Title: Fingerprints

Author: Darley1101

Rating: R (mature readers only. Contains sexual content as well as strong language)

Characters: Alex/Izzie, with mentions of Meredith, Jo, etc.

Premise: A chance encounter has Alex wondering if his past isn't also his future.

Author's Note: I'm a sucker for cast interviews. Perhaps it is the journalist in me. I don't know. I digress. A few months ago I came across an interview Camilla gave over the summer. She was talking with Michael Ausiello about Jo and the relationship with Alex. One of the things she said stood out: that if either character were to screw up the relationship it would be Alex. It wouldn't be intentional, but between the two characters he is the one most likely to let outside influences mess with things. Fast forward to now, to the current storyline. I agree with her. It is definitely Alex who is making waves in the relationship. This isn't a realistic story, so it isn't what I would call canon. More like pseudo canon. Or Darley canon. Either way, I hope those of you who read enjoy! XOXO

Chapter One

"Broken. Bruised. Forgotten. Sore. Too fucked up to care anymore. Poisoned to my rotten core. Too fucked up to care anymore..." Somewhat Damaged (Nine Inch Nails)

WARNING- MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

The worse feeling in life is helplessness. It doesn't matter how physically strong, or mentally for that matter, a person is; when they encounter a situation that renders them helpless their strength means nothing. In some instances, they themselves mean nothing. That was the conclusion Dr. Alex Karev had come to while sitting in an orange plastic chair, waiting to hear if his best friend was going to make it. No matter how many times he reminded himself that Meredith Grey was a fighter, that she was one of the strongest people he knew, his mind reverted back to how broken she had looked when they had found her. For all her strength and courage, she had still become a victim. The taste of bile filled his mouth. The fact that the rape had occurred in their hospital, their territory, with all of them in close proximity, made an already horrific situation even more horrific. It also made Alex think about how helpless he was. There wasn't a damn thing he could do for Meredith other than sit in the stupid chair and wait.

"Any news?"

The quietly asked question came from his girlfriend Jo. Or was she still his girlfriend? At this point, Alex didn't know. Somehow, amongst all his good intentions, he had let his relationship fall to ruin. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and directed his attention to the floor. "No," he retorted softly. Alex shook his head as Jo asked if he wanted her to pressure the nurses for information. He'd been a doctor long enough to realize family and friends weren't kept waiting on purpose. No news meant no news. "They'll tell us something when there is something to tell."

"Right." Jo dropped into the seat next to his. Her chair squeaked and then groaned, as though her slight form was too much for it. "You'd think they could afford better chairs," she muttered.

"Talk to Avery." It was all he could think of it say. He wasn't in the mood to talk about how cheap the waiting area chairs were. He wasn't in the mood to talk period. All he wanted was to know if Meredith was going to be okay.

"Maybe I will." The chair squeaked again as Jo shifted into a, presumably, more comfortable position. "Alex, I know now isn't the best time, but we need to talk. Not now, of course, but maybe later?"

We need to talk. The four words that were usually the death of a relationship. Alex had always known things were too good to be true with Jo. She'd been too understanding. Too encouraging. At some point things were bound to go south. And they didn't get more south than a girl turning down a marriage proposal. "I think you said everything you needed to say when you said no," he murmured.

"That isn't true. We need to..."

She was cut off by Dr. Bailey walking into the waiting area. Alex jumped to his feet, his heart pounding. He was barely aware of the people gathering near him. "She's going to have a long, hard road ahead of her."

A long, hard road. It seemed like an understatement. The physical remnants would fade away, but the mental...Alex fought the urge to vomit. Meredith is strong, he told himself as Bailey continued to recite the damage. Even the strong were fallible though. He shook off the thought. Meredith would overcome, she always did. "When can we see her?" he heard someone ask. It sounded like Maggie, but he couldn't be certain.

"Right now she's resting comfortably." Code for none of them were getting past Bailey or the brigade of nurses that would be watching Meredith's room. Alex wrestled with whether or not he should set up camp in the waiting area or find somewhere to numb the pain twisting in his gut. Bailey decided for him. They were to go about their business. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and Meredith needed them to be strong. That twisted his gut even more.

"Let's talk," Jo pleaded softly, following him as he trudged towards the elevators.

"About what?" Alex demanded. He shoved one hand in his pocket and used the index finger of the other to stab the down button.

"Seriously? You're being so...so...so Alex!"

He shot her a dark look. "I am who I am, Jo. And, stupid me, I thought who I was...you know what. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter! It matters to me!" Reaching out, Jo laid her small hand on his forearm. He wanted to shake it off, but a sudden weariness drained him of energy. "We need to talk Alex!"

"You keep saying that, but I've yet to hear what you want to talk about. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing more to say. You said no. End of discussion. End of...whatever it was we were doing." The elevator doors slid open. A couple of nurses and an intern scurried out. Without a backward glance, Alex stepped inside. He stared at the back wall, studying the 'Cover Your Cough' poster on the back wall. After the doors slid shut he turned around. He was alone. A lump formed in his throat as he pushed the button labeled ground floor. For all her insisting that they needed to talk, Jo had left him. Figuratively and literally. "Screw her," he muttered, leaning against the back wall. He was sick of never doing anything right.

The descent to the first floor seemed to take longer than usual. Without anyone around to distract him, Alex was stuck with his thoughts. Thoughts of what that bastard had done to Meredith; he couldn't dwell on that for long, it was too painful. Thoughts of Jo and how screwed up their relationship had gotten; he still didn't know how they had gotten so messed up. Thoughts of how tired he was. Tired of being there for everyone. Tired of the people he loved getting hurt, dying, or leaving. It was enough to make him understand how his mother had toppled over the edge.

I need a drink, he thought as he dug his car keys out of his pocket. Going to Joe's was out of the question. Too many people who knew him, who knew Meredith or Jo, would be there. He couldn't deal with any of it. For one night he wanted to be numb, to forget all the turmoil. As he slid behind the wheel of his car, Alex stared out at the night. It didn't seem right that the sky should be so clear, so beautiful, when so much ugliness had occurred.

He wasn't sure how far, or how long, he drove before he found a bar that was far enough from Sloan-Grey Memorial and his apartment, that he was certain nobody he knew would be there. Beneath his light blue t-shirt, his heart thundered. It had been years since he had gone to a bar alone. A bitter chuckle whooshed past Alex's lip as he pushed open a frosted glass and chrome door. The place was crowded enough that he could stick to himself and nobody would notice. Without a second thought he made his way to the bar and slid onto an empty stool.

"Tequila," he told the bar tender. "And keep them coming." The black garbed college aged guy gave him a curt nod and set a clear shot glass before him, along with a bottle. "Thanks," he murmured. The kid gave him another nod before moving on to the next loser who needed to numb their pain.

"Alex?"

The familiar voice wrapped around him like a blanket laced of glass shards. He poured himself a shot and downed it before turning to face the one woman who had broken him in ways that were beyond repair. Alex had always known there would come a day when he ran into Izzie, he'd always just assumed it would be work related, not him wallowing in tequila at a bar miles from home. His home, he grimaced. It was miles from his home. For all he knew Izzie lived in the high rise apartment building across the street or worked at the hospital he'd past a few miles back. "Izzie," he said slowly.

"Would it be okay..." she gestured towards the empty stool next to him. The way she stood there, her fingertips playing with the hem of her aqua colored top, it became clear to Alex that if he told her no, she would walk away. Out of his life. Again.

"Yeah," Alex said at last, "sure. Take a seat." He slid the bottle of tequila towards her as she tentatively sat next to him. "Have a drink."

"I heard the most vile rumor earlier this evening." Izzie waved the bar tender over and requested a shot glass. "I heard that a doctor was raped by a patient at Seattle Gra...Sloan Grey Memorial."

The taste of bile was back. Alex tried to swallow it down. Not even the liquid gold of Jose Cuarvo could expell it. "It's not a rumor."

"Jesus," she whispered. Her gold colored waves shimmered around her shoulders as she shook her

head. She turned pained filled eyes towards him. "Please tell me it isn't anyone I know."

He had to take another shot before telling her the victim had been Meredith. Before his eyes he watched her face crumble. It sickened him that even after all she had done to him, even after all the pain she had caused him, it still killed him to see her hurt. "She was resting when I left. Bailey wouldn't let any of us see her."

"She might not want to see anyone. Not yet." Izzie took a tentative sip of her shot before tipping her head back and downing it. She slammed the glass onto the bar and then looked at him. "I've gotta admit I'm surprised you're not camped out in the waiting area or trying to sneak pass the nurses so you can check on her."

"Bailey made us leave."

"The Alex I knew-"

Alex slammed the palm of his hand down on the bar. "I'm not the Alex you know though, am I? It's been how many years? Three?"

"Three years, five months, two weeks, and four days," she murmured, her voice so low Alex wasn't sure he had heard her correctly over the music that was pumping from a hidden sound system.

"Not keeping track or anything, are you?" It was a bit funny, because the more Alex thought about it, the more he realized she was right. It had been three years, five months, two weeks, and four days since they had last seen one another. They'd been sitting next to each other then as well. Only they hadn't

been making tense small talk, he'd been telling her to go.

"Not on purpose," Izzie sighed. She waved the bar tender back over; this time to order an iced coffee. "He'll take one too."

"What if I don't want coffee?"

"Then I'll drink it, but I'd rather you did. I don't like the idea of you trying trying to drive home after drinking tequila." Shifting on her stool so that she faced him, Izzie leaned one elbow on the bar. "How did it happen? How did Meredith get..." her voice trailed off.

"I don't know," Alex said honestly. "I wasn't there." That killed him. He hadn't been there for Meredith when she needed him the most. He hadn't been able to protect her.

"Don't," chided Izzie. "Don't beat yourself up for not being there."

It pissed him off that she still knew him well enough to know that he had been doing just that. Who did she think she was, remembering things about him? Then again, he remembered things about her as well. "Is that how you got through bailing on all of us? By not beating yourself up over it?" It was a low blow, one he instantly regretted when all emotion drained from Izzie's face.

"There it is," she said softly. "I knew it would eventually come to that." She slid from the stool and reached into the small, silver purse he hadn't noticed until then. She withdrew a twenty dollar bill and slapped it on the bar. "For the coffees," she told the bartender. "You can give them to him or someone else. Doesn't matter."

"So that's it?" Alex demanded, sliding off his stool. "You're just going to walk away...again."

Izzie stared at him, her jaw tightening. "What do you want, Alex? For me to stand here so you can tell me what a horrible human being you think I am? Will that make you feel better? Then fine...go for it! If that's what it takes to help you move on."

"I have moved on," Alex snapped at her. Following her lead, he threw a couple twenties on the bar and moved closer to where she stood. "I met someone else. Someone I love. Someone I want to have kids with and marry."

For a moment her face paled. "Good for you," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm happy that you found someone."

"I really don't care what you think," he shot back. It wasn't the entire truth. He cared what she thought. He just wasn't sure if he wanted her thoughts to be ones of regret or ones of relief that he had moved on.

"Fine, Alex. That's...it's..." Izzie's shoulders drooped and for a moment he thought she was going to say more. Instead she smiled sadly. "Thank you for telling me about Meredith. If I get the chance...the nerve...I'll...I'll have to visit her."

With the mention of Meredith, Alex felt some of his anger towards Izzie dissolve. "You should. She's going to need all the support she can get."

Izzie nodded. "We had a nurse raped at Tacoma. Last year. It wasn't at the hospital though. It was at some party she went to. She..she wasn't the same after. It was like the guy hadn't just messed her up physically, he'd killed a part of who she was." A tear trickled down the soft curve of her cheek. "I hate that Meredith..." she choked on the rest of her words. Another tear started to weave its way down her cheek. Without thinking, Alex reached out and swiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "You probably think I shouldn't be upset. That I don't have a right to...to...to be upset over Meredith, but Alex...I...I just...I've wanted to call her so many times but she was always more your friend than mine and I didn't want to...to put her in the middle, you know? It just seemed easier to make a clean break."

"She was friends with both of us," Alex countered. "And you know Mere...she doesn't let anyone put her in the middle. If you want to see her, go see her. Don't let me be the reason you don't." It had been on the tip of his tongue to say excuse instead of reason but he'd thought better of it. Given Jo's accusation that he spent more time with Meredith than with her, it occurred to him that maybe Izzie really had felt like Meredith was more his friend than hers.

"It's late," Izzie said quietly. "I should really be getting home." She switched her purse from one hand to the other, but made no move to leave. It was almost as though she didn't want to. "Alex," she started, only to sigh. She shook her head slightly and then squared her shoulders. "Are you happy? Really happy? I...I know you said you met someone...that you love them and all that...but are you happy? I just...I need to know. I realize I have no business asking that, but I just need to know."

Was he happy? It was a loaded question. Six months ago he could have answered it with a resounding yes. Now, well now he wasn't so sure. Everything had started to unravel and he wasn't sure when it began or how to stop it. "Sometimes," he said honestly. "Lately...not so much."

Izzie nodded. "I know what you mean," she muttered. "I met someone too. Really thought it was going somewhere but when he found out I couldn't have kids..." She shrugged, a sad smile twisting her lips. "Guess he didn't love me enough."

"You know you can use the embryos, right?" No matter how angry he had been about her leaving or how hurtful the divorce had been, he'd always remained steadfast his decision to let her have full custody of the embryos. It had seemed like the right thing to do.

"Yeah. I know. I just...if he can't love me...just me...how can I trust him to love a child that isn't biologically his, you know?" Tears shone in her dark eyes. "Sorry. You don't want to hear any of this." In a way she was right. He didn't want to hear about her loving and losing someone in the time they'd been apart.

"Jo found the paperwork for the embryos a couple months ago. Accused me of not loving her enough. Said I was treating her like the kid of woman you get a puppy with, instead of having kids." He left off the part where he had shucked his pants and told Jo they could have a kid, if that was what she wanted. Since Jo had said she wasn't ready for that step, he didn't see the point in bringing it up. "And earlier, she accused me of spending more time with Meredith than with her. I caught her packing. She said she needed a break. Time to think. So...what do I do...I ask her to marry me. I must have the shittiest luck when it comes to marriage because she turned me down. Said we needed to talk first."

"And..." Izzie stared at him expectantly. "Did you? Talk?"

"Meredith was raped, Iz, what do you think?"

His ex-wife studied him for a moment. "I think you pulled an Alex and came here instead of dealing with it."

"You think you know me so well," Alex scowled.

"I was your wife, of course I know you."

Everything in him stilled. His wife. It was like a knife to the chest to hear her call herself that. It was easier to think of her as the ex, or the woman who had broken his heart and ruined his life. Anything but his wife. "Yeah, well, you don't anything about my relationship with Jo. It's done. She said no." Jo had said no. No to being his wife. No to building a future together. No amount of talking would change that.

"You're being an ass, you know that. Sometimes no doesn't mean no. It means fight for me. It means talk to me." Izzie let out a strangled laugh. "Oh my God. I cannot believe I am standing here giving relationship advice to my ex-husband."

It was comical and definitely not how Alex had imagined his night going. "I've tried talking," he said when her laughter subsided. "I have Iz. I've put myself out there more than I have ever...and she said no."

"I'm sorry," Izzie apologized softly. "Listen, this place," she waved her hand towards the bar, "isn't really my thing. I met a couple coworkers here and I was headed out when I seen you. I...I have a couple patients I need to check on. You know how it is. We're never really off, even when we're off. The thing is," she paused and took a deep breath, "seeing you again...I don't know...I miss you. Not the fighting and drama we put each other through, but the friendship. We were always real with each, you know. So...I guess what I'm saying is, it would be nice if we could see each other. Talk some more. Clear the air so to speak." Her head bowed slightly as she reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. "Don't say anything now, okay? Just think about it and call or text. Or don't. It's up to you. Either way, I'm glad we ran into each other." As she slipped the card into his hand she pressed a kiss against his cheek. "And Alex...talk to Jo. Sometimes that's all us girls want...just to talk."

Alex glanced down at the card in his hand. Dr. Isobel Stevens, Pediatric Cardiothoracic Specialist, Seattle Children's Hospital. It wasn't too surprising that Izzie had gone into cardiology. Aside from her mental lapse where Denny had been concerned, she'd always been good with the heart patients; especially the younger ones. His brow wrinkled as he flipped the card between his fingers. The smart thing to do would be to throw it away. Nobody could accuse him of being smart where Izzie was concerned. Without thinking about his motives, Alex slid the card into his pocket and headed towards his car.