AN: Hello everyone, I'm AlexisGleek and I'm pretty new here. I love Glee and decided to make a Fanfiction account to write and post my stories about it. I would really appreciate if you would review this story. I'm going to work hard on it. Hope you guys enjoy! Oh and, I got a few messages asking if I was bummed about the latest Glee episode and yes, I sure am. It's so depressing. But don't worry, guys, I KNOW Finchel is going to come back for us. Ryan Murphy said once in an interview, "Rachel will always have a thing for Finn." when someone asked about Puckleberry. Ha! Anyways, on to the real story now.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. Don't sue me! I need to save up my money to score tickets to watch Glee live. Yeah, I wish.
They were kissing again.
She almost felt like a stalker, hiding in the corner of the hallway, lingering by the door to Spanish class. But she couldn't help it. She just couldn't.
Even though it felt like thousands of sharp razors were cutting into her heart, drowning her of her hope, her faith, everything… she couldn't look away. She couldn't stop herself. She never could.
Rachel Berry watched as Finn Hudson, the boy of her dreams, leaned down and gave Quinn Fabray another sweet kiss. She sniffed and turned around on her heel, quickly walking down the halls to her next class.
Though she wished she hadn't been, she was totally in love with Finn. No matter how corny or lame it sounded, she just was. She had been ever since she saw him singing You're The One That I Want in Glee. He had an amazing voice, no doubt. And it just made her love him even more.
But she wasn't that low. She didn't just have feelings for him for his voice, no. She had feelings for him for him. Because he was so amazing, so sweet, so kind. There were many other reasons, but it was just so hard to explain in words. She loved him, she decided. And she always would.
Rachel let out another loud sniff and began to walk faster. Her heels made noises as her feet tapped against the hard floor, but she didn't care. She actually didn't care about anything right now, besides Finn kissing the blonde girl just steps away from her.
At night, whenever she thought about him and how she wanted to be with him so badly, it broke her heart to realize he would never share the same thoughts. He just wanted to be friends, that was all. He loved Quinn. Not her. It killed her inside.
She thought of going to Ms. Pillsbury again, but decided against it. Though she would never tell the sweet woman, Rachel thought she was the worst counselor ever. She had tried not long ago to get advice from her before, and it hadn't worked out so well.
Once she was in the girl's bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror, she burst into tears. She couldn't take it anymore. Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't he see how much she loved him, how much more she cared for him than Quinn did? And she always would.
She could make him happy, she could make him better than he was now. She would treat him right.
But, of course, Rachel thought bitterly, nothing ever goes right for me. I'm destined to be a Lima Loser forever!
She gasped and slowly picked her head up from the cool sink. She glared at her reflection. "Never say that again." she scolded herself. "Never, ever. You are not a loser. You are a star." She rolled back her shoulders. "I'm Rachel Berry, and I'm a star." she said into the mirror confidently.
The saying always helped her feel better. Except now, she noticed sadly, she didn't feel as sure of herself as normal.
Come on, she thought, Pull yourself together. It's time to go to Glee. You can't let your audience down.
She had already printed out the notes this morning and decided what song she wanted to ask Mr. Schue if she could sing. It was perfect for her feelings right now.
Once she walked into the choir room (she was first of course, like always) she immediately approached Mr. Schue. She willed herself not to look at Finn and Quinn, who were both holding hands. She sniffed again.
"Mr. Schue?" Rachel said, announcing her presence. "I have a song I want to sing. If I could."
"That's great, Rachel, but shouldn't I announce this week's lesson first?" Mr. Schue replied with his usual warm smile. "You know, to be fair to the other students."
Rachel pursed her lips. "Well, I suppose so." she relented after a few seconds of thinking it through, turning around to sit in her usual spot beside Mercedes and Tina. She glanced at Finn and Quinn. She wished Quinn had to sit between Mercedes and Tina, not her, and that she could be beside Finn instead.
Mr. Schue clapped his hands together and turned to face all of the other students. "So." he said, still smiling. "I've already got this week's lesson planned out. Are you ready to here it?" He paused before saying, "This week you get to express your feelings."
Puck snorted. "Express our feelings? That sounds like something some preschool would do. We're not babies." He was always making snide remarks like that. It was nothing new.
Before shooting him a flirty smile, Santana Lopez nodded her head in agreement. Also not surprising. She never gave up the opportunity to flirt with Noah Puckerman. "Yeah, like that fat chick off of Mean Girls who just wanted to express her feelings or whatever? So lame."
"That's not exactly what I meant." Mr. Schue frowned. "I mean, this week you guys get to sing whatever certain song expresses you. Like, your feelings."
"I already know what my song is." Quinn said, smiling smugly. "My feelings are that I'm so in love with my boyfriend. So I can do Stupid Cupid by Mandy Moore." She turned to Rachel and asked slightly louder with a wink, "That would be perfect for my vocal range, wouldn't it, Rachel?"
Rachel swallowed hard. "Maybe." she said, mustering up a sarcastic smile. "Except I really don't think you have a nice enough voice for the high parts. You're way too sharp. But don't worry, Quinn. You'll get better." She paused before adding, "At least, I think you will."
She normally never stood up for herself whenever it came to Quinn or any of the popular people for that matter, but she wasn't going to let her bully her right now, not whenever she felt so crappy and she definitely wasn't going to let her taunt her because Quinn had Finn and she didn't.
"Alright then," Mr. Schue said, clapping his hands again, obviously trying to break the tension between the two. Quinn was fuming. She obviously wasn't used to being stood up to. "Sure, Quinn, nice choice. Anyone else?"
Rachel's hand was the first one that shot in the air. Another thing that wasn't surprising. "I do." she said, waving her stack of papers in the air importantly. "Oh, I do!"
She couldn't believe how perfect this week's lesson was. She wondered if Mr. Schue could read minds. She was going to sing a song that showed how she felt. She normally felt better after belting out her feelings, and hopefully it would work this time too.
"My song is My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion." Rachel announced, standing up and crossing the room. She handed her papers to the extras who always played the background music.
Mr. Schue nodded to show he was listening. The whole class turned their attention to her, something she loved.
She let out a deep breath before letting the words flow from her mouth easily. She sang her heart out, sang every word with feelings and her emotions. And it already had her feeling just a little bit better. Singing always worked like a charm for her.
Once she was done she smiled at everyone and turned to Mr. Schue, waiting expectantly.
"Wow." Mr. Schue said, clapping his hands. "That was great, Rachel! As usual,"
Rachel grinned, beaming at the compliment. She loved getting them, they made her heart soar. "Thanks." she said gratefully, taking her seat again.
"How can that song express your feelings if you've got no one to love?" Santana said, shaking her head. "It just doesn't work that way."
Brittany immediately nodded. "Yeah, Mr. Schue, I think Rachel should be banned from Glee for being a liar liar pants for hire."
Artie frowned. "It's liar liar pants on fire." he corrected her slowly, as if he was talking to a five year old.
"No it's not. I saw it off of Spongebob, it's the right –"
Quinn let out a loud impatient sigh. "Who cares?" she interrupted Brittany. "Not me. I do agree with Santana, though. Who would ever love you, Rachel?"
Rachel winced. "You don't have to have someone love you back to love them." she insisted quietly. It was true. Just because she knew Finn would never ever love her, it didn't mean she was going to stop loving him. Not ever.
"Oh, that's right. You're too pathetic to have someone love you back." Santana said, nodding. Quinn laughed.
"That's enough." Mr. Schue interrupted sternly, causing everyone to fall silent.
• • •
They were kissing again.
It normally felt amazing whenever Finn pressed his lips to hers. It normally made him feel like the luckiest guy on planet Earth. And it normally made his stomach do flips, something he thought only girls did. But it hadn't been doing that lately, and it bothered him.
Sometimes, whenever he was kissing Quinn, Finn found himself thinking about Rachel. And that was really wrong, right? As he closed his eyes, he should be thinking of his girlfriend. The person he was kissing right now. But his mind wandered off lately, onto the vision of a girl with brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. A beautiful girl.
He mentally slapped himself. He couldn't be thinking those thoughts.
"So my parents aren't home today. And the Jacuzzi is always free. We'd be all alone. What do you think?" Quinn said, smiling brightly at the thought.
Finn frowned. "I don't know. I – I mean, I've got to study for the History test. If I fail, I'm doomed." Why was he making up an excuse not to go sit and make out with Quinn for hours in her family's Jacuzzi? Maybe because he just didn't feel like it today. Yeah, that was all.
"I could help you study." Quinn insisted, her smile faltering.
"My papers would get wet in the Jacuzzi." Finn said lamely. It was a bad excuse, but it was the first thing he could think of.
Quinn pursed her lips. "We don't have to study in the Jacuzzi." she replied, a hint of whining in her voice. "Is there something wrong, Finn? If there is, you can tell me." Her forehead was creased with worry.
He sighed and shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. I just don't feel that good today." That part was true. "I'll come over to your house today, sure."
He really didn't feel like going over there now. He felt like going home, plopping down on his un-made bed and shoving his headphones onto his ears and blasting music at full volume and drowning out any other noises. But he didn't want to get Quinn angry.
"Okay," Quinn said happily, obviously not noticing his discomfort. "It'll be fun, you'll see." As the bell sounded off, she smiled even wider. "Now let's hurry up. We wouldn't want to be late for Glee, would we?"
Finn shook his head and linked his arm with hers, something they always did. Quinn always insisted on it, so it would show that they were together forever and it symbolized they would never let each other go. He didn't really get it but he agreed to always do it. He agreed to what Quinn wanted to do all the time.
As they made it into the choir room, Finn stared at Rachel. She was really pretty. Really, really pretty. He glared at the beautiful girl as her back was turned to him. No. He couldn't be thinking these thoughts. They were wrong. Wrong! But that poodle sweater was really cute on her…
"I wonder what we're doing for this week's lesson." Quinn's high, sing-song voice cut into Finn's thoughts. "I hope it's something fun and not another one of Mr. Schue's boring lessons. Blah!"
Finn nodded, though he didn't think that way at all. He always enjoyed Mr. Schue's lessons, they were nice and he really did enjoy doing Glee club. Quinn was always complaining about how much of a bore Mr. Schue was and he would always pretend to agree. If he ever disagreed with her, he would never hear the end of it. Ever!
Once Mr. Schue announced this week's lesson, which was about expressing your feelings or something, Finn zoned out. He was too busy thinking right now to listen and pay as much attention as he should have.
It was normal for him to fall asleep in History or any other class, but not Glee. This was the class he always looked forward to and didn't ever want to miss, because it was really and truly fun. He almost didn't hear Quinn shoot a nasty remark at Rachel, but he did.
It confused him but he knew that it was mean. Something about cupid or whatever. He glared at Quinn, but she never even looked at him. Did she even really care? Did he even really care about her?
Of course he cared about her. He loved her. But he was beginning to wonder if he loved Quinn like a girlfriend, or just a really close friend. Either was possible. But he didn't like feeling so confused and out of control of his own emotions and thoughts. It was so confusing, like that one moment were you went completely brain dead while going upside down on a rollercoaster. His whole life had felt like a rollercoaster recently.
He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't realize Rachel was going to sing. He looked up as she stepped to the front of the room, smiling at them all. He smiled to himself, liking how pretty she looked under the light.
Whenever she began to sing, he couldn't stop his thoughts. Part of him actually didn't want to. He thought of what a pretty voice she had, how good she was at singing, how her funny face expressions made him want to laugh. He held it in, though, because he knew she was very serious about how she looked when she was singing.
Finn stared at her, even after she was finished. He probably stared longer than he should have, but he just couldn't help himself. But he was forced to look away when he noticed Quinn glaring at him from the corner of his eye.
The bell rang again and Finn shot out of his chair, trying to make it to the door. He wanted to get there before Quinn could loop her arm in his and talk about how romantic their day in the Jacuzzi would be. He didn't want to think of any of that right now.
But of course, Quinn did catch up with him. And looped her arm in his. Of course. He forced back a groan and tried to smile at her. He didn't want her to sense anything was wrong again.
"Tonight is going to be perfect." Quinn started, "I already got these special candles for us. We can light them up while we're in the Jacuzzi. It's supposed to cleanse the soul and…"
Finn drowned out the rest of her words. He didn't have enough time to listen to the religious stuff she wanted to blab on about. Every time, before they made out, Quinn had to sit there and pray. Every single time.
Right now, Finn just wanted to go find Rachel and talk out his problems with her. She always made him feel better about that kind of stuff. She always knew what to say, unlike Quinn, who always wanted to just talk about cheerleading and junk.
But the thing was, he couldn't talk with Rachel. He had to leave the school with Quinn. And go to her house and pray with her around a Jacuzzi surrounded with candles.
Why couldn't everything be so much simpler? Why couldn't Quinn just go away for a little while and not be swarming around him like a frantic bee all the time? Why couldn't he just live a little?
He sighed and felt Quinn tug on his arm, leading him out of the building.
AN: So yeah, there's chapter one. Hope you guys enjoyed so far. Chapter two should be up soon. Please review!