In the Jungle
In the common room
Ron: walks in sets books down where Harry and Hermione are sitting Hey! Did you guys hear what the school is putting in!
Harry: Well, actually Ron-
Ron: rolls eyes Wow Harry. That was so close to being interesting.
Harry: gives Ron the Stink Eye
Hermione: kissing a framed picture of Malfoy
Ron: Anyway, Dumledore is putting in a moving theater!
Harry: Freakin sweet! Hermione, did you hear that!
Hermione: still making out with pic
Harry: Her-Her-Hermione, you're going to have to let go some- tries to rip pic of hands -time!
Hermione: Never! runs off
Harry: starts crying Why doesn't she love me! sob
Ron: Probably because you're not as devilishly good looking as Malfoy.
Harry: sarcastic Yeah. Thanks Ron.
Ron: Sure. Anytime pal. pats Harry on back walks off
Harry: thinks (I've got it!) Ron! Get your butt back here!
Ron: turns around do-rag wrapped on his head acting like a thug 'Sup dawg?
Harry: I've got a plan to make Hermione love me! Muhaahahaha! lightning flashes in background
Ron: Is it anything like your other plans?
Harry: frustrated stutters N-n-noooo
Ron: Sure they're not, Ugly.
Harry: Did it just get a little chilly in here?
THE NEXT DAY
OUTSIDE
Harry: with Ron in some bushes giggling like school girls about Harry's plan sees Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle walking there way Hey Malfoy! Come 'ere!
Malfoy: walks over What'd you want, Ugly.
Harry: God! Will you people stop calling me that! Anyway… wanna see something cool?
Malfoy: Is it violent?
Harry: looks at Ron and chuckles lightly Sure… chuckle chuckle
Malfoy: Okay, let's have a look then.
Harry: takes out a gun- a bubble gun that is
Malfoy: eyes widen in fear Crabbe and Goyle run for dear life
Harry: starts shooting Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Malfoy: screaming while running in circles then trips on a stick
Harry: Malfoy lying on the ground on his back, Harry hovering over him with the bubble gun near is face Time to put your lights out. starts shooting
Malfoy: No! Stop! I'm bubblephobic!
Harry and Ron: evil laugh
5 SECONDS LATER
Ron: I'm bored.
Harry: Me too. walk off
Malfoy: rolling around with hands over his eyes I can't see! Help! Help! I don't wanna die like this!
LATER THAT DAY
IN THE GREAT HALL
Harry: enjoying himself with his legs dangling about like a little English schoolboy while licking the inside of an Oreo.
Malfoy: turns around, eyes are all puffy and red Hey Potter!
Harry: doesn't turn around
Malfoy: eating a potato You know that's not really cream inside those Oreo biscuits like they say. Father told me that it's really porpoise lard.
Harry: legs stop moving looks like he's going to throw up
Malfoy: I just thought you should know… turns back around Oh, yes, by the way… turns back towards Harry I'm taking to Hermione to her favorite band's concert next week. To bad you can't come. Ha! Ha! Ha! turns back around and grabs 3 more potatoes and puts them on his plate
Harry: look of hatred
TWO DAYS LATER
GYRIFFENDOR COMMON ROOM
MALFOY'S COMSUMTION OF POTATOES: 18
Harry: talking with Ron Okay, so Plan A backfired. We need an even better plan where I can't lose! slams fist down on table owww… shakes hand around Or find out that my favorite cookie is made of dolphin fat.
Ron: Yeah. That's kinda nasty. Oh yeah well, since they just finished the movie theater I was gonna go are you coming? We might think off something on the way.
AT THE MOVIES
AT THE CONCESSION STAND
Harry: Yeah. I'll take a large corn, a box a Whoppers, Milk Duds, Jawbreakers, and a box of Muddy Bears.
Guy: Okay, that'll be 112 Galleons.
Harry: Oh it's all worth it. evil laugh lightning flashes in background
Guy: Ummm…could you move you're forming a line.
Harry: Yes. Right. pays and takes snacks
Ron: tries to take a Whopper
Harry: Ho, ho, ho, slow down there John Wayne. These are part of the master plan.
Ron: puts back Oh, sorry, Ugly.
IN THE THEATER
Harry and Ron are sitting on the balcony in the front row. Under them they can see Malfoy and Hermione making out
Harry: staring at Malfoy Oh you just wait. lights dim for movie
5 MINUTES LATER
a Whopper hits Malfoy's head
Malfoy: doesn't notice
Harry: We're going to need bigger ammo.
Ron: Right. takes a piece of popcorn and flicks it at Malfoy but misses Oh drat!
Harry: flicks a Milk Dud hits Malfoy's head Score!
Malfoy: looks behind him turns back to Hermione
Harry: Oh poo. turns toward Ron
Ron: stuffing his face with Muddy Bears
Harry: Ron!
Ron: swallows Sorry.
Harry: picks up jawbreaker This is our last resort. Here we go. chucks it at Malfoy hits him in the head and Malfoy falls to the ground unconscience
Ron: I think we better leave….
Harry: Yeah…. gets up slowly and down aisle, then runs for dear life down the stairs and out the door
GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM
Harry: I think I need to be alone for a while. starts crying If Hermione comes by looking for me, tell her I'll be in the loos. starts walking to the loos
Ron: reading a magazine, has feet on a table Will do, Buddy.
IN THE LOOS
Harry: accidentally walks into the girls' room instead of the guys' room I don't know what'll do now….Lock myself into the girls' lavatories and refuse to come out until she confesses true love? realizes that might just work
LATER THAT DAY
Hermione: walks into common room. Sees Ron Where's Harry?
Ron: still sitting there continues to read Yep, he said something about meeting him in the toilets.
Hermione: goes to the lavatories thinking Which one would I meet him in? I should try the gents' room first since Harry is a man. And everyone knows that all men are idiots. pushes open the door to the men's room sees Neville doing "other things" leaves immediately Okay, that's something I hope I'll never see again! pushes open girls' room door sees Harry sitting on the floor against the window
Harry: Hermione, I've made a decision….
Hermione: What is it Harry?
Harry: I won't leave this room until you confess your true love towards me.
Hermione: Harry, that's completely rid-
Harry: Ah-Ah-Ah…
Hermione: I'm getting Malfoy. turns and leaves
IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM
Hermione: running in Malfoy! Harry's gone completely mad!
Malfoy: sitting on the couch in front of him is Moaning Mertile trapped inside of a pickle jar stands up Wait 'til Father hears about this one! But, it looks like I'll have to deal with Potter myself!
5 MINUTES LATER
IN THE GIRLS' LAVATORES
Ron, Fred, and George walk in to bathrooms
Fred: Okay Harry, we're here to cheer you up! Hit it boys!
Harry: starts drumming to the beat of In the Jungle (the Mighty Jungle) on the toilet seat
Ron: doing the "owembaway, owembaway" thing
George: doing the high pitched "oeeeeee"
Fred: singing lead vocals
this goes on for about 2 ½ minutes Fred an George go over and sit on the sinks while singing and a minutes later the sink Fred is sitting on breaks off the wall
Harry: It's in my mouth! Nasty! Nasty! then looks over at the window
Outside the window is Malfoy with eight multi colored balloons tied around his waist, holding a tranquilizer gun
Harry: slow motion Nooooo! normal again
Malfoy: It's for your own good! shoots Harry with the horse tranquilizer
Pansy Parkinson comes in sees what all the commotion is about and jumps out of window and into Malfoy's arms they sink a level and Malfoy drops her and let's her fall goes back up the bathroom level
Harry: lying on the floor in his own swamp of drool Come closer…
Fred: leans in
Harry: Closer…
Fred: leans in
Harry: Closer…
Fred: Sorry Harry, I'm...uh…cough cough not like that. Sorry
Harry: reaches hand out Bring me Aunt Jemima….
Fred: passes Harry a bottle of syrup Here ya go, Ugly.
Harry: takes bottle and hugs it, then brings the bottom side of the bottle near his mouth licks side all the way to the top Jemima…. eyes close
Ron: I have to pee.
3 DAYS LATER
HOSPITAL WING
MALFOY'S COMSUMPTION OF POTATOES: 63
Harry: wakes up Ron sitting next to his bed What happened?
Ron: You were hit with a tranquilizer that could take down a full-grown elephant.
Harry: Where's Hermione?
Ron: She's at a concert with Malfoy right now
Harry: eyes quench What?
HERMIONE AND MALFOY AT A
GUNS 'N' ROSES CONCERT
Hermione: sitting on Malfoy's shoulders
Malfoy: My turn!
Hermione: looks down in confusion
THEN
Malfoy on Hermione's shoulders
Malfoy: Hey! I think I can see my house from here!
Hermione: stumbling around trying to keep her balance trips on a stick and Malfoy falls on her leg I think you broke my leg!
Malfoy: looks around fast Hey! Look I think I see a squirrel!
Note
Crystal: Wow. T'is been a while. We just rediscovered this on the Arah's computer. xD ha ha. So yeah. We'll be writing more sometime...soon. Possibly. MAYBE. I don't know. -shifty glance-