CHAPTER 1
Life is like a plant. You can piss on it to help it grow. That's a quote I have always followed by. I like cheese and I don't just mean cheddar. I'm talking Gouda, Mozzarella, Parmesan and Romano. But that's not what this story is about. Well on second thought maybe it is? This story defiantly makes references to cheese. It all started one day when my mom drove me to the airport. I was on my way to my father's house. He lives in a small town in Washington. No shit, the place rains like fuck! But I had to get away from my mom; she was being a bitch to me lately. She is dating this guy named Carl. Now if you look up the definition "Tool" on Urban Dictionary I swear to god, Carl's name comes up first. And besides, they were going to be going to Florida soon and to be quite frank with you, I don't like alligators. "Are you sure you want to do this Bella?" my mom asked. "Are you sure you want to date Carl?" I responded. "Don't get snappy with me young lady" my mom said in a firm voice. "Fuck you!" I yelled. I got onto the plane and sat in my seat. I was sat in between a fat tub of lard and a nerdy white guy. During the flight, the nerdy guy started jacking off right there on the plane. I asked the flight attendant if I could switch seats and she told me that she was working a 24 hour shift and that if a wanted a seat I would have to fine one myself. So later on in the flight I ordered a piping hot coffee and 'accidentally' spilt it on her. When I got to Forks I saw my dad at the gate. He told me he got me a car. Apparently it was a truck that was bought used and before that bought used. I wanted a fucking Ferrari. The people at security told me to get rid of all my alcohol because I am apparently 'under age'. So I am going to have to get my dad to buy me liquor. After a long day of traveling I just wanted to go to bed. But my dad had to do a whole friggen 20 questions with me. I love my dad but I wish he would just get run over by a car and then get thrown into a furnace. Tomorrow was my first day of school and I wanted to miss it. I went downstairs at 12:00 at night to go and get some liquor. I brought back up some Gin, Vodka, Rum, Scotch, and Beer. Mixed it all together and got drunk in my bedroom. I didn't go to sleep until I was covered in the smell of alcohol and barf.