Greetings once more, true believers. Obviously, the bizarre title to this piece caught you're attention. This is the first installment in a planned series of FMA fics, set to some of my favorite songs by the perennial Meat Loaf. And I challenge all of you to listen to some of these songs and deny how appropriate they are for the characters and situations you will read here. As always, disclaimers apply. I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, or any of the songs used in these fics. But I do hope they will inspire feelings and thoughts that belong to each and every one of you, for all time! Read on!
Edward Elric sighed as he gazed out the window. The landscape rolled by, coming out of one corner of his view, leaving right out the other. On the surface, this world looked perfectly mistakable for the one he had left behind. But it wasn't the same. The people, the places, and the things were all different.
He rested his chin in his palm, and was once again struck by the feel of it. The FEEL of it. He gazed as his hand, opened and closed a fist, almost awestruck by the wonder of it. Where once there had been metal, wires, bolts and carbines, now there was flesh, blood, bone, nerves and veins. The human body was a creation surely to never be equaled by any feat of engineering.
But sometimes, he swore he could still feel his automail limbs. He could feel tickling of the cold metal meeting his flesh at the shoulder and knee. That he could feel the wires piercing his flesh, hear the creak of the bolts in their sockets, smell the faint hint of oil. He usually felt this late at night, when he couldn't sleep.
It was also on those nights that he swore he could still hear his brother's voice…
He gazed out the window again, and thought to himself how closely some of these towns resembled Resembool.
The skies were pure and the fields were green
And the sun was brighter than its ever been
When I grew up with my best friend Kenny
We were close as any brothers that you ever knew
It was always summer and the future called
We were ready for adventures and we wanted them all
There was so much left to dream and so much time to make it real
With a groan of pure agony, he slumped back against the wall. He clutched at the oozing stump of his knee. It was coming in spurts, no more than a fraction of a second apart, forced from his body by the frantic beating of his heart. It wasn't crimson, like any previous time he had been hurt. It was dark, and it smelled faintly metallic, like the smell of Pinako's automail shop. The only thing he could think of to compare it to was chocolate syrup.
"Al! Alphonse!! Alphonse!!" he shouted through his gritted teeth. Then he collapsed into spasms of shuddering for a moment. "Damn!" he muttered to himself. "Damn! How could this have happened?"
He tried to pull himself away from the wall, ended up going flat on his face. He propped up on his elbows and his remaining leg and pulled himself across the floor. "It…it wasn't supposed to be like this…" he thought aloud. He raised his eyes and glanced around, and through the throbbing of the pain that was reaching up from his absent leg to pound through his whole body, a new, piercing sensation tore through him. Panic!
"Oh no…he's gone!" he shouted to the empty house. "Somebody…help me! Mom!" It was then that he realized the house wasn't entirely empty…
"Mom…" he said in a muted whisper. He gazed across the floor to the transmutation circle on the floor. He saw scrambling in the darkness. He leaned his head further, narrowed his eyes, and then recoiled.
The horror that lay in the circle gazed at him with empty eyes. It writhed and contorted, emitting gasps and choking sounds, like a fish washed up on the shore. It jerked and then hacked up some blood.
He tried to scream, but found his vocal chords paralyzed. He scrambled back against the wall, ignoring the shriek of pain that came as he dragged the bleeding stump at his knee across the hard wood floor.
"This can't be…" he gasped, clapping his hands to his head, trying to dull the horrific pounding that was blasting between his temples. "No…this isn't…" he opened his mouth to say something else, but then felt the tightening of muscles in his abdomen. He slumped forward and vomited.
"I didn't want this…" he snarled, pounding a fist on the floor. "Al…its all my fault…my fault…" But then, through the screaming of panic, through the weight of guilt, inspiration struck. He pulled himself across the floor, away from the still squirming monstrosity on the other side of the room, and toward the antique suits of armor in the corner.
He knocked one of them over, sending it crashing to the floor. The headpiece rolled off the shoulders, and he seized it before it could roll away. He reached down and took a handful of the gooey liquid that was now coming a little less enthusiastically from him. He reached forward and drew the appropriate symbol inside the helmet.
"Give him back…" he snarled as he did the calculations in his head. "That's my brother, damn you! I don't care what the toll is! Take my other leg! Or my arm! Take both of them! You can even have my heart…" Then, with the last vestiges of his quickly draining strength, he threw his head back and thundered his demand. "Just give him back! He's the only family I have!!" The sound of his palms clapping together was like a boom of thunder…
But I can still recall the sting of all the tears when he was gone
They said he crashed and burned
I know I'll never learn
Why any boy should die so young
We were racing we were soldiers of fortune
We got in trouble but we sure got around
There are times I think I see him peeling out of the dark
I think he's right behind me now and he's gaining ground
Edward shot up in bed. He thrashed against the blankets, his fear giving them the feel of scrambling hands reaching out of the dark for him. After a moment, reality set in. He sat straight, his chest heaving as he reassured himself it was only a dream.
But somehow, the empty room seemed to whisper to him.
"Brother…"
He smiled, more in defiant vain then in actual glee. He ran a hand over his face, wiping away the cold sweat. He took a deep breath and counted to ten, allowing his body to calm. His shoulders lowered, his heart slowed. He glanced around the room, furrowed his brow, and put his imagination to work.
On the empty floor next to his bed, he imagined another bed. And on that bed, he saw a suit of armor, almost too large to fit. He lay on its side, back to him. There was no reassuring sound of breathing, just the occasional squeak from the metal joints when it adjusted itself.
He smiled, finding that image calming. He then looked at the foot of his bed, and saw a little boy there. This child had dirty blonde hair, large, amber eyes, and the toothiest smile imaginable. He flashed those teeth and cocked his head to the side. Ed chuckled to himself, and then turned toward the window.
And there, instead of the city laid out before him, he saw an earnest looking teenager. This one had features that somewhat resembled Ed's own. His hair was lighter than Ed's own, and his cheekbones a little higher. But in the lines of their mouths and in their eyes, there was no mistaking. This lad turned to him, the corners of his mouth turning up in a small smile. Ed smiled back, and then threw the blankets off to pull his pants on. With sleep no longer possible, he decided to take a walk to clear his head.
But it was long ago and it was far away
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car
And
Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are
Ed walked through the empty streets, hands jammed in his pockets. He wandered aimlessly, never minding the streets or the buildings. As he walked, he ran over his various plots in his head. He was currently seeking a way to pierce this world's upper stratosphere, to reach the gate once again, to go back where he belonged.
As the thought of all the people and things that were waiting for him danced through his memory, he wondered what had happened to some of the less savory ones. He had not seen what had become of Envy. He had just vanished into the gate. And for all he knew, Wrath was still running around somewhere, or rather, hobbling about. And Gluttony had just vanished.
He was broken from his pondering by the clip clopping of someone approaching. Ed looked up, saw a constable walking his beat toward him. The man appeared like a dark shadow from this distance, though his form became a little clearer as he approached. He wore blue uniform, very official looking. He stopped and shook a doorknob every few buildings. He hummed a barely audible tune to himself.
As Ed watched him, his memory wandered back to a time when another man in uniform had come to call…
And when the sun descended and the night arose
I heard my father cursing everyone he knows
He was dangerous and drunk and defeated
And corroded by failure and envy and hate
There were endless winters and the dreams would freeze
Nowhere to hide and no leaves on the trees
And my father's eyes were blank as he hit me
Again and again and again
"All right, all right, I'm coming!" Pinako Rockbell grunted as she made her way through the house. The pounding on the door was layered by the barking of the dog outside. She frowned and moved a little faster, nut sure how long her aging ears could put up with such a racket.
She grabbed the doorknob and pulled. The moment a crack of light showed through the doorway, a tall man barged in, yanking the door open, nearly pulling Pinako over in the process.
"Pardon me Miss Rockbell." He grunted as he strode into the house. He immediately went for the center of the room and glanced around from side to side, seeking.
"What the blazes is going on?" Pinako snapped, outraged at the intrusion. "Who are you people?"
"We've very sorry," a softer voice said. Pinako looked back at the door to see a young woman entering, following her companion. They both wore the uniforms of the military, but the man wore the decorations of a higher rank. "We're looking for the Elric Brothers. We heard they might be here."
Before Pinako could open her mouth to reply, a soft squeek came from the corner. All eyes moved to entrance to the next room, where a hulking figure in a suit of armor lumbered in, pushing a small boy in a wheelchair. The boy kept his head down, gazing into his lap silently.
With a snarl of determination Roy Mustang grabbed the morose looking youngster and hauled him up out of the wheelchair he was occupying. He leaned closer and looked into those sad eyes, the anger that was boiling over in him wiping away any traces of pity for that sadness.
"I've been to you're house." He barked. "What the hell did you do? What did you create?"
Edward Elric did not reply. Rather, his sad eyes simply wandered away, not wanting to meet Mustang's determined glare. For a moment, Mustang's face contorted in anger, prepared to start yelling. But then he felt the soft pressure on his arm, and turned his head to meet the empty holes of the suit of armor as it looked at him with soulless eyes.
"I'm sorry…" a child's voice said from within that hallowing metal, "Please forgive us. I'm sorry…"
And for the first time in his life, Mustang found himself with no words to say.
I know I still believe he'd never let me leave
I had to run away alone
So many threats and fears - so many wasted years
Before my life became my own
And though the nightmares should be over
Some of the terrors are still intact
I'll hear that ugly coarse and violent voice
And then he grabs me from behind and then he pulls me back!
Edward jammed his hands further into his pocket and gazed at the ground. He should not spend so much time pondering the past, he knew. He had to look ahead, to the future. He had to focus on the present, and how he was going to get himself back where he belonged.
The clang of a church-bell shook him out of the reverie. He looked up to see the first stabs dawn's light piercing through the darkness. The black sky had faded to a soft blue, and soon the streets would come to life.
He breathed deep, and then spun on his heel and started back toward the inn. He would stay long enough for breakfast, and then would head back out again, a wanderer forever.
But it was long ago and it was far away
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car
And
Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are
"What are you trying to do, break my automail?" Winry scolded. She placed her hands on her hips and leaned forward, making her presence just a little more intimidating.
"Forget the damn automail, you're trying to break me!" Ed snarled, rubbing the bump on his head. He grabbed the wrench that had bounced off his skull, and glared up at her, trying to fight down the urge to throw it right back at her. "You know, you're not that cute! In fact, you're not cute at all. You're just a…" he quivered, trying to come up with a true crusher. "Just a grease monkey! A mecha-otaku!" The instant it left his mouth, he groaned and scolded himself.
"I don't care. Until the day you get you're body back, I'm going to be you're back-up." Winry tapped a fist against her chest, her voice taking on a tone of self importance. Then she glowered and pointed a finger at him. "And you better thank me for it!" With that, she snatched her wrench from him and marched back inside.
Ed stayed seated on the ground for a moment, rubbing his head as he watched her go. Then a slight chuckle echoed out of Al's armor body.
"Great to be young, huh?" his brother quipped.
"What was that?" Ed said, his eyes narrowing.
"Oh, nothing."
There was a beauty living on the edge of town
And she always put the top up and the hammer down
And she taught me everything I'll ever know
About the mystery and the muscle of love
The stars would glimmer and the moon would glow
I'm in the back seat with my Julie like a Romeo
And the signs along the highway all said
Caution! Kids at play!
Ed chuckled at the memory as he made his way up to his room. There was a time when he dreaded a visit back home to Resembool, anticipating the inevitable feel of one of Winry's tools meeting his skull. Now, there were times when he felt he would do almost anything to have her hitting him with a wrench again, if it meant being able to see her one last time.
Even though his friend was a literal world away, her memory was perfectly vivid to him. He could still hear her voice, clear as a bell, could still smell her hair, still feel the sensation of her fingers toying at his shoulder. And sometimes, when he lay in bed trying to find sleep, he could feel the flesh of her thighs as he rested his head in her lap, her fingers caressing his hair as she comforted him. He could not remember how many times he had found himself in that position. But he had to admit when he had needed someone to turn to, to listen, she had always been there.
Is she still there? The thought nagged at him now and then. Had Winry managed to move on her with her life? Did she own her own automail shop now, tending to customers far more cooperative and grateful than he had ever been? Or at least, than he had ever shown her. And somewhere in that shop, was there the sound of small feet, or the warmth of loving arms?
Ed shook his head, clearing those thoughts away. It bothered him to imagine more than he would admit. It was true, he supposed, that he never knew how much he missed her till he had lost her. The thought of seeing those eyes gazing into his again only gave him another reason to keep going. It filled him with more determination, and he no longer wanted to think about the past.
Those were the rights of spring and we did everything
There was salvation every night
We got our dreams reborn and our upholstrey torn
But everything we tried was right
She used her body just like a bandage
She used my body just like a wound
I'll probably never know where she disappeared
But I can see her rising up out of the backseat now
Just like an angel rising up from a tomb
"Al…Winry…Granny…" Ed said the names over to himself, thinking of all those he loved, all those he missed. It gave him a fresh sense of meaning and purpose. He smiled, and threw his bag over his shoulder, his suitcase at his side. He strode through the streets like a soldier on his way to battle.
"I'll see you all again!" he said to himself, and with that he took off at a brisk run, rushing to the train station, where his journey waited to resume.
All around him, the world was coming to life.
But it was long ago and it was far away
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car
And
Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are