This is based off a poem I had to do in my AP Language and Composition class my junior year of high school. We had to write about our reflections on our lives. I titled mine Realizations of a Lost Soul. It was about 15 pages long, typed 45 minutes before I had to read it out loud an turn it in and was about my life as a child to that point. The thing I kept repeating was "come and go" because I truly believe that's how life works. Things come and go. When going through my old school assignments the other day, I came across the poem, momentarily thinking of Dean. It hit me that if anyone ever had things come and go, it was the Winchester boys. However, I thought of Dean first. I believe that's because I feel an emotional connection to him on some level. Anyway, I rewrote the poem (which is a lot shorter this time around) to work around the concept of Dean's life as he might see it from when he was a happy, carefree child to the closed off, hurting person he is now. I hope ya'll like it.
Curled up, stretched out and tucked in
On the worn motel mattress
Grateful for one less night
Where strained and sore muscles
Are forced to get comfortable
Due to a night's sleep in the Impala
These are not the simple times
Of easy hunts and salt n' burns
Nor the more complicated epoch
Of apocalyptic wars
He sighs heavily, unsure of when
His younger brother shall return
To pretend to sleep to appease him
To plead that there's some normal
Still there in his soulless vessel
He whispers a silent prayer
Knowing Cas wouldn't hear him
For if he did
It would be their little secret
Tears threatened to prick the corners
Of his bloodshot eyes
As his thoughts drifted to his mother
And all the nights
She prayed with him
And he remembers…
He remembers the days when Mom was still around
The times of simple prayers and bed time stories
When lunch was served without crusts and with a smile
When angels were real yet kind and soothing
When love was everlasting
When Dad was a superhero and Mom was an angel
In their own rights to Dean
When he was a new big brother to baby Sammy
When fun and happiness was everywhere
Thanks to his imagination and innocence
When Lawrence was their one and only home
In those days Dad was happy
Everyone smiled
Dad would play catch
Mom's melodious laugh would fill the air
They were a family
There was love
But things come and go
Mom did…
After mom died, they were all broken
Moving from place to place
With what seemed like no rhyme or reason
The times when Dad was less like Dad
He vaguely recalls the scarce times
When they stopped by to see Miss. Missouri
Sitting in a waiting room while Dad spoke to her
When Dad would leave them here or there
With Pastor Jim who helped Dean stay faithful
Even if it was only for a little bit
Or Robert Singer who was just Uncle Bobby
When most of his house was off limits
And they weren't yet called idjits
The best part of these times
Were when Dean got to be a big brother
When Sammy was his responsibility
When Dean was his guardian angel of sorts
Sam would cry, but Dean was there
He'd always be there
Things come and go though
Childhood seemed like one of those things
But he wouldn't let it
Pass Sammy by
He recalls the times when all Sammy would do
Was ask questions
About everything and anything
And when Sammy still believed in Dad
They both did
With blind faith
Brotherly bonds were everything in those years
To both boys
Especially now that Dad
Let Dean watch Sammy by himself in their motel rooms
Soon the discovery of Dad's journal
Had Dean growing up faster
He pledged to protect Sammy
From the darkness of the world
That day
He wouldn't tell his younger brother
For he didn't need to lose his innocence of the world
So quick, so soon
Besides, Dad made him promise not to
It was then that
When what Dean learned outside of school was more important
And when hunting changed meaning in his vernacular
When shape shifters and ghosts and demons were new
When guns actually had names
And when all he was allowed to shoot
Were soda pop cans lined up on top fence
But soon Dean got older
As did Sam
For Sam was no longer Sammy
At least most of the time
Their lives were different from almost everyone they knew
As Latin could be considered their second language
And lying their second nature
When they would melt down sliver to make bullets
For those rare werewolf hunts
When the things they bought in bulk at the grocery store
Were usually salt, lighter fluid and booze for dad
Or when Dean got his first gun
That he could claim his very own
A new Smith & Wesson with a stainless-steal finish
That Uncle Bobby gave him one year
After hunting a black dog and an angont
On his birthday
Every conversation betwixt their small family unit
Usually became an argument
Laced with bitterness
Sam discovered rebellion
And seemed to acquire a taste
For the freedom he felt it gave him
And dad's favorite vice
Became a constant
In those days
When Dean found himself a moment of solace
He'd think about Mom
As he'd hum an old Metallica song
Sending her a silent prayer
As he worked in the Impala
Or tried to focus on studying
For their latest hunt at the public library
At those times
He'd think how much everything has changed
He did that now
As he turned in the bed
Sleep so far away from his grasp
And he knows…
He knows that Mom is just a memory
And that these are the times of profanity and folklore
When lunch is smothered in grease and served at a cheap diner
When angels are warriors of God but still complete dicks
When love is a foreign concept
When Dad is dead just like Mom
Thanks to the supernatural
Dean is a hunting companion rather than a big brother
Where pain and suffering are everywhere
Thanks to apocalyptic war and his personal choices
When home is wherever they shack up for the night
In these days Sam is emotionless
Everyone's smile is fake
Crowley plays boss with sickening pleasure
Lisa's melodious laugh seemed like a faint memory
Like his mother
They were family
This much was true
They were brothers
They always would be
There is love
It's just hard to find
And at the moment
Hard for Sam to conceive
But he remembers
The sole promise he made to Sammy every night
When he fell asleep
And Dean would kiss his forehead good night
After a silent prayer
Just like Mom used to do
Dean would promise his little brother
No matter how much I get angry with you
Or act like I'm better
I promise I'll always do it
Just to protect you
No matter how many times we
Get lost or go down separate paths
I promise we'll always reunite
Because were Winchesters
And nothing is more important
To a Winchester than family
We'll always be heroes and save the world
I'll never judge you
And even when I do
I promise it's just because I'm scared of losing you
We'll always have each other
We'll always be brothers
I'll always love you
I'll always be there
He said that as if he were saying good night
To his little brother once more
In those simpler times
Of army men and star gazing
Before he closed his eyes
Hoping to get enough sleep
Before they had to hunt
The monsters and things that go bump in the night
In the early morning light