Author's Note
I wrote this short story because I've always wanted to write something involving Carver Hawke and Aveline Vallen. It starts at Ostagar, when they are in the service of King Cailan.
A short note on format:
The paragraphs in italics are memories, Carver, and then later, Aveline, reflect on. The rest takes place in present day Kirkwall. Most of the story is written from Carver's POV. It's only towards the end, when I write from Aveline's POV.
Acknowledgements
As always names, places, locations and specific storylines remain the sole propertly of BIOWARE.
A Soldier's Oath
Carver
Ostagar – Three years ago...
I stand at my post overlooking the expansive Korcari Wilds, and I enjoy the cool welcoming breeze blowing across the land after a terribly hot and dry week. I keep my eye on the main gates leading into Ostagar and in the distance I notice…people marching towards it, but that is nothing out of the ordinary as it is a normal occurrence that happens at least once or twice a month, but I do recall Captain Aaron Varel telling me about this specific company and I assume he is expecting them. I think nothing more of it until a horn goes off signalling the men to open the gates for them.
I straighten myself, immediately interested to meet the new soldiers, however I am distracted by a beautiful head of red hair blowing in the breeze as a woman marches in, apparently leading the small company of soldiers and the fact that a woman is leading them, piques my interest, because it is not something often seen around these parts. I climb off my post, deep in thought about this woman I have yet to meet. I march towards the approaching company, very interested to meet her. I am within arm's reach of her when she unexpectedly looks at me, but she looks away before I can get a proper glimpse of her face and as she passes me, the breeze catches her hair and I catch a whiff of jasmine and lavender.
Sighing despondently, I head back to my post, deep in thought about her and a great sense of sadness and disappointment washes over me. I didn't see her face. I don't know what she looks like, yet that moment when our eyes locked, something passed between us and Maker knows what it was and I feel bereft. I want to laugh at myself. Who am I kidding? Only myself, is my thought as I once again stare at the expansive mass of land in front of me…
-v-
The Hanged Man, Kirkwall – Present day...
I smile about the memory of seeing Aveline Vallen for the first time. It's not the first time I've thought about her and I can't help wondering where she is today. I look up upon hearing Marian call me and her expression is one of interest.
"What are you smiling about, Carver?"
"What do you mean?" I shake my head to clear it from the liquor-caused mugginess.
"You were smiling. I want to know why."
I close my eyes hoping my mugginess will magically disappear so that I can pursue logical thought.
"Why are you so interested, Mari?" I ask, toying with my half-empty tankard of mead. Frowning, I push it away.
"Lost the stomach, have you?"
What's the bet if I look up and she's smirking at me?
I look up and she is smirking at me.
"I've had enough liquor for today...I need a cider."
"Here," she smirks, "Drink mine. I've had my fill and I need to go home to Erica."
I flash her a thumbs up and a grateful smile, "Thank you. I owe you one."
"Whatever. You owe me coin, Carver," she states and I groan...softly.
"Mari, give me a break, will you? I work just as hard as you do..."
"True, but you don't deliver, Carver. We need coin and desperately so, otherwise we can't eat."
"But you were the one who left the Red Iron. Meeran has told me I'm no good to him..."
"Yet, he signed you on for six months, right?"
"Yes," I grudgingly reply.
"Then you must be good enough, Carver," she says, leaning forwards and resting her elbows on the worn wooden table. She flattens her hands and I notice, for the first time, that she's removed Aaron's wedding ring and I frown. I catch her eye. She is watching me too closely and I hold up her left hand... She snatches her hand away and I realise what she's done.
"Oh Mari... Why?" I whisper over the unexpected lump in my throat. She loved him and she's sold her wedding ring and I feel terrible.
"I'll buy it back, Mari, I promise. Shit," I murmur, leaning back in my chair, "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, even though I know the answer.
"I have to feed and clothe Erica and I didn't tell you because you weren't available. You were either passed out in a drunken stupor or you were here drinking yourself into a stupor."
"You loved him..." I whisper.
"I still do. I still have his bracelet and moon pendant... I can't sell those."
"I'm so sorry, Mari... Shit. I need to stop behaving like a child and face up to my responsibilities and what is important..."
She smiles, "True...But moving on, you still haven't told me what you were smiling about."
I lean forward in my chair and I grin at her, "That's something I would rather keep to myself...for the moment and besides that, I think you already know the answer."
"Mmm... It doesn't involve a certain red-haired woman, does it?" she asks. I choose to ignore her question and I recall another memory...that is going to make me smile...
-v-
Three days passed without me seeing her and I was beginning to think she was a figment of my imagination. Not that, that is surprising considering I spend hours on my own in the training yard and today is one such day I feel the need to vent excess energy and hopefully it will distract me enough to push all thoughts of her to the deep recesses of my mind, however I am pleasantly surprised to see her battling it out in the training yard with one of the recruits. I cannot take my eyes off her as I walk towards the fence. Once I'm there, I balance my steel greatsword against it and I watch the scene unfold. From my vantage point, I have a good view of her and I don't miss the raw strength she wields with her shield and sword. Her arm muscles ripple with strength. Her jaw is set in cold hard determination. I roam my eyes to her thighs and I let out a low whistle. Her thighs ripple with strength and her calf muscles are straining under the effort. I force myself to look up and I catch a proper glimpse of her face. She has brilliant green eyes and a smattering of freckles on her prominent nose. A thin sheen of sweat covers her forehead and I was right earlier. Her expression is one of cold, hard determination. With a soldier's eye, I glance at her feet. She moves quickly, lithely and her footwork is excellent and I realise I want to challenge her. I eye my sword and I come to a decision. I hoist it onto my shoulder and I head towards the gate to where Captain Varel is standing. He appears to be watching her, and for some unknown reason, that annoys me and I tell myself to cut the crap.
"Captain," I salute him.
"Lieutenant Hawke," he greets me and I roll my eyes.
"Carver," he laughs, "You remind me of Marian when you do that."
"And I don't like formality," I chuckle.
"Nor do I," he says quietly as we both continue watching the duel.
"Who is she, Captain?"
"That is Aveline Vallen. Second company. And I want her transferred to our company," he replies.
"Why?" I frown.
"She's an excellent warrior, Carver, and we need someone like her to keep boys like you in check," he chuckles.
"Do you think I can challenge her?" I ask.
"Why don't you ask her? She's coming towards us and it looks like our young recruit is going to go back to the makeshift barracks for the rest of the day..."
But I am not paying attention to what he's said. My eyes are riveted on this woman who is, despite her less-than feminine looks, walking towards us swaying her hips. She is of medium build. Her light armor accentuates her full figure and her hips. In short, she is extremely attractive in a different, yet good way. She realises I'm watching her because she looks up and catches my eye... My mouth suddenly goes dry and I clutch the railing in an effort to ignore the all-too familiar tightening in my loins. Fuck. She appears intimidating, but not to me. She's beautiful. Her eyes are sparkling. She obviously enjoyed her dueling session.
"Ser," she greets Aaron.
"Ms Vallen... You have excellent footwork. Perhaps I could interest you in a duel sometime?"
I feel insanely jealous and I don't understand why. She's entitled to duel with whomever she pleases and it doesn't have to be me. I take a deep breath as I release the fence. I need to vent my energy somewhere else.
I grab my sword, walk a few feet away and I give it a good swing. It swooshes through the air. I feel the power in my arms. I give it another swing and twirl around only to hear the clashing of steel on steel. I smile when I see her face as she tries to push me back. She does not succeed. She tries again. She is as determined as I am not to back down. I can't help noticing her upper arms and rippling muscles and I can't help noticing her beautiful green eyes with golden flecks in them. Her brow is covered in sweat. Her cheeks are a pleasing soft rosy pink and her skin complexion is a beautiful porcelain white, but what strikes me is the grim determination in her eyes and I can't help feeling a sense of admiration for her.
"I'm Carver," I breathe. The strain of our battle of wills is wearing on me, but I am a Hawke and Hawkes never back down. That's what my Father always told me. May he rest in peace.
She smiles. "An appropriate name for a fine swordsman such as yourself."
With those words, she does succeed in breaking my defense and she pushes me backwards. I stumble and I glance left, right and centre for something to keep my balance, but there is nothing near by and I resign myself to the fact I am going to hit the ground... With a muffled oomph, I land flat on my back and my greatsword clatters away from me and I lie there in stunned disbelief. I have just had my arse whipped...by a woman...and I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed, but my Father's words come back to me...
He always told me if I lose, I must lose gracefully and take it like a man because you can't always win.
I close my eyes and I become aware of a shadow looming over me. I open them and a pair of green eyes peers down at me.
"Are you okay?" she asks as I carefully sit up.
"I'm fine. It's not often I get my arse whipped by a woman such as yourself," I reply, taking her proffered hand, and she pulls me to my feet.
"Really?" she chuckles, "There can't be many women brave enough to take you on."
"Well, there aren't many women here and the ones that are… Well, they don't challenge me," I explain.
"Mmm… A strapping man such as yourself - surely they crowd around you?" she asks, giving me the once over.
"No," I reply, pleased with my effort about being modest, "They don't take much notice of me."
"I find that difficult to believe," she chuckles.
"Fine. Okay. They do crowd around me, but they don't interest me in the slightest," I explain rather sheepishly.
"Again, I don't believe you… Because you are very…attractive and your eyes… Are they navy blue?" she asks.
"Yes…Sometimes they have golden flecks in them… Well, according to my sisters…"
"Really?" she says softly as she steps closer to me.
"Well," I murmur while I give her the once over.
She is a head shorter than my six-foot and I study her face. She does have a prominent nose and a prominent jaw that literally shouts determination. Her features are not refined compared to some of the women I've been with in the past. She could pass for a man if her hair was styled very short. I don't want to tell her that otherwise she will more than likely swing her fist at me. Yet, as we study each other, I notice her feminine features. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched around a pair of bright, intelligent, leaf-green eyes.
"Well," she echoes, stepping away from me, "They are right…," she continues, retrieving her sword and shield, "I have to report for duty… Oh, I'm Aveline, by the way," she says as she turns away from me.
"Wait…" I call. She turns slightly towards me , expectantly looking at me.
"Are you up for another duel?" I ask, retrieving my greatsword from the ground.
"Perhaps another time. It was a pleasure meeting you," she replies and she saunters off towards the barracks, leaving me staring after her and I am bitterly disappointed she turned down my offer of a duel and I give my sword another swing, to vent my frustration.
-v-
"Carver! Carver!"
I open my eyes and I look around for the source of whoever rudely interrupted my quiet contemplation.
"Carver!"
I whip around only to see Marian striding towards me and I get to my feet.
"What is it? Can't a man have peace and quiet?" I half-joke and she rolls her eyes at me.
"Surely you've been here long enough, Carver? It's after eight. We should go home or are you waiting for someone?"
"After eight? It can't be…" I whisper, a sense of disappointment washes through me. She didn't come, after all of this. She decided not to spend the evening with me as she said she would and I really thought we were making progress.
"It's after eight, Carver. Where have you been?" she chuckles.
"Nevermind," I sigh, as I stretch myself, "And what's the hurry, Mari? It's not like we have anything better to do."
"It's getting late. We should go and I need to see to my daughter… Or do you have something else planned?" she asks.
"No, I don't. Fine. I've been here long enough, anyway. Let's go… So, any word from Varric about anything that needs doing, apart from finding fifty sovereigns for the expedition and where is Anders?" I ask.
"Anders," she smiles, "Is waiting for me by the door… Stay if you wish, but don't drink, please? I beg of you?"
"Somehow, I'm not in the mood, Mari. I think I'll just go home. Get some rest. Perhaps things will look up tomorrow…"
"They always do… I'm on my way, Anders," she chuckles as she goes towards him, "Always so impatient…" she laughs as he grabs her around the waist and I look away, slightly amused by their blatant show of affection. I've never been too fond of Anders. He hurt my sister once before and he can do it again… I shove my hands into my pocket and I scuff the floor. I don't want to go home, but where else am I going to go, if not home?
"Carver…"
I look up, upon hearing her voice and I smile at her. She offers me a small, sad smile and I feel the urge to wrap her in my arms.
"What the hell," I mutter, closing the distance between us. I stop within arm's reach of her and we eye each other and a sense of longing sweeps through me. The same longing is in her eyes and her body language says it all as she leans towards me. Her eyes widen. She parts her lips and I just can't. I sweep her into my arms and I desperately seek out her mouth. A mouth I kissed a few days ago when we were in Darktown. She was annoyed with me, but her body language told me another story.
She tastes of sweet, honey tea, and her tongue is moist, urgent against mine. I moan softly and she elicits a low sigh. I bring her tightly into my frame. She feels good, warm and strong. Her muscles ripple beneath her cotton tunic. I feel her taut nipples against my chest. She wants me and desperately so, but I know it will never go further than this and as I think this, she braces her hands against my chest. She is going to push me away. I am not going to allow it this time. I tighten my arms around her.
"Don't fight me, Aveline," I whisper.
"I can't. You know I can't. Wesley's death…"
"It's been well over a year," I murmur.
"I know. It's just too fresh, Carver… I can't. I really can't…"
"You've fought me for years… Why not let go, Aveline? It's simple. Just let go…"
-v-
I laugh as we dodge each other's swinging swords, except I am not so lucky. The only downside of using a greatsword is that I can't shield myself from incoming attacks. I can to a certain extent, but I am always vulnerable from all sides and when I next look, I am flat on my back…again and I roar with laughter. She circles me as a lioness circles her prey and her eyes are alight with humor and the thrill of our dueling session which is at an end because I am flat on my back gazing up at her, but little does she know I have a trick up my sleeve. As she circles me a second time, I kick out my foot and she yells as she tumbles towards me. Her sword is facing downwards at my chest and I use my sword to disarm her. It flies a few feet away and she lands on my chest, cursing to the Maker. Her shield is somewhere to the side, thank the Maker.
"Carver.. That was not playing fair," she coughs and splutters. I dare not breathe because my chest feels bruised, but I need to breathe. I take a deep, shuddering breath. I am not as sore as I initially thought which is a relief.
"You forgot one of the basic rules, Aveline," I point out.
"And what might that be?" she asks as she looks at me.
"Just because your opponent is flat on your back, doesn't mean he / she can't defend him / herself," I reply.
"Mmm…True," she says softly as she wipes the sweat off my brow. Her gesture is unexpected and she realises it, because she quickly looks away from me and before she decides to get up, I curl my arm around her while I warily, tentatively tuck a lose tendril of her hair behind her ear.
"Thank you… My hair sometimes gets in my way…" she remarks.
"Then tie it up, Aveline. An enemy could take advantage of your beautiful hair, you know," I say, without thinking about it. I am too preoccupied studying her face and her eyes, to really care what's coming out of my mouth.
"You remind me of my Father…" she laughs, When he was… Nevermind. Why should you care about little old me, huh?"
I cup her face, "You are right. Why should I care? But the thing is, I do. I care more than you seem to realise, Aveline…"
"Now you are being polite… Are we done here?" she asks as she makes a move to get up, but I tighten my arm around her.
"Not polite. Sincere…" I murmur, curling my hand around the nape of her neck under her long hair and the skin is so soft. It's pleasing beneath my rough fingertips. I gently move my forefinger in slow circles and she closes her eyes.
"That feels so good," she breathes.
"So will this," I whisper, gently brushing my lips against hers. She opens her eyes, completely surprised, but there is also confusion in them and I don't understand why.
"Please. Stop. I can't," she whispers.
"Why not?" I murmur.
"I'm married," she replies and I gape at her. She's married? Fuck.
"What?" I ask.
"I'm married… I've been married for a year. His name is Wesley. A Templar. He is in Denerim. Templar business. I'm sorry, Carver," she whispers as she sits back on her legs. She buries her head in her hands and I don't fully understand why. I sit up, reach for her hands and gently pull them away from her face. Her eyes are shining far too brightly.
"I should have been upfront with you…" she continues.
"Why weren't you?"
"If I tell you, you are going to think of me as a silly, immature woman," she replies.
"Why would I think that when you are everything, but a silly, immature woman, Aveline?"
"You don't think I'm silly?" she asks, a ghost of a smile plays around her lips.
"Of course not. In fact, I admire you and everything about you. I've never met a woman quite like you before and I've been with several…girls in my lifetime." I explain.
"Are you flattering me or at least trying to?" she asks, smiling at me as she unknowingly entwines her right hand with mine.
"I think you are attractive, Aveline."
"You are flattering me, aren't you?" she smiles.
"Yes.. Yes I am…" I chuckle, "Now that sounds silly, doesn't it?"
"No," she chuckles, "It doesn't. It's noble…"
"You think I'm noble? Seriously?" I ask.
"Well, yes," she falters as if realising what she's doing and she snatches her hand away, "I shouldn't do this. I'm a married woman, yet you make me feel alive. You challenge me and I find that very appealing…but," she trails off.
"You are married? Someone else's property? Not to be interfered with, right?"
"Something like that," she replies.
"But that doesn't mean we can't be friends," I point out.
"True. Fair enough. I have a question… How old are you?" she asks.
"How old are you, Aveline? If I am any judge, I think you are about Marian's age. She's twenty-three," I reply.
"I am also twenty-three," she murmurs.
"What is age, anyway? When you can have so much fun dueling me?" I ask, knowing I sound arrogant. I am right. She frowns.
"Arrogance is not something to be proud of, Carver. It will only and almost always get you into trouble and if you want to impress me, don't be arrogant. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Now, if you will kindly remove your hands-"
"Fine… I get your point," I mutter, removing my hands that have suddenly offended her. I wait for her to stand before I stand. Once I am on my feet, I grab my greatsword and I walk away…
-v-
"You know why, Carver," she replies, yet she makes no move to back away or release my hands.
"No, I don't know why. You always bring Wesley into it. You are using him as excuse. Something to hide behind, Aveline," I mutter, releasing her. She stumbles backwards, but I am too pissed off to really care.
"That's not true," she says softly.
"It is and you know it. He's dead, Aveline. He wouldn't want you mourning his loss to this extent. You still have some life left inside you and regardless of what you may or may not think, you cannot deny the way you feel about me… Cat and mouse. For years, Aveline. I've stood by and waited patiently for you to realise how you feel about it and frankly…" I step up to her, "I have had enough. I lost my sister. I've lost my Father. I've lost my brother-in-law - a man I admired and looked up to… You don't see me mourning their loss, now do you?"
Her eyes flicker with pain. Her expression is pained and guarded. She's ramrod straight, as if she is waiting for me to say something more and I close the distance between us, "I…," I study her now-closed off face, "Nevermind. I am going home and you can wallow in self-pity for as long as you feel is necessary, but I am not going to wait around anymore."
I brush past her and I make a beeline for the door. I have to get out of here otherwise I am going to drink myself into a stupor and after promising my sister I wouldn't. I cannot let her down. She'll be so angry with me if I walk in, drunk and my Mother will kick me out. She hinted as much last night and I am not willing to risk it.
"Carver. Please," she calls. I pause and I reluctantly turn around.
"I have nothing more to say to you," I inform her.
"You are not the only one to have lost loved ones, Carver. It's just…"
"What, Aveline? What? Because I don't understand any of it," I murmur.
"Nor do I. I should go," she whispers.
"Is that it?" I mutter.
"Yes," she replies as she pushes past me.
"Wait. I can't allow you to walk back to the Keep on your own. It's not safe."
"What do you care?" she snaps.
"Enough to -" I reply, grabbing her around her waist and swinging her around. I don't wait for her reply. I crush my lips against hers with bruising force. She parts her lips in surprise and I dart into her mouth. She wraps her arms securely around me as we turn in a slow circle, not breaking our kiss at all. She sighs into my mouth as our kiss deepens, becoming far more than just a mere kiss. She eagerly explores my mouth. She even sucks my tongue which is a pleasant surprise, and I feel it in my loins. I have never wanted a woman as much I want her. I skim my hands along the curve over her back and I curl them around her buttocks, half-lifting her and as I brush up against her, she moans.
"You want me," I breathe as I do it again.
"I…do," she murmurs hoarsely.
"Then don't fight me," I murmur, gazing deeply into her eyes.
-v-
I reach for her hand as soon as I am beside her, and I lace my fingers with hers. Her hand is not as calloused as mine. It is surprisingly soft. She obviously cares for her skin. We stroll along the path between the makeshift barracks and I am very aware of the interested and disapproving glances my fellow soldiers are giving us and I don't care. It's nothing new and it's not the first time we are going for an evening stroll.
"You never told me why you felt so flattered the other day," I remind her.
She laughs softly, "You don't want to know."
"Were you flattered because a younger man has noticed you?"
"Carver! Don't be so arrogant," she replies.
"That is the reason, isn't it?" I ask, as we duck behind a broken tower. We often spend time here. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we look out over the Wilds that stretches far southwards and beyond. It's also private and out of earshot of the others.
"Maybe," she murmurs.
"You aren't giving much away, are you?" I tease.
"No, I guess not," she replies.
"As evasive as ever, aren't you?"
"Something like that... So, why did you enlist with the army?" she asks, cleverly moving the subject away from herself.
Smiling, I look at our joined hands and I lightly skim her knuckles with my thumb.
"It's always been something I've wanted. More so when Aaron enlisted."
"He hasn't always been in the army?"
"No. He was a Templar. He resigned his commission. I don't know the details. My sister does and she doesn't give much a way either, but I've gathered it's a bit of sore point for Aaron. His family wants nothing more to do with him. She and Aaron are romantically involved and they have been for the past six months or so," I explain.
"Oh... Is that why he looked so happy the other day after receiving a letter?"
"Yes. They write to each other fairly often," I reply.
"Why does his family want nothing more to do with him?"
"Aveline, if I tell you, will you keep it to yourself? My family has a good life in Lothering. They are well-loved by the villagers…Especially my sisters… They are mages, Aveline," I explain.
"Oh…" she says softly, but she doesn't press any further, "But that still doesn't shed any light on why you decided to join the army. Be honest with me, please?" she says softly, kindly and I meet her interested gaze.
"I was a player, Aveline. I've been with several girls. Some older than me. A girl I'd been seeing on an off for a couple of years... She conceived. She claims I'm the Father. Her parents and her don't want anything more to do with me. They left Lothering. Went to Redcliffe. I'll never know if the babe's mine. I needed a change of direction..."
"And you enlisted with the army?"
"Yes. I love this life, Aveline. It gives me a sense of purpose... Being in King Cailan's service is... I feel honored."
"I know exactly what you mean. My Father sold everything so that I could enlist in King Cailan's service..."
"Tell me about your father..."
"His name was Benoit du Lac..." She pauses and swallows hard and she tightens her hold on my hand.
"Was?" I murmur.
"He died in a Denerim ward last year," she barely whispers as she rests her head on my shoulder.
"He was sick with the wasting disease. He always wanted me to be a soldier. Every sovereign he earned was put aside for me. He was a chevalier in Orlais - that is where I was born. My Mother died during childbirth. We fled Orlais when his patron was assassinated."
"Aveline, I'm... I'm sorry..." I murmur as I slip my arm around her shoulder. And she snuggles into me. She feels so warm…and right next to me and I plant a soft kiss on her forehead...
-v-
She looks away from me to my chest and she loosens the top two buttons of my shirt. She looks up as she lightly skims her fingers along my chest. I trace the outline of her cheekbones with my fingers while I look into her eyes. She looks so beautiful and vulnerable. Her eyes tell me volumes even if she is not aware of it and as we stare at each other, the tension between us steadily grows. I cup her face, lean towards her and I pause a mere inch from her full lips. She leans towards me, rests her hands on my shoulders and she kisses me and it is surprisingly soft and gentle just like the woman I have in my arms, is my thought as I slip my arms around her to embrace her and she molds herself into me. She definitely wants more from me and Maker help me, I want the same, but as fate would have it…
There is a commotion by the door and we break apart. She glances at me before moving away from me. It's as if she has realised what she's done. Her expression falls, becomes sad. She turns on her heel, walks a few steps, only to turn back to me and she closes the distance between us. She extends her hand. I take it without much thought and I allow her to lead me out into the late night air. She entwines our fingers, leading me to the Lowtown Bazaar, to the stairs leading up into Hightown. I am confused. Excited. I am not sure she wants, but I reason that she probably wants company. My company. Which is understandable considering we took oaths before the battle of Ostagar to always protect each no matter what the cost and we formed a very close bond because of it. A bond no-one understands except for the parties involved.
-v-
"I, Aveline Vallen, promise to stand by my fellows during the trying times ahead. I promise to protect those in need of protecting. I promise to assist those in need of assistance. I promise, in the presence of our Holy Maker, that I will do my best, during and beyond the call of duty to uphold the oath I have just made in the service of King Cailan…"
She pauses, catches my eye and she starts laughing. We are at my lookout post overlooking the Wilds and it is a beautiful day, even though there is a definite edginess in the camp and on the horizon, there are dark clouds as if there is going to be a storm and there is a general sense of unease making its rounds amongst the soldiers.
"I guess I should say the same to you, huh?" I chuckle as I lean against the railings.
"You should, but you don't have to. What makes you so sure my oath is for you?"
"Ouch," I clutch my chest in mock pain, "That is really low, Aveline."
"Not as low as I can go," she chuckles, eyeing me with an intensity I've seen more than once during the last couple of months. An intensity that is directed solely at me.
"How low can you go?" I chuckle.
"As low as you want…" she replies.
I grab her hands, "Mmm, really? Can you go this low?" I murmur, gently moving her hands to my stomach.
She shakes her head.
"Lower?" I whisper, pushing them just below my belt.
She nods.
"This low," I whisper, very aware of the huskiness of my voice as I push her hand over the bulge that is waiting for her touch. She gasps as she gently feels the extent of my arousal. No woman turns me on as much as Aveline and I want her. I close my eyes, giving her a chance to explore. I hear the gentle clinking of my silver buckle as she loosens it. She lets out a low sigh and I moan as soon as she closes her hand around my throbbing erection.
"Fuck," I whisper and she laughs softly while she deliberately teases me. I grab her hips and pull her flush into me. I curl my hand around her neck and I kiss her with bruising force. She whimpers as our tongues begin a fierce battle of…domination. She brings her hands to rest on my shoulders and I slip my arms around her, lifting her slightly and she groans… No, she rumbles like a lioness rumbles when she's contented and this lioness is definitely contented. She swirls her tongue around my mouth, sucking mine occasionally, before she continues her relentless exploration. I lift her higher and she lets out a startled shriek as I seat her on the railing overlooking the Wilds below us.
"Afraid?" I smirk, wrapping my arms securely around her.
"Of heights? You have to be kidding me… I'm more afraid of the way you make me feel…" she says softly.
"And how do I make you feel?"
"Alive, Carver. Alive. You challenge me. You treat me as your equal and I find that attractive. You don't criticise me. Shit, you don't seem to care about my less-than feminine looks…"
"I think you are very attractive, Aveline. You have beautiful red hair that is soft and silky beneath my fingertips. You have beautiful eyes that never seize to amaze me with the depth of emotion I sometimes see in them. You are physically strong. You are beautiful and everything about you appeals to me."
"But I am a married woman. How the fuck can I feel like this about someone other than my husband?"
"Aveline," I chuckle, "Since when do you use foul language?" I can't resist teasing her and she giggles.
"Since you, I suppose. Wesley never uses foul language. He's very righteous and bloody good with a sword, I might add," she replies.
"He's a Templar. Most of them think they are righteous. Serving the will of the Maker by tearing families apart should there be a mage-blood child… My family. The Hawkes were on the run for seven years, Aveline. Seven years before they settled in Lothering. Marian was seven at the time and my Mother was with child at the time. Little did she know she would give birth to twins," I chuckle.
"Twins?"
"Yes. I have a twin sister, Bethany…" I reply.
-v-
Bethany… I hang back by the stairs leading to Viscount's Way and Aveline turns around, with a slight frown on her face and she approaches me, "What's wrong?" she asks softly.
"Nothing," I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, "I was just thinking about Bethany. I miss her, Aveline, and I was thinking about the time you and I were on the lookout post at Ostagar…"
"There were many of those, Carver," she says softly, "But I am interested to know which time you are thinking about."
"The time I told you I had a twin sister… Remember? You were sitting on the railings. My arms were around you to keep you from falling and I was…" I look away, "Nevermind. You don't need that detail."
"Ah… I remember," she laughs as she skims her fingers along my chest, along my breastbone, over my navel to the belt of my pants, "I was doing something like this," she continues as she quickly unbuckles the belt. She elicits a low sigh as soon as she closes her hand around my erection and I stagger slightly. I grab her wrists to steady myself, but she loses her footing and we tumble to the paved courtyard. She lands on me with a soft oomph. Lucky for her. Me, not so lucky. My back protests painfully and I yelp…
"Shit…" I yell.
"Sorry… Are you okay? Do I need to fetch Anders or Marian?"
"No… I'll be fine," I murmur.
"Good, because I'm quite comfortable staying like this in the middle of Hightown looking up at the stars like we used to…"
Smiling, I brush her hair back, "I remember those evenings. They were…magical. We lay on the grass by the blazing fire and we looked up at the stars…"
-v-
She turns towards me, her hair falling beautifully around her face. The blazing fire highlights her hair and softens her features remarkably and I cup her face, "You look so beautiful in the firelight, Aveline," I whisper.
"You think?" she asks, moving her upper-body onto mine and she starts loosening the buttons of my shirt.
"I don't think. I know," I chuckle.
"Still as arrogant as ever, I see," she laughs softly while she keeps her eyes riveted on my now-exposed chest. She catches my eye as she lightly skims her lips along my chest, to my nipples and I elicit a low sigh as she flicks her tongue over it.
"Still the seductress, I see," I chuckle.
"A married seductress and I don't care," she says softly while she lightly trails kisses along my breastbone, to my navel where she swirls her tongue around it before moving southwards. I close my eyes. A game of cat and mouse. For weeks. And nothing further than mere fondling. I open my eyes to see her preoccupied with my belt. She's fumbling and cursing under her breath and I reach out and touch her face. She looks up and smiles as she allows me to guide her back. She settles herself on top of me and she frames my face between her hands. I become aware of my rapidly beating heart beating in time to hers and I roll with her, to let her know I am in charge even though I know she's going to protest…
"Carver…"
"Yes?" I murmur, hooking my arms under her legs to keep her in place and before she replies, I kiss her. She quickly wraps her arms around me, effectively cradling me as I slowly move. No contact. Just our clothes.
"Carver," she whimpers, arching towards me and I growl softly against her shoulders. I hook my fingers around her pants and I tug them off, exposing her finely toned thighs that are begging for attention, but I am too intent on kissing her to care about her legs that feel incredible in my hands. She reaches between us and fumbles with my belt….But the sounds of footsteps behind us interrupt us…
-v-
"That memory… We were reprimanded for our unacceptable behavior," she says softly with a hint of a smile on her full lips that are begging for attention.
"But that didn't stop us lying under the stars for a few days thereafter," I chuckle.
"Then the rains came… We couldn't do much, except sit around the makeshift Mess Hall playing Wicked Grace and I remember thinking how much I missed our days in the sun… It was frustrating to say the least," she says quietly.
"After that, Aaron kept an ever-watchful eye on us, until we managed to sneak away one evening… That was fun. Remember the pond we discovered just outside the gates into the Wilds?"
"I remember…" she replies.
"The water was perfect. Not too cold or too warm. It was perfect," I murmur.
-v-
She strips off everything, except for her underwear and she twirls in front of me. I pull off my shirt and I saunter towards her. She laughs softly as she touches my chest. I don't break eye contact with her while I kick off my boots, socks and pants. She steps away from me, desire clear in her too bright eyes. She appraises me from head-to-foot however she lingers on the bulge between my thighs. A bulge begging for freedom and I quickly turn away from her. We both know what's going to happen this evening.
She slips her arms around me. "Carver," she whispers.
I feel her lips on my upper-back. Her kisses are featherlight and warm against my cool skin and I elicit a low sigh. She trails kisses over my clavicle, to my shoulder, and with her lips still on me, she moves around in front of me. She slips her arms around me as she tentatively kisses me and I tighten my arms around her as we back to the pond. She pulls back, leaving me bereft, but she reaches for my hand and she places it over her right breast. Her nipples are erect and I bring my other to rest on her left breast. She whimpers softly while I gently handle them. She releases my hands long enough to remove her bra. I remove my hands allowing her breasts to fall. I take her bra and sling it around my neck and she laughs softly. I then place my hands on her breasts a second time. They feel soft and silky. Her nipples are a soft pink and erect. I gently tweak them and she elicits a low sigh that makes me smile. I skim my hands away from them, to the flat, smoothness of her stomach that ripples with strength and I bring my hands to rest on her hips.
"Are you sure?" I murmur.
"I have never been as sure of anything in my life, Carver," she replies, inching closer until she is flush against me. I wrap my arms around her as we back to the pond. The cool water is a welcome relief from our overheated bodies. We slowly wade in until we are waist-deep in the refreshingly cool water. She slips her arms around me and she kisses me…
-v-
"That was the one and only time we made love," she says softly, "And to this day, I don't regret it. You made me feel so incredibly good. I wanted more thereafter, but I was called back to Denerim… That was the most difficult thing for me to do, knowing I was leaving you behind…" she trails off, eyes distant about some sad memory.
"But you came back, Aveline. You came back…"
"Then the trouble started with the Darkspawn Horde inching ever-closer to Ostagar. Everyone was on high alert and on edge. A sense of impending doom hung like a black cloud waiting for the storm to break. For months it didn't break and then Duncan arrived with a young recruit…"
"Elyssa Cousland and Alistair Theirin. King of our home country…"
"He seems cocksure to me," she chuckles.
"Perhaps that is a good thing. I believe they are popular amongst our countrymen. Perhaps Ferelden needs him… Who knows? I guess time will tell," I comment.
She laughs, "Fair point, well-made… But," she frowns, "The sense of betrayal when aid did not come is difficult to accept. A slaughter, Carver. So many good people died. Aaron included… Sometimes Marian has this far-away look in her eyes as if she's remembering something she'd rather not remember… Maker knows what she sees in Anders.."
"Anders… I see disaster where he's concerned. He's selfish. Only cares about himself. He will hurt her. He's done it once before. Between you and me, Aveline, she will always love Aaron. She can deny it as much as she wants, but at the heart of it all, she loves Aaron…"
"Really? Somehow I don't think that is the case because I know you can love two men. She loves Anders more than she loves Aaron… I love you more than I ever loved Wesley. May he rest in peace," she trails away and I step away, momentarily surprised by her admission.
"What?" she murmurs, searching my face for something, "Oh…" she whispers. She quickly looks away and wraps her arms around herself. I approach her and gently enfold her in my arms.
"After all these years, you have finally admitted to loving me," I whisper.
"Yes… I do love you and I have since we first met. I have loved you since then and no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot stop loving you. What we shared… What we experienced during the battle…Fuck," she trails off, "I can never forget that, Carver."
"Nor can I. It's something I think about every day and it makes me angry that so many died. It was unnecessary, yet aid did not come. What chance did we have? Fuck all," I murmur.
"It's something I try not dwelling on, but it's so difficult…" she says softly.
"I know. I try not dwell on it either, but when I catch Marian staring at nothing in particular, I want to simply pull her into my arms and tell her it's okay. I was the one who told her about his death. She was devastated…"
"Instead of all this morbidity, Carver, why don't we go back to the Barracks?"
I blow her earlobe, "What do you have in mind?"
"I want you to love me," she replies.
"At the Barracks? How?" I murmur.
"Quietly," she chuckles.
"Seriously?" I ask.
"No. I have my private sleeping quarters. One of the perks of being a Captain-of-the-Guard in training," she replies as she turns towards me and I kiss her.
"I love you," I murmur.
"I figured that out long ago. Why else would you pursue me," she half-chuckles, half-whimpers while I nibble her bottom lip.
"And I am going to show you how much I love you," I murmur.
"I don't doubt that," she chuckles.
"Good… Let's go," I whisper.
Aveline
I chuckle softly while he nibbles my jawline and he lets out a low rumble. I roam my hands along his strong, muscled back, to his underwear and I tug them off, eager to feel his erection that is digging into the soft flesh of my stomach. He moves away from my jawline and he comes back to my mouth. He chuckles as he seals his mouth over mine. He darts his tongue into my mouth and a fierce battle of wills begin. He hooks his arms around my legs. I feel him there. His erection is hot and throbbing against my inner thigh and the mere thought sends a delicious tingle along my spine. He skims his hands along my thighs, my sides, to my breasts. He rolls off me to prop himself on his elbow and I turn towards him, eager to feel his erection and body along mine. I hook my leg over his muscular thigh and I reach for him. I feel his hand grasp his erection and with it, he teases my innermost place that is aching for him alone. I gasp as he flicks it every so gently over my pearl and then he moves it up and down, brushing up my pearl each time and each time, I whimper. I curl my hand around his neck to bring him closer and I kiss him. I demand a response from him and he rumbles deep in his chest.
"Demanding, are we?" he smirks.
"Only for you," I whisper as I deliberately move away from him. I sit back on my knees to admire this fine specimen in front of me. His eyes are dark and hooded. His expression, expectant. Smiling, I reach for his hands to pull him up. He sits on his knees, waiting for me and I eagerly go to him. He slips his arms around me as I kiss him and he holds me intimately close. He lifts me slightly and then he is, slowly easing me onto him and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. He feels so good. So warm. As if he belongs and he does belong to me. Since the day we met, he's belonged to me and I to him. It's just taken me this long to realise the extent of my feelings for him.
"I love you," I whisper.
"I know," he says softly as he seals his mouth over mine. He doesn't need to say the words, because I know he loves me…
-v-
Six months later, somewhere in the Deep Roads…
"Oh Maker, no… Carver," I whisper, heart clenching painfully and I am unable to stop my unexpected tears. The last thing I expected was this.
"Aveline… I'm sorry. I've broken my promise. This fucking disease…" he barely whispers.
"Why didn't you say something, Carver?" says Marian as she kneels next to him.
"I didn't want you to worry, Mari. You have too much going on to worry about me," he replies.
"Why are you such a right royal arse?" she chuckles.
"I don't know… Please look after Mother…and my niece. They need you," he murmurs.
"Carver. You can't," I murmur, clutching his hand, "I can't lose you…"
He reaches up to touch my nose, "I've always loved you, Aveline."
"You promised me," I whisper over the hard lump in my throat.
"I know I did… Just remember I'll always love you, Aveline Vallen…" he says softly, "Mari, you will do it, won't you?"
"What? You can't… I won't…" she vehemently replies.
"Mari…" he says softly as he reaches for her dagger, "Please? It's the only way to find peace…"
"But you are my brother. You cannot ask this of me…" she says quietly.
"I am asking you because you are my sister… Please?"
"Aveline?" she whispers, pleadingly.
"I can't. I can't. Carver," I sob, "I love you. You can't leave me,"
"Aveline…Be strong for me?" he whispers.
"Carve," I murmur as I kiss his forehead.
"Love you too. Always…"
I walk away giving them the privacy they need. I wrap my arms around myself and I will my pain to go. It won't. It's getting worse. My heart is breaking. Six short months of blissful happiness and many nights of sweet, tender moments and it's come to this. I have to say goodbye to the man I have always loved and it does not seem fair. Nothing in my life has been fair. So much death. So much sadness. When will it end? Will it ever end? Will I find peace? Will I ever forgive myself for wasting pressure time?
"Carver," I whisper, falling to my knees and my tears fall. I can't stop them. They fall hot and fast. I dare not turn around, but I do. Marian is cradling her brother. Despite their love-hate relationship, she loves him and he's always been there for her and he's always been there for me. I quietly approach her and I sit next to her. I reach for his hand that is still warm and I slip my other arm around her shoulders.
"He loved you so much, Aveline… I'm so sorry," she whispers and we sit there until his body is cold. Only then do we leave. With what little treasure we found. That's nothing compared to… I lose my train of thought. My heart gives another painful clench and I tighten my grip on her hand.
"I've got you," she whispers and we hold onto each other. Finding a bit of solace, but things will never be the same after this.
"How am I going to tell my Mother?" she asks. I shake my head, too grief-stricken to even answer her. I don't even smile or breathe a sigh of relief when we finally, after a six week expedition, step out into the early evening air. We still have a fair way to go before we are finally at home.
-v-
Six years later…
I wander to the balcony overlooking Hightown and I study the wedding ring Donnic slid onto my finger thirty-minutes ago and I burst into tears. Why I have decided to marry him is beyond me because I don't love him. This is a mistake. A mistake I have to live with until death do us part. The irony of the situation is enough to make me laugh. He's good to me. He gives me what I need, but it's simply not enough. My heart will always belong to Carver Hawke. The man I have not stopped loving. I can't stop loving him. It feels as if I am missing part of my soul.
Things have not been the same. Leandra is dead. Little Erica is ten years old and a very powerful little mage. Her mother and father are trying to fight for a cause we all know is lost. A cause we all know will result in many mages dying for something that cannot be corrected after so many years. A stigma. That's what I call it. One mage turns to blood magic and the rest are branded as maleficar, a danger to our society.
Tensions are worsening in the city. Templars want power. Mages want freedom. Meredith wants war. Anders being secretive. Marian's anxiety about the two most important people in her life. Her growing suspicion of the mage she calls her lover. Their frequent discussions about what they feel is right. Anders being extreme. Marian preferring a passive solution. It's a disaster waiting to happen…
"Aveline?"
I turn around upon hearing Donnic and I smile at him, even though my heart is not in it.
"Are you…alright?" he asks as he reaches for my hands.
"I'm fine," I reply.
"Are you sure? You don't look happy," he states.
I'm fine, Donnic. Just anxious about Marian. You know what I mean," I murmur.
"Phew. I thought you were having second thoughts," he says quietly.
"I need a drink… Care to join me?" I suggest deliberately ignoring his observation because I am in fact, having second thoughts about this charade of a marriage to a man I don't love and I don't think I will ever grow to love him either.
"Ah… Yes. A drink to us and a bright, happy future," he says as we walk indoors, to the party taking place in the ballroom of the Hawke Estate.
Bright, happy future? Whatever. There is no such thing. Only pain and sadness…And death.
THE END