A/N: From "Cult Fiction" when Jonathan is in the hospital. I own nothing.
"Jon," Shawn tried to keep the tears from coming, but couldn't. "How could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember?" No answer, of course. "C'mon you remember...Don't do this to me, John. I don't do alone real good..." Shawn knew that it was true. He couldn't stand to be alone. It killed him that Jonathan wasn't with him. "I know you're in there, but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking, but I know you're here." Shawn could feel that Jonathan knew that Shawn was there. He wished it was enough to wake Jonathan up. "So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen." Shawn took a deep breath. "You mean everything to me, Jon. You mean more than the Centre ever could. You were the one who took me in when I needed a place to crash, even when we drove each other crazy. You stopped me from taking my life down the wrong path. You saved my life, Jon. I can't lose you now, Jon." Shawn sat down next to the bed. "I'm sorry, Jon. I'm sorry I fought with you about the Centre. I'm so sorry that the last words we had were in a fight. I can't let it end like that. I just can't.
"Jon, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not." Shawn realized that he had doubted the Centre with good reason, but it wasn't his own. It had been Jonathan's. "But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews-you are the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon!" He looked up, unable to take the sight of Jonathan's bruised and broken frame. "Don't blow me off, God!" If he and Jonathan couldn't talk, he and God could. "I never asked You for anything before and I never wanted to come to You like this." Shawn knew enough about God to know that people said not to come with him only when you were in trouble. Somehow, Shawn knew that God would understand that Shawn simply needed Him. "Please don't take Turner away from me; he's not done yelling at me yet." Shawn finally saw that all the times Jonathan had yelled at him, it was because Shawn was doing something stupid, and Jonathan expected better out of Shawn. He had seen that Shawn had the potential, if not the determination, to be a good person. Tears came back into his eyes as he looked back to Jon. "God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen." He had no idea what to say to God, but he knew that God was listening. "Please, God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore. I don't want to lose Jon."
He slipped his hand into Jon's, which was bruised, bloodied, and taped up. He took his other hand and squeezed a fistful of blanket into it as hard as he could. He bowed his head onto his arms, and began to shake with sobs. How could Jonathan be gone? His teacher, first, and friend, always. Jonathan had never screwed up on anything, Shawn was sure. How could he be hanging between life and death? How could he not be there? Shawn felt Jonathan's hand close around his own, and his heart stopped. He looked up. Jonathan tried to open his eyes. He tried again, and saw Shawn. "Jon!" Shawn barely resisted throwing himself onto Jonathan, but laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I'm so sorry that we fought. I'm so, so sorry, Jon. I know now you were right about everything you ever tried to teach me. You were right about the Centre. I found what I was looking for to fill the emptiness inside me. I found God, right here, by you."
"Shawn," Jonathan's voice was a whisper, and his chin was braced, but he persevered. "I'm sorry that we fought. I wanted to protect you, but it's only because if anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd do."
"Same thing goes for you." Shawn smiled through his tears. "I can't lose you, Jon."
"I love you, Shawn. You're like family to me."
"I love you too, Jon. You have always been there for me."
"Shawn?"
"Yeah."
"I won't ever let you go. I promise."
"Thanks, Jon." Shawn leaned over Jonathan and gave him a gentle hug. Jonathan returned the hug and thanked God Shawn had come back to him.