A Not So Happy Happily Ever After
Hi! This is my second HMC fic! and my first shot at writing something longer than a oneshot! I know the title is weird but I couldn't think of anything better... if anyone has any better ideas please tell me! I hope you all enjoy it and please leave a review. whether it be a nice comment or a flame or constructive criticism I welcome it all the same. And thanks to all the people who reviewed my other HMC fic.
Oh and before I forget (which is something I tend to do a lot) a disclaimer. I do not own Howl's Moving Castle the film or the book. They belong to Diana Wynne Jones and Hayao Miyazaki, unless my pirated copy of the film and my best-friend's copy of the book count... If that's the case then I own them! :starry-eyed:
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Chapter 1: In which Sophie loses hope
Sophie sighed softly, leaning her hands on the railing, as she stared out into the darkness that blanketed all the cities and towns as far as her eyes could see. Small shining almost crystallic looking stars scattered over the darkness twinkled at her, oblivious to her dismay. A cold yet gentle breeze caressed her face, allowing the silken strands of starlight that she called hair to blow freely. Her dark sapphire-blue evening gown billowed on the breeze. Unlike all the other females at this royal gathering, Sophie's dress was not revealing, skimpy or trying to focus people's attention on a certain part of her figure. It was a dark blue dress that clung to her curves slightly before flaring out at the waist giving her a full skirt, being modest and unrevealing, but showing off her delicate figure at the same.
Her dark hazel eyes shone, but in a way that was quite different to when she was happy. A liquid, an almost water-like substance, blurred her view. A lone tear rolled down her pale porcelain cheek, before dropping off her cheek and landing on the cool marble surface of the rails that she leaned her hands on. The cheerful chattering of the crowd of people behind her lowered her spirits further. Prince Justin had resolved the war that almost tore two nations apart and was holding a celebratory party, inviting the royalty of Ingary and all the wizards too. Howl, Sophie, Markl, Calcifer and even Heen had been specially invited to this party as a form of gratitude.
Sophie took in a deep breath to calm herself, before sending out tendrils of her magic through the palace. In an instant it located Howl, and through a few small praises that Sophie had uttered at her arrival at the palace, the wall was more than delighted to respond to her query and show Sophie exactly what she had requested; a view of Howl and the beautiful young woman who he was charming. Even though it hurt her, it was Sophie's right to watch over the man who unknowingly stole and carried her heart around in his pocket.
A certain quote that Sophie had read in a book echoed through her numb mind. 'I want the person I love to be happy more than I want their love returned. Of course I would be delighted to have their love returned. But... if the person I love is happy, that's all I need to be happy.' She remembered those words all too well. Sophie had always admired those words, they were so strong and filled with compassion, so selfless and thoughtful, so...loving... Ironically enough, they seemed to fit her situation so snugly and she couldn't help but feel even more disheartened. (Sneezii: that quote is from CardCaptor Sakura. Tomoyo Daidouji says it and I always thought that it was very sweet )
It had happened not too long ago, but it always felt like years ago, rather than just weeks. She had thought nothing off it at first, a crush, an attraction, nothing that normal girls didn't go through in their teens. Then things had started to happen, things started to change. She started to smile whenever he was in the room, she started to notice his presence even more, she started to notice things that she knew she shouldn't. But after his heart was returned things changed even more. She started to notice when he flirted with other girls, she started to realise how much she wanted him to be happy, she was giving up things for him and striving to make sure nobody ruined his special moments. His happiness had become more important than her own. That's when she realized it was more then a crush, more then attraction, and more then just a fling or a feeling of lust. She was in love.
Pure simple, god cursed love. And maybe she cried sometimes when there was nothing she could do, and maybe she broke rules by spying on him on a couple of occasions, but she had a right. Because, she knew, it was all she would ever get.
Like now, standing with her back facing him but watching as he charmed another woman, another one of his soon to be lovers. She'd probably hear them tonight as well, since their rooms where beside each other in Prince Justin's kingdom. She would probably hear him making love to this woman throughout the night.
She swallowed at that idea, her throat rough and dry, as she fought back images of him with that other woman. Just watching as Howl flirted with and seduce woman after woman was taking its toll on Sophie. Her self-control was slowly breaking down and the images in her mind contorted. No longer were they of Howl and his latest flame, but instead of her and Howl. Her imagination soared and took her places it shouldn't. The image of him kissing her was enough to send a warm tingling sensation down her spine. Her mind never wandered further than that, the sensation of being kissed was strong enough to override any other feeling.
She watched the woman, that lucky woman who would spend the night with him, and she wished, not for the first time in her life, that she could be someone else, someone who he would find attractive or even worth pursuing. It was a painful feeling to dream of being something you weren't, especially when it involved someone you love.
She watched through the eyes of the wall, as Howl leant in closer to the woman and whispered sweet nothings into her ear, before her imagination and longing spirited her off again. Sophie closed her eyes and indulged in the softness of his breath against her cheek, the warmth of the look in his eyes that made her melt on the spot, the gentleness of his soft lips against hers in a loving kiss that she had witnessed being administered onto many women.
Sophie's eyes shot open, her jaw dropping slightly, her heart racing and a rosy flush spreading over her cheeks. A hand had risen from the rail to cover her mouth as she breathed roughly and shakily. 'Oh god, what was I thinking?' She bit her lip, trying to force down these strong wild repressed urges. Once she had gripped her emotions tightly and forced them down, she brought herself back into the mind of the wall and watched the man of her dreams.
Already he was leading the woman away, secreting her out as if no one could see them. Already he would be leading her to his rooms. And already Sophie's heart felt the crushing pressure of seeing the one you loved leave with someone else.
A tug at the hem of her dress brought Sophie back. She looked down to see a small cream and brown dog holding onto the edge of her blue dress. Large dark-brown concerned eyes looked up at her. Sophie smiled a small watery smile before replying to the unasked question. "It's okay Heen. I'm just a bit tired, that's all."
The dog wheezed a cough-like squeak of concern and Sophie smiled with more sincerity, picking up the bundle of dog in her arms. Sophie left through a different exit, one that led to the garden outside rather than the guestrooms. Away from her only love and his happiness, because it didn't matter how much she wanted him to be happy she would always wish for more. But she knew, some distances where not meant to be breached and never would be.
Unknown to her a figure watched her carefully, noticing her every move or the subtle changes in her façade of happiness. His watery blue eyes hardened and turned icy-cold. "I always knew that Howl would end up breaking her heart..." A certain blonde prince muttered angrily before following Sophie.
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And thus my first chapter ends:squeal: I've waited so long to be able to say that! I've only ever done one-shots so this is fairly big for me. If I get at least 5 reviews I'll continue with another chapter. This will turn out to be fairly short, maybe 3 or 4 chapters all in all. And to all the HowlxSophie fans out there: Don't worry it is a H/S fic NOT a J/S fic. Although there will be a bit of one-sided J/S in the next chapter... And there will be a lot more dialogue too! This chapter was sorta like a prologue I guess...
Please click on the little button in the corner and review!
-Sneezii-chan