INSTRUMENTS OF DEATH

"Having blood on your hands – I know what it's like."

I whirled around, chains aimed for his throat. My eyes were wild, air was having trouble getting into my lungs, and everything was dyed crimson. And not just because I had the Scarlet Eyes activated.

Killua pushed away from the wall, stalking forward with the grace of a feline. A wry smile tightened around his lips.

"It doesn't feel so great, does it." It was hardly considered a question. He had, after all, felt his own blood stained hands before.

I was still gasping, still in a fighting stance as he padded closer and closer still. I was having trouble keeping my arm up, knowing there was still a bullet wedged into a bone. There should be pain shooting up my arm, actually. But, somehow, I felt strangely numb to it.

Breathing in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos, I took a step back. Only to jump forward when my foot connected with flesh.

Another Spider down. I had quite the collection of ghosts on my shoulders now, I had even taken the time to learn their names. Ubogin, Pakunoda, Bonolenov, Phinx. And now, Franklin.

He had been quite a tough opponent. Trying to block all those bullets while, at the same time, edging closer to get a good shot in. No, it had been anything but easy.

"Why, Kurapika?" Killua shook his head as he approached. "Like you said before, with the head gone, the Spider will die-"

"He's free."

"What?"

I lowered my hands, chains trembling with my body. As if the metal was part of me. It's familiar cold touch was just as natural now as the brush of hair on a cheek.

"What did you mean-"

"The Nen around his heart – the restrictions – they're gone!"

A gasp tore itself from my mouth as the chain lashed out, almost beyond my control. Like a twitch of a finger.

Killua caught it.

Caught it.

He gave me that same wry, knowing smile again. "Your brain sends distress signals to the chains just as fast, if not quicker, as it does to your eyes to blink."

His hold tightened, and somehow I found myself on my knees. Then to the harsh floor as I writhed in pain, in agony.

"He's free…" I sobbed, pounding a fist feebly against the worn tile floor. "Dammit…it's not fair…"

I hated the tears that squeezed themselves from my eyes. I hated the vulnerable state I found myself in. I hated the look on Killua's face, the one that said 'I know you better than you know yourself'. It was like he could see right through me. I didn't like that feeling. I didn't like it anymore than I liked the gore and carnage around me.

And, most of all, I hated myself.

"What are you hoping to accomplish? What do you achieve by killing the Spiders?"

He released the chain, letting it clatter to the bloody floor.

"Justice…" I whispered, inaudible to the average human ear. But Killua wasn't average by far. So, because he wasn't average, he did something very unexpected.

He laughed.

"Justice?" He made a sound not so unlike a purr. "Ha! You take a life for a life to gain – gain what, exactly? Now there are two deaths. Haven't you ever heard the saying 'an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind'? It's quite literal, in your case, Kurapika."

Something frozen coiled around my heart. The tears ceased as I struggled to get to my feet and not show that I was struggling. "I don't care."

"I do."

When I turned to face him, I learned he was already a few centimeters taller than me. I also found his eyes flashed and darkened when he was getting angry.

"Killing the Genei Ryodan won't bring your people back."

"As if I didn't know that!" I was tired, upset. Frightened. I didn't want to put up with this right now. "I don't-"

"You don't! You make excuses that it's so they won't hurt anybody else, but you're just in it for revenge! To give yourself some purpose, to give yourself something to do to not think about how lonely and hurt and vulnerable you are!"

"I am not!"

"Are too! You want to hurt them – all you're doing is hurting yourself!"

"You don't understand-"

"Then let me understand!" Killua's hands were twitching, as if all he wanted to do was bash my head into a wall. Who could blame him?

Hardened resolve clung to his features as we stood there, quivering and breathing hard.

"You, me, Gon and Leorio. We've all had experiences with death even before we became Hunters. But there's a difference between them and us."

Taking a shaky breath, Killua took one last step closer as he continued.

"You and me have the blood on our sleeves. We, personally, inflict pain upon those who oppose us. We're the Instruments of Death. And eventually we won't need any purpose to kill. It won't be about honor. We'll kill to kill. By the time we realize we're drowning in blood it's too late. Death is as mandatory as taking a breath of air. We crave it, we want it. We need it. Death is like our drug. We take a sip and we want more. Then the more we take the more we want. Then we need something stronger, something more. And we kill and kill until there's nothing left."

"I'm not killing because I want to." I hissed, glaring heatedly at him. "Don't mix me in with the likes of you."

"Oh? Nobody told you to go after the Genei Ryodan. You decided that for yourself, you can't blame anyone."

At that moment, I felt so helpless. I felt defeated. And there was nothing I could do. I just wanted to scream and scream and bang my head on the wall. Because I couldn't put up a good fight in this state. Not with Killua. Not with anybody.

"I just want to go home…" I hadn't meant to say it out loud. But then it was too late and all I could do was wait for Killua's reaction.

He visibly softened, though no pity entered his eyes. It was that knowing, understanding look again. The one I hated. Because nobody should be able to understand, to know.

Not even I.

"Let's get back to the house." He reached out, decided against it, and let his arm fall back to his side. I wanted to say 'but I want to go home'.

Because a house didn't make a place a home.

I didn't answer, simply followed him out of the building. And the blood stained Instruments of Death, so fine tuned, would both be thinking the same thing.

Who will be the next to die?

-END-

Yuuki: when I started writing I just wrote. I wasn't thinking where I wanted to take this or who I wanted it to be about. And so I hadn't been expecting it to come out so dark but whatever, it serves its purpose

Leorio: oh mai… OAO like, wtf?

Killua: I hate to say this, but I'm with Ojii-san on this one.

Yuuki: I guess you could technically blame my social studies teacher for this one. The other day we were reviewing the war history and he said something along the lines of "War was supposed to be honorable. You were a hero for going in because you could actually look another man in the eye and think 'I might die'. But with the new technology, you couldn't even see the enemy's face. It wasn't about honor anymore – it was about killing for the sake of killing. You walked away unharmed and without a worry. While the people many miles away, the ones you just bombed, may not even have been the enemy."

Kurapika: …

Yuuki: yeah I know, how does that connect? That's the same problem I had with the Surreal Reality one shot *sweat drop* Review please!