Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.
For him, life had always been simple, it seemed. She hated him, he put up with her, he had a crush on her best friend, her best friend didn't return his feelings. That was the way it had always been. That was how it was supposed to be.
That was what had all com crashing down the night she kissed him.
I still remember the look on your face
For her, simplicity was never the case. She loved him, he thought she hated him, he had a crush on her best friend, she pretended not to care. She pretended she didn't mind alwaysbeing second best, always being outshone and overshadowed by her best friend or her twin sister or someone else. That was how it had always been. But somehow, it didn't seem that it was supposed to be that way.
That was what had come pouring out in a wave of emotion the night she had kissed him.
lit through the darkness at 1:58
She can still remember that night as if it was last night. Every word, every detail. From the way his arms felt as she grabbed his shoulders to the exact way the little *smack*sounded when their lips parted. Even after all this time. Even after so much has changed. And she still can't believe all that has happened. Neither can he.
the words that you whispered for just us to know
Maybe it had been stupid of her, to kiss him, exposing all those emotions, years and years of built up love and frustration and realization and whatever else. Maybe she should have just kept it to herself.
you told me you loved me, so why did you go away?
She had never been the brightest, in any way. Especially when it came to love.
away...
And then there was that awkward silence for minutes on end as they stood there after her little apology. That silence in which a thousand thoughts ran through the heads of both of them, that silence in which she second guessed herself and regretted what she had just done and scolded herself for revealing her feelings. What had she been thinking? Kissing him? Revealing the fact that she loved him? Was she crazy?
I do recall now, the smell of the rain
Of course she was. She had been crazy from the beginning. She had been crazy to fall for him in the first place.
fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane
Crazier than she had hoped to have been, it turned out. And oh, just lookwhere it got her. She almost couldn't believe it. All those tears, all that pain... Everything.
that July ninth, the beat of your heart
But then again, she reminds herself that if she had not kissed him, nothing would have happened. She would have been in just as much pain, perhaps even more, if they had lived their whole lives never actually acknowledging those feelings... She couldn't even bear the thought.
it jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms
She can still hear the screams of that fateful December day, months after the kiss.
but now I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
"You never loved me!"
"I did! I thought I made that clear!"
"You don't understand me! Get away from me!"
"I'd try to understand you if you gave me a chance!"
all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss
That was the thing about her, though. She didn't give chances. She just didn't. She had been broken down and outshone too many times in the past to give out second chances left and right. He just didn't understand. He never would.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
There was more screaming, slamming of doors, and just like that, they were over.
never imagined we'd end like this
But what they had was so beautiful. How could it have ended so quickly? How could she have been so stupid?
your name, forever the name on my lips
She could still remember everything in between, from the fights that would end in make-out sessions to the sweet nights beneath the stars, hand in hand on her front lawn.
I do remember the swing of your step
The ones in between, she decided, were the best memories. The time she spent with him was the happiest time of her life. It was like a dream, having him for herself. She never thought he'd be her's. And yet he was, for a fleet of a moment in the middle of eternity that now seemed like nothing.
the life of the party, you're showing off again
The laughter, the smiles. Her seventeenth birthday.
"Dance with me," he teased, taking her hand without waiting for an answer.
I'd roll my eyes and then you'd pull me in
Despite her efforts to get away, the insisted dance took place, and was, in truth, the most beautiful moment of her life. Dancing with him, she didn't think she'd ever forget.
I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did
They were so much more than she ever could have hoped for them to be, and in a moment, it was over.
because I love your handshake, meeting my father
Six months. Six beautiful months. Was that all the happiness she deserved? Six months? Was she really thatbad of a person?
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
Perhaps she was.
how you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something
"Please... Don't go. I need you..."
"If you're not going to believe me, this will never work! We can't do this! All we do is argue! It won't work! Why did we even try?"
"Because that's what you do when you love someone. You-"
He kissed her. The same way she did, on that April night. In the middle of a sentence.
there's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
And that was when she knew they were really something. If only they could have been more than just something. If only they could have been everything. If only they could have lasted longer.
and I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
It was like when they kissed, everything stopped. Time stopped, and they'd soar through it together as if nothing could ever go wrong.
all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss
But it did. It went terribly wrong. The thing about love is that, sooner or later, you have to come out of your fantasy and back to reality. And the thing about their reality was that they fought. A lot.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
And whether or not they wanted to acknowledge it, this was no fairytale. In a fairytale, the fighting would be a small setback, the issue would be resolved and they'd end up together because of their love. To her, it sounded like a sappy romance novel, the kind that she pretended she hated but the kind that secretly made her think of him and swoon.
never imagined we'd end like this
He was the only one, ever, that could make her swoon and sigh and make her eyes light up with joy. The only one that could make her smile when she got up in the mornings and cry herself to sleep in the years that he wasn't her's, and in the months after he left her. She didn't cry when they were together, though. Never.
your name, forever the name on my lips
He was the only one. And he always would be.
so I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
She couldn't help herself. She couldn't help being so attached to him. She couldn't help not being able to let go.
and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
Maybe, if she had been better, she could have stopped it. Maybe she could have held her tongue and learned not to argue.
and I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
It was her fault, wasn't it? It always was. It always had been.
hope its nice where you are
She should be used to that, by now. She should be used to being second best. And yet she's not.
and I hope the sun shines and its a beautiful day
After everything, however, she still wished him the best. In reality, he deserved better than her. She was just a bossy, arguing, sorry excuse for a girlfriend. She wasn't anything special.
and something reminds you you wish you had stayed
She was just... her. And compared to her best friend, the one he used to have a crush on, she was absolutely nothing. She never had been.
you can plan for a change in the weather and time
She was so stupid for even thinking he'd want her. It wasn't like she deserved him.
but I never planned on you changing your mind
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wassupposed to be this way.
so I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
Yes, that had to be it. She had to deserve all this, for whatever reason. Otherwise it wouldn't have happened.
all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss
She just wasn't sure if she could take all this. She really should move on. But she couldn't.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
A piece of time, sealed in forever, would always be those few months they spent together. She would never forget.
never imagined we'd end like this
He probably had, though. He had probably forgotten her, moved on.
your name, forever the name on my lips
As she sits on her couch, head in her hands and tears streaming down her face as these thoughts and memories play in her head, she hears a knock.
just like our last kiss
Was it her imagination? She must be going crazy from all this, after all. She looks up, drying the tears from her face. The visitor knocks again.
forever the name on my lips
Groaning, she gets up and walks towards the door. She is in a terrible state, her face tear-stained at her thoughts swarming, but she can't be rude. She wonders who could possibly be coming to see her at this hour. She opens the door. Her breathe catches in her throat.
forever the name on my lips
It's him.
just like our last