Dear Sirius,

God, you don't know how much I miss you already! I know it's only been a couple of days but I can't stop myself thinking about you, especially when I'm lying awake with no one to talk to. You were the greatest insomnia cure; I think I talked about some of the things I've never talked to anyone about before. You changed me Sirius. I don't know how you did it but you made me feel...me, again. I wish you were here with me. It's you I have to thank for being happy right now you know that?

If it weren't for you, I would never have dreamed of asking to be moved to Aunt Emer's house. Aoife and David were glad to be rid of me I know they were. They were always ashamed. Emer and Sean are just so pleasant all the time! They actually ask me my opinion! I hope you're having a nice holiday. You haven't actually told me much about your family so maybe I could get to meet them sometime? Emer keeps encouraging me to invite friends over, can you imagine! Hope I see you soon,

All my love,

Remus

x x x

Ps. the owl is called Arcamedes, he's my first pet ever!

Dear Sirius,

It's been a week since I sent Arc off with a letter for you and he hasn't come back yet. I guess he probably got lost, or the ministry have him or something, but if you got him and the letter and he's just hurt or something- just tell me in your reply, okay?

Well, this owl is my Uncle Darren's so just be really careful with her; she's called Xanthe. Darren is utterly brilliant – He took me to the Quidditch World Cup semi finals! England lost to Brazil but it was still fantastic. You must give me a time when you can come over and stay for a while; or you could just floo in for the afternoon or something. Just don't this Saturday, Sunday or Monday.I will have to visit my mother then

I hope your summer has been as fun as mine so far. That's probably why you haven't replied yet - you're so busy! Emer and me are going to Hogsmeade for a day out soon, maybe you could come with us to that!

One thing I've learnt so far this holiday is – Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I miss you so much.

Thoughts and wishes,Remus

x x x

Sirius,

Why didn't you reply? Did you even read my letter? Oh well, at least Xanthe came back. I thought you made me promise I'd write to you all the time? I suppose, it's not like I made you promise the same thing. I guess this means you don't want to come over anytime. Have I done something that's upset you? I hope everything's okay.

I really do love you Sirius,

Remus

X

Stop writing to me werewolf.

Sirius Black, of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black

S. Black,

I give up. I get it now. You probably just thought you'd get a few kicks out of turning the saddest kid in the entire school into whatever you wanted, but making me believe that I had friends, that I had you? That's just plain sick. Just do me a favour and next year, leave me alone.

R.J. Lupin

Remus felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. The full moon had been two days ago, it had been harsher than usual – He had been left with deeper cuts, more bruises, an extremely painful throat from too much howling or, if he was being truly honest with himself, from crying. Yet he had refused Emer's offer of an extra few days at home – sending him to school by portkey when he was further healed. He knew that if he didn't get the train with everyone else, if he didn't have some sense of normality about his first day, he knew his world would fall to pieces and he would be back where he had started the year before. Nobody. He tried to look at the whole situation, as positively as was possible to someone who felt like their heart had been ripped bodily out of their chest. If he returned to school and was as casual and calm – as confident as he had been last term people would still like him and he could easily find some new people to be friends with. He had actually heard some kids saying how lucky he was; how much they wished they could be him. Maybe James and Peter hadn't been part of Sirius' sick little joke – they had kept their dating a secret – so perhaps he could still hang out with them sometimes.

Yes, Remus assured himself, everything was going to be fine. He sighed miserably, allowing the relentless negative thoughts he had been attempting to push from his mind to rush back in. Regretfully he left the safe warmth of Darren's car and, taking his handily shrunken luggage with him, he said a quick but heartfelt thanks and goodbye to his Aunt and Uncle before making his way through Kings Cross Station, onto Platform nine and three quarters. His stomach started to tie itself into knots at the sight of the beautiful scarlet steam engine. He climbed aboard slightly more depressed. He had been hoping that this year might be the first time he saw the train and felt that wonderful tingle of awe and excitement he had heard others talk about. Settling himself in the first carriage (he was there extremely early due to Emer's obsession with timing), Remus' mind – now unoccupied- decided that a fun past time would be to make Remus think of the worst possible scenarios for the upcoming year. No matter how he tried to stop it, his brain appeared to have gone freelance and it was making Remus quite queasy. He felt the note in his pocket, the one that had broken his heart. Five little words had destroyed his world.

Remus had almost worked himself to the point of hyperventilation when the carriage door slid open and in rambled James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and none other than Sirius Black himself. All three were on top of the word, delightedly congratulating Remus on the excellent carriage, grins plastered to their faces; acting as though nothing had happened.

Remus had to use all his will power and control to stop his jaw dropping. He could understand if Sirius hadn't yet had the time to explain to Peter and James why Remus should not be consorted with and hence they would be cheerful and generally nice toward him – but Remus could not find a reason on God's green earth as to why Sirius was being so normal. He assumed this was all part of Sirius' demented joke. And yet when Sirius choose to sit next to him, when Sirius gave him that special smile which seemed to be reserved for Remus alone, when Sirius brushed his fingers up Remus' back in a manner that made his knees quake; Remus knew he couldn't be faking this.

Remus felt awkward and confused for the rest of the journey, so unsure of his position within the group that he actually did his prefect patrols of the train, taking as much time as possible about it. Eventually they coasted into Hogsmeade station and there was an insane rush for carriages. After the usual welcoming feast and sorting ceremony, at which Remus neither ate a thing or learned a single first years name, he traipsed after the others to their room in Gryffindor tower. Changing into his pyjamas as quickly as possible, explaining to James' concerned questions that he wasn't feeling very well, Remus climbed into his four-poster and pulled the curtains without saying goodnight. He wouldn't fall asleep for a very long time.

In fact, by one o'clock according to his watch (he'd charmed it so that it actually worked in the Hogwarts grounds unlike every other muggle contraption) he still hadn't even managed a doze. All he could think about was Sirius' strange behaviour. How could he do this? Was it a joke still? Had Remus' owls gone to the wrong address? No, he was sure that couldn't be it. So what the hell was it?

He rolled onto his front and sighed, burying his face into the pillow. The whole room was silent, not even Peter was snoring. The silence was stopping him from sleeping. He always needed noise to sleep. When he'd first been diagnosed as a werewolf he had been kept in solitary confinement as his parents considered their options and the doctors poked and prodded at him. He had only been small and it had been so confusing – so cold. At night there had been no noise. He had been locked in a sound proofed room with nothing to sleep on, nowhere to go to the bathroom just an empty room. Ever since his release he had never been able to sleep in a noiseless environment. The dorm had always ensured that didn't happen.

Who was he trying to kid? The real reason he didn't like silence was because it left only his thoughts to occupy the space noise normally filled. He hated his thoughts, particularly at this moment in time. Groaning he rolled back over and threw open the hangings that enclosed him. He had to find out; else he might drive himself mad.

Remus snuck quietly across the room to Sirius' bed. He couldn't hear a sound from within the curtains, not even breathing. Sirius had always been a quiet sleeper. Holding his breath Remus opened the curtains. True enough Sirius was laying utterly still, his chest rising and falling the only notable sign he was alive. The crescent moon's pale light flickered across Sirius' handsome face and Remus saw something that made his heart freeze in his chest. A huge purple bruise covered Sirius' entire left cheek. From his jawbone to the tender area beneath his eye was a hideous shade of violet.

Remus reeled with the shock. Where had that come from? It definitely hadn't been there earlier. Sirius must have been using a concealing charm. But why would he want to hide something like that? What had Sirius done over the holidays?

Not caring about his doubts, his anger, his hurt – Remus slipped quietly into bed next to Sirius. All he wanted at that moment was to look after Sirius. Automatically, Sirius turned onto his side and slide an arm round Remus' waist, nestling into the crook of Remus neck. Sirius sighed softly and Remus curled neatly into the space Sirius had naturally created for him.

This close Remus could hear Sirius heart beat, slow and steady, and it calmed him. Finally Remus fell asleep. A few hours later when the sun was just beginning to rise, still long before any of the others would wake up, Remus left Sirius bed and returned to his own – worries controlling his mind once again.