Severus Snape is not a Death Eater

Is Severus Snape a killing death eater, or an innocent person bribed by bad liar Rufus Scrimgeour

Severus Snape recently committed the murder of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. The former Potions and Defense against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts shocked many by this act and is now wanted throughout the world and is seen as a murderer and death eater.

BUT IS HE?

Insiders from important places such as Antarctica and the Leaky Cauldron have said that indeed Rufus Scrimgeour ordered Severus to murder Dumbledore because he called Rufus a 'slightly better' replacement for Fudge. Rufus was distraught by these comments and as such ordered Dumbledore's most trusted to kill Dumbledore. Severus was tempted into this ridiculous trap set by the Minister because he offered a twenty year sentence in Azkaban in return. Severus couldn't refuse this unbelievable offer given by the Minister of Magic. We did receive comments from the Minister's Junior Advisor Percy Weasley which assured us that these stories aren't true.

"These stories are ridiculous rubbish so much that the Minister sent little unimportant me to advice you against publishing it. The Minister has suggested that if your magazine does not want to be looked at as the most ridiculous thing on the planet then you should replace it with something good similar to a Daily Prophet article," said young confused Percy Weasley.

What Weasley did not understand that the reason why he was sent to our offices wasn't because the Minister considered our story unimportant and ridiculous, but he is actually a bad liar, which he is very bad at hiding.

At a recent press conference where he assured us that He Who Must Not Be Named is in Azkaban at the moment (read about it in Chapter 3), but we could tell by the movement of his ears that he was lying. We knew this anyway as he recently attended a Jamaican Tap-dancing Party hosted by You-Know-Who. When we asked if he would demonstrate some Jamaican Tap-dancing he said that we had a few nurgles in our hair and promptly left. We didn't have any nurgles in our hair, we could tell he was lying again. We had yulifying moysterfyers in our hair, and they weren't very happy with being mistaken for nurgles. Rufus was lucky that he didn't have to go to St. Mungos.

Severus was reported by our trustworthy Antarctica spy to have been meeting with Rufus on Monday and Thursday evenings regularly negotiating Snape's murder of Dumbledore. And as if we haven't presented enough evidence during this article we have more.

Rufus has had a habit in previous life of getting rid of Hogwarts teachers. He has the ambition of there being no Hogwarts left. So he'll find any excuse to dispose of Hogwarts teachers regularly. Professor McGonagall was lucky to survive the poison Scrimgeour cunningly put in the bathroom of Olivarary Jackson's house which is just under 1000 miles away from Professor McGonagall's. And need we mention how lucky Rubeus Hagrid was that Rufus' Wingardium Leviosa curse did not hit him whilst he was fighting with his mollygruffer named 'Eramel'.

By giving Professor Snape a pleasant holiday in Azkaban he has also disposed him from Hogwarts cunningly. Snape has yet to go on his pleasant holiday in Azkaban saying that he has business to attend to first. Scrimgeour said that this was acceptable as long as he doesn't return to Hogwarts! Who wouldn't jump at that evidence.

So, if you are capable of adding 2+2 then you will see that it's obvious.

Scrimgeour takes insults very personally and he wants nobody to ever be more powerful than him so he gets rid of all the Hogwarts teachers one by one unsuspectingly and thus gets rid of Hogwarts. He goes to many measures to get rid of Hogwarts teachers. He bribes Snape into killing Dumbledore. He plants poison in clever places. He sends dangerous charms flying everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if he steps down before the next article when we reveal more amazing evidence involving butterbeer, doxies and the occasional bad lie.

You aren't convinced quite yet? Well you will be after our last bit of stunning evidence. Rufus Scrimgeour was interviewed even more recently than his press conference that we give a full report on in Chapter 3.

The Quibbler: Is it true that you asked Snape to kill Dumbledore?

Rufus Scrimgeour: No, but I'm considering putting a ban on your magazine. That is the most incorrect question I've ever heard. You enjoy stupid rubbish, do you?

The Quibbler: We have reporters buried everywhere, and we know what you're up to. You will find out how much we've found out about your criminal like behaviour in the next issue of The Quibbler.

Rufus Scrimgeour: No I won't, I don't read the Quibbler.

The Quibbler: I bet you will this time now that we have discovered your little secret. And you'll try and deny it, and fail, for a reason described in our article also.

Rufus Scrimgeour: What on earth are you talking about?

The Quibbler: You will no doubt step down after we reveal our amazing evidence. Oh, and you've got a tranzophorbic mantarazzyus in your hair.

Rufus Scrimgeour: And a mansarophic tanlaratus. Bye bye.

No doubt you haven't noticed the give away Rufus Scrimgeour gave in that interview.

The Quibbler: Is it true that you asked Snape to kill Dumbledore?

Rufus Scrimgeour: No, but I'm considering putting a ban on your magazine. That is the most incorrect question I've ever heard. You enjoy stupid rubbish, do you?

That spells yes. He answered in code. He wants to give a hint at the truth. But he didn't expect us to find it. So, Snape shouldn't be arrested, but Rufus Scrimgeour should, and step down from his position as Minister of Magic. i written by Mr. Lovegood /i