Quotes and clips that stuck in my mind from other fanfics / manga / books.
I decided to put these here in order to cut my profile down to a manageable size. It will properly be one chapter for each separate fandom if there are enough of them and a small extra for an 'other' category. As I read evermore, more of these will turn up so it will never likely be truly complete.
Warning will contain spoilers
Naruto clips
'You don't have to be someone powerful, or strong, or famous to be a hero. You just need to be someone who knows what is right, and be willing to do it.' :- Demon dragon rider by Leafranger.
'Hearing the door slam open, both Kakashi and Jiraiya turned in surprise. Standing in the entrance was one Haruno Sakura, in full righteous feminine anger mode. Kakashi idly noted a startled Team Eight behind his student, but that didn't really register. The sight of a crying, angry kunoichi was a little too distracting all things considered. Gulping, suddenly Kakashi had a much greater respect for his hyperactive student. Facing that on a regular basis and coming back for more must have taken balls of freaking diamond.' :- Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex.
'In this corner, we have the master of a thousand jutsu and porn aficionado Kakashi! And in this corner, we have the pink-haired bipolar kunoichi with the kick ass forehead, Sakura! Let's get ready to rumble!' :- Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex.
'"Are you even listening to me?" she asked menacingly, her eyes narrowed dangerously. Unfortunately for her, Naruto was hardly intimidated. He had looked in the eyes Itachi, Sasuke, Tsunade and that one hooker he and Jiraiya had helped during his training trip and all of them could glare more dangerously than Sakura ever could.' :- Worth it? By Nemrut
'Naruto stared at her in disbelief. "You took relationship advise from Sai? Of all people?, I'd sooner take relationship advise from Jiraiya! Or Kakashi! Or both! While they were drunk!"' An Answer at Last by sarah 1281.
'Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a baffled look, before Naruto whispered. "Unwritten law of shinobi-combat number 5." Sasuke nodded and both replaced their confused expressions with satisfied grins just in time to present them to Kakashi when the man's gaze fell back to them. The rule Naruto had stated happened to be: Whatever the hell happens, that's what you planned.' :- Guardians of the Seal by Thanathos.
'"Not doing right when you know its right is the cowards way. there are no weak soldiers under a valiant commander."' :- From the original Manga/Anime (Kakashi's eye arc) a teaching of Namikaze Minato the Yondaime (4th) Hokage.
'"Oh Kami, get this child out of me!" they heard her cry. It was soon followed by, "Nara Shikamaru, you stop trying to eat you arm off! Now stop being a cry-baby and help me with your child!"' :- Mizukage by dragon 6.
'It might not be practical, or convenient, but damn it she would help this child reach her true potential! Even if she had to flash the pervert to make it happen!' :- Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex.
'…"Therefore, you will begin the requisite one hundred D-rank missions to test your viability. I'm sure Homura and Koharu will be glad to have the help. After all, they have been at it for months, and have failed the evaluations twice. Maybe you'll have better luck?" Seeing the look of horror on the old fool's face, Jiraiya almost cackled. It looked like Tora-chan had a new chew toy!' :-Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex.
'Kushina interrupted him, barley contained anger rolling off her in waves. "I said out. That includes the ANBU hiding on the ceiling and in the corners. NOW!"
Danto wisely shut up and left as quickly as he could, the others following his example, said ANBU leaving as well. Even Sarutobi tried to leave, but Kushina grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and unceremoniously threw him against his desk. He cleverly activated the soundproofing-seals before he started to talk.
"Now now Kushina, I know you're displeased with my actions, and properly upset and angry, but…"
Kushina stared at him, her voice dangerously quiet. "Angry? Upset? Displeased? Sarutobi, I was displeased when Minato didn't show up to one of our dates. I was slightly peeved when you didn't show up to our wedding. I was very peeved when Jiraiya did show up to our wedding, crashing the party. I was upset when I learned that Jiraiya had based a woman in his smut on me. I was angry when I found scenes from our wedding-night in said book. Right now, I. Am. FURIOUS!"
Sarutobi started to sweat when he saw her hand inching towards her trusted blade. "Kushina, I couldn't tell you about Naruto, you were in no sane condition! In your state, you might have attacked hi..ARGH!" The sword had pierced his shoulder.' :- Perfection: Naruto the Chimera by Thanathos
'The scarecrow looked up from his cup. "How strong is Iruka?"
Sarutobi took a second to think about it. "When I was deciding who would be the next ANBU commander several names popped up. Yours, Gai-kun's," Kakashi winced, "and Iruka-kun's were among the list I had created of possible candidates."
The Sandaime paused, watching as Kakashi digested what he heard. For the Copy-Cat, to hear Iruka had been a choice candidate for ANBU commander was quite the shock. He honestly couldn't imagine someone like Iruka as the one to hold a job like that.
But then, he couldn't see Gai in the position, either. The horrors… That was another thought for another time.
"Of the names, my first choice had been Iruka," Sarutobi went on, sighing and shaking his head. "I pestered him about it for a while, but each time, he would say he loved teaching more than anything."
Kakashi Chuckled. "I'll bet Naruto changed that view." :- Naruto: Shattered eyes by Lithius Amarantinos.
'Orochimaru scoffed. If this person was really a mere Chunin, then Jiraiya was a eunuch.' :- Naruto: Shattered eyes by Lithius Amarantinos.
'…"What are you talking about, Kami, Yami and myself are the oldest ones here by at least a millennium, and yet we're still willing to love him." said Kyuubi snuggling herself closer to Naruto. Kami and Yami decided to join in completely encasing his head in large soft breasts. It would be the ultimate way to die, "The Hug of Indescribably Pleasant Death".
(Somewhere in Iwa)
"I feel a powerful fluctuation of the perverseness. Some 12 year old kid is getting some of the most beautiful women in existence. Hmm Minato's kid is around 12. Wait I'm getting an image… blond hair… blue eyes … and a nasty prank streak … wait a Konoha hitaite. YEAH GO NARUTO, BE THE PERVERT I COULDN'T TURN MINATO INTO" he said yelling the last part, forgetting he was peeping on the women in the hot springs.
"PERVERT, KILL HIM" yelled one of the women.
"Oh shit. In times like these I have to use my most powerful jutsu. "RUN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH NO JUTSU"" shouted the man running as if his very soul depended on it, which he wasn't that far off.
(Back in Konoha)
"HE he," tittered Kami girlishly.
"What's got you in such a good mood" asked Yami pulling away from Naruto's face enough to let him breath.
"I feel as if a super pervert is being beaten to within an inch of his life." said Kami snuggling deeper into Naruto.
"You know we're properly turning the kid into a pervert ourselves," said Yami snuggling into Naruto's chest so he could breath.
"So long as it's only for us I'm fine with that" said Kami.
"Same here" said Kyuubi.
"Ditto" said Hinata.
"You girls are insane, but I can't help but love you" said Naruto chuckling.
"And we wouldn't have it any other way" said all the girls at once snuggling deeper into him.
"Uhh…What hit me" said a voice off to the side.
"Oh look Sakura finally awakens. Wait, Hinata didn't you knock her out three hours ago" asked Kyuubi' :- Betrayal by Thymistacles
'Naruto turned toward Tenkou, "So…do you have any spells that can wake up that worthless Jonin right there?" he said pointing to Kakashi.
Tenkou nodded her head, "Yes…would you like me to do it?"
Naruto nodded his head, "By all means…" Tenkou stood up and walked over to Kakashi and was about to chant the spell.
"Oh… that's it…right there…" Tenkou froze as Kakashi started making weird moans in his sleep. He giggled perversely, "Oh man…that's it…let me feel that soft warm…"
"PERVERT!" Tenkou slapped Kakashi so hard in the face his head band flew off, and left a HUGE red mark on his face. Kakashi's eyes snapped open and saw Naruto chuckling, Tenkou looking at him with absolute hatred, and Hinata giggling.' :- Dark Legends: rise of the abyssal prince by Dracohalo 17
'Kakashi glared at Naruto as he chuckled, "Oh don't worry Kakashi." Naruto pulled up a suitcase…Kakashi's suitcase to be exact, "I have something I can certainly entertain you with."
Kakashi's eyes widened as Naruto pulled out a set of matches, vegetable oil, and opened his suitcase, "No…you wouldn't…"
Naruto grinned as he held up one of the contents of the suitcase, "Oh but I would…" in Naruto's hand was the limited edition editors cut of the first issue of the Icha Icha Paradise, signed by the author…only 200 copies exist.
Naruto proceeded to cover the book in vegetable oil, which burned slowly…and then lit the match underneath the book…setting it on fire.
"NOOOOOOO…" Kakashi screamed as he watched the agonizingly slow process of burning his beloved books.
Naruto grinned, "In about…five minutes…it will be one down." Naruto looked at the suitcase…which was filled to the brim with the series, "And only 199 issues to go."
"NOOOOO…AAAAHHHHHHH!" the sea's usual silence was broken by the mortified screams of an obsessed pervert.' :- Parents Returned by Dracohalo 17.
'Naruto sighed as he stood on the deck of the ship. After he finished massaging Hinata the day before…he began to plot his revenge on Kakashi. No way in hell he was going to let the Cyclops go free, not after this.
Naruto snapped his head in the direction of Kakashi's room as he heard the door crack open…and fell on his ass laughing.
Kakashi's hair had been gelled back in the shape of a duck ass and was dyed pink…not regular pink…HOT pink. His Jonin uniform had also been replaced by a green jumpsuit that had glue lining the centre…and his normal leaf headband was replaced by an orange one that said, "Donate a dollar to onin with pink eye"
Kakashi's orange porn book had all the pages torn out, and were replaced with a 360' photo-shoot of Gai and Lee's training sessions from all angles… and that meant ALL angles…and the worst part, there was a genjutsu on the book that made it so Kakashi could not look away.
Naruto near pissed himself as he watched the mortified Jonin skulk away…forced to endure his hell.' :-Parents Returned by Dracohalo 17
'…"Tsunade-hime…" It was Jiraiya from the hallway. "…You need to meet with the counsel. And also Hatake Kakashi is here with severe mental trauma. It would properly be best to let her rest while we do the things that are needed now. There will be plenty of time once you are Hokage to order the youth around."
Tsunade frowned, but nodded.
"Very well. You two get some rest. Naruto ran us back here so he's properly exhausted."
"Nope, just cause you're an old lady and get tired easily doesn't mean I am."
"I said SLEEP, DANM IT!" Tsunade pounded him into the floor, where he went through two floors of empty rooms before landing in the basement unconscious.
"Tsunade-sama, was it really necessary to injure Naruto like that?"
"No, but it makes me feel better. And besides, it's more like playful brother-sister fighting then anything."
Shino's eye twitched.
Thank Kami he had no siblings.' :- Blind by Tazaki4
'Naruto smiled with the knowledge that today was the day he finally fulfilled one of his more recent promises to Hinata.
He was going to ask Hinata out on a date. Not as friends, or team-mates.
But as…
Hey, fox?
What…It's to early for an interrogation…
What's more important then friends, but less then…like…married?
What are you talking about? Shut up and go back to sleep.
No, I want to ask Hinata on a date.
More then a friend, less then a lover…but you love her, so that would make you lovers, wouldn't it?
NOT IN THAT WAY! BAKA!
Oh… I get it. Not up to the mating part yet, are we?
Wha…MATING? AUGH!
What? You know what it is, right? Hiashi gave you the 'talk', right? Or shall I give it?
NO!
Yes? Ok, then. Well, when a fox meets a vixen…
Shutupshutupshutupshutup…
Well, if that's the case I can't help.
I didn't want your help! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I WAS ASKING!
Good, go to sleep
KUSO!
Naruto decided to start the day off with a shower :-Blind by Tazaki4
Naruto panted as if he had run a marathon. He had, in fact, run back towards the Hyuga manor as fast as he could. On the way he had found Hinata running towards him and, not desiring to stop, threw her onto his back and continued running. He had finally stopped running when he had arrived at the team eight training grounds. He let her climb down from his back as he panted for air. The entire run had taken half a minute. Much faster then most ninja could do at top speed. Surprisingly, Rock Lee had appeared next to him with a boulder on his back.
"I will not lose," was all he said and then, with a thumbs up and a shining smile, he sprinted off faster than even Naruto. Naruto couldn't even comprehend how he had kept holding the boulder while doing the thumbs up…
Weird.' :- Blind by Tazaki4
'Within every generation of humans there will always be a select few, a hundred or so, that will stand above the rest. More successful and famous then any around them. They are called famous people. Every hundred years or so a smaller amount, maybe ten, will become figures of world renown. Rising above the rest of humanity before and after them in such a way as to never be forgotten. They are called heroes and heroines.
But then there is even a rarer occurrence.
Every thousand years or so a man or a woman will rise above the rest, even above humanity itself.
More then a figure of world renown.
And become more then a human.
Once in a thousand years a man becomes a legend.' :- Blind by Tazaki4
'Jiraiya, the toad sage, left Konoha soon after the final battle. He said it was to travel the world some more, maybe head as far west as he could. Many thought he had died after a few years of not seeing him, but the Paradise novels kept coming out so no one bothered to check. He never returned to Konoha, but kept in close contact with certain people. It was fifteen more years since the final battle when toad summons delivered the summoning scroll of the toads to Naruto, passing on the legacy of the hermit. They said he died peacefully, with a notepad in his hand and a hot springs to spy on.
Tsunade was not as fortunate. She had wanted to travel the world, but was kept in Konoha for years for the training of the next Hokage. When her successor took over, she was given a seat on the elder counsel.
She refused.
Tsunade disappeared over night without a goodbye to anyone except her successor and his wife. They granted her request to leave, reluctantly, and so she left. The legendary sucker travelled as far as the nearest gambling establishment. And the next day she returned to Konoha.
Determined to be the adopted grandmother of her successor's first child.' :- Blind by Tazaki4
His eyes flickered from the wall of the hot spring to the ninja before they widened in understanding.
"You're a pervert!"
The ninja straightened up proudly, and shook his head. "A pervert? No, I am...a super pervert!"
Naruto blinked. "A super pervert?"
The ninja nodded, and began to hop from one foot to another, his arms out-flung. "From the north to the south to the east and the west, makes women cower and cover their chests, the mighty Toad Sage, JIRAIYA!" :- Ninja of the leaf by Arynia
"And here is a picture of what you are looking for." said the Hokage and showed them a photo of a tiger-striped cat with a ribbon on its ear.
Naruto heard a serious of choking-noises from his head. Minato started to mutter "Bad memories. Really bad memories from my genin-days. And a few funny ones from my sensei-days."
Hashirama was in disbelief. "I don't believe it!"
Madara was more verbal. "Impossible! That hellcritter is still alive?"
Turns out Tora had been around for a long time, being the bane of those hired to catch it. In the days before Konoha, whoever had that mission was under the Daimyo's protection for a short while, meaning that attacks on those people were strictly forbidden. That mission had eventually ended up being taken by either the Uchiha or the Senju, with one of the two clans running after the cat while the other clan secretly tried to sabotage them. Petty really, but it gave the young ones something to do. How the cat managed to stay alive and healthy was a mystery, although some claimed that the blood it took from those that tried to grab hold of it rejuvenated it. That was the widely accepted theory, although nobody could really find out. Some had tried to dissect the cat, for various reasons, but that's a different story. :- Guardians of the Seal by Thanathos.
He fully expected to die once he started running.
He didn't expect to outrun the snake or to be able to duck and hide in some of the alleys. He didn't expect the cloaked group to come out of nowhere and beat the living hell out of the second snake. He didn't expect for the remains of a bridge to fall on another one. And he sure as hell didn't expect the fourth one to turn its nose up at him, like he wasn't worthy enough prey!
Wait, he was supposed to be happy about that, right?
Yes, he was ecstatic about that, he decided. No need to jinx himself any further.
Now all I need to do is lie low and avoid the snakes. Easy. He rapidly reviewed that thought and smacked his forehead. So much for not jinxing himself! :- For the love of my friends by Foxie-sama
'Same old Naruto.' Sakura, Hawk, and Sasuke all thought. 'A complete emotional 180 in less than a minute.' :- A new life, a new world (bleach X-over) by Akatsuki leader 13
"Ha...ha...ha...Very funny." Hawk said, his voice full of sarcasm and annoyance. "Laugh at the guy who's got the irritating lieutenant."
"Sorry, but it is funny." Sakura said.
Hawk grumbled. "How'd you fair?"
"Aside from a few perverts, whom I straightened out by the end of the first day, it's nice. My lieutenant is alright, at least to me anyway. She has some serious anger issues."
"Reminds me of someone I know." Naruto quietly said.
SMASH!
"Ow...ow...ow..." Naruto moaned as he clutched his head.
Hawk smirked. "You really need to learn to keep those kind of comments to yourself Naruto."
"The Dobe will never be able to." Sasuke said.
"Ah come on, Teme." Naruto whined.
"True." both Hawk and Sakura said.
"He has yet to do so and I doubt he ever will." Sakura said.
"If he does, it will signal the end of the universe." Hawk added.
"Sakura, Hawk, not you too!" :- A new life, a new world (bleach X-over) by Akatsuki leader 13
Naruto sighed and walked through the academy, guiltily noting that the halls were empty. Finally, he stopped at a familiar door, the door he had faced everyday for seven years. About to open it, he suddenly paused, instincts telling him there was a trap on the other side. Glancing upwards, he spotted a small board eraser wedged between the door's crack, and felt a familiar wide grin spread across his face. Seriously, how had he ever thought that such a trick could fool a jounin, who had years of sensing and avoiding traps? Boy, had he been stupid back then. It was lame, and really not deserving for a Master of Pranks. The question was… should he play along?
Containing his grin, Naruto pushed open the door and walked in. Losing its support, the eraser fell down, bonking Naruto on the head. Loud laughter filled the room -from the person who set the trap no doubt. The jounin gasped, falling to his knees as his vision blacked. The eraser had been harder than he had expected, and it had hit a sensitive part of his head. Collapsing on the floor, it was all Naruto could do to stay on that edge of consciousness.
The laughter got louder, "Woah! Hahaha… I can't believe someone just got knocked out by an eraser board! Hahaha!"
"Mister? Mister? Are you alright? Oh no look at his vest… it's our jounin instructor…" A female, sounding worried. "You knocked him out! Tsutanai, how could you?"
"But how could, a jounin be knocked out like that?" A low tenor muttered quietly, too quietly for the other two to hear.
"Hey?" Tsutanai, -Naruto could only assume- asked obnoxiously as his laughter died down, stepping closer to the fallen blond. "Hey seriously! Are you alright?"
Naruto felt every step vibrating the earth, telling him the boy's exact position. When the boy was only a few inches from the blond, Naruto's hand suddenly shot out, clamping around the Tsutanai's ankle. Rolling back his eyes so only the whites showed, Naruto slowly lifted his head, letting his other senses inform him of the boy's exact position. "You… I want revenge!"
Clutching his stomach, it was all Naruto could do to keep from rolling around on the floor in laughter. Pointing a shaky finger at the boy, Naruto shakily got up, "You- oh hahaha! I have never heard a boy scream that high. Oh man… hahahaha!"
Wiping a tear from his eye, the jounin smiled brilliantly at his team, staggering out of the way of an incoming fist just to make the offender look bad. Sure enough, unable to stop his momentum, the black haired boy fell down face first. It was all Naruto could do to keep from guffawing again. :- Rokudaime's Legacy by Obsessive Child
The highlight of the day had been when people were giving out presents. After Sasuke gave his presents to Naruto, which were some wind scrolls he found back at his old house, it was Hinata's turn to give Naruto a present. Naruto had told everybody to wait as he ran through the house to get a camera so that they could all take a picture together. When he left the room looking for the camera and everyone in the room was waiting for him, Kakashi spoke up.
"Hinata, how about for this year's birthday present you give Naruto a kiss, hmm?" he asked, eye-smiling as usual.
The group broke into giggles, chuckles and full out laughter because everybody knew about the young girl's infatuation with Naruto.
Hinata, however, didn't take it so well, and turned extremely red blushing at the attention and the thought of kissing Naruto.
Naruto, of course, came in and set the camera up, ready to take a picture, oblivious to everything around him. He set it up and prepared for it to take a picture automatically in about 30 seconds.
The group quickly gathered close together, getting ready to smile and take the picture.
As fate, or Kakashi, would have it, Naruto ended up standing in the front next to Hinata. In a friendly way, he slung his arm around her shoulder and smiled for the picture.
Hinata, who was still trying to kill the blush from earlier, was caught off guard by the sudden contact with Naruto and she strongly blushed once more. Naruto, confused about why his friend was turning red, leaned in to her and whispered,
"Hey, Hinata, what's wrong? Are you feeling okay?" he inquired, concerned for his friend.
Hinata, on cue, blushed even more at Naruto being about a couple inches away from her face. She was beginning to feel faint…
Kakashi, on cue as well, whispered from behind,
"Hinata, do it now!" he whispered, referring back to her kissing him.
Hinata couldn't take it anymore and she fainted, knocking into Sasuke and starting a chain effect right in time for the camera to take the photo.
The picture was hilarious and Naruto would always smile when he would look at it. Hinata appeared in the photo to be dramatically passing out with the back of her hand on her forehead. Naruto appeared to be trying to save her from the fall, Sasuke was on one foot being hit by Hinata with his arms in the air, clearly about to fall over, a Jonin who was holding a drink behind Sasuke had spilled it on the Hokage in his robes who in turn elbowed another in the face and so on and so forth. Kakashi, however, appeared to be standing a little behind everybody and he was innocently eye-smiling at the picture, untouched by the mayhem in front of him. :- williams5505
"No... it can't be... you mean you were...?"
"Believe it."
Madara coughed as his body looked more and more like a mummy. "There will be others... I won't be the last... to try and..." He couldn't say another word, for at this point he was too feeble-limbed to stay upright even if crouched. So he fell over, and the sound of brittle bones snapping could be heard. Madara Uchiha, Tobi of Akatsuki, was finally dead. Cause of death: induced old age. :- Naruto's Kit by brown phantom
"How bad do you think it's going to be, sensei?" Sakura asked, earning her a few looks.
"It's going to be bad. Don't delude yourself thinking otherwise, you hear?" Tsunade told her.
Sakura nodded. "I know. He's a criminal and needs to suffer for it. I was just curious." She then turned to face Naruto. "By the way, thanks for keeping your vow, even if you didn't have to anymore."
"I never go back on my word." The blonde shinobi stated confidently. "I'm just glad you're not trying to beat me senseless for hurting him."
"I'm not that way anymore, and besides, it's not like you two would just waltz in together holding hands and laughing."
Naruto got a sour face. "Thanks Sakura-chan, now I'm going to have that for a nightmare tonight." :- Naruto's Kit by brown phantom
Iruka waited for Akane to introduce herself but couldn't see her. Getting worried, he glanced around until he saw her appear behind him, as if she had performed a substitution with his chair. His eyes practically burst out of his head when he saw she was wearing a red-and-black version of Naruto's genin outfit.
Akane jumped onto his desk and stood confidently. "Hi, I'm Akane Uzumaki, and I'm gonna be hokage someday no matter what. Believe it!" She then took a seat next to Shiba, earning many stares for her weird behavior.
'Oh great, here we go again.' Iruka thought wearily. :- Naruto's Kit by brown phantom
"So what's going on?"
"I don't know yet, but I'm certainly going to find out."
"Keh, I know you don't really trust Naruto that much when it comes to him being closer with our teammate, but you need to relax a little."
"I don't think Naruto's the one he's worried about," commented Shino.
"I know what she plans to do," sighed Neji, starting to follow after them.
"What? You're going to spy on them?" asked Kiba, rather stunned.
"Spy? Really, you think I would sink so low and do something like that? I'm just merely going to observe."
Laughing softly Kiba followed after him. "Well then, allow me to help you 'observe' as well." :- Closer by Lyns
Naruto looked over the fence and stifled a giggled as Gaara was literally caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Tell anyone I like cookies… and I will kill you…" Gaara said as Naruto chuckled and grinned at Gaara, who was surprised that his demonic chakra didn't work…
Gaara, in his surprise, dropped the last cookie in the jar. As Gaara went to pick it up, a squirrel picked it up and ran away with Gaara's cookie.
"No…" Gaara whispered. "NO…" Gaara spoke a little louder. "NOOOOOOOOOO! THAT SQUIRAL STOLEZ MA COOKEH!" Gaara shouted as he started to fly into the air, using his sand as a floating device, chasseing the squirrel up and down trees.
"YOSH! THAT RED HAIRED BOY IS CHASEING MY YOUTHFUL FRIEND!" Lee shouted, who seemed to pop out of thin air, as flames began to sparkle in his eyes as he chased Gaara around up and down the tree.
"That animal has FOOOOOOD!" Choji shouted, who seemed to pop out of nowhere just like Lee, as he too joined the chase for the squirrel.
Kiba and Akamaru happened to be walking by when Kiba stopped momentarily to tie his shoes, accidentally tying the leash to his shoes. Akamaru looked up and noticed a squirrel, it barked and began to chase after it, as Kiba was being dragged across the floor and up and down trees in the process.
Shino, who had been with Kiba for his morning walk, spotted that the Cookie had an insect trapped inside one of the chocolate sprinkles.
"SAVE ME!" the insect said in a high pitched voice as Shino nodded and began chasseing… the cookie…
Sai was walking along the route, making his way to the Chunin exams, he noticed that during the chase, Lee's spandex had torn, showing he wasn't wearing underwear… Sai eye smiled and began chaseing Lee.
'Penis' Sai thought with an amused smile.
Naruto looked on at the scene as a tick appeared above his left eyebrow. Kushina walked up to Naruto and asked him the question on every Uzuamki clan members mind.
"Is it… is it always this… weird around here?" Kushina asked as Naruto nodded with a sigh…
After Naruto nodded, a burst of fire blew by his ear, making a bull's-eye contact with the cookie burning it to ashes.
"WAAAHHHH!" Shino cried as he couldn't find any remains of the insect inside the cookie.
"NOOO! I'LL STARVE! Oh wait, I have three more king sized burgers…" Choji said as he smiled and began to dig into the three in-human sized burgers.
"Akamaru! What the hell?" Kiba shouted as he got up as Akamaru barked happily as he set off again, making Kiba hit the floor again as Akamaru followed the scent of the squirrel.
"NOOO! I WILL NOT ALOW THAT UN-YOUTHFUL DOG TO HARM MY FRIEND!" Lee shouted as he sped after the pint sized dog that was carrying a twelve year old without difficulty.
Sai chased after Lee as he had his hand behind his head, flapping about in an anime style run, whilst shouting something homosexual…
Gaara was rocking in a corner as he sobbed to himself. "cookie-Chan! Cookie-Chan!" Gaara repeated until he looked up at Naruto.
"Cookie-Chan?" Gaara asked as his eye sparkled sadly in an anime style sadness. Naruto chuckled and held out a long cylinder-shaped item, Gaara took it and read the label. 'Ginger biscuits'. Gaara squealed as he held it close to him.
Naruto sweat dropped as he slowly backed away from the obviously delusional group of Shinobi.
"I think we should go now…" Naruto said as everyone nodded and left. :- TUAOA: Naruto's New Life by ravercozy
The look of anger on Sasuke's face after that statement was only hilariously enhanced by the fact that he subconsciously activated his Sharingan. Naruto pointed at Sasuke with a smile, "Hey Sasuke! You unlocked your second tomoe."
Sasuke pointed at Naruto in anger, "You asshole! That's why you split us up the way you did! Because you knew whichever one of us you took would have made you actually work!"
Naruto nodded, "Yes, yes I did. But hey, we still found Tsunade so we actually accomplished more than you did today. How does that make you feel?"
Sasuke clinched his fists, "Angry… You were just being a lazy-ass and you did something that I had been trying to do for several hours."
Naruto placed his fingers under his chin, "I see… And what exactly do you feel like doing right now?"
Sasuke laid down on his bed with his hands at his side, "I want to cut you… so badly right now. You pulled off something like that without even trying. It just makes me so mad!"
Naruto had by this time pulled out a pen and a pad and was writing, "Uh huh… Do you think this emotion is stemming from anywhere in your past? Maybe something to do with someone you know?"
Sasuke sighed, "Well, I'd say it has mostly to do with my brother. He's so good at so many things. I just feel inadequate sometimes. I try not to compare myself to him, but it's hard. Sometimes it seems like he isn't even trying. The other day he-… Wait… Why the hell am I telling you this?"
Naruto grinned at him, "Because you wanted to have a heart-to-heart with your best friend?"
Sasuke shook his head, "What were we talking about?"
Naruto interjected, "How you think Itachi is so much more kick-ass than you?" :- Naruto:Soldiers of Fortune by Kenchi618
Naruto grinned like a loon as he snuck closer to the woman, finally stopping about three feet away as he inhaled deeply, "WHAT'S UP SHIZUNE-NEECHAN!"
This didn't have the desired hilarious after-effects that he assumed it would have when he conjured up the half-assed prank in his head. Shizune, instead of jumping out of her skin and looking as if she had just seen a ghost, shot her foot back into the unsuspecting Naruto's chest and turned, firing senbon at him from a hidden holster in her kimono sleeve. Kyuubi's quick use of Chuuou no Hizumi (Center of Distortion) took Shizune's aim off. Instead of hitting him anywhere vital, the needles fired ended up depositing themselves neatly, and dangerously close to, his groinular area.
XxX
(With Sasuke and Tenten)
The two other members of the search party were taking time out of their endless search at a diner near the gaming district. Seated at a table, both were simply sipping on their drinks and waiting for their orders to come when Sasuke suddenly grabbed his balls and hissed lowly for about thirty seconds.
Tenten raised an eyebrow at this peculiar behavior and waited for him to stop and look around in a timid fashion, "What happened to you?"
Sasuke looked around almost fearfully, "I don't know. It feels like someone close to me almost lost their manhood just now, like it reverberated through me, you know?"
Tenten simply gave him a 'what-the-fuck' look and kept sipping at her drink, "Whatever you say… Men are weird."
XxX
(Konohagakure Police Station - 13th Precinct)
Sitting at his desk, perusing over reports, Itachi suddenly felt a massive, overwhelming urge to hold his junk. Itachi stood up and paced around in a circle, taking deep breaths. Fugaku Uchiha, who was heading through to his office at the time, along with many of the other officers, had to stop and stare at his eldest son walking in a circle, holding himself, and taking deep, sometimes shuddering breaths, "Itachi! Boy what the hell is wrong with you?"
Itach collapsed back into his seat, still tightly protecting his nuts, "I fear Naruto-kun almost lost his right as a man to reproduce." Despite his monotone voice, there was still some concern clearly visible in his eyes.
Fugaku cringed and nodded, "Walk it off son." He left Itachi to suck air through his teeth sharply.
XxX
(Kaisha Hein HQ)
All through the building, males that were somewhat close to Naruto, be it acquaintance or outright family friend, were falling out, holding their testicles in a flash of phantom pain. Gai was currently running around a downed Rock Lee, who was one of the notable victims, "Oh Lee! What is happening to you my youthful protégé?"
Lee, in an uncharacteristic hissing whisper answered him, "Gai-sensei…I fear something most unyouthful has almost happened to the youth-spreading portion of one of my comrades. I can feel his anguish…"
While Gai was freaking out, elsewhere on the training floor of the facility Kakashi, Obito, and Zabuza were all rolling around on the ground in similar straits. Rin sweat-dropped as her teammates hissed and rolled. Obito spoke up, "Whose balls just got owned? This isn't cool!"
Haku was fretting over her downed father figure, "Zabuza-tousan, what happened?"
Zabuza's eyes were watering as he looked up at her, "Poor, poor gaki. It couldn't have been anyone else but him, I just know it. "
Obito whimpered pathetically as he knew exactly who Zabuza was talking about. Kakashi pulled himself to a sitting position and sighed deeply, "Poor kid… He never even got to take his tackle out of the box."
XxX
(Back in Tanzaku Gai)
Letting out the highest pitched shriek a man can make without actually having one of his special orbs penetrated by needles, Naruto then proceeded to black out on the walkway of the house. After hearing the unholy sound coming from Naruto, Shizune realized just who she had almost ended up kebobing just then, "Naruto-kun? What are you doing here?"
:- Naruto:Soldiers of Fortune by Kenchi618