(A/N) Hello again, my fellow Durincest fans. Yet another fairy tale for you to add to my growing collection. This one is a two parter and was inspired by the story The Snow Queen. As you may have already guessed, there's incest in this story, as well as rape, also a little bit of blood, but I wouldn't count it as anything too horrific. Now suitably warned, I hope you enjoy...
A Heart Of Ice
Part 1
Once upon a time, which is all times and no times, but not the very best of times, there lived a queen of snow and ice, the very last of the faerie folk…the elves. She held power over the winter storms and her heart had long since gone cold. The Snow Queen was winter itself.
The peoples of the land told stories of the Snow Queen, particularly in the North. There was one village of dwarves that liked to claim they had had the most sightings of the Winter Elf. It was a popular pastime in the winter to gather around the village fires and tell stories of the Snow Queen.
XxX
"You're never gonna catch me!" Kili sang as he ran around the living area, with his older brother, Fili, in hot pursuit. Both young dwarves were laughing as they ran.
"Don't bet on it, baby brother!" the nine-year-old shouted, barely missing crashing into their uncle, Thorin, as he came through the front door.
"What's this, then?" the village leader asked, a half-smile on his face as he watched the chase.
"He took my apple," Fili called over his shoulder.
"Mine now!" Kili taunted. "It's the last one!"
"Boys," their mother scolded them as she came in from the kitchen carrying a vase of roses. "If you don't figure out some way to share that, there won't be any stories tonight."
Little Kili turned to argue, but he turned too fast, twisting his ankle as he went down. All in instant, the scene changed. The laughing, teasing four-year-old was on the floor in tears and his older brother, once the annoyed, slighted party, was now on his knees beside his baby brother.
"Kili! Kili, are you all right?" Fili asked, pushing aside Kili's pant leg to inspect the swelling ankle.
"It…it hurts, Fili," he sobbed, reaching his arms out for his big brother. "It hurts real bad!"
"Don't be such a baby," Fili teased as he lifted Kili into his arms, cradling him close as he carried him to the hearth. "You'll be all right. We just need to keep that up. You'll be fine."
"Your brother's right," Dis soothed as she had a look at her youngest's injury. "Just stay off that for a little while."
"And look what you dropped," Fili continued to tease, pulling the prized apple from his tunic. Kili gave him a pout of a smile, too much in pain to try to continue the battle…only Fili didn't taunt him with the last fresh fruit. Instead, he offered it to him. For a moment, Kili looked uncertain, but when Fili smiled and held it a little closer, he finally took the apple and bit into it, smiling at his brother through the bite of fruit. But instead of eating the whole thing himself, he took that one bite and offered the apple back to Fili. Grinning conspiratorially at each other, they polished off the apple in this way, passing it off between the two of them, each taking a bite until it was gone.
"Speaking of the last of the summer, here's something you'll like, my treasure," Dis said, removing a rose from the vase she'd just set down and offering it to Kili. The dwarfling smiled as he took the rose, burying his nose in the blossoms and inhaling the scent.
"I like roses," the young dwarf declared proudly.
"And why is that, little one?'" Thorin asked as he joined the tiny family by the fire.
"They're for love…and I love my brother," he said, leaning forward to tuck the deep red bloom behind Fili's ear. "Roses remind me of him."
Fili felt like he ought to tease his sibling about this, but he just couldn't think of anything to say. All he could manage was to crouch there, smiling like a little idiot. What he finally said was, "I love you, too, you nasty little goblin."
Kili stuck his tongue out at him, but even so, the two brothers continued to smile at each other…like they had a secret that was just for the two of them. As if the rest of the world had simply fallen away, they reached out their hands for each other, fingers twining together as they gazed into each other's eyes.
"Be happy there is still such love in the world, lads," Thorin began as the prelude to a story. "There are many who have forgotten."
"Like the Snow Queen?" Fili asked, slowly tearing his gaze away from Kili. He had heard the old story before, but he didn't think Kili ever had.
"Just so, Fili…the elf witch," Thorin said, leaning back in his chair and pulling out his pipe.
"Who's the…the Snow Queen?" Kili asked, eyes widening slightly.
"They say she is the last of her kind…the very last elf. She lives up in the Farthest North, where she keeps court with the snowflakes and the winter winds. She can either give you a light snowfall for playing in…or freeze a little dwarfling who doesn't mind he gets home in time," their uncle warned. Kili shivered slightly, snuggling a little closer to Fili when he finally sat down beside him. Fili wrapped an arm around him.
"They say she has a heart made of pure ice…that she feels nothing and cares for nothing…and because she is so cold, she delights in making the world appear just as dark, cold, and twisted as she is. In fact, there are tales of a mirror in her palace…a stretch of icy glass that reflects her heart. The story goes that if you look into the mirror, all that you cherish will become twisted in your sight…just as it is in the Snow Queen's."
"I think she sounds mean," Kili insisted, clinging to Fili a little tighter.
"Now, Thorin, don't scare the boy," Dis scolded as she worked on her mending. "After all, you're forgetting some of the more important stories regarding the Winter Elf."
"Like what?" Fili asked, turning to look at his mother. He had only ever heard Thorin talk about how dangerous the Snow Queen was.
"Some say she is lonely," Dis took up the narrative. "A broken heart will do anything to soothe itself…no matter who might be hurt in the process. I can imagine the pain of such a woman…to lose everything," she said, her eyes going distant and her hands falling still on her work. Thorin watched his sister uncertainly for several moments, remembering how lost and helpless she'd been in the weeks following her husband's death five years ago.
"I still think she sounds mean," Kili's tiny voice interrupted the heavy silence. "I hope she doesn't come around here ever."
"A futile hope at best," Thorin said, shaking his head. "Many have seen the Winter Elf."
"Don't worry about it, you baby," Fili teased his brother, roughly tousling his hair. "The Snow Queen's never going to bother you. If she comes around here, we'll just shove her in the fire," he declared, getting to his feet and striking a heroic pose. Kili laughed and clapped for him, so Fili continued the game, gaze sweeping around the room as if searching for enemies. In the middle of all the fun, though, his eyes happened to fall on the window…and see another pair of eyes looking in at him.
Fili gasped, frozen in shock. It wasn't his reflection he was seeing. The eyes were an icy blue, nothing like his own grey ones. The skin was smooth and fair, and the only trace of hair was the hint of a blonde crown of it around the edges of the image. The pale lips offered him a cold smile and he felt himself mesmerized, cold fingers wrapping around his heart like a vice.
Come away with me, an icy voice whispered in his ear. Slowly, the boy felt himself take a step forward…but then he felt a warm hand wrap around his cold one.
"Fili? Are you all right?"
Snapping out of the trance, Fili looked down to see his brother looking worriedly up at him. When he looked back to the window, the vision was gone.
"What is it?"
"I…I thought I saw…no, never mind," he finally said, shaking his head to clear it.
"Your hands are like ice," his baby brother said, starting to rub his larger hands with his tiny ones, trying to get some of the warmth back. "Come sit by me again. Warm up."
Starting to laugh, Fili did just that, banishing the troubling apparition from his mind with no small amount of difficulty. It would be many years before he thought on it again.
XxX
The story of the Snow Queen's mirror was true. Many hours the frozen Lady spent gazing into its depths, twisting the love that was in the world in her sight. If there could be no joy in her cold heart, why should there be joy anywhere else?
It happened one day, though, that gazing into the mirror was not enough.
XxX
It was the same as it was everyday. The cursed glass twisted loving families into bitter enemies, best friends into rivals, and pure love to ugly hate. Everything fell apart in the end, lying in ruins. It always did…
…until the mirror's gaze fell upon two young dwarves.
They were brothers…but they also felt something they both knew they shouldn't feel. Each longed for the other with a deadly fire. They continued to behave like normal brothers, but they also danced around each other, both afraid to walk through the fire. In their own eyes, they were already ugly…already disgusting…but there was still something so pure and powerful in their caring for each other…and try as it might, the mirror could not twist the image of their love. It shone bright and strong from their hearts, shone until the elf witch could bear it no more and smashed a fist into the glass, shattering the smiling face of the older brother.
The one they called the Snow Queen had long since grown numb to physical pain. She hardly noticed the blood trickling down her hand. The only thing she felt now was anger…anger and a dull sort of hatred that these dwarves would not bend to her will. What strength did these mere children possess that she did not? What was mightier than her will?
Curious to find out, the Snow Queen plucked two tiny shards of the broken mirror from the ground. Then, using her power, she set the enchanted shards adrift on the wind.
"Find them," she commanded. "Make their hearts cold as ice. Silence their love."
XxX
"Kili! I think I see a cave!" Fili shouted over the gale force wind of the blizzard, even though he was practically dragging Kili and they were next to each other he had to scream for his voice to carry at all.
Kili's only response was a pained groan. Even his shivering had stilled within the last few minutes. Fili knew that was a bad sign. He had to get Kili warmed up as soon as possible.
The storm had come upon them much sooner than expected. The two brothers had been out checking their trapping line during a break in the winter storms. Balin had predicted the heavy snows would stay away for at least a week, so they'd planned to make the two-day trip around the line to see if they'd caught any small game. There was a small cottage in the woods that most of the hunters and trappers used during their journeys into the wild, and it was this cottage that they'd been making their way for when the snow started up again suddenly, and before long, it had become a fierce winter storm. They hadn't yet entered the woods from the lowlands, so they'd quickly become lost in the whiteout. Then Kili's hand had slipped from Fili's and all he'd heard was the sound of him shouting.
Kili had missed his footing in the snow and fallen into a small ravine. Fili had barely managed to find him again and didn't dare to look for the pack that had become dislodged during his fall, desperately as they needed it. The only thing to be done was to keep moving. Kili hadn't been badly injured in the fall, just a bump to the head. No bleeding to speak of, but he was still dazed and needed his brother's help to go on. When they'd reached the shelter of a rock face and Fili had spotted what looked to be a small cave, he had been relieved beyond words. So now, with only one pack of supplies between them, the two dwarves staggered into the cave, ears still roaring from the howl of the wind outside.
Immediately, Fili got to work caring for his brother. Once he'd made sure the small cave was empty, he laid out his bedroll, laying Kili down on it and beginning to strip him of his clothing. That done, he pulled the two fur blankets from the oilskin in his pack, still blessedly dry after the day's events. Spreading these snugly over his brother's body, he then laid Kili's coat and his own overtop of them, adding to the layers of warmth. Shivering without his own protection from the cold, Fili kept watch for what seemed like a long time to him, and nothing seemed to change. Kili clearly didn't even have the energy to shiver anymore, to warm himself without help. Fili had a small amount of wood in his pack for emergencies, but the oilskin covering for that had somehow torn, exposing the kindling to the cold and the wet. It wouldn't do him any good for a fire until it had dried. What more could he do to get his baby brother warm again?
There was really only one solution.
Fili found himself shivering as he stripped out of his own snow-caked clothing, not just from cold…but from fear. He couldn't believe he was even thinking about this in their current predicament…but the thought of his own naked flesh…pressed against Kili's…both excited and terrified him. Even though this was absolutely necessary…he couldn't help the feelings that began to churn in his stomach as he crawled under the blankets with his brother.
At first, his own fear was chased away by his worry for Kili. His brother just lay in his arms…so still…so cold…would he ever wake up again?
"Kili…please…come back to me," he pleaded, breathing his warm breath against his brother's chilled flesh…and finally, after what felt like an eternity to the older brother, Kili began to shiver again, his body warming itself as the pallor of death slowly began to retreat from his skin.
After a time, Kili began to shudder himself awake. When his eyes finally opened, he whispered, "Fili?"
Letting loose a sigh of relief, Fili hugged his brother tighter.
"You're all right. You're safe. Everything's going to be fine," he murmured soothingly to him, unthinkingly running his fingers through his hair.
For a long while, the two brothers just lay in each other's arms, gazing into each other's eyes. Then Kili inhaled sharply as a little more of his sense began to return to him.
"We're both…naked under these blankets…aren't we."
"I'm sorry," Fili whispered, feeling the guilt curl in his stomach. "It was the only way I could save your life."
"No! I…it's not…I didn't mean…I just…I…I don't know," Kili finally gave up trying to explain, looking away from his brother in shame. Nearly sick with the guilt boiling in his gut, Fili continued to stroke Kili's hair, very much aware of it now.
"You don't know…how close you were to gone. You almost…you might have…I almost lost you," he said, unable to bring himself to say that Kili had almost died.
"But you didn't," Kili said, curling up closer against his brother…even though he was just as afraid as Fili was…afraid of what might happen if their skin continued to touch…afraid of what he might do.
Fili nuzzled his face down into Kili's hair, painfully aware of the press of his little brother's face against his neck. Then, before he could stop himself, almost before he was even aware of it…he was kissing Kili's temple. He felt Kili stiffen in his arms, but he just couldn't help himself…though he nearly froze himself when the next sensation he became aware of was the press of Kili's lips against his neck.
They didn't question it. Each feeding off of the other, they pressed desperate, hungry kisses to each other's faces, unleashing years of unspent, unspoken passion in a few breathless moments. Almost immediately, the two were hard against each other, their desire made clear. They could no longer hide from each other what they wanted…and it was this revelation that caused Fili to snap out of his heated haze and pull away from his brother…his brother! Kili whined in protest, grabbing onto his hands in order to keep him from retreating.
"Wait…please…don't stop."
"We can't…be doing this," Fili said, unable to meet Kili's gaze. "I…will not…take advantage of you like this."
"Fili," the younger said softly, drawing his hands up and beginning to kiss them, "how can you take advantage of me…if I want it? I want it…just as much as you do."
Fili tried to pull away one last time, but the attempt was half-hearted at best.
"Please…" Kili tried again. "I…I'm…I'm sill cold."
It took no more than that. Kili needed him…and he had to help. So he gave into the years of wanting…of heartache…under the pretense that Kili needed this…that his body needed the warmth Fili could provide. That would be his excuse if anyone ever found out about this…that Kili had needed his warmth…not that he was disgusting and diseased and wanted to make love to his own baby brother.
The two moved silently together beneath the layers of blankets and coats, neither daring to speak, lest this precious, horrifying moment shatter around them. They rocked against each other, Fili thrusting between Kili's legs and Kili up against his belly, the world almost seeming to spin around them as they painted each other with delicious, sinful drops of moisture. Then, when Fili finally came between his brother's slick thighs and Kili splashed against his stomach, the world ceased its spinning and Kili was no longer cold.
As they lay together afterwards, holding each other close, Fili wept quietly, burying his face in his little brother's hair.
"What have I done to you?" he whispered plaintively, his fingers curling desperately in Kili's now damp hair. He had done what he'd promised himself he would never do. He had destroyed both his own life…and his beloved brother's. "I've ruined you…I've broken everything!" he sobbed.
"You did nothing…I myself did not do, Brother," Kili soothed him. "I was willing…wanting…so desperately wanting. If…if we are truly ruined…then we will be ruined together. I love you, Fili…more than I have any right to. I have done this to you just as surely as you have done it to me. I will have no one but you…my love," he said softly, cradling his older brother as close as he possibly could.
"But I am the older. I should have resisted…should have been stronger…I should have taken care of you…not myself."
"Fili…do you love me?"
"What? Of- of course I-"
"Not as a brother, you idiot. I'm asking you…if you love me as I love you. In this way I cannot…must not…but still do, just the same."
"I…I do," Fili whispered, gently raising Kili's face so he could kiss the corner of his mouth…hesitant…self-loathing…but still so tender…so loving and needing. "I love you, Kili. I have from the moment you first spoke my name…the moment you first smiled at me."
Fili felt Kili's lips shift into a smile against his before the younger dwarf covered his mouth with his own. They spent several more minutes like that, just kissing and holding each other, before Kili pulled back, a look of utter conviction sparking in his dark eyes as he reached a hand up to tug at one of the braids that adorned his brother's face.
"No one else can ever know about this."
"No."
"If they find out…they will take you away from me."
"They will."
"I will not allow that. I cannot be without you…not ever."
"Nor I you," Fili said softly, drawing Kili's head back down to rest against his chest…near his heartbeat.
"They won't…find out…not ever," Kili whispered, snuggling close as he began to drift back to sleep once more. Fili held him close, whispering soothing nothings to him until he had fallen asleep. Once the older dwarf was certain of this, he carefully disentangled himself from his brother and climbed out of their warm, safe nest. He barely felt the cold as he sat on top of the blankets.
Part of him wished they could stay like this forever, tucked safely away from the rest of the world in their own warm little cave. They could do it…live on their own…live in the woods with no ties to anyone else. Here, they were safe. They would be free to love each other without complication. Outside was dangerous…outside was cold, harsh, and cruel. The people who cared for them, the friends they had known all their lives…they would never accept them like this. He and Kili would be punished if anyone ever found out…and worse than any punishment…would be the inevitable separation. One of them would be sent into exile…most likely him…and no pain, no punishment, could possibly be worse than being forced to live apart from his brother…the very light of his soul. Why couldn't they? What was stopping them from running away together…going somewhere far away where nobody knew they had been born as brothers?
Sadly, just as Fili was seriously considering this option, everything changed. He looked out from the mouth of the cave…and could have almost sworn he saw something twinkling out in the blizzard…something not snowflakes. The next moment, the two twinkling pinpoints had flown into their little sanctuary, the first piercing the blond dwarf through the heart.
As pain and cold washed over him, Fili caught sight of the second sliver moving toward his brother. Without thinking, he reached out and plucked the evil thing from the air. Whatever this thing was, he would not allow it to touch Kili.
When he opened his hand to have a look at the sliver of glass, though, it quickly shot up, entering through his eye. Thus Fili took the shard that had been meant for his brother's heart.
As Fili felt the glass splinters twisting inside of him, he first felt his heart growing cold…a horrifying, stabbing pain that was unlike anything he'd ever felt in his life. As he writhed on the cave floor, screaming in pain, his vision also started to grow darker, twisting everything in sight.
Kili woke almost immediately, horrified to see his brother in such agony. Quickly, he moved to his side, seizing him in his arms.
"Fili! Fili, what is it? Are you hurt? What's wrong?! Fili!"
Fili wanted to reassure his brother, but he couldn't get the words out through the pain. When the Snow Queen's spell had finally had its way with him, he gave one last cry and fell still in Kili's arms.
"Fili? Fili!" Kili cried out desperately.
At first, Fili couldn't understand what had happened to him. He felt…changed: colder, harder…darker…and the sound of his brother's voice was like sweet poison in his ears…the press of his skin like fire against the ice of his own flesh. The rest of the world had grown darker and uglier…but by comparison, Kili had grown that much more beautiful. He had become so lovely, so pure that it pained Fili to look upon him. The beauty of his love only caused Fili to see how ugly he himself was…how dark and twisted he had become. If he allowed Kili to touch him, he would surely taint that purity with his darkness.
"Don't touch me!" he snarled, shoving Kili away from him and getting quickly to his feet. "What do you think you're doing? Touching me?"
"Fili?"
"Come on," he started, grabbing Kili's clothes and throwing them at him before beginning to pull his own on. "We're going back."
"Going…going back?" Kili repeated incredulously. "That storm hasn't let up any. We'll only get lost again."
Fili sneered at him as he got dressed. "Trust me. I'll get us home. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be stuck here with you!"
The first thing Kili felt at these words was a stab of pain to his heart. Had Fili already forgotten the words they had so lately spoken to each other? Before his insecurities could plague him any further, though, he really looked into Fili's eyes…and saw that the soft grey he had always loved in his brother's eyes had gone completely black…and his skin had gone somewhat paler.
"Fili, what…what's wrong?" he asked, getting back to his knees from where Fili had shoved him down. "Just tell me what's wrong!"
"Wrong? You're wrong, Kili. How did you ever think this could be right? I can't stand the sight of you. If you aren't dressed in five minutes, I'm going without you. And don't think I wouldn't be happy to leave you out here."
Fili's heart stung as the words left his mouth, but his mind wouldn't allow his own self-hatred to express itself any other way. Perhaps this venom, this vitriol, was the only way to drive Kili away from him…the only way to keep him safe?
Kili wanted to plead with Fili…wanted to beg for forgiveness…to know what had caused this sudden hatred. Had what they'd done…really been the cause of this? Had he lost his brother forever with his selfish actions? Just when he thought he might break down completely, lay down on the cold ground and let Fili leave him here…leave him alone to die in the cold…he remembered the blackness of his beloved's eyes…how cold his skin had been against his. Something was wrong with his brother and it wasn't him. Something else had caused this. It wasn't Fili being so cruel and hurtful to him. Something was hurting Fili…and he needed to find out what, but to do that, he would have to stay alive. Therefore he was dressed and ready to move out in the allotted time Fili had given him. Taking him by the hand, Fili led the way out into the storm.
To Kili's worry, he could feel the coldness of his brother's hand even through their gloves. Several times, Fili seemed like he wanted to tug his hand free of his, but Kili wouldn't let go of him. Even more worrisome was the fact that the blinding flurry of snow seemed to part before Fili…as if it wouldn't dare hinder him…like he was part of it. Fili had become almost like a force of nature himself…and before long, the two brothers were pounding on their mother's door.
XxX
In the ensuing months, the older brother's behavior only grew colder. He was nothing but cruel to his brother and absolutely no one could understand the change in his personality. He suffered with every hurt he inflicted on the one he loved above all others, but no one else could have possibly known that.
The younger brother couldn't have known this either…and as the months passed, winter giving way to spring, and to summer and fall, his confidence that he could help his love diminished. The bright, happy dwarf that all the villagers so adored began to retreat more and more into himself, convinced every new day that he had done this to his brother…that his actions in the cave that night had destroyed something between them…had killed something vital inside of his brother. If so, then this was surely his just punishment…to watch his brother's good heart wither and blacken…and to turn that darkness on him.
So the younger dwarf suffered in silence, accepting every cruelty his brother saw fit to inflict on him, praying he could somehow atone for what his sinful desires had done to the only person he truly loved.
Until one day…
XxX
"You call that firewood?" Fili demanded as he kicked over the stack of wood Kili had just set down by the back door. "It won't last two hours. Go get some more!"
Kili sighed as he looked up at Fili. "Brother, can we please not do this now? It's getting late."
"What? Afraid of the dark?" Fili taunted him, moving toward him and shoving him up against the wall. Using one hand, he pinned his brother's wrists over his head. "You know what you should be afraid of…don't you?" he hissed in Kili's ear.
"Yes," Kili whispered, unable to stop himself from shuddering when Fili ran his tongue along the shell of his ear.
"Heheh, you want it bad, don't you. You really are a shameless little slut," he snarled, delivering a harsh blow to his stomach, sneering as he allowed him to drop to the ground, coughing violently.
"Yes," Kili answered when he was able to speak again. "I'm shameless…sinful and disgusting. I did this to you…my selfishness…my weakness."
"Do you think so?" Fili mocked, lifting Kili up by his collar. "Is that what you think?"
"I know it," Kili choked out, reaching forward to touch his brother's golden hair. "This isn't you, Fili. If anything's wrong with you…it's me…what I did to you…"
Fili chuckled quietly at this. "You are pretty disgusting, baby brother. The sight of you burns my eyes. I can hardly stand to look at you…and the touch of your skin is like poison. Your mere presence sickens me. Perhaps you can handle being yelled at…hit and kicked…but you really ought to run now, before I do something more…permanent to you," he warned, his grip on the collar loosening slightly.
For the love of Mahal, Kili, run! I beg you! Run away! Something awful is about to happen. Run!
But Kili would not. He allowed his body to go limp in Fili's grip as fresh tears spilled down his face. "If you want to kill me, just kill me. I did this to you. It's my fault your heart has turned black, my love. Punish me."
"I'm going to," Fili hissed, spitting in his face before turning him around and shoving him back against the wall. He twisted his arms up behind him so he couldn't move. Then he yanked his trousers down around his knees.
"What are you doing?" he asked, feeling real fear in his gut for the first time. This wasn't what he had expected.
"Giving you what you want…your punishment!" he growled as he shoved two fingers into his body.
"Fili!" Kili cried out in pain, unable to keep back the volume as his body tore around the intrusion. "Please…please don't do this. They'll hear…they'll see!" If anyone caught them like this…saw Fili doing this to him…
"That's the idea, baby brother," Fili said, a strange hint of glee in his voice as he thrust into his brother's tight entrance again and again.
As it had been these last months, Fili's touch was cold…so cold it burned, and it only made the pain of his penetration worse. Kili struggled to get free, but Fili's grip was as unyielding as stone. He fought not to cry out, but there was nothing he could do when his brother finally took him. There was only pain…pain, shock, horror, and screaming.
When Kili finally emerged from the darkness of his agony, it was to the feeling of a sticky fluid dribbling from inside him, down his thighs. When he opened his eyes and looked down, he could see blood and semen dripping down onto the frost-covered ground. His body ached terribly, but that ache was nothing compared to the fear he felt when he realized what he'd just heard.
"Fili…what have you done?"
Even though it felt like lead, Kili slowly lifted his head in the direction of his uncle's voice. There he stood, having just come around the back of the house with Balin and Dwalin, all three looking horrified at the sight of Fili buried deep inside his brother…and Kili…violated and bleeding onto the ground. Slowly, he turned to look back at his brother, who only leered at him as he casually pulled himself out.
"Run…" Kili whimpered, beginning to tremble in Fili's unbearably cold embrace. "Just run…you've got to get away from here."
Fili did just that, leaving Kili to slump bonelessly to the ground as he bolted. Dwalin gave chase, but Balin and Thorin came to Kili, kneeling on either side of his broken body.
"Oh, Kili…Kili…what's he done to you?" Thorin whispered helplessly as he looked over his youngest sister-son's injuries.
"No," Kili barely managed to get out. "You're wrong. Fili didn't…force me. I wanted this. I'm the one who's bad," he insisted before passing out cold.
XxX
Fili couldn't be certain how he outran Dwalin, but he didn't question what was. The sheath of ice around his heart and mind kept him from outwardly expressing emotion, but inside he was screaming…a wordless cry of shock, anguish, and self-hatred. He had done the unthinkable to Kili…and then left him to the hatred of the village. There could be no forgiveness for him ever. Even if redemption were somehow possible in the eyes of others…he knew he could never forgive himself for what he had done.
Merciful Mahal, why do you not strike me dead for this unforgivable deed? By all that's holy, why do I still live?
Fili ran until he reached the river, which was only just beginning to freeze over. At the frosty bank, he crashed to his knees, breathing hard. He didn't know what at first, but something kept him from walking into the water and drowning. That was the moment he heard the voice calling to him again…the icy voice from so long ago.
"Come away with me," she said as he looked up at her, holding out a hand to him. For a long while, he just stared at her. The Snow Queen and the young dwarf stared at each other until night fell and snow began to fall…the first snow of winter. For the first time in a long while, Fili began to feel cold.
"It's you," he said, remaining on his knees. "And you…you did this," he continued, clutching at his heart with a single frozen hand. "Why?"
"Because I couldn't bear to behold the love you have for your brother any longer. No one loves so truly as that. They may pretend to it, but living beings are very fickle creatures in the end. I sought to test the limits of your bond…and it seems we have finally happened upon the breaking point tonight. It took this to make your brother's heart grow cold…to finally kill the love he bore for you. Surely you must realize it is dead."
"Yes…I know," he said. Even though he was breaking inside, his face remained cold and implacable. "Tell me…if I go away with you…will his pain stop? Will he know peace if I'm not here anymore?"
"Even after all this…after everything you've done…after your heart and soul have frozen over…you still care for him?" the snow fairy asked incredulously.
"There is no way to not. If there was, I would have done something a long time before I could hurt him like this."
"Tell me what you see," the queen said softly as she helped him to his feet.
"All the world is dark," he began. "The stars are veiled and the moon is twisted. No light can pierce the ice in my chest. I see…how hideous a thing I am…and by that…Kili is that much more fair…that much brighter. It pains me to look on the beauty of him…and his warmth burns like fire against the ice I am becoming. It hurts me to be with him. Each time I look upon him, I know…I know this ice will destroy him…that my darkness will poison his light and make him just as ugly as I am. I cannot bear that…and yet it makes me angry I cannot be with him…so I hurt him instead…even as my soul cries out in pain."
The Winter Elf's face was also implacable as she surveyed him…her new possession…a knight whose love had somehow survived being frozen. When she laid a hand against his cheek, he began to shiver slightly. Even the cursed slivers could not inure him to the cold of her being.
"Yes," she finally answered. "I can take the pain away…both yours and his…but you must give yourself over to me. You will belong to me all your days. You will become as ice…and you will never see your brother again."
"Anything, My Queen. I will do anything…not to hurt him anymore."
"Then so be it," she said, taking his face in both her hands and leaning down to kiss him. At the press of her lips, his skin froze, turning completely white and utterly numb to the cold, for he was cold itself now. Then she kissed him again, causing him to forget the life he had known up to that point. As far as he now knew, he had always belonged to the Snow Queen…had always been cold and hollow.
"What is your name?" she asked him. Slowly, he shook his head. He couldn't answer. He didn't know.
"And what is your brother's name?"
"I…I don't have a brother, My Queen."
"Good. Very good," she said, smiling to herself. The second kiss had done its work well. She did not kiss him a third time, though, for three kisses from the dead of winter will surely kill any living creature. Content with her new prize, the queen swept her long white cloak about him and the two of them vanished into the driving snow, leaving no trace behind.
XxX
Kili's fever dreams were of ice, blood, and snow. In his nightmares, he saw Fili turn to ice before disappearing into a snowstorm. Kili tried to follow, but all he could see were bloody footprints in the snow that eventually faded into nothing.
"Fili!" he shouted, jerking himself awake from the nightmare. He awoke to find himself lying on his stomach on his mother's couch. His mother was sitting in a chair beside him, solidly between him and several of the village dwarves who now filled the house.
"Be calm, Kili," Dis soothed, quickly taking a cloth to her son's face to wipe away the sweat.
"M- Mother?" Kili murmured, still confused. He slowly propped himself up on his elbows, even though the movement hurt him. "Where…where's Fili?"
Dis took several moments to answer, biting her lip as she thought, sadness and worry darkening her eyes. "He's gone."
"Gone?" Kili repeated. "He got away?"
"He disappeared," Dwalin explained. "I followed him out of town…saw him standing alone on the riverbank. Then he just…wasn't there anymore. The only thing I can think…is that he jumped in…couldn't take the guilt of what he'd done."
"He…he's dead?" Kili whispered in shock, feeling tears begin to prick at his eyes as he looked to his mother and uncle again.
"We aren't certain," Thorin said, unable to meet his nephew's gaze. "Dwalin didn't actually see what happened. Kili-"
"Is it true, boy?" one of the village elders, Dain, demanded. "Is it true you gave yourself to your brother?"
"It's not true," Dis whispered, taking his face in her hands. "Tell me it's not true."
Kili shook his head. If he said anything else, Fili would be branded as a rapist, as well as being guilty of the even deeper crime of incest. If Fili was going down, he would go down with him. This whole tragedy was his fault, after all.
"It's true."
"You see? The boy admits it!" Dain declared to the others.
"I…desired my brother…and he gave me what I wanted…even though he was disgusted with me," he recounted dispassionately. "This is my fault…not Fili's. Punish me."
"Incest. Incest!" the cries came from throughout the room as the mob advanced on Kili. "The boy is tainted. He is evil! Rid the village of him!"
"No!" Dis shouted, leaping to her feet, her brother at her side. With Thorin holding back the mob, Dis turned back to her son. "Kili, I don't believe you wanted this. I won't believe you wanted your brother to hurt you like this. You're lying…I don't know why…perhaps to protect him…but if you don't tell the truth, we won't be able to keep them from hurting you more. Please, Kili. I don't want to see you hurt."
Kili could only gaze sadly at his mother. He didn't want her to have to endure this, but Fili was more important…even…even if he was already dead.
"There is no truth but this. Let them take me. Let them put me to death if they will. I will not let my brother's good name be defiled."
Dis began to weep as she pulled her son into her arms.
"Then may Mahal have mercy on us all…for what they are about to do."
XxX
The mob dragged the young dwarf to the village square, tying him to a stake in the midst of the falling snow and baring his back to the cold night air.
The immediate punishment for the sin of incest was twenty-five lashes, and this punishment was delivered violently and without mercy.
Meanwhile, the Snow Queen and her new toy watched the proceedings from her northern fortress.
XxX
The mirror did not twist the image. To anyone with a heart, the sight would have been awful enough on its own: the young dwarf hanging limply from the stake, bound at the wrists, unable to stand anymore…his back painted with hideous red welts that bled freely onto the snow. With every lash that was laid to his raw, bleeding flesh, the dwarf cried out weakly.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at the situation, the two spectators did not have hearts. The Snow Queen sat on her throne of ice, watching with a chilly smile on her face, while her blond dwarf sat at her feet like a dog. His head was laid out on her lap, his expression blank as she ran her fingers through his golden hair.
"What do you think, my pet?" the queen asked him.
"Nothing, really, My Lady…except that the dwarf must have done something truly wicked to deserve such a punishment."
"And you…feel nothing?" she pressed. "This dwarf's pain does not touch anything inside you?"
"I feel nothing, Mistress," he said as he looked up, nuzzling against her hand. "You are the only thing I care for. They can kill the dwarfling if they wish. It would mean nothing to me. Will they kill him?"
"They might," she said, her smile stretching a little wider as she stood. "We will find out in the morning. For now, let us go to bed."
"As you wish, Mistress," the dwarf said, following the Winter Elf as if led by a leash.
XxX
Thorin was the one to cut Kili down from the stake when it was all over, barely conscious and bleeding much worse than he had been. He carried him back to their home and Dis treated his injuries. They didn't really care what was true or not true, what Kili was accused of…what he had confessed to. All that mattered to them was that Kili was hurt and they would do everything in their power to help him. He shouldn't have been able to walk after such a beating, which was why Thorin was surprised to find him standing in the open doorway near midnight.
"They will call for my exile," the boy said quietly as Thorin came up behind him. "My death if they can manage it."
"I am their leader. They will do as I say," Thorin reminded him, "and I say what you have suffered already is punishment enough."
"It's true, you know," Kili said, turning from the falling snow to look at his uncle. "I'm not innocent of the sin of incest. I've wanted him ever since I understood what it was to want."
"And I have always known it," Thorin said. "Did you think we did not see the way you looked at each other?"
At this, Kili looked slightly stunned. "And you…you don't…you aren't-"
"Angry? No. Disappointed, perhaps, but there is nothing for it. What are your intentions now?"
Once again, Kili turned to look out at the falling snow. "If you will not exile me…allow me to choose my own exile. I cannot stay here. They will never accept me."
"Where will you go?"
"To find my brother."
"And if he is dead…?"
"Then I will lie down beside him…and remain at his side until all things end."
"And will you go with nothing more than the clothes on your back?"
Kili actually chuckled quietly at this. "Uncle, you know I can't carry a proper pack with my back torn up the way it is…and it's not snowing that hard yet. All I really need is this," he said, lifting his bow and quiver of arrows from where he had leaned them against the doorway. Thorin sighed heavily.
"I shouldn't let you do this. Your mother will have my head…but for some reason I believe the determination I see in your eyes. You will find your brother…no matter how long it takes," he said, embracing his nephew for what might be the last time.
"Tell…tell Mother I love her."
"Every day. Now go and get your brother back."
Nodding, Kili shouldered his quiver and headed out into the snow, blinking back tears as he moved.
It took Kili much longer than normal to reach the bend in the river where Dwalin had seen Fili disappear. By the time he reached the bank, he was forced to crawl; it hurt so much to walk. Dragging himself as close to the edge as he possibly could, Kili gazed down into the river, vaguely aware of the outline of his own reflection.
"Mahal," he began to pray, "I don't…imagine I've earned any mercy from you…after what I did to Fili, but please…if you've taken him from me…give him back. Take me instead. I would give my life…if he could just have his back. Please…my brother…"
Kili was near delirious by this point, he was in so much pain, and near drowning in his feelings of guilt and sorrow; he hardly noticed that his wounds hadn't properly closed yet. A thin line of blood ran from his back and down along his face. From there, two drops of blood slipped down his face and fell into the river. For several moments, the two splashes of crimson seemed to float upon the surface, nearly black in the dim light. Then Kili drew in a ragged breath…and the whispers began to fill his head.
It wasn't so much a voice, as it was something connecting directly to his mind. A calm, soothing, flowing presence took hold of his consciousness…the river itself, perhaps? Either way, he heard…heard, saw, and understood.
Your brother is not dead.
Fili…and the Snow Queen…
He is enthralled to the Winter.
Two shards of glass…the sound of Fili screaming…
She's taken him…to her palace in the Farthest North.
Fili's face…empty of all feeling…so cold…so empty…like ice.
Save him.
Kili cried out as the river's consciousness released him. For several minutes, he just lay on the snowy bank, breathing heavily. For a time, all he was cognizant of was a single thought, like a flame burning brightly in his head.
He had been right before. Something was wrong with Fili and it wasn't him. He'd been put under a spell.
"You…always loved me. Please forgive me for ever doubting it."
As the flame of resolve burned brighter in his heart, Kili forced himself up on his feet, past his pain, past all else except the thought that he had to go on.
"I will save you…no matter what."
XxX