This was originally written for the NCIS_ficathon on LJ. I'm allowed to post it here now, so here goes nothing...
Author: tv_fan_girl
Written for: heartundone
Prompt: Ziva and not Tony is the one that kills Michael. What happens
next? Het, ending in Tony/Ziva. No slash.
Archive: That's fine. If you like it enough to archive it, who am I to deny that?
Genre: Het
Pairings:Tony Ziva
Rating:PG
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful characters. I simply take them out to play with them until their creators want them back.
Summary: This is most definitely a AU piece. Let's see… This is based on the episode Semper Fidelis. Everything up to and including the beginning of the fight between Tony and Rivkin follows the original. However, the ending is quite different in my story. This is how I wish it would have played out. I hope this is what you were looking for….
Ziva knew that something was off with Tony. He had been acting strangely all day. However, she just chalked it up to jealousy. She had not been able to get a straight answer from him all week. He had been acting like a jealous boyfriend. Which, was crazy because they had never been more than just partners.
She pulled up to her apartment after a long day at work. She was tired and simply wanted to take a hot bath and go to sleep. She looked up in the direction of her apartment and was stunned to see what looked like a fight taking place in her living room. She rushed up the stairs and threw open the door to her apartment. What she saw when she walked in was a sight that both shocked and stunned her. It would also leave her questioning her actions for months to come.
She saw Michael standing over an unconscious Tony. In his left hand he held a four inch shard of glass. He was slowly advancing on Tony. She called out to him, "Michael stop!"
Michael turned to look at her and said, "I cannot Ziva, he knows too much about what I have been doing here. He cannot be allowed to tell anyone what he knows."
Ziva shook her head, "Do not do it Michael. Do not make me choose between you and Tony."
Michael looked at her and snidely said, "What choice is there to make Ziva? You are my lover as well as a fellow Mossad agent. That is more important than anything else. What is he to you?"
Ziva looked down at Tony and thought, What is he to me? Partner? Friend? Confidant? Or possibly something more. She did care for Tony. Was she willing to put aside her feelings for Michael and her loyalty to Mossad for Tony?
She shook her head and told Michael, "Regardless, I cannot allow you to execute him in cold blood. He cannot defend himself."
Michael threw her a look of disgust and said, "You have become soft since you have been in America. The old Ziva would not have stood in the way of my mission."
"How is killing Tony part of your mission Michael?"
"He knows too much. He is a threat to everything that I have done while I have been here. I cannot allow him to live."
Ziva shook her head and whispered, "And I cannot allow you to kill him. He is a good man Michael. It would not be right."
"Since when do you care about what is right? It is what I have to do to preserve the mission. At any and all costs. He is replaceable."
Ziva shook her head, "Do not make me do this Michael. Please?"
Michael looked at her, "I will take care of you first then."
He walked closer to her and she felt as if everything was in slow motion. She shook her head, "Do not come any closer Michael. I do not want to have to hurt you."
"Lucky for me then. You really should have stayed in Israel. You do not belong here. Then I would not have had to kill you or him."
She felt her hand on her gun and in a race against Michael, she pulled it out and fired. Four shots into his upper torso. She watched as he fell to the ground and even though she knew that it was for the best, it still did not stop the tears that suddenly sprang to her eyes. She knelt beside him and whispered, "I do not belong in Israel either. I guess I do not belong anywhere anymore."
She heard a weak, yet familiar voice croak out, "You belong here Ziva."
She sighed heavily and turned to see Tony trying to get up. She put her hand on his chest and said, "Do not move. You are hurt."
Tony laughed and said, "I've been hurt worse. For what it's worth, thank you."
Ziva looked at Michael's body on the floor and whispered, "You would have done the same. That is what partners do for each other."
Tony took a deep, yet painful breath and asked, "You loved him."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement. He knew how she felt about him. Maybe, that was part of the reason that he had been jealous of Michael. He hadn't wanted to admit it to Ziva, but he had been very jealous of Michael. He had wanted her for four years and now Michael was threatening to take her away, to make her his.
He didn't want that to happen. At least not until he told her how he felt about her.
However, there were so many things that were standing in their way. They were partners and according to Gibbs and his "rules." Partners didn't fall in love with one another. Did they?
As the father figure to the team, each of Gibbs's rules had been put in place because of events from his past. Tony had long suspected that Jenny was more than an old partner to Gibbs. Maybe that was why rule number twelve existed in the first place. To keep other partners from getting hurt when the bottom fell out from under them.
Tony couldn't help but think that he and Ziva could be different. They could have something wonderful and lasting. Something that had been impossible for Jenny and Gibbs. He couldn't help wonder if they were missing out on their one chance at true love.
He heard Ziva talking on the phone and heard the her crying. Had he been able to move from his current position, he would have gone over to comfort her. Even if it meant risking great bodily harm to himself, because that was what partners did for each other. They were there for each other through the good and the bad. Regardless if Ziva wanted to believe that or not, he would be there for her whenever she needed him.
An ambulance came and took him to the hospital. The doctors determined that he had a concussion, several broken ribs as well as a shattered collarbone. He was a mess and he knew it.
His eyes were closed when he heard someone walking into the hospital room. He didn't have to see them to know who it was. He sighed and said, "Hello Ziva."
Ziva walked over to sit beside his bed and whispered, "Why did you go to my apartment Tony? You must have known that Michael was there. Waiting for you and that he would attack you and possibly even kill you."
Tony took a few moments to respond. Finally, he managed to say, "I went there to confront him about killing the Federal Agent. I had some crazy idea that I could impress you by arresting him on my own. Looking back, I realize how stupid that was."
Ziva whispered softly, "You could have been killed Tony. I…"
Tony finally looked at her and saw the anguish on her face. He knew that she was still grieving over having to kill Michael. He replied with a bit of anger, "I am sorry for putting you in the postion of having to kill the man that you loved. I'm sorry Ziva. I know that you wish it had been me that was lying in the morgue. I can't change things Ziva. All I can do is to tell you how sorry I am..."
Ziva looked at him and said, "You think that I would rather have you dead than Michael?"
"You loved him, not me."
Ziva shook her head slowly, "You really have no clue about my feelings Tony. For you or for Michael! Maybe it was not him that I loved. Maybe, just maybe it was you that I love. Otherwise I could have very easily allowed him to kill you!"
Before he could say anything else, she turned around and hurried out of his hospital room. He saw her swiping at the tears that he thought he'd seen starting to roll down her cheek. She couldn't have meant what she said. Could she? She had said that she loved him. She couldn't love him. They were partners and they were not allowed to fall in love with each other. However, he also knew that you can't control who you fall in love with. He needed to talk to her. So, he started to pull himself up and out of the bed.
"What are you doing DiNozzo?"
He fell back into the bed and said, "Ziva...going after her... need to talk to her..."
Gibbs shook his head and said, "What you need to do is stay there in that hospiatal bed. I saw her heading out of the hospital. She was pretty upset."
Tony laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. God, he was so stupid. He should have called out after her. Should have made her stop and explain what she'd said to him. Instead, he had just let her walk out of his room before he could talk to her.
Ziva walked quickly to her car and laid her head on the steering wheel. She let out all of her tears. They were tears of frustration and anger. She had not meant to blurt out her feelings for Tony. Especially not the way that she had done. She had never been one to let her feelings out like that. Why did she have to pick this moment to start?
Especially with Tony. He was probably the one person that knew her better than almost anyone else and she had to pick this moment to let her mouth get loose.
She knew that Tony would probably have a thousand questions. She also knew that he would not forget what she had let slip in her moment of anger. The best that she could hope for was that he would not bring it up in front of anyone else.
She had loved Tony since the day she had met him. There was something about his fun loving nature that had always drawn her in. She had kept quiet because they were from different worlds and a relationship between them would never work. She knew that running away like she had was the wrong thing to do, but she could not face Tony. At least not yet. She needed time to sort out her feelings towards him. She needed to make sense of what had happened and how everything had gone so terribly wrong, so quickly.
She did not remember arriving back at her apartment. Nor did she remember letting herself inside. She felt as if she were in a dream. Like she was in a fog. She walked around and got ready for bed.
She lay in bed for what seemed like hours. No matter how hard she tried, she could not seem to fall asleep. She sat up and looked at a picture on her nightstand. It was a picture that McGee had taken a few years ago. At the time, neither she nor Tony had known that he had taken the photo. He gave them each a copy later. She would look at that picture whenever she had a bad day.
Tony's smile always seemed to cheer her up. No matter what kind of day she had been having, looking at his smiling face always seemed to calm her. To ground her. She always seemed to forget how happy they both looked in that picture. She held the picture in her hands and sighed when a tear drop landed on the glass.
She had never been one to face her feelings. To her, feelings were something better left held inside. Because once feelings were discussed, they could and usually were used against both the lover and the loved. It was better for all involved if she remained neutral and held her feelings deep inside her heart. At least there, they could not and would not harm anyone else.
Finally realizing that sleep was not going to come, she got up and made her way to the kitchen. She sighed as she open the refrigerator door and grabbed the milk jug. She warmed it up and drank it slowly. After a few minutes, she realized that it was just no use. She just could not seem to fall asleep. She knew the only thing that would allow her to get any sleep was to talk to Tony.
She mumbled, "Damn you Tony! I cannot even go to sleep without you seeming to invade my every thought."
She dressed quickly and grabbed her keys off the end table and hurried to the hospital.
She walked into his room and saw him asleep. He looked like he was in a great deal of pain. She walked over and sat beside his bed. Wishing that there was a simple solution to what they needed to talk about. She took his hand in hers and whispered, "I am sorry Tony. I do not know what came over me. I have never been good with love. It seems as though everyone I ever care about gets hurt or leaves me. I do not want to take that chance with you. You mean too much to me. You are not only my partner, you are also my best friend. I do not know what I would do if I was too lose that."
Tony was awake and he knew that he should say something. He knew that he should let her know that he was awake, but he wanted to hear what she had to say.
She continued slowly, "I have loved you for so long Tony. Long before we went undercover. I love how you make me smile. You have the ability to irritate me like no one else can. I cannot wait to get to work every day. Just so I can see you, to be close to you. I have needed someone like you in my life for so long. I was starting to forget how it felt to smile. To laugh and just have fun. I have always been so concerned with completing the next mission, that I was forgetting how to just be human. You gave that back to me. I would rather love you from afar, than not at all. At least then I would still have you in my life. I would rather be friends and partners. Especially if it means losing you and everything you bring into my life. You have shown me what it means to have a heart again. To care about something bigger than just my mission."
She laid her head on the side of his bed. She felt better just lying close to him.
Tony laid in silence for what seemed like forever. Finally, he decided that enough time had passed and he could move and not fear Ziva knowing that he'd heard her confession.
He stretched and opened his eyes. He looked at her and whispered, "Ziva? How long have you been here?"
She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Not long. I could not sleep."
"I'm sorry."
"You do not have to be sorry Tony. It was entirely my fault. I should not have snipped at you."
Tony automatically corrected her, "It's snapped. You should not have snapped at me."
Ziva smiled, "I am glad to see that you still like to correct me. That is a good thing, yes?"
Tony nodded, "A very good thing. Look Ziva, about what you said earlier."
"Yes?"
He reached for her hand and held it tightly. He looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you too. That's why I was so set on proving that Michael was guilty. He had everything that I'd wanted, for so very long. I was jealous of him. I know that I don't have a right to be jealous. We are partners and friends. I can't help that I want more. I think we could be more. We could be great together Ziva."
She had tears in her eyes by the end of his speech, "We cannot be together Tony. Gibbs has his rules. I will be sent back to Israel. Away from you and away from my new home here. I cannot bear for that to happen."
Tony looked at her and said with all honesty, "If they have a problem with us being together, I will resign. I want this to work. I want us to work Ziva. Please say you want that also?"
Ziva bit her lip and whispered, "I want that. More than you could ever know. There are just so many barriers in our way. So many things that can go wrong Tony."
Tony smiled and looked at her, "We can face them together Ziva. We already make a great team at NCIS. Imagine how great we can be away from work."
For a moment, she looked as if she was going to run from the room. She looked at him for a few long moments. Finally, she whispered, "I am scared. I do not want to ruin our friendship. I also do not want you to leave NCIS. I look forward to seeing you sitting across from me every day. I would miss that too much."
"All I'm asking for is a chance, a chance to be more than we've ever been before, more than we ever thought possible. I love you Ziva David. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. If only…."
Ziva stood and Tony thought that she was going to leave. However, she leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. He looked up at her as she pulled back from him, "Does this mean that you're willing to give us a chance?"
She looked at him sadly and shook her head. She could not take the chance. The risks for both of them were just too great. He would never see that. So, she had to be strong for both of them. She whispered sadly, "I love you Tony, but we cannot be together. Maybe if we were different people and there was not so much to lose. The danger is just too great. I cannot put you at risk. I am so sorry."
With that, she turned and ran from his hospital room for the second time that night. This time she did not try to hide the tears that flowed freely from her eyes. She remembered driving home and let herself in. She threw herself onto the couch and cried herself to sleep.
She awoke sometime later to the sound of knocking on her door. She stood up and walked over to the door. She opened it and was shocked to see Tony standing on the other side of the door.
He smiled at her softly and asked, "Are you going to let me in?"
She sighed heavily, "What are you doing here Tony?"
"Trying to talk to you."
"I think we have said everything there is to say."
Tony shook his head, "No, you said everything you had to say. I listened and you left before I could say anything. Now I want my chance to tell you how I feel."
She tried to ignore his words, "You should be in the hospital. I am going to take you back."
Tony stood in front of her door and said, "I'm not going back. At least not until I get my chance to talk to you."
She knew that the only thing she could do was let him talk. Just because she let him talk she did not have to listen to him. Finally, she said, "Okay. Talk."
He led her over to her couch and said down carefully. He started slowly, "You said that it is too dangerous for us to be together. That you couldn't put me at risk. I am willing to take that risk. I love you. More than I ever loved anyone before. Sometimes, love is truly worth the risk."
Before she could say anything, he leaned forward and kissed her softly. At first, she stiffened and tried to pull away. However, he put his hands around her waist and somehow, it seemed to ground her. To bring her back to the place where they both needed to be, into his loving arms. She pulled away and laid her head on his shoulder.
She whispered softly, "I am still scared. What if…"
"We can't stop living our lives because of the what ifs. I think we could be incredible together. You're my best friend. I love you."
Ziva sighed and whispered, "I love you too. Even though it might cost us everything we have."
Tony hugged her softly and kissed the top of her head. He sucked in a deep breath and said, "As much as I'm enjoying this, I wonder if you can do me a favor."
"Anything you need Tony."
"Can you take me back to the hospital? I told the nurse that I was going to take a walk around the hall. I think that she's going to be really mad at me."
Ziva laughed and it was the nicest thing that he had ever heard. He kissed her again before they headed out the door. Neither knew what the future held, but together they could do anything….