Two weeks had passed since Chakotay and Kathryn had reunited on Voyager. The ship had resumed its journey towards the Alpha Quadrant and the crew, including its command team, was trying to return to life as normal.

Chakotay and Kathryn spent every minute they could together. They took comfort in each other's company but Chakotay was careful to read her emotions which seemed scattered after her experience with Cullah and the rest of the Kazon.

Chakotay himself alternated between blind rage and the intense guilt that rose in him each time he thought of what she had gone through. He tried to dismiss his thoughts about Kathryn only to find them replaced with his own issues about Seska. Each time he revisited those moments, he shuddered and tried to push away the feeling of complete and utter helplessness they brought back.

The next day, Kathryn accepted his dinner invitation and arrived at his quarters in a simple dress much like she had worn on the planet where they had been marooned.

"You look beautiful," he said.

She shivered under his gaze and looked around. "You've cleaned up."

He smiled and said, "I replaced most of what I broke."

"That's good." She stepped inside and noticed the candlelit table set for two.

He watched her carefully and said, "You don't need to do this if you're not ready."

Kathryn ran her hands up and down her arms and said, "No, I want to do this. I need to."

Chakotay saw the hope in her eyes and he knew she was desperately trying to replace her bad experiences with positive ones but wasn't quite sure how to do it. Despite her earlier declaration to resume their romantic relationship, she was still distant during intimate moments like this one.

He guided her to the table and held her chair as she sat. She murmured a thank you and he knelt beside her. "I love you," he whispered.

She placed a hand on his cheek. "I love you too."

"Kathryn, I need to say something."

She pulled her hand away and said, "Please stop apologizing. Let's just get started. I'm famished and you're a good cook."

Chakotay slowly rose and walked over to his chair. "The replicator thanks you," he said as he sat. "Though truthfully, I kind of miss your tomato soup."

She remembered the soup she had made from the tomatoes that had survived the plasma storm on the planet. He had gently wiped a bit from her mouth before the table had been cleared and she and Chakotay had spent their first passionate night together. It was the happiest she had been since they had arrived in the Delta Quadrant. She glanced over at the man she had fallen in love with that day and knew she wanted and needed to return to what they had been there.

She leaned over the table and he met her halfway as they kissed. The place settings and utensils clinked as they moved closer and a candle flickered as it got knocked aside. Chakotay jumped back and put it out as it fell.

Kathryn frowned. "Please don't burn my ship. We have enough repair work going on as it is."

"Forget the ship. We need to get back to us."

She nodded as she sat back down. "I want that, Chakotay. I really do."

"Kathryn, please, let me say this. I need to say it." He watched her close her mouth before he sat back and said, "I brought Seska into our lives. She was a member of my crew that you inherited."

She shook her head. "You didn't know what she was."

"I should have known. I should have known a lot of things, like Tuvok and Tom. I think I was one of the few people actually working for the Maquis on that ship." He watched her smile and said, "I should never have gone after her that day. I should have realized it was a trap to seize control of Voyager again."

"I chose to go after you on my own," she said. "Besides, how do you not go after your own child?"

"He wasn't mine."

"You didn't know that at the time."

"I should have. I should have known a lot of things again." Chakotay rubbed his face. "I'm just not smart about reading people's true intentions."

"Chakotay, you lead with your heart. That's a trait I don't want you to lose. And you read people well. You study anthropology. How could you not? People fascinate you and you care about each and every person you meet."

"And I hurt them, or disappoint them, or worse. Or others suffer. Like you did."

Kathryn watched him put his head down. "It's not your fault about what happened to me. It's part of what can happen on the job. You and I both went through the Academy training. And it wasn't just me. You went through the same thing with Seska."

Chakotay looked up. "I read the Doctor's reports. I know he beat you. Seska was at least nice about it."

Kathryn took a deep breath at his candid words and looked away. She grabbed her glass and drained it. The cool liquid soothed her tight throat. "I, um, I really don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Kathryn, you have to."

"No, I don't," she said firmly.

"Yes, you do." He came around the table and dragged his chair over so he could sit and face her. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to pull him off of you. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to drag him away and make him stop hurting you."

"Stop it!" Kathryn covered her face and put her head down on the table. "I can't do this."

Chakotay watched her cry and rubbed her back. "I wish I could go back in time and make it all go away for you. Make it so it never happened."

Kathryn settled and said, "If you could do that, then we could go home. But it wouldn't work. What's meant to happen does. We tried to go home with the wormhole. It didn't work." She lifted her tear streaked face and said, "No, I'm a Starfleet captain."

"You're a human being."

"I was trained for this." She shook her head. "It's not even the first time it's happened."

"What?"

She watched the shock register on his face and said, "It was on one of my first missions. We were trying to find information on Cardassian…" She stopped and gave a soft laugh. "Sounds familiar doesn't it? I guess Cardassians are meant to be my nemesis. They say every captain has one. They must be mine." Wiping her tears, she said, "I've told you this before. Besides, it doesn't matter. We have to get this ship home. We need to move on. I did before and I will again." She patted his hand. "And besides, this time, I have you."

Chakotay gave her a worried look. "Who did you have before?"

"My first fiancé. That's how we became close. He rescued me then. Just like you're trying to do now."

"Kathryn," he said, brushing a strand of her hair from her face. "Let's rescue each other."

She nodded. "Agreed. Can we eat now?"

"No."

She blew out her breath and said, "Chakotay, I can't dwell on this. It happened and I need to move past it. I can't change it. I survived it and I have more important things to accomplish."

"We have more important things to accomplish."

She acknowledged his firm look and repeated, "We." Her fingers lingered against his cheek. "You know, it doesn't help that every time you look at me…" Her voice broke and she looked away. "Chakotay, be honest with me. Every time you look at me, you see him don't you? You see Cullah. Will you always see him?"

Chakotay's face softened and he drew her into his chest. "No. Not for one second. When I look at you, I only see the woman I love and always will until the day I die. Do you understand that?"

She nodded tearfully.

"No, don't give me that. Do you really understand what I just said to you?"

Kathryn inhaled deeply and nodded again. "I believe you."

He smiled. "Good." He gave her a tight hug and said, "Now, you be honest with me. Do you see Seska when you look at me?"

Kathryn snuggled and said, "Sometimes." She felt him tense and added, "And I always just want to beat her smug, arrogant ugly Cardassian face."

Chakotay couldn't help but laugh a little. She sat up and added, "I mean it. I want that witch dead."

"I know. Me too."

Kathryn looked at him and asked, "That's really the truth for you too, isn't it? You were just being nice. You do see Cullah when you look at me."

Chakotay kissed her forehead and said, "Sometimes. I confess I have spent more time fantasizing about his death than I have about you and me together again. And I prefer to do the latter."

"Me too." Her eyes spied a new carving sitting on the table behind him. Pointing, she asked, "What's that?"

Chakotay rose and walked over to pick up the small figurine and bring it back to her. "Do you like it?"

She smiled as she fingered the large feathered bird spreading his wings to rise from a mound. "A phoenix. You carved this?"

He nodded.

"How appropriate," she murmured.

He put his arm around her again and she settled back against him. "I thought so," he said. Kathryn was silent as she continued to study it and he added, "We'll be okay."

Her eyes closed as she answered, "Yes, Chakotay, we will."