Love's A Loaded Gun
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or concepts from the show Glee.
A/N: Born This Way never happened. Kurt didn't transfer to Dalton. The bullying continued... and got worse. This fic explores a different viewpoint of Never Been Kissed. It shows that the first kiss changed everything, even about how Kurt feels towards Karofsky. It put him under a spell to where it's all he can think about and continually searches for acceptance and affection from a bully who is seemingly cold. The rejection he'll bare at the hands of Karofsky will be his challenge in the overall story. Can he get Karofsky to show him affection again? Or will the kiss be his only memory of humanity in the bully?
Prologue
3 A.M.
It destroyed the man inside watching his boy, the only son he had, tossing and turning in his sleep. A seventeen year old boy with all of his future lying ahead of him should be sleeping soundly, dreaming big dreams; not screaming and moaning desperately in what seemed like an inescapable peril.
Burt Hummel stood in the doorway of his son's room helplessly observing as a bystander to the conflict occurring within his boy. He looked on with deep concern, finally deciding to take action.
"Kurt?" The man called, moving over to the bedside and nudging his son lightly to wake him.
The boy's eyes opened slightly, the sight of his father blurry in his vision. He closed his eyes. He could feel the cold sweat nesting on his forehead, panic cold in his mind. Even when his eyes were closed and he was enveloped in darkness the world still spun. There was a great buzzing in his head like rushing water from an open faucet, until for a moment the voice broke through it again.
Burt stared down anxiously at the pale face, the dark-smudged eyes, the damp hair. "Kurt!" He tried once again more forcefully.
Kurt suddenly sat upright, eyes wide and staring. He looked at his father, pleading, without recognition. His face crumpled and he dropped back helplessly, tears running down his cheeks. His father leaned over him, his arms around him, murmuring soothingly as if he were a baby. In a few moments he began to relax, and to breathe more easily.
"It's gotten worse, hasn't it?"
Burt turned to the doorway, still holding Kurt. Carole Hudson, now Hummel, stood where he once was; distress in her expression. "Just another bad night," said Burt dolefully. "Don't worry. He'll sleep now. The worst is over."
Carole stepped closer to the man, rubbing his back in circles soothingly for comfort. "Poor, kid. He hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in over a month..."
"I'm going to start looking for a second job," Burt announced, stroking his only son's damp forehead. "It may not be for a while, but when I can afford it, I'm going to get him away from that school. I just can't stand to see him like this."
Kurt moved his head onto his pillow, muttering, falling back into a deep sleep. Burt and Carole watched him doze off with sympathy in their hearts. Hopefully this time he would rest peacefully.
Morning sunshine streamed like banners through the windows of Kurt's bedroom. One of the things he missed the most about having a basement for a bedroom was that sunlight could not find its way in to disturb his sleep. The only thing that enticed him to get out of bed was the smell of breakfast coming from downstairs. When it was just him and his dad, toast and overdone eggs were the only items on the menu. But since his dad remarried, it was no longer a grab n' go. Carole wouldn't let the boys out the door without something in their stomachs.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Finn swallowed his last mouthful of bacon, watching his mother with affection as she bustled about the kitchen. "Mom, this is great."
Burt entered the kitchen with the newspaper, taking the cup of coffee Carole held out for him. "Smells good in here," he said, pecking his wife on the cheek. The man looked over at Finn, smiling. "I see you've wasted no time this morning."
"I'm the star quarterback of the McKinley Titans," said Finn after gulping down his orange juice. "Can't win on my good looks alone."
Burt grinned. "Right. Whatever you say, Finn. Just leave some there for your brother, would you?" Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of footsteps scrambling down the stairway.
Kurt looked rushed as he dropped his schoolbag by the table taking his seat in front of the plate of food Carole had set out for him. "Sorry," he apologized, taking his fork in hand.
"Might be a couple of hours late at the shop today," Burt said sitting down at the table with his boys. "I have to stop by the bank and get a new tire for the Escalade. The car that jumped up in the air all by itself."
Finn, with his mouth full of a pop tart, made a strangled noise of protest. "Now, Burt," he said swallowing. "I know how it sounded, but really I'm not crazy, there was nothing that could have made it swerve over to the side like that. Unless the steering rod is going."
"There is nothing wrong with the steering of that car," Burt replied unconvinced.
"Well, then!" Finn was all elbows and indignation. "I'm telling you it just lurched over for no reason at all. Ask Kurt."
"It's true," Kurt said. "The car did sort of jump sideways. I don't see what could have made it jump, unless we ran over something-but it would have had to been something huge. And there was no sign of anything anywhere."
"Teaming up on me, huh?" said Burt. "Well, I'll check the steering anyway. You need a ride to school?"
"We're taking the bus," Finn answered.
"And Mercedes is giving me a ride home so I don't have to sit through football practice," Kurt added quickly. "No offense, Finn."
Carole swooped by the table to take everyone's plate, dropping them off in the sink. "Well you boys better get going," she said, beginning to rinse the dishes.
On the bus ride to school, Kurt sat staring outside of his window, getting lost in nothing in particular. He caught sight of a billboard as the bus made its route to the school. It was an ad for fresh breath, some kind of brand of mint. Internally, something went astray as he took in the ad; two people kissing, both of them smiling. He felt a pang in his heart, the sight triggering a memory... one he was unable to shake. Every single day that passed since then, he remembered.
You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are...!
The kiss. The bully at school... the one he wished would just disappear... the one who made his life a living hell... the kiss was so unexpected; his very first kiss. Until then, Kurt couldn't imagine having feelings for the brute, Karofsky. That was his name: Dave Karofsky. The kiss changed everything. It had to have possessed some kind of magical powers consuming and distorting the very concept of actual reality. It left the boy with feelings of confusion, uncertainty, disdain, heartache, and a unquenchable longing for the bully's affection. And it would only add salt to the wound at school when Karofsky acted like nothing ever happened, continuing to bully Kurt. Being shoved into a locker hurt twice as much now. It didn't only cause him physical pain, but brought on emotional trauma as well. He would give Karofsky a pleading look as his body slumped down the length of the lockers to the floor. But Karofsky's eyes were cold and emotionless showing no signs of sympathy for the boy.
"Kurt?"
The boy escaped his daze by the sound of his brother's voice.
"We're here, man." Finn reached out and touched his arm. He said gently, "Are you okay?"
Kurt blinked at him, "Oh, I'm fine. Just daydreaming, I guess..."
Finn smiled at his brother, although unconvinced by his reply. Kurt felt that his family sensed his troubled state but were unsure of how to approach it; the way he skipped dinner occasionally and locked himself away in his room; how he would sleep through the weekends ignoring all of his phone calls and texts; the way his enthusiasm for Glee diminished; and then the nightmares.
Kurt tried harder for his brother's sake. "Finn. Really, I'm okay!" He said laughing. "You're such a worry worm."
Finn grinned. "Okay, come on. I'll walk you to your first class."
To be continued in Chapter One: Bang Bang
A/N: This is meant to be short. Anyway, this is the prologue to the story. You are introduced to the feelings inside Kurt after the kiss in the locker room. More drama to come, I guarantee! Please review! I would love to know what you guys think about it so far! :-)