us do it at the house, so they're going back there to get it ready in the next couple of days."
"Wait, wait, wait. You expect me to just accept the fact that you're coming back here to get married? After not talking to me for two years? Sorry, Ali, it doesn't work like that."
"But Bella, please. We're really sorry." Her voice lowered. "Edward's miserable. He misses his best friend, Bella. And I know you miss him. Do you still have feelings for him?"
"Of course I do, Alice," I hissed. "I've missed him every day. But none of you talked to me. You left me here to take care of my father, and you've never once called or e-mailed . . . I thought you guys abandoned me."
"I'm sorry, Bella! But with Edward's whole engagement -"
"What?" Edward was engaged? My heart shattered into a billion pieces. I had waited and pined, and now it was all for nothing.
"Shit," Alice cursed. "Bella, it's a long story, and it would be better if we told you in person. We'll be down there in a few days, all right?"
"Okay," I whispered. I couldn't believe that Edward was engaged. The least they could have done was tell me about it.
"Fine, Edward. Here she is." The thought of speaking to Edward now, and not breaking down had me shaking horribly. My thumb pressed the end call button without my brain telling it to. I felt horrible about hanging up on Edward, but I just wouldn't be able to talk to him. Not at this point, anyway.
I was in complete shock that nobody had even told me. One phone call or text was all it would have taken. I could have stopped wishing he'd come back, and he would have gone on with his life. The thought of anyone but me being married to him had my stomach churning in anger. I was jealous, no doubt, but if Edward was happy, then I was happy. I could accept that he had found someone that would make him happy. Not happily, albeit, but I could accept it.
---
True to Alice's word, Carlisle and Esme came to visit me and Charlie two days from the phone call. They visited for a few hours. I talked with Carlisle, trying to stray away from Edward, and leaning more toward what he and Esme had been doing. They were excited about going back to the house where their children had grown up. They still had to decorate, so they were looking forward to that. When the time came, I hugged my second set of parents. They promised that everyone else would arrive in two days.
Those forty-eight hours were the longest two days of my entire life. I was jittery and fidgety. I barely got any work done. I was too worried about seeing my past show up at my front door. Esme and Carlisle were right, for Emmett's familiar Jeep showed up at my front door forty-two hours after Esme and Carlisle had left.
Alice sprung out of the car, and she nearly tackled me. She wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Oh, shit, Bella, I missed you," she wailed.
"Shhh, it's okay," I murmured, hugging her back. Jasper was behind her, looking as serene as always. His hair was slightly longer than I remembered it, but the color was still its same honey blonde. Thank God he hadn't grown any taller. He'd been over six foot in his sophomore year of high school.
"All right, Pix, let's see it," I chuckled, calling her by her nickname. She had always looked like a little pixie with her pale skin, crop of black, spiky hair, and lithe movements. She grinned and nearly thrust her hand up my mouth. The ring was gorgeous. "God, Pix, it's beautiful. Are you excited?"
"Well, duh!" We both laughed for a moment before Jasper pulled her into his arms. Emmett and Rosalie emerged from the car next. Rosalie, like always, stunned me into silence with her beauty.
She moved forward and hugged me quickly. "Hey, Bella. I'm sorry about the whole wedding fiasco. Emmett and I wanted it to be family only, and we consider you family, but then we were worried about the cost of you flying out to Ireland, and we just figured -" She took a deep breath, seemingly calming herself. "We wished you were there, Bella."
I chuckled. "It's fine, Rosalie. I understand. I'm going to be in one Cullen wedding, and that's enough for me." We both chuckled softly. Emmett came forward and lifted me up.
"Jesus, Bells, are you getting enough to eat? I think you're lighter than you were senior year." He looked on concerned, and everyone turned to look at me, their faces all wearing the same expression - worry.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just been stressed out lately. Really, it's nothing," I insisted. Alice narrowed her eyes at me. I avoided her gaze like it was the plague.
"Whatever you say," Emmett mumbled as he set me down.
I smiled up at him. "So, Emmett Cullen is a married man. I never thought I would live to see the day." Emmett grinned.
"Yeah, it's pretty sweet." He winked suggestively.
"Oh, gross, Emmett!" I wrinkled my nose in disgust, and then realized that Edward hadn't appeared yet. "Hey, where's -"
"Edward? He'll be here soon. He had to drive separately," Alice said, smiling.
"Oh. Does he still have -"
"The Volvo?" Alice snickered. "Yeah, he does. Oh, and Bella, I have your dress with me. You're going to love it, I swear!" She grinned at me.
"When have I ever hated anything you bought, Alice?" I asked skeptically.
She burst into laughter. "How about every single thing I've ever bought for you?"
I blushed and grinned. "Okay, well, yeah. But I'm sure this will be different. I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want me to wear something on your wedding that I would hate, right, Alice?"
"Well . . ." She grinned mischievously.
"Oh, God, Alice, please don't tell me that -" I froze as I saw Edward's silver Volvo pull up behind Emmett's Jeep. My heart began to frantically beat as I searched his passenger seat. There was no one. I exhaled slowly, relieved that I wouldn't be subjected to watching Edward and his fiancee for the next few days.
Everyone looked at each other awkwardly. "Um, let's go see Charlie?" Jasper mumbled uncomfortably. The others agreed and headed inside while I watched my best friend and one love get out of his car.
Thank God they were at least giving us some privacy. Edward smiled when he saw me, and I nearly cried when I noticed his features. His face was paler than normal, and his eyes had deep circles under them. His hair was everywhere, which wasn't anything new. It was a bit longer, like Jasper's, but I found that I liked it better this way. Either way, he was still the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on.
His expression went from elation to concern as he looked me over. "Have you lost weight, Bella?" he asked worriedly.
"Why is everyone stuck on the fact that I might have lost four or five pounds?" I complained. My job made it hard to eat three meals a day. I usually skipped breakfast, had a small lunch, then made dinner for Charlie. "Especially after all of you disappear for two years."
He grimaced, his full lips forming a small frown. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I never meant for that to happen. I figured you were mad at us after you didn't call or write."
"I was actually expecting you guys to write or call," I admitted, blushing a little, letting my eyes fall to the ground. I had been so stupid. If I hadn't been so insecure and just called, this never would have happened.
"I missed you, Bella," he murmured. "You look . . ."
"Tired, stressed, overworked, shocked - take your pick, I know they're all true."
He simply shook his head and said, "Good. You look good, Bella. It's hard to believe that it's been two years."
"Two years, three months, and eleven days," I corrected quietly.
"What was that?" His voice was soft, and he sounded closer than before.
"It's been two years, three months, and eleven days since you left Forks." We both knew there was an unspoken phrase on the end of that. Since you left me, I whispered in my mind. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered roughly into my hair. "But I'm back now. It's okay."
I curled my fingers into his shirt, wanting to stay close to him. Tears pricked my eyes, and I willed them to stay away. I hoped he wouldn't bring up the subject of his fiancee right now. Because if he did, it would definitely ruin the moment.
"I missed you, Edward," I mumbled, on the verge of tears. Oh, that was the understatement of the century. I had done more than miss him. Every day I had wished that he would call, write, or even text, letting me know that he was all right, that things were okay. He hadn't done any of those things because he thought that I was angry with him. But it was all I could say to him for the time being. I could never tell him my secret.
I was always petrified that in telling my secret to Edward, I would ruin our friendship. I couldn't tell him that I loved him because being his friend had always been the best thing to ever happen to me. I couldn't lose that. And now I couldn't tell him because he belonged to another. He belonged to someone who could tell him that she loved him and not be afraid of saying it, because he loved her back. Edward could never love somebody like me.
I was too plain, too mundane. His fiancee was probably beautiful and incredibly smart. He had probably found her at Dartmouth, and they would have a wonderful life together. I cringed when I thought of myself. I would always be waiting, constantly checking up on him to see how his marriage was doing. And if he ever breathed the word 'divorce', I would have jumped at the change to tell him what I felt for him.
Suddenly, I heard someone call my name. My vision was blurred as I looked up at Edward. "You still zone out, I see," he croaked, smiling his irrestible crooked smile. He wiped the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
I wanted to cry even harder when I thought of his fiancee, the woman who would get to see that smile every day. She would be the luckiest woman on the planet, and I found myself wishing that she was here so I could make sure she knew to never take him for granted.
"Bella, you need to stop crying," Edward whispered. "They're watching us through the window," he breathed in my ear. My head snapped up, and I caught Alice's face disappearing behind a curtain. I laughed, despite my position.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I just -" I wiped my tears away quickly, embarrassed that I had cried so much. "It's nice to see you, you know?"
"Yes, I know," he replied calmly, smiling at me. He led me inside the house, his hand on the small of my back. I couldn't help but smile at the sensation.
---
The next few days were filled with appointments and shopping, courtesy of Alice. I was fitted for my dress, which was a deep blue. I wanted to hit Alice when I remembered that that particular shade of blue was Edward's favorite color. She planned it that way, I was sure of it. Esme and Carlisle decorated the old house, and I helped with that as much as I could. Charlie wasn't going to go to the wedding - he insisted it be the Cullens and myself.
I was grateful because I didn't want him to see me cry at a wedding. Charlie didn't like to show his emotions, and when I cried, it kind of freaked him out. I rekindled my friendship with every Cullen, save for Edward. Ever since first seeing him, he'd been awkward around me, always finding excuses to leave the room.
I accepted it unhappily and with many tears. I wanted us to be like we had always been. I didn't want his fiancee coming between our perfect friendship. Our friendship was the only reason that I had never told Edward my feelings. But if that was already gone, I might as well blow the secret too. But saying one thing and actually doing it are two very different things. It was easy to say that I was going to tell Edward that I loved him. But actually going up to his face and telling him, that was a different story entirely.
Finally, the day of the wedding came, and Edward and I still hadn't talked much since the day the Cullens had arrived. We were polite, but that was it. There was no familiarity in the way we talked. It was like we were strangers.
I was walking around, trying to calm down before the wedding and accidentally ran into Edward, who seemed to be doing the same thing.
"Hey," I mumbled, intent on walking past him, the same way we had done for almost a week.
"Bella," he whispered, lightly grabbing my upper arm, stopping me. I turned around.
"Yeah, Edward?" He looked gorgeous in his black tux, his hair as tame as it could possibly be. I noticed him looking me up and down intently, causing me to blush heavily.
He gnawed on his lower lip for a moment, a trait he'd picked up from me. "You look beautiful," he finally murmured.
I blushed harder. "Uh, thanks, Edward. You, too." Both our eyes widened, and I shook my head. "Well, not that. You don't look beautiful. Well, I mean, yeah, you do, but -" I stopped, taking a deep breath, afraid to look at Edward's face. "You look nice, Edward." When I finally gained the courage to look at him, he was smirking a little.
"Thanks, Bella." He ran his fingers through his hair, effectively messing it up. "Shit," he mumbled. "Damn it, Bella, look what you made me do." His words were harsh, but his tone was playful.
"Want me to fix that?" I offered meekly.
He paused a moment, blinked, then nodded slowly. He waited expectantly. "Uhm, you're too tall. Bend down."
His eyes flashed then he smirked playfully. He bent his knees, and I fixed his hair back the way it was. It was just as soft as I remembered. I was nearly gnawing my lip off by the time I was done.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome," I replied. "Well, I should probably get going. Alice is going to freak out if I'm not there."
He nodded slowly. "See you around, Bella."
---
The wedding was beautiful. It was peaceful and serene, just like I imagined it to be. Surprisingly, I reigned in my tears when Alice and Jasper said, "I do." The reception was easy enough. Since it was just the me and the Cullens, we could basically do whatever we wanted.
I went upstairs to Edward's old music room and was surprised to find that he was there. I opened the door a few inches and saw that he was on his back, lying on the couch in the room. I opened it a few more inches, and it creaked. I froze, and Edward sat up.
"Hey, Bella," he murmured, laying back down.
"Hi, Edward. Are you okay? You look out of it." And he did. He had his hands speared through his hair, and his eyes were closed.
"I am out of it. I'm stressing out about all this stuff." I assumed he meant the wedding. I wanted to cry when I realized that today might possibly be the last day he was here before he went back to the East Coast. I sighed as I realized that I had to know now, or I would probably never know.
"Where are you going to have your wedding?" I asked, sitting down on the piano bench.
He shrugged. "I'm not sure. Probably on a beach, something quiet, like Alice and Jasper did." I was upset when he said that. It was where I wanted my wedding to be.
I nodded, pretending to act like I wasn't dying on the inside. "So where would your honeymoon be?" I wanted to scream when I asked that. Why in God's name did I want to know?
"Eh, Italy or France. They're beautiful countries." I wanted to cry. Those were my top choices for honeymoon spots.
I finally asked the question I was dreading. "What's she like?"
He sat up. "Who?" His face was full of confusion. I was sure mine mirrored his at this point.
"Your fiancee?" I hadn't meant for it to sound like a question, but that was how it came out of my mouth.
"What fiancee?" Now I was just plain confused.
"Alice said that you were engaged and-"
His jaw locked, and his hands clenched into fists. His piercing emerald eyes darkened in anger. "I'm not engaged, Bella."
"But Alice said that you were." My eyebrows dipped as I tried to make sense of this. "She said that you weren't in touch with me because of your engagement."
"I was engaged," he bit out, putting deliberate emphasis on the past tense. If he was engaged, then that meant that -
"You're not engaged?" I whispered. He shook his head.
"Nope. It ended a few months ago. She was cheating on me."
"That's awful." I felt so bad for Edward. Why did girls constantly cheat on him? He was the perfect guy. He never did anything wrong, and he was always considerate and romantic. Edward was the epitome of perfection.
He shrugged. "She wasn't the right girl for me, anyway."
I thought I was going to scream when I realized that there was no reason for me to not tell Edward that I loved him. I just had to find the courage to do so.
"Edward, I -" I paused and took a deep breath. He sat up, looking interested, his green eyes rapt with attention. He had already said that he thought I was beautiful today. Maybe he wasn't being polite, as I had assumed, but perhaps he really meant it? I could only hope.
"I l -" I looked down at my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. "Edward, I love you. I've always loved you. I thought I was going to die inside when I thought that you were getting married to someone else. And it killed me when you left for Dartmouth. I'm sorry I never told you, but I was always afraid of what you would say or think. But I'm not afraid anymore. Not of admitting my feelings for you after I was convinced that I had already lost you."
Silence filled the air, and I knew that I had lost my best friend. I stood, but as I brushed past Edward, I felt his fingers take my hand. I turned around, curious, and found him looking up at me reverently.
"I love you, too, Bella," he whispered. He stood up slowly and cupped my cheek with his right hand. He kissed me gently, softly. "I love you." He kissed me in between sentences. "I've always loved you. I hated leaving you. I didn't want to go. I thought I could get over you. I can't, Bella. I love you too much." He smiled at me.
I buried my face in his chest, safe in his arms at last.
---
Four Years Later...
"Edward!" I called. Renesmee, our two-year-old daughter, looked back at me with her adorable smile.
"Momma?" she whispered. I picked her up, kissing her forehead quickly.
"Yes, Renesmee?"
She bit her lip gently and pointed to a cookie. Damn, I knew I should've hidden those.
Edward appeared, and he grinned, knowing exactly what she wanted. "Yes, angel, you can have a cookie, but only one." He took her out of my arms, swung her around for a moment, then handed her a cookie.
She took a huge mouthful. "Mmm," she mumbled around what was supposed to be her dessert but was now her appetizer.
"Edward, those were for dinner," I huffed. He grinned because he knew I couldn't be mad at him. It was something he used to his advantage every time he could. He took a cookie and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth quickly.
He swallowed and kissed me gently. "I know, but you know how we Cullens love your cookies."
"Yes, but I wish you would save them for dessert." He grinned at me, and we both looked at Renesmee, who had just finished the last part of her cookie.
She yawned, and I glared at Edward. "See, Edward? Now she's going to be falling asleep in her dinner."
His eyes widened, he tilted his head to the side like he did when he was thinking about something, then grinned broadly. "That would be a fantastic picture to show her future boyfriend." We looked at each other, then at Renesmee, and burst into laughter.
"Would you like that, Renesmee? Do you want Mommy to take a picture of you asleep in your spaghetti?" I teased.
She glared at us, jutting her lower lip out, a skill she had learned from Alice. "No," she muttered, sullen. Edward bounced her up and down, knowing exactly how to cheer her up. She smiled. "I love 'sketti!"
"We know you do, angel, we know," Edward murmured. After we ate dinner, Edward and I gave her a bath and put her to bed. We watched our daughter sleep soundly, and Edward wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Happy third anniversary," he murmured in my ear. I smiled and nodded. I turned around and hugged him tightly.
And I knew that whatever happened, whatever the circumstances, I would always be safe in his arms.
Holy moly, that is a long one-shot. And I've been writing for several straight hours, and my Internet has been a bitch, so maybe you could review? I've lost this thing like seven times. Computers were almost thrown in the process of writing this.
Review?
J.C.