Hello and welcome to the first of my Naruto fic. I have a couple of Naruto stories coming, but I wanted to first get into the mindset of Hinata (who is my favourite character and whom I write most fic for). Just a one-shot of Hinata's POV, which rambled from my head and doesn't really make much sense. I don't like the title much. But I'm going away tomorrow and so I'd like to get something published before hand. And i do sort of like the concept, which is about losing your humanity when you become a ninja (although I think it gets lost half-way through...).
"Naruto" belongs to Masashiki Shimoto (God I hope that is spelled right. Once again my vigilant readers: spelling please!)
Thank you and enjoy!
-Aeris of the White
Principals at Hand
The 25th Ninja Principal: "A ninja should never show his feelings, no matter what the circumstances. Duty must be the first priority; he must keep a straight face and show no tears."
This ninja principal was obviously written by a male, if you think about it. And not only because of the repeated "he" throughout. I mean, I'm not even sure if there were any female ninjas back when the rules where drawn up, so maybe an "or she" wasn't required then. They tried to introduce political correctness by adding "or she" to the text books in the Ninja Academy after Tenten had caused a stir by pointing this out, but the "he" just seemed to stick in everyone's minds, maybe because it was shorter and ninja are known to be lazy when it comes to learning things off.
It's the same with all the other principals: they give off the feeling that they've been written by male ninja for male ninja, but this was at a time when ninja were mostly male and old and gruff and sweaty and probably missing a few limbs, so you can see why the 78th principal would be "A ninja must avoid all contact with prostitutes, unless in direct link with the mission at hand" or the 103rd would be "A ninja must not claim the fallen limbs of his enemies as his own". I mean, eww...
But, this one, the 25th rule, it doesn't seem like something a woman would write. At least no woman I know. And if a woman did write it, the she was a far better ninja than I. Or didn't have an unrequited crush on a teenage boy.
They're also quite sick if you think about it some more. The person who wrote these, be they man or woman. Ignoring the fallen limbs rule, which was obviously present for a reason (maybe ninja had a habit of collecting the foes heads after battle? Which would have to be put to an end) and considering again the 25th. I mean, who would ask people to remain composed and restrained as a brother or sister or parent or even friend died in battle? Did they expect people to pull the blade from their loved one's gut and gently closer their eyes and throw them into a pit or flames or the sea and just watch as they fell or burned or sank with a steady lip and a dry eye? Are ninja respected for this. Personally, I couldn't respect a ninja unless they showed that tiny bit of humanity that they had left at this point. But then again, I never claimed to be a very good ninja...
I'm not trying to be morbid or sexist or anything, it's just the way I see things. None of the male ninja I've seen have ever shown their feelings in public. Not since I was 6 and my father shed a single tear over my mother's dead body. I don't even know if it was a tear for sadness or just the result of bright light or even if I imagined it. I was weeping silently beside him. Hanabi was close to screaming in her nurses arms, because silences always frightened her. Even Neji was shedding a few tears for all his disdain of the main branch. But my father remained aloof and upright and kissed her cold cheek and shed his single tear. At the time it seemed like great strength to me, but now, I find it almost disturbing. I've wondered if he regrets it: not breaking the rules just once and crying some more, not weeping, at least not beside her. Maybe he mourned her in private, in accordance with the principals- but I've never thought of my father as the weeping-into-a-pillow type.
The exception to this is anger- ninja are always allowed to show the hatred, frustration and bitterness within them- I guess they fuel battle, make us better ninja. But aside from that, every single male ninja I've known has followed this Principal publicly since graduation- and hopefully the rest, unless those rumours about Shino emerging from a Whore-house once were true, and I don't wish to believe so.
You notice I said male ninja" and not just "ninja". The females are the exceptions. Every single female ninja seemed to forget Principal 25 upon graduation, in our year. Uchiha Sasuke was the main reason. The day of graduation, few eyes were left dry as girls cried over never being able to see him again, or not being seated beside him, or not being put in his team. Not a female heart was left unbroken when he let the village. And when Naruto returned without him and told of his destination upon leaving, those hearts broke a little more.
But when he left, those hearts seemed to be mended- or maybe we all just grew up. Either way, no female ninja shed a tear over him, after he left. Unless they were Haruno Sakura, who probably did the whole weeping-for-him-into-a-cushion thing- and even she managed to hide her pain in public. But the others would just occasionally sigh and say how much they missed him, and every now and then, someone would wonder how much Sasuke had grown since we'd last seen him (queue more sighing). Which doesn't really count as a violation.
I suppose I took strength from their apparent courage. I'd always felt pain easily but I'd made sure never to really show my emotions in public, since that day when my mother died. When I learned of the 25th Principal in the Academy, I tried harder. It wasn't always easy- it never is, even for the best of ninja. But I took the news that my father had practically disowned me without a flinch, telling myself it wasn't so big a shock. When I would fail a mission in some way, I used the old trick of venting frustration and anger into training harder. When my cousin brought back all the pain of my past, I put it aside as best I could and wept about it later, when no one was around. And even that might have been more to do with my near-fatal wounds than any emotional scarring.
And when a certain someone left town, I didn't cry, not even into a pillow. At times I wanted to, but I thought of all the words of encouragement he'd ever given me, and I took it in my stride. I thought of how proud he'd be if I grew even stronger when he was away. If I did actually become a good ninja, would he notice me more? So I trained even harder, almost every day of the two years that he was away, not letting myself even sigh out in the direction of the gates where he had left. Even if a sigh had passed my lips, everyone probably thought it was because of Sasuke. I thought that I was strong, a good ninja, if not a great one, following the Principals as best I could.
But there's the catch: it's easy to be strong when things are going well. When two years pass and little changes. There's no disappointment when you're only working up. But when he came back and noticed me, when he caught sight of me and called out my name, with a smile and all I did was hide to shield my red face, when he approached me and I fainted. When I found out that all that hard work had changed nothing, that all that was different was his face- so much more mature and in some ways even more beautiful and hard to look at, that I couldn't even hide the tears until I was alone and a pillow was covering my face. That sorrow only intensifies as time passes, and you find yourself even worse off, although you don't know why, and a comment from one of the old Sasuke-fans about how cute Naruto had become brings even more tears to your eyes. You're a disgrace to all ninja, both male and female. Because it doesn't matter how strong you are: one look at him and I'm as weak and as heart-broken as I've ever been.
I don't know which is more pathetic: trying to hide the tears and be a good ninja or failing to hide them.
Well, what did you think? The ending had me baffled for a little bit. Or just before the ending, but I think its alright... Thanks for reading and review if you wish to.