Disclaimer: We do not own these characters nor do we make money from them, Rumiko Takahashi does.
Authoresses' note: The theme was "The Beginning" and fanfiction was so the beginning of this whole mess. So... this is where we went with this theme. This was all in good fun. We laughed, we cried, then laughed some more. We do not mean to offend anyone with this story, just to poke a little fun at ourselves and our favorite pastime, writing fanfiction.
Love,
Nobody & Possessed
Sesshoumaru sat quietly and stared and his computer screen. He was not nervous; the Daiyokai had no reason to be. He excelled at all of his endeavors; battle tactics, women, ruling his lands... This was trivial in comparison.
The demon lord re-read his work twice, clicked the submit button and was just making sure he had not missed anything. The details were all there, in explicit description. He personally did not read fanfiction but he felt compelled to contribute his greatness to mere mortals and weaker demons, allowing them to briefly bask in his glory.
Besides, when the manga came out, it butchered the real story. He felt honor-bound to tell the tale as it truly happened. He did not do it for glory or recognition but to let the world know, even if it was just the fanfiction world, the truth behind the legend. How anyone could believe his bumbling hanyou half-brother and an untrained miko could save the world was beyond him.
As he arrogantly smirked at this thought, he noticed something. The review section had changed from a 0 to a 1. Sesshoumaru wasn't nervous; he had no reason to be. So in his proud cold way, he pressed the link to see what was written.
"While I was at first intrigued by the summary, I was very disappointed in this story. The Miko seems a little too weak-minded and soft. I find it hard to believe she would fall in love with a dog, let alone a dog demon. She has nothing in common with that arrogant asshole and would not look twice at him in the real world, no matter how good-looking he might be! Sorry, I'm just not buying it." CureTheMiko911
Sesshoumaru glared at the screen. How dare they think his Miko OOC! The demon lord roiled with anger at the audacity of this person this, CureTheMiko911. As he punched the key to renew the screen, he noticed another review popped up. This one for sure would prove that previous imbecile wrong. This next reviewer was named Dogearredboy69. Now that sounded promising…
"Feh, this is shit. What the hell are you playing at? This plot was so stupid I couldn't get past the first chapter. Too much filler, not enough action! I'd rather be sat a million times then live through reading that again. Your hero is a Mary Sue. Is your brain broken or something? Who can grow back an appendage? Cough...cough...Mary Sue! If I wrote for 100 years, it would be too early for a story as bad as this one! Don't quit your day job." Dogearredboy69
The Daiyoukai could not believe what he read. His beautiful words were being chewed on like a bone by the lower classes! This under-educated peasant obviously was not capable of understanding the words written on the screen. Anyone could tell this was a heroic saga full of action and mighty deeds! He supposed it was to be expected... that a person of low caliber would stumble upon his great work and deem it unworthy simply because it was not the usual simplistic fodder one normally saw on sites such as this one. There were surely other, more intelligent, readers out there. His brilliant summary would ensnare one of them, and then he would have a review worth reading!
He paced his room for about an hour before looking back at the screen. His review number had increased by two. He tried not to look too desperate while fumbling for the mouse to click on the link.
"This is the most wonderful story ever written! Even though it was near perfect, I would have liked to have seen more flower-picking and singing. I'm your ever faithful fangirl!" Sesshoumaru's Girl
"The great Dog Demon was powerfully portrayed, though you neglected to emphasize the significant role his loyal retainer played, which ultimately led to the successful takedown of the vile hanyou demon. You should add this in a new chapter." The Green Goblin
These reviews were better, but apparently biased. He thought about asking his retainer if he had read the story, but then he would have to admit he wrote fanfiction, and that might not go over well for his image. What was Jaken thinking, allowing Rin to read on a MA site anyway? As he pondered the real identity of these reviewers, more comments popped up.
"I found this story flat-lining after the first few chapters. It is as dry and unpalatable as dust. I believe it is only suitable for wrapping dead fish for burial. You could have breathed some life into the plot by focusing on the love story of the original miko and the half-breed who longed to be human. Now that would have been a story worth telling!" Maid of Clay
The story was boring? Was this reader blind? This story was never intended to be strictly romance; didn't she read the genre list? Who would want to read about a dead priestess and a dog-boy anyway? This was just another ignorant reviewer, apparently. If she has a thing for pairing a terracotta pot with a foul-mouthed hanyou, let her write it herself!
Sesshoumaru failed to calm himself with these thoughts. The more he read and re-read his reviews thus far, the more he seethed. He decided to take a walk down to his koi pond. Surely when he returned, he would see some intelligent remarks left for his great work of fiction. He thought about asking his mate, Kagome to join him, but then thought it might be better to use this time to center himself, regain his stoic demeanor. He was just a little put out by these reviews and the reviewers.
*****
Kagome saw her mate leave to peruse his pond. She wondered what could have him so upset. She took this chance to go and check her favorite fanfiction site. She saw a post from a new author and decided she would take a chance on this SessXKag123. She read the story and left her review. Then she went to tidy her husband's office. He was still out centering himself or whatever it is he does at the pond. She noticed his screen was open to the same fic she had been reading. She smiled, emptied the trashcan and left the room as quickly as possible.
*****
Sesshoumaru came in, sat down at his desk and saw he had other reviews. Now that he had composed himself, he felt better prepared to calmly read the responses of the semi-illiterate, unwashed masses.
"This story was very… interesting! I thought you made a nice attempt at keeping everyone in character and for the most part I could usually follow the flow of your story. The spelling and grammar were very good! The plot was a little predicable, and the story went on a little long, but it had a happy ending and I love those. This was a good first attempt… keep writing (practice makes perfect!) and I'm sure you will write a great story someday!" Shikonbuster
He smiled at the screen. This was more like the remarks he expected to receive. Even though this was not a shining review, this person seemed to understand him better. Perhaps he finally tapped into the elite, intelligent reader level. She would recommend this to her friends and then he would have his validation! On to the next one!
"I started this story in the hopes it would bring me romance, action and adventure. It gave me nightmares instead! I hope you don't take this wrong, but I am confused as to why you have your hero wandering the land towing a bunch of orphans. I have a hard time seeing him as a romantic figure when he encourages these kids to follow him, then abandons them to their own devices while he disappears on his 'mysterious' errands. Next time, leave the kids home with a sitter. Having the hero ignoring the care of children he takes charge of, while chasing a dangerous adversary seems too far-fetched and it puts a damper on any romantic moments that might occur. Reading about children in constant danger is disturbing, not sexy." Big Bone Whipper
He just stared at this review. She had expected to read about a series of exciting hot sexual encounters experienced by a strong male character and she instead saw him as nothing more than a negligent babysitter? He was unsure as to what she would have him do. He never told those kids to follow him, they chose to! He did leave them on occasion, but never without Jaken or Ah-Un to keep them safe. Should he have abandoned them to Naraku and the wolves? Would that have made her like his character better? Ridiculous! Where were these insane reviewers coming from?
He pushed away from his computer. There was another review showing, but he wasn't encouraged. Perhaps he should just turn this machine off and never look again... Eventually his natural curiosity got to the better of him. He decided to take a peek after all.
"I am confused. Isn't this supposed to be a story about a hot girl who can see and gather powerful bits of glass? She isn't in the story enough, and when she is, she has a bunch of mangy dogs panting after her. She is too good for scroungy mutts. She needs a real warrior to take good care of her. The one decent character you created doesn't get enough time with her to show her just what a remarkable and skilled leader he truly is. Fix this. Love the furry shoulder thing you dressed the hero in! By the way, just what is it supposed to be?" Wolf Man
He slowly shook his head in disbelief. This guy wanted to eliminate the main character and place the lead female with the wolf tribe leader, a minor walk-on? Yes, this is a fanfiction site where all pairings are allowed, but this idea is just absurd! Some lines should not be crossed. As if she would WANT to be with a moronic feral wolf…
One good point from this review anyway, at least the reader had the good taste to appreciate Mokomoko-sama, even if he didn't understand it.
Minutes quickly became hours. Sesshoumaru had been sitting at his desk for an amount of time he'd rather not think about, repeatedly pressing the refresh button on his browser. If he added that to the amount of time it took him to write the fic… well, that's not something he really wanted to dwell on. He desperately wanted to find someone who could understand where he was coming from. He refreshed the page fifteen more times. Finally more reviews showed up on the screen.
"While I'm sure this story has many fine attributes, I find the lackluster description in your lemons disturbing. You have written them from the standpoint of a clinical doctor and I wonder if you have any actual experience in the bedroom. I suggest you cease and desist any attempt at writing sex/love scenes without the actual field trials first. Otherwise, you come off sounding amateurish and silly. If you contact me, I will be happy to point you in the right direction. I know a couple of girls who can get you started on the right path." Passionate Purple Priest
"Ye seem to be inexperienced in the way of pleasure. I believe that ye need more practice. I would be more than happy to assist ye. Here is my email . Contact me and we shall cover some basics." Old Arrow
Sesshoumaru was in shock, he just kept staring at the screen. 'Did someone just give me their email, so that they might train me in the ways of pleasure?' Unknown to him, his claws glowed green and began to melt his mouse. He smelled something burning, looked down at the destroyed plastic and sighed. He decided he'd had enough and left the room. He would not indulge these readers anymore.
After only four minutes he was searching frantically through the house for another mouse. Impatient with the fruitless endeavor, he took the one from Kagome's computer. She wasn't using it now anyway. Kagome walked by her husband's office in time to see him under the desk plugging a mouse into the back of his computer. She saw the one he melted and shook her head. She watched her husband get back into his chair and click the mouse repeatedly, his red-tinged eyes glaring at the screen. Quietly she returned to the kitchen to finish dinner.
CLICK
"… Not enough sympathy for the evil hanyou's unwilling minions…" Fan Dancer
CLICK
"... I found this boring... Not enough mirrors." Little Soul Sucker
CLICK
"…Meow meow meow…" CatsAfire
CLICK
"…You ignored the relationship of the young slayer and the young girl…" Chain-sickle Warrior
CLICK
"This indulgent piece of tripe you have served up is only good enough to line a bird's cage. The characters are one-dimensional, their relationships between each other, shallow and uninteresting at best. The plot is thin, cliché and full of holes with the unremarkable foreshadowing of events boring rather than exciting the reader. Your use of vocabulary is over-descriptive, little better than third grade material and the flow of this… dare I call it a story… non-existent. When I finally and gladly reached the conclusion, I found a simplistic and predictable ending. Why am I not shocked by that? If I am unlucky enough to ever be forced to read such pitiable garbage again, I will first gladly gouge out my eyes to spare my brain the torture." Tentacle Master
His eyes gone completely red now, Sesshoumaru had enough. He would no longer allow these cretins to abuse the product of his great mind. If they could not recognize quality reading material when it was placed before their ignorant eyes, then they would not be permitted to view it at all. He retaliated by replying to all, "Why don't you write your own damn story?!?" and he deleted his story from the site.
Obviously the fanfiction route was not the ideal avenue to tell the actual events surrounding the Shikon Jewel legend. He realized he had other options open to him; this was the age of the internet after all! Calming now that he had a new plan, he began surfing the web to check out the self-publishing options.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed our bit of silliness! (Nobody is known as WonderNA on this site. She writes wonderful stuff, I urge you to check it out. My personal favorite is Time.)