Disclaimer: Victorious belongs to Dan.
You'd think they'd have caught on by now.
Its not like I haven't hinted about my bad childhood, my parents hating me, my love of pain. Oh, I'm sorry, did you not think that a girl as tough as myself knows what pain really feels like? I've felt more pain in my lifetime so far than most people will ever feel. Do you know why I seem to enjoy physical pain so much? Because the emotional pain is too much for me to handle. Do you know why I'm so mean to everyone around me? Because life is so mean to me.
I'm Jade West, and this is my story. Not that I expect you to listen to it. No one ever does.
It was an ordinary day, or as ordinary as your day can be when you're getting ready for school and you rush out the door with a half-eaten bagel, eager to get as far away from that hellhole as possible, and the last thing you hear before you close the door behind you is your dad screaming at you that you're a psychotic bitch. So yeah, it was an ordinary day, for me.
And when I got to school, to put a cherry on top of my fantastic morning, I couldn't get my locker open, I was creeped on by Sinjin asking if I needed help - which I of course refused - and a disgustingly more-cheerful-than-usual-if-that-was-even-possible Cat skipped by to inform me that Beck wasn't here today. I snarled at her, and she hurried away muttering something about a stuffed cow missing an eyeball. Rolling my eyes, I finally managed to get my locker open, grabbed what I needed, and stormed off towards first period, and proceeded to run into none other than the devil herself.
"Vega," I greeted through gritted teeth.
"Hey, Jade!" Tori replied. It appeared that some of Cat's extra cheerfulness had rubbed off on Tori. Just my luck. All this optimism was going to make me sick.
"Move," I ordered, pushing past her without a second glance. To my dismay, she hurried to keep up with me. We are going to the same class anyway, so she must have gotten it in that strange little head of her's that it would be okay if we walked together. I stopped and turned around sharply.
"What?" I demanded, my eyes narrowed.
"Nothing!" She took a step back. A wise choice. "I just figured that since we're going to the same class we might as well… Hey, Jade, wait up!" It took her a little too long to realize that I had continued my voyage to Sikowitz's classroom without her, but she hurried after me all the same. I merely ignored her all the way to class. Only an hour into my day and I'd already had enough to deal with for a week. Typical.
As we entered the classroom, Tori took a seat next to Cat, and, since I couldn't sit by Beck seeing as he wasn't here today, I simply took a seat as far away from Tori as possible.
First period passed boringly, although I was able to text Beck while Sikowitz wasn't looking and ask him where he was. As I had guessed, he was sick. He also said that he probably wouldn't be at school the next day either. Great. Still, just talking to him made me feel a bit better, and our short conversation ended with an "I love you" from both sides. The rest of my morning passed slowly, but at lunch I was able to escape to the girls' bathroom, lock myself in a stall and let out a few tears at the thought of what I'd have to face when I get home; my father would probably be drunk yet again, which meant that he'd be even worse than he was when sober. And I didn't have the comfort of my boyfriend in the day in between. It was the same as every other day, only at least ten times worse without Beck. Through my tears, I took a pair of scissors out of my pocket, and unrolled the toilet paper, slicing the limp tissue into shreds, letting tears cloud my vision. Why was I crying? It wasn't like I wouldn't survive! Beck would be back in a couple days. I'd be fine… There was no reason to cry. Tough girls didn'tcry.
I'm not a tough girl, I reminded myself. I just act like one.
"…Jade?" Oh chiz, it was Vega. Could that girl give me two seconds peace? She was the last person that I wanted to see me in this state. And yet there she was, crawling underneath the freakin' stall, poking her cheeky, concerned-looking face up at me. I resisted to urge to lift my foot and kick her right in the face while her head was right there by my feet. I quickly put down my scissors and attempted to wipe away my tears, but it was useless; she had already seen.
"And what do you think you're doing, just crawling under the stall like that?" I demanded, trying to compose myself as she stood up in front of me, a clear invasion of personal space considering the size of the stall.
"I heard crying," She replied simply, concern etched in her voice. Why does she care, though? We hate each other. Since when does she care if I cry?
"So? Shouldn't you be throwing a party at the sound of my tears?" I reminded her, frowning.
She shook her head, exasperated. "No, Jade. Unlike you, I don't find pleasure in the misery of other people, even people that are mean to me. You're my friend, whether you like to admit it or not. Now, tell me what's wrong," She demanded, crossing her arms.
I closed my eyes for a moment. All things considered, Tori has done more for me than… anyone. She helped me get Beck back, she helped me get revenge on those mean girls at Karaoke Dokie, she let me go with her to a foreign country, however much of a bogus that trip turned out to be. She helped me break out of prison, for chiz's sake. I owe this girl a lot more than I give her credit for. So why shouldn't I trust her to help me with my personal problems?
Because not even Beck knows. Because this is more personal than any petty thing Tori has ever done for you before. Because you can't trust anyone. Because she won't care anyway. Because even if she does care, its not like she can do anything to help.All these doubts and more ran through my head in a quick blow, but the only thing that came out was,
"Somewhere more private." I didn't want some random girl walking into the bathroom and overhearing me telling Tori about my personal life with the two of us squished in a stall… Wait, remind me again why I was even telling her in the first place.
Without another word, she grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the bathroom, through the hallway and into the janitor's closet, the typical place for private meetings. She closed the door behind her and looked at me. "Well? What's wrong?" She demanded, cocking her head eagerly towards me. I sighed and looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact with her at all costs.
Only one word came to mind. "Everything," I replied simply. After a moment, I looked up. Her face was filled with confusion and concern. Concern. For me. Wow. I couldn't even comprehend that.
"Sit," She said, motioning towards the floor as she sat down. So I did, crossing my legs and eyeing her for a moment. "What exactly is everything?" She pressed on, blinking at me.
"I've never told anyone before. So what makes you think I'd tell you, of all people?" I was still trying to keep my cool attitude and false hatred for Tori strong, despite the tear-stains on my face. But she shook her head.
"Because, Jade, I'm your friend. I know that's a scary thought for you, being friends with Tori Vega. But I want to help you." The funny thing was, she looked so damn sincere, I wanted to hug her to pieces for even being committed enough to stick with me this far.
"Alright," I sighed. "But you have no ideawhat you're getting yourself into," I warned.
"Oh well," She replied with a smile. Lifting her arm, she rubbed my arm gingerly. "Spill."
So spill I did, though I still don't know why. I told her everything. How my parents yelled at me constantly. How my father drank and beat me. How they blamed me for everything. How they thought I was worthless and pathetic and that music and acting was stupid and that I wasn't good at anything. How they expected me to be nice and kind all the time, and how they hated my sense of style and my love of cutting things with scissors. How cutting things with scissors kept me from cutting myself, which I had deeply considered in the past. How Beck and my friends were the only thing keeping me alive. How I acted so strong but really I was the exact opposite. How no one understood me, how I didn't even know why I was telling her all this, because no one else in the entire world knew. How keeping all of this inside was actually slowly killing me.
By the end of my speech, I was crying so hard I didn't even care that Tori and wrapped her arms around me. I stayed there, embraced in her hug and sobbed, just sobbed. For the first time in forever I was letting everything out. It felt so good to tell someone, it no longer made sense why I had kept it in for so long. It was just… so relieving. To our relief, there had been a tissue box in the closet, and a large pile of used tissues had accumulated on the floor beside me. I had never cried so hard. And Tori was the last person I'd expected to cry so hard in front of.
"Jade," She said softly once I had finally calmed down enough to listen to her, though her arms remained around me, comforting me. "I promise, I'm going to help you." Her own voice cracked with despair, and I realized then that hearing my story had made her cry some too; not all of the tissues in the pile were mine. "I'll do whatever it takes. Don't worry. We'll work this out."
"We can't, Tori. My parents have been at this for years, and you expect us to suddenly get them to stop, just because I told one person?" I was appalled that she would think it would be that easy.
She shook her head. "Abuse is illegal, Jade. We can get a lawyer, get help for you…"
"And get me whisked off to some dumb orphanage? I'm sixteen. I'm not going to go live with some stupid orphans!" I nearly screamed, the tears starting to flow more freely again.
"No! Jade, you could live with Beck or something…"
"Beck's parents hate me," I reminded her. "They'd never allow that."
She shook her head. "Well, we'll think of something. Anything to get you out of there. You could stay with me for a while." Another stupid idea.
"If Trina found out why I was there, she'd tell the whole school. And bam, there goes my reputation," I spat.
Tori closed her eyes briefly. "I'll blackmail her," She insisted. "I won't let anyone else find out."
But I still was uncertain. "Okay, say I do end up living with you for a while. What about the other million problems?" I demanded, mulling the rest of my issues over in my head once again.
She considered this for a moment. "We'll fix them. It might take a while, but we'll fix them." She said this so sincerely, so certainly. And in that moment, I trusted her completely.