Escape.
Thunder. Rain. Lightning. Look at this - a dead rat. Isn't it funny?
Where is the love now? Throughout my life, I've been just showered with love...bitterness? What bitterness? Well, alright. Maybe I am a little bitter, but can you blame me? What with Sonic...
Being gay is not easy. I admit it now, I am gay. Yes, girls, eat your hearts out - HAH! Yeah right. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a small, skinny little runt with annoyingly inquisitive blue eyes, and a curious face that just begs to be slapped. Who could ever love me? Who could ever love this pointless toad?
It's been a long night. I may have to take another pill tomorrow. Oh - those pills. I forgot to take one today. Oh well. See, after the last time, Sonic kind of forced me to seek professional help. I told him I didn't need it. But he insisted - as always. Damn him, he's so stubborn sometimes.
He was my first. My first....
Love? Love? - I hear you exclaim with an air of incredulous cynicism. How could I love, at such a young age? But it happens. And it happened to me. Don't look so surprised...it had to be love. Every time I saw him, I felt an uncontrollable urge to please him wrap around me...damnit, it lead me to perform some damn stupid actions. It was so frustrating.
Stop looking so surprised, damnit! Damn you! How dare you? How could you know how it feels? It consumes me, night and day. It dominates my thought, my sleep, my entire life. I can't stop thinking about him: I think about his eyes, how they look deep down into my soul. I think about his smile, that smile that suggests so much about him, his intelligence, his arrogance which so endears him to me. I want nothing more than to be in his arms, to be a part of his life, to be bound to him.
I feel angry. Angry at life, angry at myself...but not angry at him. No, never him.
Never him.
Pills?...Oh, yes. The pills. I had forgotten about them. I forgot to take one today.
I got over him though - but it wasn't easy. I tried to push him to the back of my brain - banish him from the hazy sea of my mind.
And though you wished me well,
You couldn't tell that I'd been
Crying
Over you
Crying
Over you....
Like that? It's a good song. "I thought that I was over you..."...But tell me now, what can I do? I love you even more that I did before, but...darling...what can I do? What can I do? What can I fucking do? This is hell! This is dominating me. It's taking me over, it's capturing my every thought. How I long to be near to him, how I long to touch him, hold him, even kiss him...
Oh. A gun. You know, I bought that a while ago, before Sonic suggested I go to see a psychiatrist. It was him that put me on those pills, you know.
It's funny.
It's funny how, without those pills, I can see clearly now, without those pills.
I can see now, what I have to do now, I can see.
It's so simple, it never occurred to me because it's so simple.
I ruin people's lives, yes, that is what I do. I fall in love, and I ruin people's lives. And I fall in love.
I have to leave this world. I have to get away...I...
I have to escape.
Escape.
It's a nice word...the gun...the gun...come now, to bed. We must go to bed...we must sleep...sleep...yes...sleep...
Good bye Sonic. I will always love you.
Well...uh, not sure what kind of mood I was in when I wrote this. ^^;; Read and review please, and criticisms welcome! I know it's pretty bad --- Teeto Fox / John Avon