I am not a person. Merely a space of air taking up the space in my bed a girl of vibrancy and colour used to. A cold mug of tea sits on the floor. My mother sit's downstairs pretending that she didn't hear the screams of my nightmares last night echoing from my bedroom. The window is flung open letting in a cold damp air of resentment resting on my back until the frost bites me revealing the guilt I have and Hurt I've caused. I replay the night of unfortunate events over and over in my selfish brain while the sound of children screaming and playing in the street imitates the cries and curses I caused. The ticking of the clock, the clacking of pans trailing up the stairs remind me that I am living and that I must fix the things that I have done or the ticking of clocks, and clacking of pans will forever bring my guilt seething to the surface like a crack pot. I realise, I must bring myself to get out of this bed, out of this room, and out of this house. I turn my body and press my feet to the floor feeling the wrath of pain and numbness. I look to the door. Wide open. Just as mother left it last time she came and checked to see if her Hal lucent daughter was still breathing. I gently lift my body from the bed and grip the wall as though my life is depending on it. I think it is. I slowly walk to the bathroom, letting my feet carry me like I am not capable of guiding myself with my mind.
I look up, and stare at my reflection. The smudged mascara. The vacant expression. Both perfect example's of how I feel inside. The emptiness I do not feel it. It swallows me whole as though I am what it feeds on. I run the cold water and splash the water upon my face to erase the current girl I see, a cold hearted one at that. I must fix things. I must fix them, as soon as I do I can clear my thoughts and start a new chapter of my life where I do not push people away. I do not get jealous, I do not manipulate the love of my life into someone who hates me beyond repair. The first thing I must do is recall all of the aspects of my relationship. Re-evaluate my days of love and figure out what went wrong. How I made things wrong.