Bret-Nay
Pairings: Owen Hart/Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart
Rating: PG-13 for sexual humor
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, but It would be cool if they did :)
Genre: Comedy
Summary: Owen and Bret overhear Shawn talking about a crush he has on a Hart... Sibling rivalry ends up in Owen betting Bret to do the unthinkable...
A/N: I dont know if The Rock was around when Owen was, I cant remember. But for the sake of comedy he's here. And to all those who love my dramas, don't fret This is my last comedy indulgence for awhile.
"Great match Owen!" Bret grinned giving his brother a high five. "Let me go take you out for dinner."
"At Hooters?" Owen asked with a smirk on his face.
"Of course." Bret smiled. "Just let me go get something from the locker room."
Owen rolled his eyes. He knew what his brother was doing- Bret had it timed perfectly. Shawn Michaels would be undressing in the locker room. And it wasn't as if he didn't think Bret had legitamately left something behind- for he happened to have his gym bag slung over his shoulder. And it also wasn't as if Bret was the ONLY one 'forgetting' things in the locker room. Owen had done it plenty of times too.
The Hart brothers gathered around the lockers. There was Shawn- shimmying out of a pair of white, black and gold tights. They drooled along quietly, watching as Shawn's perfect ass came into view. Scott Hall was there too- though he was fully dressed.
"I don't know Scotty." Shawn said as he rubbed his bare arms. "He's so much older than me- He couldn't be interested in a guy like me..."
"Don't say that, chico! I'm sure he would be very interested in you."
"He's so famous... And from one of wrestling's most famous families... He could have anyone he wanted."
"Well yeah, the Harts are good people. Which is why you should stop standing around naked because I think there are people watching you, throw on a pair of jeans and go talk to him!"
Shawn glanced back- but Owen and Bret had fled the locker room by then.
"Did you hear that?! He wants me!" Bret smirked pointing to himself proudly.
"Yeah, I heard. But I think you heard it wrong." Owen said crossing his arms. "He was talking about me, brother."
"Sorry Owen, but he said famous. You're no where NEAR as famous as The Hitman here."
Owen rolled his eyes. "Uh uh, you're just the pretty one."
"Damn straight. Now if you'll excuse me... I'm going to go speak to Shawn. His crush is coming to make things alllll better."
"I don't think so, Bretty." Owen snarled as he reached out to grab Bret by the collar of his leather jacket. "If anyone's going to talk to Shawn, it's me."
"No Owen, ME."
"ME, BRET..."
soon enough an arguement became a pushing fight, pushes became punches, and punches became an all out war. Twenty minutes later, both Hart brothers lay panting and bloody on the floor.
"Alright... Let's settle this like MEN. I challenge you to a bet, Bret." Owen said as he whipped the blood from the corner of his mouth.
"Okay tough guy. Give me your best shot."
Owen grinned ferally. "Winner gets to talk to Shawn about his 'crush' first. But if you back out- I go talk to him now."
Bret never EVER backed out ANY bet. What ever Owen dished out, he could take. "Okay okay, but what do you want me to do?
"Since you're the 'pretty one' why don't you go show it off? Work at Hooters for one day, as a waitress. AND- and... If you manage to fool enough people long enough to give you $100 in tips, I'll back off all together leaving you and Shawn to frolick happily into the sunset."
"Brother, you are one stupid son of a bitch. I've got this thing won." Bret said in a cocky manner.
"We'll see, I'll make a call to Hooters."
-
Bret came in with Owen the next day to the local Hooters restaurant. Owen had made special arrangements with the management to sit there all day and make sure his brother went through the WHOLE day of being oogled. Though he hated to admit it... Bret did make a hot chick. "What did you do about your tits? They look pretty real." He asked poking his brother in the chest, watching the two mounds jiggle a little.
"Water balloons and a bra I stole from the costume trunk."
"Clever." Owen grinned and put on Bret's name tag for him. He purposely reached over too far down his chest and poked his balloon with the pin. A steady stream of water began to squirt out from the thin material of his tank top.
"Bastard! You popped my tit!" Bret shouted and smacked Owen across the face as he stormed off to go make a fresh one.
Owen howled with laughter- up until he realised he was surrounded by angry Hooter girls. "Um.. Hi ladies..."
"CREEP!"
"LOOSER!"
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT A POOR WOMAN LIKE THAT?!"
"GET HIM!!!" They shouted attacking Owen with their menus and order pads.
-A few hours later-
Owen growled softly as he adjusted the ice pack on his head. ...Women... That's why he gave up on them. To make matters worse, Bret was doing a GOOD job of convincing every customer he had. And he always made sure to stop buy to wave his hefty tip in his face. Of course Owen always made sure to pop one of his boobs as retailiation.
This was not going well... He'd have to play dirty. Owen went over to the pay phone to dial the hotel. "Hello, can I have Shawn Michaels, please?"
Bret was running out of light colored water balloons and dry tank tops. He couldn't use the purple ones, that would give his fake breasts away too easily. But everything else -besides the little orange shorts riding up his ass- was going well.
...Up until they walked in. Bret paled slightly as he held up the menus to hide his face. Shawn, The Rock, Scott Hall, and Nash had just walked in. "Welcome to Hooters!" He squeaked and began dodging The Rock as he tried to get a look at Bret's face.
"Come on, sweet heart! Let The Rock see your pretty face!"
"Rocky, leave that poor girl alone." Shawn scolded.
"Oh okay, Michaels. The Rock'll hold on to your candy ass instead."
Bret slapped The Rock with the menu. "Oh ho ho! You're so funny! Aren't you married?"
"The Rock is thinking that you look a little familar..." He started as he pulled the menus from him. "Really familar."
"Ohh you caught me! I'm Bret and Owen's cousin, Bretnay!" He said in the best girlie voice he could as he twirled one of his dark locks in his fingers. Thank god for all those acting lessons he had when he was a kid.
"I knew it. You look so much like Bret it's scary." Nash said as he shook his head.
"Yeah, you both have the same candy ass! That's hot. The Rock says your cousin definately-"
"Well Bret-Nay says that The Rock had better stop talking about her cousin before Bret-Nay looses it and starts hitting him with her order pad!" Bret growled and it up threateningly.
"She's got spunk." Scott grinned. "I like her. Can I have your number?"
"Ohhh sorry! But I'm married to the mob. Can I take your orders?"
Rock glanced down at the menu. "The Rock'll have..."
"Chicken wings! A great order, just beautiful. You sir?" He asked looking to Kevin. "Ohh too slow! Another order of chicken wings! And you, greasy?" Bret asked cutely.
"I uh-"
"ANOTHER order of chicken wings! You guys are chicken freaks!" Bret tittered in a feminine way. "Now what can I do for you, sugar?" Bret asked as he leaned against the table to stare lovingly at Shawn.
"Oh I um..I... Gee you look like Bret.." Shawn stammered slightly. "I guess I'll have chicken wings too."
"Sure thing, honey." Bret smiled to Shawn, before going into the put the order in.
Owen grumbled a little when he saw Bret pratically hanging off of Shawn like he was. He walked over to the table and sat down next to Shawn. "Hey guys... Shawn."
"H-Hey Owen... We met your cousin, Bret-Nay."
"The Rock says she's a strange piece of pie."
"Cousin..? I don't have a cousin named-"
"Ohhh Owen don't joke like that!" Bret giggled smacking him on the head. "You're just embaressed that I'm WAY better looking than you!" He said in a sing songy voice. "Here's your chicken wings, guys!"
"Damn..." Owen shook his head slowly. "That's one hell of a lot of chicken wings."
"Yeah, Bret-Nay ordered for us." Kevin grumbled. "Wouldn't let us get a word in. Cept for Shawn. Look, she's stareing at him like he's a hot meal."
Bret was visably drooling over Shawn again, making the other man uncomfortable.
Owen growled inwardly as he pulled out a pocket knife, sticking it in his hand. He made a quick motion with his hand puncturing a hole in Bret's breast.
"CREEP! HE STABBED ME! All I ever wanted to be was a Hooters girl but... but... My secrets out!" Bret started crying on command (yet another thing he credited to acting lessons), masquera running down his face. He grabbed the knife out of Owen's hand and punctured the other balloon. "I'M FLAT CHESTED!!!" He wailed and ran toward the kitchen.
"Owen, you're a creep." Scott growled leaving a fifty dollar tip for 'Bret-Nay'.
" Yeah, you should be nice to your cousin. She's a nice girl!" Nash said leaving another fifty down. The Rock followed, leaving a crisp new fifty on the table too.
Shawn however, was the only one not fooled by Bret's disguise. He got up and followed after the older man. Bret's back was turned as he was busily drying himself off on a kitchen towel. "Bret... What are you doing?"
Bret turned around slowly eyes widdening when he saw Shawn. "Sh-Shawn... Hi... Um... I can explain this."
"Good- Because I'd really like one."
-Five minutes later-
Shawn blushed softly. "So you guys heard me?"
Bret nodded slowly. "Yes. Now... Which one of us is it..?!"
"You." Shawn turned redder.
"Really? Oh good... Because that means I can stop this stupid Hooters girl act." Bret said as he tossed off his soaking wet tee shirt. "Good thing too. I was on my last two water balloons."
"Why didn't you just stuff your chest?"
"Because I wanted that jiggle effect for realness. Tissue doesn't jiggle."
Shawn laughed, hugging him tightly. "Come on, Bret-Nay. Let's go out and get some of those chicken wings before they're gone."
FIN.
Pairings: Owen Hart/Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart
Rating: PG-13 for sexual humor
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, but It would be cool if they did :)
Genre: Comedy
Summary: Owen and Bret overhear Shawn talking about a crush he has on a Hart... Sibling rivalry ends up in Owen betting Bret to do the unthinkable...
A/N: I dont know if The Rock was around when Owen was, I cant remember. But for the sake of comedy he's here. And to all those who love my dramas, don't fret This is my last comedy indulgence for awhile.
"Great match Owen!" Bret grinned giving his brother a high five. "Let me go take you out for dinner."
"At Hooters?" Owen asked with a smirk on his face.
"Of course." Bret smiled. "Just let me go get something from the locker room."
Owen rolled his eyes. He knew what his brother was doing- Bret had it timed perfectly. Shawn Michaels would be undressing in the locker room. And it wasn't as if he didn't think Bret had legitamately left something behind- for he happened to have his gym bag slung over his shoulder. And it also wasn't as if Bret was the ONLY one 'forgetting' things in the locker room. Owen had done it plenty of times too.
The Hart brothers gathered around the lockers. There was Shawn- shimmying out of a pair of white, black and gold tights. They drooled along quietly, watching as Shawn's perfect ass came into view. Scott Hall was there too- though he was fully dressed.
"I don't know Scotty." Shawn said as he rubbed his bare arms. "He's so much older than me- He couldn't be interested in a guy like me..."
"Don't say that, chico! I'm sure he would be very interested in you."
"He's so famous... And from one of wrestling's most famous families... He could have anyone he wanted."
"Well yeah, the Harts are good people. Which is why you should stop standing around naked because I think there are people watching you, throw on a pair of jeans and go talk to him!"
Shawn glanced back- but Owen and Bret had fled the locker room by then.
"Did you hear that?! He wants me!" Bret smirked pointing to himself proudly.
"Yeah, I heard. But I think you heard it wrong." Owen said crossing his arms. "He was talking about me, brother."
"Sorry Owen, but he said famous. You're no where NEAR as famous as The Hitman here."
Owen rolled his eyes. "Uh uh, you're just the pretty one."
"Damn straight. Now if you'll excuse me... I'm going to go speak to Shawn. His crush is coming to make things alllll better."
"I don't think so, Bretty." Owen snarled as he reached out to grab Bret by the collar of his leather jacket. "If anyone's going to talk to Shawn, it's me."
"No Owen, ME."
"ME, BRET..."
soon enough an arguement became a pushing fight, pushes became punches, and punches became an all out war. Twenty minutes later, both Hart brothers lay panting and bloody on the floor.
"Alright... Let's settle this like MEN. I challenge you to a bet, Bret." Owen said as he whipped the blood from the corner of his mouth.
"Okay tough guy. Give me your best shot."
Owen grinned ferally. "Winner gets to talk to Shawn about his 'crush' first. But if you back out- I go talk to him now."
Bret never EVER backed out ANY bet. What ever Owen dished out, he could take. "Okay okay, but what do you want me to do?
"Since you're the 'pretty one' why don't you go show it off? Work at Hooters for one day, as a waitress. AND- and... If you manage to fool enough people long enough to give you $100 in tips, I'll back off all together leaving you and Shawn to frolick happily into the sunset."
"Brother, you are one stupid son of a bitch. I've got this thing won." Bret said in a cocky manner.
"We'll see, I'll make a call to Hooters."
-
Bret came in with Owen the next day to the local Hooters restaurant. Owen had made special arrangements with the management to sit there all day and make sure his brother went through the WHOLE day of being oogled. Though he hated to admit it... Bret did make a hot chick. "What did you do about your tits? They look pretty real." He asked poking his brother in the chest, watching the two mounds jiggle a little.
"Water balloons and a bra I stole from the costume trunk."
"Clever." Owen grinned and put on Bret's name tag for him. He purposely reached over too far down his chest and poked his balloon with the pin. A steady stream of water began to squirt out from the thin material of his tank top.
"Bastard! You popped my tit!" Bret shouted and smacked Owen across the face as he stormed off to go make a fresh one.
Owen howled with laughter- up until he realised he was surrounded by angry Hooter girls. "Um.. Hi ladies..."
"CREEP!"
"LOOSER!"
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT A POOR WOMAN LIKE THAT?!"
"GET HIM!!!" They shouted attacking Owen with their menus and order pads.
-A few hours later-
Owen growled softly as he adjusted the ice pack on his head. ...Women... That's why he gave up on them. To make matters worse, Bret was doing a GOOD job of convincing every customer he had. And he always made sure to stop buy to wave his hefty tip in his face. Of course Owen always made sure to pop one of his boobs as retailiation.
This was not going well... He'd have to play dirty. Owen went over to the pay phone to dial the hotel. "Hello, can I have Shawn Michaels, please?"
Bret was running out of light colored water balloons and dry tank tops. He couldn't use the purple ones, that would give his fake breasts away too easily. But everything else -besides the little orange shorts riding up his ass- was going well.
...Up until they walked in. Bret paled slightly as he held up the menus to hide his face. Shawn, The Rock, Scott Hall, and Nash had just walked in. "Welcome to Hooters!" He squeaked and began dodging The Rock as he tried to get a look at Bret's face.
"Come on, sweet heart! Let The Rock see your pretty face!"
"Rocky, leave that poor girl alone." Shawn scolded.
"Oh okay, Michaels. The Rock'll hold on to your candy ass instead."
Bret slapped The Rock with the menu. "Oh ho ho! You're so funny! Aren't you married?"
"The Rock is thinking that you look a little familar..." He started as he pulled the menus from him. "Really familar."
"Ohh you caught me! I'm Bret and Owen's cousin, Bretnay!" He said in the best girlie voice he could as he twirled one of his dark locks in his fingers. Thank god for all those acting lessons he had when he was a kid.
"I knew it. You look so much like Bret it's scary." Nash said as he shook his head.
"Yeah, you both have the same candy ass! That's hot. The Rock says your cousin definately-"
"Well Bret-Nay says that The Rock had better stop talking about her cousin before Bret-Nay looses it and starts hitting him with her order pad!" Bret growled and it up threateningly.
"She's got spunk." Scott grinned. "I like her. Can I have your number?"
"Ohhh sorry! But I'm married to the mob. Can I take your orders?"
Rock glanced down at the menu. "The Rock'll have..."
"Chicken wings! A great order, just beautiful. You sir?" He asked looking to Kevin. "Ohh too slow! Another order of chicken wings! And you, greasy?" Bret asked cutely.
"I uh-"
"ANOTHER order of chicken wings! You guys are chicken freaks!" Bret tittered in a feminine way. "Now what can I do for you, sugar?" Bret asked as he leaned against the table to stare lovingly at Shawn.
"Oh I um..I... Gee you look like Bret.." Shawn stammered slightly. "I guess I'll have chicken wings too."
"Sure thing, honey." Bret smiled to Shawn, before going into the put the order in.
Owen grumbled a little when he saw Bret pratically hanging off of Shawn like he was. He walked over to the table and sat down next to Shawn. "Hey guys... Shawn."
"H-Hey Owen... We met your cousin, Bret-Nay."
"The Rock says she's a strange piece of pie."
"Cousin..? I don't have a cousin named-"
"Ohhh Owen don't joke like that!" Bret giggled smacking him on the head. "You're just embaressed that I'm WAY better looking than you!" He said in a sing songy voice. "Here's your chicken wings, guys!"
"Damn..." Owen shook his head slowly. "That's one hell of a lot of chicken wings."
"Yeah, Bret-Nay ordered for us." Kevin grumbled. "Wouldn't let us get a word in. Cept for Shawn. Look, she's stareing at him like he's a hot meal."
Bret was visably drooling over Shawn again, making the other man uncomfortable.
Owen growled inwardly as he pulled out a pocket knife, sticking it in his hand. He made a quick motion with his hand puncturing a hole in Bret's breast.
"CREEP! HE STABBED ME! All I ever wanted to be was a Hooters girl but... but... My secrets out!" Bret started crying on command (yet another thing he credited to acting lessons), masquera running down his face. He grabbed the knife out of Owen's hand and punctured the other balloon. "I'M FLAT CHESTED!!!" He wailed and ran toward the kitchen.
"Owen, you're a creep." Scott growled leaving a fifty dollar tip for 'Bret-Nay'.
" Yeah, you should be nice to your cousin. She's a nice girl!" Nash said leaving another fifty down. The Rock followed, leaving a crisp new fifty on the table too.
Shawn however, was the only one not fooled by Bret's disguise. He got up and followed after the older man. Bret's back was turned as he was busily drying himself off on a kitchen towel. "Bret... What are you doing?"
Bret turned around slowly eyes widdening when he saw Shawn. "Sh-Shawn... Hi... Um... I can explain this."
"Good- Because I'd really like one."
-Five minutes later-
Shawn blushed softly. "So you guys heard me?"
Bret nodded slowly. "Yes. Now... Which one of us is it..?!"
"You." Shawn turned redder.
"Really? Oh good... Because that means I can stop this stupid Hooters girl act." Bret said as he tossed off his soaking wet tee shirt. "Good thing too. I was on my last two water balloons."
"Why didn't you just stuff your chest?"
"Because I wanted that jiggle effect for realness. Tissue doesn't jiggle."
Shawn laughed, hugging him tightly. "Come on, Bret-Nay. Let's go out and get some of those chicken wings before they're gone."
FIN.