Disclaimer: All characters, except those that I created, belongs to Marvel, Disney and Stan Lee. I just play with them in this story.
Author's Note: Yes, it's me! And now with a new story. I was watching Infinity War with some friends when this idea came to my head and I couldn't help but get home and spend the whole afternoon and much of the night writing it.
I have the history and direction of the events defined, I just need to work on expressing it so I ask for your patience. Taking into account also that I am working on another story already published and that in some way is more complex.
Without more to say, I leave you all to read.
Enjoy!
"Problems to sleep?"
The voice behind her brought her out of her thoughts. She put the glass of water in her hand on the table and looked at the clock on the wall in front of her. Three-fifteen in the morning. It didn't surprise her, she used to get up every night - or early morning - at the same time and every time she went to the kitchen for a glass of water that she never drank completely. The same thing had happened today, the only thing out of the ordinary was the company she now seemed to have. Something she was not very happy about.
"What are you doing awake at this time, Steve?"
Steve Rogers, formerly known as Captain America, came out of the darkness of the corridor that led to the rooms and the moonlight that could be filtered through the windowpane illuminated his face. Tired and with more beard than he ever could have had. He had not shaved for months and it also served as a sort of secret identity. Or at least that's what he wanted to believe.
"You know," Steve shrugged "The same thoughts and same old nightmares"
Of course she knew it. Natasha had been living with him and with Sam for three years and on more occasions than she would like, Steve had awakened them with his screams provoked by some disturbing dream. Still, Natasha never came to his room to see how he was doing or to help him calm down. She knew perfectly well what it was like to live with nightmares and the fear of not knowing if you are still in them when you wake up. She knew the sensation that came from reliving experiences that were undoubtedly much better forgotten. Or in the worst cases, she knew what it was like to face the fact that, on occasion, she was herself the demon of her nightmare. For all she knew, too, that no word or movement she made would help Steve to stop having them. The best thing was to give him his space and wait for him to talk about it, he always ended up doing it and they were always related to his lost childhood friend.
"And you?" he pulled her out of his thoughts "Also nightmares?"
Unlike Steve, Natasha was not comfortable confessing whether or not she had nightmares, much less talking about them. Not because she didn't trust Steve - after Clint he was one of her best friends - but because it was part of her way of being. Since she was a child she had been instructed never to show her weaknesses or her worries to others, much less express her experiences or her feelings. She had tried to undo that programming in her three years ago and the result had been unfortunate for her. She was not willing to go through that one more time.
"No, I just wasn't sleepy and the bed is not the most comfortable we say to lie in it looking at the ceiling"
The truth was that both Natasha and Steve had slept in worse places and circumstances than they were now, but it was a good excuse they used when they did not want to talk about those things that disturbed them and did not allow them to sleep.
"Yes, I know" Steve moved his head from side to side while a smile was drawn on his lips "My bed seems to have animals or something else because I can not accommodate and my whole body itches"
Natasha let out a small laugh "I didn't know you were so delicate, Rogers"
"I didn't know either until we got to this hotel" joked Steve, also letting out a laugh. They had been sleeping in that hotel for three weeks thanks to the last mission they were working on.
"I can't understand how Sam and Wanda can sleep through the night and not complain about any discomfort in the morning"
Sam and Wanda had also been with them during all these three years. The four of them had formed a kind of new team that continued to help but in a more discreet and anonymous way, all under the direction of Rogers. None of them had any contact with anyone other than them, except for Wanda who was not only in contact with Vision but had started a kind of loving relationship. Given the circumstances, their encounters were scarce and hidden. Even in some cases hidden from the other members of the team.
"Well, we already know what Sam is like, he can fall asleep even when he's standing" Steve commented mockingly "As for Wanda, I'm not even sure if she sleeps, or maybe she feels some discomfort but prefers not to say anything. You know how she is"
"Yeah, I know"
In the time they had escaped from the law, Natasha had formed a special connection with Wanda, almost as an older and younger sister. She had helped her with the control of her powers and had trained her in the arts of espionage. She had worked with her the Sokovia accent in her and her appearance. Gone was the girl they had met three years ago and now there was before them a woman capable of many things.
Natasha had discovered that she had much more in common with Wanda than she thought. Both of them had trouble expressing their feelings and trusting people. Both had been used as experiments for the benefit of other people and both were still dealing with the consequences of those moments. Both were united beyond all that, for the pain of having lost someone they wanted. In the same place and at the same moment, it did not matter that the circumstances had been different. For both, life had not been the same since what happened in Sokovia and Germany.
"You know whatever is bothering you, you can trust me, right?" this night Rogers definitely seemed determined to get information about her in any way.
"Yes, Steve, thank you" Natasha's voice was tired and with a bit of annoyance "The truth is, I don't want to talk right now, I have a lot of things in my head and I need to deal with them by myself" and it was not a lie . A few months ago, Natasha had begun to have a dream and a particular thought related to a certain lost scientist. Her head was full of ideas and memories that she thought had buried in the deepest part of her being, now, she was not so sure she had left all that in the past. In addition, she had a strange feeling, as if something inside her alerted her to something that was to come.
"I don't like seeing you like this, Nat. I know it's not been easy for the decisions we've made but..." Steve could not continue. Something or rather someone interrupted him.
"What are you two doing awake at this time?" a sleepy Sam Wilson made an appearance in simple gray pants and a white shirt. His hair was disheveled and his eyes still did not open completely.
"The question would be, Wilson, what are you doing awake at this time?" Natasha replied funny to see the state in which her partner was. It was to some extent tender to see.
"Steve woke me up when he left the room and I couldn't go back to sleep" emphasizing his point, Sam gave a reproachful look to his leader.
"I warned you that it wasn't a good idea to sleep in my room" defended Steve "You could have stayed with Natasha"
"Oh no, that's not it" Natasha answered quickly "I clarified from the beginning that I don't like to share a room, less with Sam, who snores like a bear"
"I don't snore, Romanoff!" Sam tried to look offended but his smile betrayed him.
"The truth, friend" spoke Steve trying to repress a laugh "You snore"
"I hate you both"
"Yes, yes, whatever you say" Natasha replied after a few moments of group laughter "You should take advantage of Wanda's absence and sleep on the couch"
"I tried one night, Romanoff, but that couch is harder and more uncomfortable than the floor"
"Speaking of Wanda" Steve's face turned serious and his tone changed to the same one he used on a mission "Have we news? Has she tried to communicate with any of you?" Both Sam and Natasha shook their heads in a negative gesture "That's not good, I know she's most likely with Vision but given our situation, we can not risk it"
"Wanda is well trained, Steve" said Natasha "And in case she has a difficult situation, I'm sure she'll know how to deal with it, besides, she knows how to communicate with us"
"Romanoff is right, Cap" agreed Sam "Let the girl live her romance"
"Good time chose Wanda to fall in love" replied sarcastically Steve.
"You don't decide when you fall in love and when you don't, Rogers" Natasha's attitude was no longer joking and relaxed, now she was serious and tense "Nor is there a time to do it and you better than anyone else should know" without saying anything else, Natasha got up from the chair and went to her room. Leaving two surprised heroes.
Her room was smaller than Steve's, and it was already too much to say seeing how much Steve's room was extremely small. A single bed and a piece of furniture with a lamp was the only thing in the room. The window on the right side did not open, so Natasha always felt warm inside the room.
She hadn't wanted to be rough with Steve, but her humor and tolerance weren't the best. She had had the same dream that had haunted her since the fall of Sokovia and the subject of Wanda and her relationship with Vision had only made her feel worse. More frustrated and why not, a little jealous. Although the relationship of Wanda and Vision was not in the best conditions nor was it ideal, at least they had each other. They maintained contact and their feelings grew with the passage of time. Unlike her, she had to settle for memories and believe tha he was fine.
With a frustrated sigh, Natasha sank down on the hard bed and stared at the ceiling. Her mind was a complete chaos with which she didn't know how to deal. And that feeling that something big was coming did not leave her for a single moment.
After several hours and several laps in bed, finally managed to consiliar her sleep.
Sam Wilson was headed back to the hotel after an hour of exercise in a small park two blocks away. He wore a black cap, dark glasses and the most watery clothes he had ever worn. In his left hand he was carrying a empty bottle of water and in his right hand a small red towel.
The exercise and training he was doing now did not compare in the least to what he used to do. The park was very small and to complete the kilometers to which he was accustomed, he had to give almost 50 laps to the park. His clothes were always the same, trying to keep his identity as secret as possible given his situation with the law.
As he approached the hotel building, Sam remembered the conversation he had had with Steve after Natasha retired to her room.
"Is she okay?" Sam asked as soon as he was sure that Natasha could not hear him.
"I wish I knew" Steve replied in a frustrated tone "But in all these years I haven't gotten Natasha to open up with me as I would like"
"Women are difficult, Cap" tried to lighten the mood Sam "And if we add that this woman is Natasha Romanoff, you can not expect her to throw herself into your arms when she feels bad. Or mine" he finished with a wink.
"Yes, I know, it's just that" he sighed "Since the events in Sokovia, Natasha stopped being herself, maybe others don't notice because she handles her emotions and behavior differently than most, but I do and I can feel it and I would like to help her but she will not let me!"
"She doesn't want to be helped, Steve" Sam said as he sat in the chair Natasha had previously occupied "Or rather, she does not want you to help her"
"Thank you" Steve interrupted sarcastically and rolled his eyes.
"Don't take me wrong, Cap" Sam defended "She doesn't want your help, or mine, or Wanda's, she wants the help of someone who can not give her his help these moments"
"It's been almost three years, Sam" Steve answered in a sigh, his tone was so low that for a moment he thought Sam had not heard him.
"From what you tell me and I have been able to observe, it takes Natasha almost a lifetime to feel confident with someone and express herr feelings" Sam began. "You don't think it's obvious that it took her the same amount of time to deal with the consequences of allow herself something that she is not used to? Think about it Cap" Sam could see how Steve's attention was completely on him "After having spent her whole life under the control of other people, for the first time she is allowed to make a decision by herself and I'm sure I do not need to go into detail about how that ended, so, Natasha doesn't know how to deal with what has happened without being weak or vulnerable" Steve nodded, implying he agreed with Sam "The only thing we can do is be there for her when she needs us, if she ever does, and let her deal with her own demons, just as we do for you and me" he finished with a smile and a smirk.
After that, Steve had joked about how good he was giving advice and how good his life could have been if he had been a psychologist. After a few moments of laughter and a few more words, they both went to Steve's room to go back to sleep. Or in the case of Rogers, try to do it. By the time Sam woke up in the morning, Steve was sound asleep so he decided not to wake him up so he would accompany him. It was not the first time he would go alone.
Lost in his thoughts was, that he did not notice that he had arrived at the building until the girl at the reception gave him good morning, to which he replied with a smile and a nod.
The room of them was on the fourth floor, but as active as he was after a morning of exercises, he decided to go up the stairs instead of using the elevator. It would not take him more than three minutes to get to the room. The first three floors were always in complete silence no matter what time it was, it was as if no one was there. But it was not like that, in more than one occasion Sam had run into a lady who came down to the cafeteria at almost the same time in the afternoon and two children playing in the hallways at night. In the mornings, he sometimes ran into a young woman who, like him, exercised, only that she seemed to perform them in a gym.
So when he reached the last stairs that led to the fourth level and saw a little girl sitting and crying, he did not know what to do.
His first reaction was to stay in his place simply by watching the girl and his first thought was to ignore her as he passed. But Sam knew he was not going to be quiet without knowing what was wrong with the poor girl and what she was doing in his apartment floor, alone. Trying not to scare her, he approached her slowly. When he was close enough, he could better appreciate the characteristics of the girl. She should not have been more than five years old. Her hair was reddish and copper, a hair color not very common, and curly. Her skin was white and her red dress made a nice contrast to the color of her skin. He could not see her eyes because her head was hidden between her legs as she hugged herself with her arms.
"Hey" Sam spoke softly when he stood next to the girl, not wanting to scare her, he refrained from touching her "Don't cry anymore, everything will be fine" he tried to reassure her.
The girl tensed slightly at Sam's voice, and between small sobs that could still be heard, she lifted her head from between her legs and focused her eyes on the man in front of her. Sam felt cold all over his body. The eyes of the girl were of an intense green that made for him well known and reminded him of someone. The look of the girl also reminded him of another person, only different from the one he associated with the color of the eyes. It was like a mixture of those two people at a single glance.
Trying to push those strange ideas away from his mind, Sam shook his head and sat next to the girl, who never took his eyes off of him.
"What's your name, girl?" asked Sam, giving her what he wanted to think was a reliable smile.
The girl took a moment to answer, never taking her eyes off Sam's face. When she finally spoke, her response was no more than a whisper "Rebecca"
"Nice to meet you, Rebecca, my name is Sam" Sam extended his hand in a gesture between amused and friendly, wanting to make the girl feel comfortable. Rebecca directed her look from Sam's face to her hand and after analyzing it for a few seconds, she accepted his gesture and placed her small hand in his. "And tell me, what are you doing here alone?" Sam asked after the greeting ended and a silence formed between them. The question, apparently, had not been a good idea. The girl's eyes came back to fill with tears and sobs began to come out of her mouth.
Panic and despair began to flow throughout Sam's body. In all his years and in all his missions, he had never had to face the difficult task of soothing a little girl. It was something he was facing for the first time and the hero who had fought in a myriad of missions, escaped death and mocked the government, had not the slightest idea what to do. The only thing that seemed more logical for him was to put one of his arms on the shoulders of the girl and recharge his cheek on his head uncomfortably. To her surprise, the girl returned the gesture, leaning her weight towards Sam's body while her sobs returned to calm.
After checking that the girl was calmer, Sam tried again to get information to help her.
"Are you here with your parents?" The girl's eyes filled with tears but she did not cry again or sobed, she simply shook her head "Do you know where they are?" the girl again shook her head "Do you know how you got here?" to his surprise, the movement of the girl's head on this occasion was affirmative "Well, I have an idea, what do you think if we go with a friend of mine who I'm sure will be able to help us?" Sam asked as he parted a little from the girl so he could see her eyes. Rebecca nodded slightly again and stood up, extending her small hand for Sam to take and also stand up.
Sam took the girl by the hand and they started to climb the four steps that were missing before turning right and walking towards the room. In his mind, he wondered how he was going to explain the situation to the team and how they could solve it. The girl beside him was no longer crying but her face and eyes were still red, leaving no doubt of her mood.
Soon they reached the door of the room, and without releasing the girl, Sam took the keys from his pants pocket. He gave the girl a smile and sighed before opening the lock. It was time to talk to the team.
Steve had spent a terrible night.
After having returned to the room after having had the conversation with Natasha and Sam, Steve found it impossible to consiliar the dream for a long time. At his side, Sam slept peacefully, unaware of all the movement that Steve was doing in bed trying to find a position that will allow him to rest and sleep. It was not until almost five in the morning, that Steve finally fell asleep.
He woke up almost four hours later thanks to the noise of a bird pecking at the bedroom window. After giving the bird a grunt in the most boyish style, Steve got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to get a little clean. After washing his face and teeth, he went to the kitchen for a glass of juice that had been left of yesterday's food stored in the small refrigerator in the kitchen.
While drinking his juice, his mind could not stop thinking about what happened the night before. The talk with Natasha and with Sam.
It was not known to either of them that Natasha's attitude frustrated and desperate him in unimaginable degrees. Steve always tried to make Natasha open with them and feel comfortable enough to trust them with her worries and feelings. An absurd thought knowing the way of being of Natasha, but Steve could not avoid it. He hated to see Natasha in that state, living nothing more to live. It was not the first time he saw her like that, of course, before Sokovia, Natasha seemed to have no motivation in life. The only thing she enjoyed was Clint's company and the missions. After all the situation with Bruce, Steve saw for the first time a change in Natasha.
If before she used to smile only with Clint, now Natasha laughed at even Thor's horrible jokes and Tony's comments that previously caused her to want to hit him. She enjoyed more the meetings with the team and seemed to enjoy waking up every day. She didn't behave like the women in love posed in movies or magazines, she just behaved more human, and for someone like Natasha, it was more than could be expected.
Steve used to analyze the behavior of Bruce and Natasha when they were around each other or when they interacted and on more than one occasion he found himself smiling or joking with the team about the connection that had arisen between them. For Steve, it was something he saw coming, from when he would not know how to say it. But he understood it. He understood what it was what called Bruce's attention to Natasha and vice versa. He understood why she had chosen Bruce to allow herself to behave as a human for the first time and understood why Bruce had chosen Natasha to allow himself to believe that not everything was misery in his life. Both deserved to be happy and decide what they wanted for once in their lives.
When the whole Sokovia affair happened, Steve knew that whatever happened, things would change. He never knew what happened between them when Bruce went to look for her to free her from Ultron's domain. Nor does he know what made the other part of Bruce decide to leave and leave everything behind. These are questions that Natasha has never agreed to answer, at least not to him. Whatever has happened, completely collapsed the opportunity to live and be free for them.
After the confrontation occurred in Germany, Natasha lost another part of her. Steve has always been aware of what it took for Natasha to make the decision she made and will always be grateful to her for having supported him. Maybe his desire to give her back a little of how much she has done for him, is what motivates him to want to make her feel good and help her. Even against herself.
Steve was not blind. He could see how Natasha tensed when Wanda made some comment about her relationship with Vision. Or how she gave her a sad smile when Wanda told them she was going to meet him. Steve knew that Natasha, deep down, was aware that she had been able to be in Wanda's place if things had happened differently. She could be with Bruce, here or somewhere hiding. But together, as they had wanted. But the reality was different. They were at a greater distance than they could imagine, both wounded by the actions and decisions of the other and living simply because they had to do it, not because they wanted to.
Steve sighed before taking what little remained of his juice. He got up ready to wash his glass when the noise of the door being opened caught his attention and stopped his steps. Hw knew it must be Sam. When he woke up, Sam was not on the side of the bed or in the entire room, so he supposed he had run to the park that was two blocks from the hotel. If he had not had such a bad night, Steve would have accompanied him.
As he supposed, as soon as the door to the room opened, Sam Wilson came through the door. What caused Steve to be paralyzed in his place, opened his eyes to the maximum and stopped breathing for a few seconds was the girl who came with him. Taken by the hand of him. And above all, the state in which the girl was found. Because of the redness of her eyes and cheeks, her hair disheveled and stuck to certain parts of her face, Steve was sure she had been crying. Possibly a few seconds before they entered.
Steve let out the air he did not know he was holding, only to hold it again when he looked directly into the girl's eyes. They were of an intense and beautiful green, in spite of being reddened by the weeping, they continued being expressive and with a peculiar brightness. However, that was not what caught his attention. But the fact of feeling that those eyes he had seen them on someone else and that look that the girl was directing to him, he had received it from another person. An absurd thought considering the amount of people who have green eyes. However, Steve was sure of what he felt and what he saw.
"I know it's complicated to explain and understand" Sam pulled out of his thoughts "But I could not leave her there crying" Steve had the feeling that Sam had explained where and how he found the girl and he had not paid attention thanks to his strange conclusions.
"Sorry Sam" Steve apologized "I did not hear what you said to me"
"I told you that I found the girl on the stairs when I came back from the park, she was crying and because of what little she has said she doesn't know where her parents are"
"Ok" Steve nodded before turning his full attention to the little girl "What's your name, little girl?"
"Rebecca" the girl answered in a whisper after looking quickly at Sam.
"Well Rebecca, I am..." before Steve could finish presenting himself, the girl interrupted him with what he least expected.
"Stef" tried to pronounce his name, but given her young age, it had come out in a tender and different way.
"That's right, my name is Steve" he smiled at the girl, trying to hide his surprise at the knowledge that she knew his name "Can I ask where you know me from, Rebecca?"
"Mommy has a picture of you in the house, with other friends"
"So that means I know your mom" Steve concluded, feeling a sudden relief knowing he could help the girl "Why don't you tell me her name? Maybe I can remember her"
The girl turned to see Sam, looking for support or permission to tell Steve that information. Sam nodded and gave her a smile, wanting to convey that everything was fine and that she could trust them. However, before Rebecca could speak, the sound of a closing door was heard followed by footsteps. Three pairs of eyes turned in the direction of the noise, but only a couple of them were the ones that lit up.
Natasha felt that her head was going to explode.
She had only slept two hours all night and the continuous insomnia was beginning to take its toll. Her head and body ached and her eyes struggled to stay open. The problem was that, as soon as she tried to go to sleep, the memories, thoughts and nightmares soon reached her.
After the conversation with Steve and Sam and heading to her room, Natasha did what she did every night after drinking a glass of water when she could not sleep. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Her head full of thoughts and her emotions fighting a battle inside her.
Memories of each moment that marked her life lined up to reproduce in her mind over and over again. The nightmares were full of screams, blood and dead bodies. Of people who hurt her and who turned her into the monster she would have always believed herself to be. Her emotions were divided between anger, disappointment, sadness, despair and a desire to hit and cry had her dazed. Of everything that bothered her, there was a memory and a particular face that never lacked in her sleepless nights. And with the one she didn't know how to deal with.
Since what happened in Sokovia, specifically what happened under the city, there was not a single day or a single night in which the face of Bruce Banner will not be presented in her dreams, nightmares and thoughts. And not only Bruce's face, but his face as he fell after being kissed and pushed by her. She, the person he had trusted to open up and feel that there was still something to fight for. Those thoughts and those feelings of betrayal accompanied her every day.
But just as she felt she had betrayed him, so did she feel that he had betrayed her. She would have understood if he was angry or hurt enough with her to throw away all the plans they had created. She was also aware that after what she had done, it was understandable that he didn't have enough confidence to tell her head on that he did not want anything with her anymore without waiting for her to do something about it. Something he might not agree with.
Of all this situation, what she had the hardest time to deal with, was the fact of feeling vulnerable. Of being vulnerable to someone else. The fact that for the first time in her life she had decided something based on her desires and emotions had not brought her anything good, and deep down, Natasha felt that this was how everything was destined to happen in her life. They had controlled and programmed her for so long, that she was sure that nothing she did or decided would have a happy ending. She was not worthy of a happy ending, much less of making someone else happy.
With those thoughts she saw the sun rise. Confident that nothing good would bring her to stay in bed making her life more miserable with painful memories, she got up to take a shower and get ready for the day. While the shower didn't help her get negative thoughts and emotions out of her body, it did help her get rid of the heaviness and numbness she felt from lack of sleep
She was finishing arranging her hair when she heard the sound of voices at the entrance to the room. Convinced that it was Sam and Steve who used to wake up and start the day before her, she left her room and went to the small room. When she arrived there, she was paralyzed by the new visitor who was standing next to Sam. It could have been Loki, Ultron, some famous terrorist and even General Ross himself and Natasha would have known better how to react. On the other hand, a simple girl of no more than six years had left her incapable of thinking and acting.
The three remaining people in the room looked at her. Sam and Steve waiting to see her reaction. The girl, on the other hand, formed a small "o" with her mouth and her eyes lit up. It was on realizing that, that Natasha held her breath. Green with green collided and Natasha was lost a few moments in the eyes of the girl. Her thoughts were going to another time and a specific person the more time she spent looking at the girl.
It was not until she felt small arms around her legs and an extra weight in the same area that she came out of her daze. So lost was she in her thoughts, that she didn't notice when the girl had moved from her place to the side of Sam and had thrown towards her.
Natasha remained motionless, not knowing how to react. The girl's arms were pressing her harder and harder. It was then that the girl spoke and everything at that moment stopped. It was a single word, but that was enough to make Natasha, Sam and Steve stop breathing for a few seconds.
"Mommy!"
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