Wait
"It hurts. It hurts and it hurts until it doesn't anymore, and then you become numb. But numb is okay; you can fake being fine when you're numb at least."
She turned to leave, her fingers slipping from the balcony railing, cooled from the night air, but he grabbed her wrist. She could have easily wiggled free from his grasp, but just the feel of his skin on hers made her pause. This is what she wanted to avoid.
"That's not…" Living. But he didn't need to say that. It was obvious neither of them were living. It had been three years since the incident that no one wanted to talk about yet they were still going through their days as if it happened yesterday.
Her eyes turned and met his. Light green meeting dark green. They had both aged so much in the three years of being apart - older than any twenty-two year olds should. He always had bags under his eyes, but seeing the dark circles on her pale skin was proof that even the strongest of souls could only take so much.
"Why did you leave?" He asked, the words built up inside him finally being released.
Her forehead crinkled, a war raging in her eyes. The bright light cascading out from inside the house where the party continued without them made her hair look white. He thought maybe he was only seeing a ghost of who she was.
"How could I stay?" Her voice shook and her jaw clenched.
He looked down at his fingers that were still around her wrist. Her bone felt so frail in his grasp that he was scared he would break her if he held on too tightly. He swallowed roughly, his throat dry, "You can stay now."
She pursed her lips. They felt dry, but so did her tongue and her whole mouth. She thought about who was inside waiting for her. She wanted to slowly fade away from that part of her and drown in the haunted windows that stared back at her. And when he stepped closer to her, she wanted to go back to another time and place with him.
The back of his hand slid down her cheek, his bruised and splintered knuckles like a sin touching her porcelain skin. Still, she leaned into him, her eyes closing. It would be so easy to disappear with him; all she wanted to do was leave with him and it left her feeling the stirrings of insanity that had been suppressed for far too long.
His warm breath surrounded her before his lips pressed to her forehead. She wavered, the first sign of tears prickling her eyes. He kissed her right eye first, then her left. His forehead met hers.
"I'm starting to live the lie I tell myself," she whispered to him, a fast tear dripping from her eyelash and splashing to her chest. She blinked rapidly upon feeling the wetness. She turned to leave, dabbing her eye lightly with the base of her thumb.
He called to her one last time. There was still something between them, but she had to leave before she did something she could never take back. Feeling him surrounding her left her feeling complete, finally, but it was over now. Until next time.
She slid the balcony door open, the loud music and bright lights highlighting her golden hair and vibrant skin. She flashed a smile and waved hello to anyone who greeted her. A hand touched her bare back, and she could feel the blood racing through her veins.
Taking the chance, she glanced to the lone balcony, trying not to linger on the cold railing she was just pressed against. It had been three years since her last urge, but she swore she never felt as close to him as she did moments before.
'Maybe next time I'll have the courage. Wait.'