Title: Dreams
Author: A. Windsor
Pairing/Characters: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My one semester of law school could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!
Summary: "Then what does your dream look like, Arizona?" Follow up to 7x16.
Author's Note: Just a tiny, tiny little thing that wouldn't let me sleep until I finished it. I guess technically Zeq!verse.
Un-beta'd. Apologies, to the wonderful, snarky roughian, who I'm sure was already asleep.
"My dream... doesn't look like this."
"Then what does your dream look like, Arizona?" Callie asks, terrified of the answer.
Arizona sighs and puts down the paper, scootching closer to Callie and taking her hand.
"For a long time? The Carter-Madison."
Callie flinches and pulls away, but Arizona holds tight.
"But then? You. Calliope, just you."
She takes a deep breath, pressing on.
"And then, you and me, and the house and the yard and the chickens. And the ten kids. Our ten kids. More realistically, three or four, but still. Our kids. Mark Sloan being the fun uncle who would do anything for our kids but has absolutely no say in how they are raised."
"You said this was our baby," Callie says, her voice strained.
"It is. But it's our baby with Mark."
"If you don't want to be in..."
"Stop. Don't. I said I'm in. I am all in. And I will love this baby more than anything, but I told you I needed time, and you haven't given it to me yet. You have to give me time to mourn my dream. To come to terms with the fact that none of my dreams are going to be reality. To make new dreams," she finishes gently, her hand dropping to the ever-more prominent baby bump Callie sports.
"Arizona... You have to tell me what this means."
"I don't want to fight with Mark. I don't like fighting with Mark," Arizona reiterates, standing to pace. "But nothing about this situation makes me feel secure in anything, and I'm sorry, you're not helping. Not with all the talk of Mark. Of how great a foot rub he gives or how wonderful a father he's going to be. Because maybe that's true, but that's not what I want to be thinking about all the time. I mean, even now, he's all we're talking about."
She pauses and meets Callie's eyes, those endless brown eyes already watering.
"All I have is your word, and sometimes I just need to be reminded why I'm actually necessary in this process. Because you're gonna be a great mom, so if Mark's gonna be a great dad, why does our baby need me? Why am I important, Calliope? Am I?"
"Yes. Yes. You're so important."
"Why?"
"Because the moment you called it your baby and touched my stomach was the moment I finally, truly, got excited about this. Because when you told me you were in my plan, there was a light at the end of the tunnel."
"Okay. But if I'm in your plan, then it has to be our plan. There has to be an us."
"A royal we?"
Arizona cracks half a smile and collapses back onto the couch.
"I'm sorry I ruined your dream," Callie says hesitantly.
"I'm sorry I accused you of wanting this situation. That wasn't fair."
"But maybe a little warranted."
The blonde straightens and sits up, looking suspiciously at her.
"You do want this?"
"No, no. But I'm just trying to make the best out of this. Because I love this baby, and I love Mark, and I love you. In three very different ways. So I'm not really getting the short end of the stick here. You are."
"Do you love me?" Arizona asks softly, vulnerably.
"Of course! Arizona, how could you-"
"I can't remember the last time you said it."
This time it's Callie who moves closer. She reaches one hand to Arizona's cheek.
"Maybe part of me is still terrified that you will walk out the door again. People walk away from me."
"I said-"
"I love you. And I know I say it more to everyone else than I ever do to you, so I'm sorry. But I do. I'm so in love with you that I can't watch you walk away again. So if you can't make those new dreams, you need to go. You need to go now, because I know that any child of mine is going to love you just as much as I love you, and the two of us would never get over losing you later."
"I'm making them. But you have to give me time to do it. No, for us to do it. And part of that is to start really thinking about what our life with Mark is going to look like. The logistics, the day-to-day, all of that. Can you do that? For me?"
"Yes," Callie says firmly, brushing Arizona's hair behind her ear.
"And can you understand that this is going to happen? This freaking out. And that maybe we need a little less Mark in our lives, except in all matters baby-related. Can you understand all that?"
"Yes."
"Can I kiss you now?"
"Yes," Callie whispers, like a prayer.
Arizona pulls her close and holds on for dear life.
fin