Author's Note: I haven't written in awhile, I know. I just haven't felt the inspiration until just now (2:30 in the morning LOL). Enjoy.
Derek thought it would be easy to simply talk to Scott about it, not that talking ever did come easy for him.
He'd been carrying these unexplainable feelings inside for awhile. Even he couldn't say where they'd come from.
A lot had happened since he'd come back to Beacon Hills. Most recently, he'd lost his werewolf powers entirely and was now human. That had been a huge adjustment in itself. It wasn't just a loss of his abilities, it was like a different world. The world seemed dull in some ways, yet it was entirely new.
Eventually he'd come to see it as new-found freedom. He no longer felt like he had to worry about the supernatural, or feel slight discomfort and confusion when he picked up on other people's emotions.
There was just one problem. There was one person he missed being able to sense, almost like he'd lost a part of himself- the fascinating enigma that was Stiles.
Stiles had the most interesting emotions of anyone a werewolf could sense. His high, hyper emotions could be like riding a roller coaster, like being knocked off your feet. His emotions sometimes had an addictive quality, almost like a drug- a drug Derek was now deprived of.
Maybe it was that the boy's emotions no longer clouded his thought processes, but being around Stiles lately awakened something new in Derek, except not new. Derek quickly realized these feelings had been there for awhile, he'd simply hidden them, and following the boy's emotions with his former abilities had been helpful.
Now he had to face these emotions without any distraction. Lately, being around Stiles made him yearn terribly for something unknown. It was looking at the younger man and being in his presence that awakened that in Derek. His eyes would look, linger just a little longer. Sometimes Stiles would catch him, something mischevious meeting him in those whiskey orbs, accompanied by a smile. Those moments made Derek feel like something had dropped into his stomach.
Derek needed to talk to someone, to get these feelings out, or at least ease the tension. That had brought him to Scott's door. He knocked and waited. A few seconds later the young alpha opened the door, giving him a friendly grin.
"What up?" Scott greeted.
"Not much," Derek replied. "I needed someone to talk to."
Scott eyed him a little skeptically. He wasn't used to Derek wanting to talk about stuff.
"Well alright," he agreed, tone agreeable.
Derek followed Scott into the McCall living room and had a seat, thinking about where he should begin. He already knew he wanted to talk about Stiles, but he wasn't sure how to start.
"Did I ever tell you... " Derek paused, not sure if he wanted to pursue this after all, but Scott was eying him expectantly.
He really should say what he wanted to say. Scott's look remained open, non-judgmental, and that helped him continue.
"When I was in high school," Derek began again. "I met this girl named Paige."
Derek felt a twinge of sadness, but it was an old wound. It had healed considerably over a span of years.
"Yeah," Scott replied, and Derek looked a little surprised. "That is... "
Derek was certain he'd never spoken of Paige to any of them before. How could Scott know?
"Who... "
"Alright," Scott sighed, biting his bottom lip, knowing how Derek could get. "Stiles told me."
"How would he know?" Derek asked, voice suddenly edgy.
"He said Peter told him," Scott shrugged.
Derek scowled.
"Never mind," he muttered. "I'd rather not say."
"Rather not say?" Scott asked, raising an eyebrow.
Who'd given Stiles the right to share something so personal, or for Peter to tell him in the first place?
"I need to go," Derek said suddenly, rising to his feet.
Scott eyed him with concern, but he didn't stop him. Once he was behind the wheel, Derek allowed himself to think.
Paige. The only person he'd ever been drawn to at first sight- except for Stiles...
Derek thought back to when Stiles had first challenged him that day in his dad's cop car, after he and Scott had found Laura's body.
'I'm not afraid of you... '
The echo of those words in Derek's mind still sparked something in his chest. Fear was a mechanism he'd used to shut people out for years. Fear, mystery, silence...
Stiles had shattered his perceptions with those simple words. Then the boy kept getting further inside his head. That night in the pool...
Then there was the first time Derek knew for sure he loved Stiles. He'd kept trying to deny it after that, but he'd known it- when the Nogitsune had taken the boy over.
Everytime he'd thought they might have to kill Stiles was pure agony. Then after they'd managed to save him, it was like he wanted to go on like before.
Derek couldn't keep going like before. Was he ready to lay it all out? What if Stiles didn't feel the same way?
Still, he'd told Paige all those years ago. Hadn't their love been worth it- even for a short time? Didn't he at least owe Stiles the same?
'Tell him.'
That's all his mind could keep coming up with.
Before he knew it he was turning around in a parking lot, driving toward the Stilinski residence, and hoping John was out.
Fate might just be on his side. Only the familiar Jeep was in the driveway. Derek felt nervousness settle into his chest as he parked. Could he do this?
Never had the walk to Stiles's front door seemed so long, and so looming. He knocked before he could talk himself out of it, and his heart gave a jump when the door opened to reveal that familiar mole-checkered face- those eyes...
"Derek," Stiles said, blinking a few times. "Well... uh."
Derek found himself smirking at the boy's antics.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
"Oh yeah," Stiles blurted. "Do that!"
Stiles closed the door once he'd shuffled past. He was already regretting this. Nervousness had returned with a vengence.
"So... " Stiles began, and Derek knew there was no turning back.
"I need to tell you something," Derek said before he could back out.
"Yes?"
Derek turned around, facing the younger man, even though it caused his chest to constrict painfully.
"I know you know about Paige," he said, still trying to buy himself time.
Stiles suddenly looked anxious.
"Relax," Derek told him. "I came to talk about... something else."
Stiles nodded, but for one of the few times in his life, the boy was speechless. What did Derek see in those eyes- fear?
He stepped forward, and the boy took a step back from nervous habit.
"Stiles."
"Yes?" the boy asked, voice slightly high.
"Relax," Derek said, trying to sound as assuring as he could. "I'm not angry."
Stiles still didn't look entirely assured, and Derek supposed he couldn't blame him, in light of their history.
"This is sorta about Paige," Derek continued. "And about you."
Stiles looked confused.
"You know she was the only person I ever felt something for almost immediately?"
"I know," Stiles said gently, expression sympathetic. "I know you loved her. I'm sorry... "
"For what?" Derek asked.
"I just know what you must go through," Stiles explained, eying the older man carefully. "I know what losing people is like. That's something I've always felt like we shared. Even if that's... "
The boy paused, but Derek simply nodded.
"We do," he agreed. "I've thought about that fact as well. We're not entirely unalike. I brought up Paige because I wanted to tell you... "
Derek cut off again, and he found he couldn't do it.
"What?" Stiles asked, expression open and non-judgmental.
"I don't know how to say it," Derek admitted somewhat awkwardly.
"Try," the younger man suggested.
"There's always been so much I've wanted to say to you. Yet I've never really been very good at saying anything. Paige... was the only person I ever felt anything for at first sight... until you."
Stiles looked a little surprised, but he didn't say anything or make any move to get away, which told Derek he was okay.
"You had me almost immediately Stiles," Derek forced himself to say. "I'm really scared you'll reject me. You really should... "
Stiles was still frozen, but his expression was nothing but gentle and accepting.
"I could never," the boy whispered in confession. "It isn't just you."
Derek swallowed nervously. Stiles eyed him a little less reservedly and hesitated only a second before stepping forward.
"I have these unexplainable feelings too Derek. At first I thought it was pity, knowing about your family and the fire- but its more. I find myself loving you."
The words were rushed, but they were all Derek needed to hear. He stepped forward and grabbed the boy's hand.
"I love you," Derek told him. "I've never been more sure."
Stiles eyed him only a second more before their lips met for the first time. They both knew it was where they wanted to be.