A/N: This is something I wrote for English class. See, we had to write sentences (or a story, as I chose to do for extra credit) for vocab and this psycho story made me determine that I was the most insane of them all. I need to go to an asylum, I know that, but this is what I came up with. Check it out. It got an "Absolutely delightful!" from my teacher, so... I decided to post it here for everyone to see my utter genius. :-P j/k.
The Battle
"Captain James Hook, Captain of the Jolly Roger," he said, his freshly-polished hook gleaming in the sunlight.
The curly, black wig lay on top of his head in a heap. Hook had a mustache that curled slightly at the ends. Of course, a little bit of five o'clock shadow never hurt a pirate. He was decked out in a red overcoat with gold buttons and trim running down the seams, purple pants, white tights, black boots and a purple hat the shade of his knickers with, of course, a gigantic feather to top it all off. Some people would call his style anachronistic.
"Jack Sparrow, Captain Jack Sparrow. I am Captain of the Black Pearl. Savvi?" The Captain slurred, taking a last swig from the bottle of rum that had atrophied over the past five minutes.
He, on the other hand, was sporting dreads that oddly enough worked for him, a scraggly mustache connected to a tri-braided beard with beads holding the ends of the braids. A faded red scarf wraps around his head with a string of beads hanging over the edge.
Occasionally, because he looses this from time to time, a triangular hat will cover his head making him look like he has a sense of acuity and actually looks like he knows what he is doing. Half the time, he's winging it. Wearing a v-neck white shirt that shows his sexy chest muscles with black pants, multiple belts of different widths and colors, a black overcoat, brown boots and, as a nice last touch, a red and white striped scarf wrapped around one of his many holsters.
What happens when these two Captains meet? In a battle of pure adversity, will Jack go to Davy Jones' locker or will Captain Hook be fed to the ticking crocodile?
Jack Sparrow can seem extremely amicable at times, but he can also be acquisitive. Sparrow decided to taunt Hook with an anecdote he concocted. They pulled out their swords and began sparing on the poop deck of the Black Pearl.
"Ya know, Hook..." Sparrow began with a smug smile. "At least I can get a woman to look at me."
"Is that so?" Hook asked, rhetorically, with the same look of concentration that he had when they started the duel. Hook was beginning to belaborover this sword fight. It wasn't like it was life or death... Okay, yeah it was. But with this blank look on his face he almost looked ambiguous. He seemed to be thinking something else that Jack was oblivious to. He seemed to have something up his sleeve.
Jack didn't get the rhetorical part of the statement. "Yeah, mate. Even the most religious women who vowed abstinence until they were married are all over me."
Hook set his jaw. He refused to let Sparrow get to him. Hook decided to let this opinion be known. "I know I'm a banal old fellow, Sparrow, but I've gotten a few looks in my day." A few flicks of the wrist, and a couple of jabs that missed horribly were made.
Cap'n Jack had to scoff at this statement. "You? Looks? From who?"
"Umm..." Hook stammered as he completely halted the fight. He placed his sword back in its holster. Turning into some flamer, Hook started to bounce and flail his arms out in every which direction, "I'm GAY!! Smee's my boyfriend!" Hook called out to his beau. "Smee, darling!!"
Jack just stood there, with his sword still out, unsure of what to think. Smee came running out. "Oh, Hooky!" he exclaimed.
The two of them ran over to the side of the boat and started to kiss passionately by the sea. Jack had a look of disgust on his face as he watched them. "Ewww..." The straight Captain managed to mutter. He waltzed over to steering dock, put his hands on the wheel and made a very hard right turn. This managed to knock Captain Hook and his life partner off the ship into the amorphous water.
"Tick, tock, tick, tock..." All of them heard the sound of the infamous crocodile. The crocodile knew it was time for supper...but with new found technology, he now has a way to capture his prey. The water around Hook, Smee and the ship began to congeal. The crocodile submerged under the water and decided to kill them first before lifting the application of ice. The crocodile devoured them both before heading off with the ticking sound trailing behind him.
"Yo ho, yo ho.
The pirate's life.
The flag of skull and bones.
A merry hour, a hemp and rope,
and 'ay for Davy Jones!"
Noodler, who had sex-change surgery to become a rather ugly woman, with her hands on backwards came out to give adulation to her new Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow. He had won her trust by trickery, wisdom...and she will be proud to serve on the crew of the Black Pearl. That, and she didn't really like Captain Hook in the first place.
Note: A lot of this comes from my slightly psycho mind, and all of it is in no way, shape or form true. You might be thinking that I'm absolutely nuts, but pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Excuse me while I go put on my strait jacket now. Also, the last part is strictly an inside joke between my imaginary friends and me. I could explain it...but I'm not going to.
A/N: The note above was a note to my teacher explaining how insane I was. I hope that you all liked my insanity...but if you didn't, keep this in mind... Normality is boring. :-D Hasta luego.