Disclaimer: I don't own Stars characters or Sonic, but I do own Flame!
Flame the Hedgehog was not having a good day, an observation easily made when one took a look at his house. Totaled was an understatement; his living room alone was a wreak.
For example, his couch was in five different areas, and all five pieces were smothered in tartar sauce and grape jelly. The grape jelly was also on the walls and the lamp.
Just so we're clear, the lamp was smoking and dangerous-looking sparks were coming from its power cord, threatening to burn his already-totaled home to cinders.
His priceless artifacts that he had gathered over the years were now smashed into a million pieces and beyond repair.
Oh, and his TV. His poor, innocent TV that never did anybody any harm. It was lying on the floor with a baseball bat sticking out of its screen. The baseball bat he had since he was twelve.
The living room carpet had literally been ripped up, shoved in someone's mouth, and spit out in a large, disgusting glob in the middle of the floor. But the lack of carpet was covered up nicely by pages of the fifty-plus dollar World history study book he had bought for his college class. A class that it seemed he would not be passing any time soon, as he had no way to buy any replacement books, seeing as, save for the torn pages, the rest of the book was on fire in the kitchen and three Chao, who were named Zombie, Maria, and Brisa, were dancing around it, dressed in bizarre outfits which looked a good deal like the ones Native Americans used in olden times. A fourth Chao, named Cheese, was tied to a stake in the middle of the burning book, screaming for help in Chao language.
Four children, all ages six and under, were in the living room and two more in the kitchen. Andy the Hedgehog, now four, was vomiting on his easy chair. Cream the Rabbit was screaming and throwing a temper tantrum, which frankly astounded Flame as much as his ruined house as Cream, age six had always seemed like such a non-bratty girl. But perhaps she was upset because the Chao were all burning her pet at the stake.
Over in the corner, two more four year olds, Nick the Hedgehog and Stevie Joe the Echidna, were apparently playing a game called, "Let's roll around on the floor while trying to rip each other's heads off." Nick had obviously mastered the finer points of the game; Stevie Joe was cheating by kicking Nick repeatedly in the gut while they rolled.
In the kitchen, another six year old child, Charmy Bee, was jumping up and down with an empty carton of sugar in his hand, twitching frantically as he sang a song that frankly, a child his age should not know the lyrics too, or even listen too.
The other child was a complete stranger to Flame. He had no idea who she was. He'd never seen her before. He wasn't sure how she had gotten into his house. She looked like she was having fun though, so he guessed that's all that mattered.
His house was destroyed beyond repair. And he had only been gone for five minutes to get a gallon of milk. To make things all the more interesting, he had been renting this home after the oc's moved out.
Flame's eyes scanned the chaos briefly—Charmy, in his sugar-fueled craze, had kicked Cheese out of the fire, to the Chao's great relief. The other Chao looked upset, though—and finally they fell upon the perpetrator of this mess. The one who had taken his wonderful life and turned it into a never ending pit of despair and misery. The one who stabbed a knife in his happiness and twisted until it was no more. The one who said she could watch a handful of children and Chao while he went to the store for five stinkin' minutes.
At least she had the decency to look ashamed of herself. Her blue eyes scanned the floor as Star the Vixen kicked her feet, desperately looking everywhere but in his eyes.
How? How had it come to this? How had his entire world been destroyed? How had it happened?
It was simple. He had been broke.
It had started innocently enough. But then, most things involving Star usually do. Flame had been strapped for cash, and had been looking in the classifieds to see if he could get some kind of job somewhere.
After he was done, he decided he should go free climb Mt. Everest and play a kazoo with his feet once he was on the top; which would ensure peace and happiness to all mankind for a thousand years without fail. Surely it couldn't be harder than finding a job.
As he was thinking these and other optimistic thoughts about his future employment, she had barged into his house.
Nobody knew where Star had come from, why she showed up when she did, where she would pop up next, or even what she would do once she graced you with her presence. They just knew that at some time or another, Star showed up. And when that happened, your world just twisted inside out whether she meant for it too or not.
She was the most dangerous kind of nuisance; one who drove you crazy without even trying. Most of the time she didn't even know she was driving you crazy. She just did.
"Hey, Flame!" Star greeted him cheerfully.
Flame looked up at the vixen, not at all enthused at her presence. "Hi," he muttered.
"Whatcha doin'?"
"I'm looking for a job."
Star looked at him like he was a nut. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I need money," Flame explained.
Star blinked at him. "Oh," she finally said, bending over and putting her head between Flame and his newspaper so she was staring at the classifieds upside down, and all Flame could see was the back of her head.
He reallywas not in the mood for this today. "Do you mind?" he asked her, already feeling his blood pressure rise to unhealthy levels. He started to rub his forehead as he felt a migraine coming on.
"Looks like there aren't a lot of jobs," Star pointed out. She was, for once, right. The only job available in this town right now was for the zoo; they needed someone with a master's degree in computer technology to clean out their moose cage. Whyone needed to have a master's degree in computer technology to clean a moose cage was beyond Flame, but as he did not currently possess that degree it seemed he was destined never to find out.
And Star still had not moved her head.
"Star," Flame said, trying very hard to be patient, "move."
"You know, when I need money I baby sit," Star continued, ignoring him. "You can charge eight bucks an hour per kid, unless those kids are all in the same family, then you just get eight bucks an hour and maybe a fifty cent tip if the parents' date went well. You can charge an extra buck an hour if you baby sit for the family Chao, too."
"Star, leave my home now or else"
This time, Star heeded him, or at least decided that she wanted to go annoy somebody else for a while. She bounded out of his house without a word.
Flame watched her go and sighed, putting the newspaper down. Now, where had he put that kazoo?
The next day he braved the newspaper again, hoping that maybe some new jobs had openings. No such luck. The moose cage was still the only job available. He sighed and was about to toss the paper away when an ad caught his eye.
FLAME'S BABYSITTING SERVICES
Need to get away from your snot nosed brat for a few hours?
Well, you're in luck! Flame the Hedgehog will take care
of all your babysitting needs. Only charges eight bucks an
hour. Throw in an extra buck and he'll watch your annoying
little Chao, too!
Flame gawked at the paper, then checked the address. Sure enough, it was his. Since he was in shock, and for a good reason, it took him a while to comprehend just how that ad had gotten there. When he did realize, his face turned a truly interesting color and he rushed to his front door. He yanked it opened and screamed, "STAR!"
In the next instant, Star had appeared, a big cheesy grin on her face. "You bellowed?" she asked.
Flame shoved the newspaper in her face. "What is this?" he demanded.
Star's grin got bigger. "Well, you said you needed money, so I decided I'd get you some."
"By putting an ad in the paper that says I'm willing to babysit, without even ASKING me first?" Flame snapped.
Star shrugged. "It always works for me."
Flame opened his mouth when suddenly a car pulled up in his driveway and Vector Crocodile got out, dragging Charmy Bee behind him.
The instant Charmy got out of the car he hit the dirt. Vector didn't even pause; he just grabbed the bee's leg and dragged him across the ground. Charmy was screaming and clawing the ground, chanting, "No! I don't wanna! I don't wanna!" over and over.
Vector finally managed to drag Charmy to Flame's doorstep, looking like he'd just fought World War III all by his lonesome with only a pointed stick.
"Are you Flame?" he asked tiredly.
"Yes, but there's been some mistake, I didnt" Flame said, trying to explain what had happened.
The next thing he knew, Vector had given him a hundred dollar bill and thrown Charmy into his house. "Here!" the crocodile yelled, his left eye twitching wildly. "Take him! Espio and I can't take it anymore! Just take the brat and keep the change!"
With that, Vector turned and rushed towards his car, jumping in and zooming off before Flame could so much as open his mouth.
Star squealed. "See? I got you some money already!"
Flame opened his mouth. Then he closed it. Then he opened it again. He closed it again. He stared at his hundred dollar bill. Then he stared at Charmy, who was kicking his wall and still chanting, "I don't wanna!"
Not knowing what else to do, Flame pocketed the money and turned to Star with a pathetic little, 'help me' look on his face.
It was about this time that Sonic the Hedgehog showed up, holding his four-year-old son's hand as he knocked on Flame's door, pointedly ignoring the fact that it was open.
"Hey," Sonic called. "Is this Flame's place?"
"Yes!" Star squealed.
"Great!" Sonic grinned and let go of Nick's hand. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "You must be Flame, then," he said, nodding at the bewildered hedgehog. "Well, Eggman's attacking again…"
Sonic's words were confirmed when a large skyscraper off in the distance blew up. Flame stared at it wide eyed. Gotta love Station Square. The blue blur ignored it and continued. "And it was awful short notice so Amy's got a painting class today and I need someone to watch my son. So here's eight dollars, I don't think Amy will be longer than an hour cuz I called her, but if she doesn't get here in an hour she'll pay the difference. Oh, and here's an extra two dollars to watch the Chao."
"Chao?" Flame asked, having somewhat regained his voice.
A small neutral Chao peeked out from Nick's arms, where the hedgehog had been cuddling her in a way that made it impossible to see her. At the same time, a…thing…appeared from behind Sonic's back.
"Yeah, this is Brisa, and that—" Sonic pointed at the thing—"Is Zombie. So, Amy'll pick em up. She's a pink hedgehog with a red dress, easy to recognize. Thanks buddy, I owe you one!" Without waiting for Flame's answer, Sonic was gone.
Nick walked into Flame's house and sat on the couch, still holding Brisa. Zombie started doing the shuffle on the front porch. Charmy was still kicking the wall chanting, "I don't wanna!"
"Well, now…" Flame never got to finish, for at that moment Shadow the Hedgehog was at his porch. First he silently handed Flame his son Andy and his Chao, Maria. Then he handed him a ten, a five, and three ones and left.
Flame counted the money and deduced that Shadow had been called away somewhere and needed him to watch his child and Chao for two hours.
Shadow hadn't even gotten out of Flame's yard when Knuckles the Echidna showed up with his son Stevie Joe. The guardian handed Flame his son, and a bright red ruby that he had dug out from Angel Island's mines.
Flame managed to speak again. "Um, I'm pretty sure this ruby is worth more than eight bucks."
"Keep it," Knuckles replied. "Use the extra money for the hospital bills." And then he left while Flame's Uh-Oh Senses started tingling.
Stevie Joe looked around. "Hey! You got pizza?" Without waiting for an answer, he ran into Flame's house and started to jump on his favorite chair.
"Ooookaay…" He must remember to punish Star for this in some way.
Flame was just about to shut the door when Vanilla the Rabbit appeared with her daughter. "Excuse me, is this the home of Flame the Hedgehog?"
"Yeah," Flame replied, realizing that he wasn't getting out of this and that he needed to make the best of it.
"Oh, good. I've been called away on urgent business and I need someone to watch my daughter for a few hours. I'm not sure how long I'll be, so if it's not too much trouble may I pay you when I get back?"
Flame nodded. "Uh, ok?"
Vanilla smiled at him and then turned to her daughter. "Cream, honey, you be good for the sitter, now."
Cream smiled angelically. "OK, Mommy," she said. Above her, her Chao, Cheese, cooed happily.
"Alright then. Mommy will see you tonight, dear." With that, Vanilla left.
Flame paused for a long time, but nobody seemed to be appearing anymore, so he sighed and shut the door. "Star," he hissed at the vixen. "I have noidea how to care for children!"
Star looked stunned. "Really?"
"Yes, really!"
Star shrugged. "It's easy. Just don't feed them sugar."
"Crazy Vixen" He said under his breath Flame really wished he'd been able to find his kazoo yesterday. A nice, simple, easy expedition would have been so nice today.
R&R please