A/N: Is this crack? I don't even know. All I know is: these two are smexy.
i.
They first meet at the Academy. He is young, brash, impulsive, and the grandson of the Third Hokage. She is a member of the wealthy Hyuga clan, and a prodigy that knows fifteen different ways to knock out an enemy shinobi by the time she's eight.
He stumbles upon her practicing on a dummy one day, in one of the advanced classrooms; her hair everywhere, and her eyes focused as can be. When her frowning eyes meet his, it's fireworks, just like her name.
ii.
They become acquainted gradually. He has too much going on in his life to be too enraptured by a single young Hyuga, but Fate intervenes when they're fifteen and both are sent on a B-ranked mission to the Land of Tea. He immediately learns that she could kick his ass from here to outer space without blinking an eye. She learns that he is overemotional and too kind for his own good.
He spends the mission following her around like a lost puppy. She really couldn't care less.
iii.
Konohamaru has the tendency to move through girls pretty fast. He loves to woo girls, loves to flirt, and loves to show off. Hanabi knows this, as do his best friends. However, no matter how many months pass, all Moegi and Udon hear is "… and Hyuga? What's she up to?"
They don't know what to make of this change so they'll give it some time.
iv.
A few months after the mission, he drops by her house and asks her out on a date.
She stares at him for a few moments, and asks, looking him right in the eye, "What do you even know about me?"
He starts, and honestly doesn't know how to answer, so she sighs and closes the door.
v.
Konohamaru doesn't know how to feel, he still admires Hanabi but is both embarrassed and regretful of his insensitivity, so he tries to pretend it never happened. Hanabi is only too happy to do this.
However, as time goes on and years pass, both of them are promoted to Jonin, and they spend even more time together. It's a mixture of the fact that their skills match perfectly with each other to form a formidable fighting team, and the fact that (as Hanabi realizes one summer afternoon), watching Konohamaru train was amazing.
vi.
Hanabi realizes she's in love with him when they're on a duo mission to the Land of Sound. They're fighting to the death one night, in a forest where Konohamaru "accidentally" ended up while on one of his midnight walks and she sees his expression as they fight the endless horde of Sound shinobi.
His eyes are narrowed, stance perfect (a word she doesn't use very often), and he wears a barely-there grin that is absolutely cocky.
She doesn't realize she's been staring until one ninja manages to tear the hem of her shirt. Eyes wide, and enthusiasm strangely boosted, she proceeds to destroy an entire battalion of Sound ninja.
It feels pretty fucking great, when, somehow, the two of them end up making out on the ground of their campsite, his hand under her shirt and hers in his pants, on the way back to Konoha two nights later.
vii.
Surprisingly, this time, it is her who makes the first move. She searches for him all day two days after their return to the village, and finds him in the Yamanaka Flower Shop with Udon. He's helping Udon buys flowers, she gathers, judging from their conversation, and Ino Yamanaka, and the Inuzuka on her sister's team are sitting side-by-side on the cashier's table, offering guidance.
When she enters the shop, Ino, Kiba, and Udon all holler bright hellos to her. She smiles at them briefly and then focuses on Konohamaru; specifically, the fact that his face has grown as red as a tomato, and the way he avoids her eyes.
Perhaps he recollects the fact that his tongue was in her mouth a few nights ago.
She says, completely calmly, and with no fear at all (as expected of a Hyuga), "Will you go out with me?"
viii.
They've been dating for a year, with pretty much no public display of affection since then. Only a few people aside from themselves know, because both of them have had enough of being treated like public property, and are so ready to have something that's theirs.
So that's why, when they're fooling around in her clan's compound one night, he feels high strung throughout the entire encounter. It's hard enough to think when Hanabi's next to him, but a Hanabi dressed in only her underwear and a bra is dangerous.
She assures him that it'd be fine, that her father was meeting with her sister's fiancé, and no, people don't use the Byakugan to see into each other's rooms in her house.
He's almost completely relaxed. She's doing seriously amazing things to him (it's awesome how she's so pliant and welcoming in bed). Her hands are in his hair and her mouth is everywhere. He can feel himself heating up as she moves on top of him. His hand grip her calves and they fit perfectly. She leans back , is bathed in moonlight, and smiles beautifully at him. She reaches back to unhook her bra-
"Hanabi!" her father's voice calls from the hallway.
He gets the hell out of that compound.
ix.
She asks him one blisteringly hot summer afternoon when they're at his place (they've long since stopped trying at hers. It makes no sense to do it in a place infested with Byakugan wielders). It's hardly the time and place, they're right in the middle of foreplay, and it's so hot, and no, he seriously cannot think straight when Hanabi is dominating him like that and-
"We should get married, Sarutobi."
He looks up at her. She's straddling his hips, and both of them are almost naked (well he is completely, but that has more to do with Hanabi's complete and utter impatience than anything else). He's been smoothing his palms over her thighs and marveling at the softness of her skin when she makes this outrageous statement.
He stares at her for a bit, observes her. Her eyes are clear and focused (focused, focused, always focused), she is smiling radiantly at him, and there is something in her expression that she's been too hesitant to name until now.
"For-", his voice comes out squeaky. He clears his throat. "For real?"
She smiles at him (a very un-Hanabi thing to do), and takes his calloused right hand in both of her own. "Well, yes. I mean, I do love you after all." She then kisses his knuckles and palm.
Konohamaru has no idea what to say. The only thing he feels is utter and complete happiness, and something that feels very much like sunlight fills his entire being, and all he can manage is a choked chorus of I love yous followed by a million affirmations of yes, yes, of course we'll get married- what should we name our daughter?
He sits up to kiss her. He hugs her tight, and she reciprocates one hundred percent.
They stay like that for an infinitesimal amount of time before she pushes him back into the blankets and pillows beneath him. She pushes away his hands at her waist and says, "You just sit back and enjoy it, Sarutobi".
He cannot remember ever feeling this happy.
x.
In the end, it all works out for the two of them.
A/N: Uh. Sorry. Review?