Note of author: Welcome back to Silver Lake. It's time for the second book of the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when I wrote it. Part 8 is almost finished, so you'll get many more stories about our favorite CSI couple and their (new) friends.

Monday, June 6th

With crossed legs Sara sat on the floor, her back to the wall, closed eyes. Time. She needed some time and after that she needed a conversation. A long one. About what just happened. To find out what to do next. Like now.

"Sara?" Jules stopped surprised. The brunette sat on the floor, next to a palm tree, almost hidden under it, didn't make a sound. Her last patient was gone, she was about to lock her office up for tonight when her eyes fell on the other woman.

"Hey."

The first intention Jules had was asking Sara what she was doing on the floor, why she didn't sit on one of the chairs. Instead she crawled under the palm and sat next to Sara. It had been over a year and a half that Sara wasn't a patient anymore. They hadn't met, had barely exchanged a word and when Greg was over, he came to see Sara and Sofia alone. Until six months ago, for Christmas. Over a year the therapist refused to see her former patient, didn't want to break her personal rule. Then Jules came with Greg over to spend the holidays with Sara and Sofia. From this day on they were friends, met once or twice a month, most times when Greg was in Los Angeles. But Sara had never been here again. Until today, over one and a half years after Sara ended her therapy.

"I know I will sound awful shrinky now and you hate it when I sound like this but…do you wanna talk?" She wasn't her psychologist anymore but she could to her like a friend. Sometimes it didn't matter to whom you talked as long as you had somebody to talk to. Somebody who listened to the words you said and – maybe more important – the words you didn't say.

"I've an appointment with your cousin – since five minutes or so." She lost track of time.

"Okay." There was a reason why Sara wasn't with her therapist, the same reason why she sat here with her former therapist and now friend. When she was ready to share her feelings and reason she would do it. No need to ask. To push.

"Jules?"

"Yes."

"You will never be my therapist again, will you?"

"No." They were through with this, Sara knew it was impossible for Jules to be her therapist again. Too many things had happened, too many things had changed. It was impossible to go back.

"Can you be my friend?"

Jules pulled Sara in her arms. "I am your friend. I'm with you." It had been a tricky change but they managed it quite good. Better than Jules had expected.

"Can…I need to talk to doctor Luria about…about something I can't talk about alone. Sofia should be the one who joins me, I know….it's not like I don't trust her…"

"You don't want to worry her."

"Yes. And I shouldn't worry you."

"Why don't we make a deal? We both go down to your doc, if it's okay with her I stay today with you and her and if you feel like it, you talk about what's on your mind. In the unlikely case that I can't handle whatever you have on your mind, I let you know. And if you don't feel like talking to her anymore, you go and I come with you. We get some cake, a coffee and sit down somewhere. Talk, if you like, or just enjoy the cake and coffee if that suits you better."

"That's not your job anymore, you're not my therapist."

"We established a minute ago I'm your friend. As your friend it's my job to have coffee and muffins with you. Come on." Jules got up, took Sara's hand and pulled her up. "Come on, lets see the doc. If she annoys us, like docs sometimes do, we leave her alone. It's a great day, the sun shines and we can use it as an excuse to be outside."

"You're a doctor too."

"I'm a cool doctor, not a medical doctor. Or do you want to tell me I'm like doctor Bendler?"

"She's your mother."

"So?"

"You're not like her, you're cool. That why I stayed with you."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Jules locked her office after them and walked with Sara in her arm down. The door to her cousin's office was open and they found her at the front desk.

"Sara, I'm glad you're here."

"Hi." If there had been the chance Sara had tried hiding behind her friend.

"Amanda, we need a favor." Jules kept her arm around Sara. "A big one."

"What's that?" The psychiatrist with the dark hair looked at the two women, who came into her office.

"Could you bend some rules?"

"According to your mother you bent the rules enough for the rest of the family." There was no annoyance in the voice of the doctor, it was a neutral statement.

"Please."

"Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to do and I decide then."

"Sara would like me to join her today."

"Is that so?" Doctor Luria looked at Sara.

"Yes. It's not…it's not that I think you can't help me and want Jules to help me. I need her help but not because of you, it's because of me. And I can't ask Sofia it would be…please. Please let her come with me. I…I don't think…no, I know I can't talk about this without her. She…it's crazy and I don't understand why…since I've met her I feel safe with her. She made me get through so many things, whenever things get tough she get me through them. Got me through them. It's like when she's around I've a special security that will catch me if I fall …not that I don't trust in your skills…"

"It's more about the friend you need, not the extra psychologist." Doctor Luria helped out.

"Yes." Relieved her turbid explanation made some sense to the other woman she relaxed a little bit more.

"Okay, I let her stay. Quiet. In the back."

Sara looked at Jules who only nodded. This was her cousin's office, her rules.

"If I…"

"Sara, you'll be fine. If we get the impression you're not good or you tell us something is wrong, I'll be there. And if everything goes wrong, we have some medicine."

"I hate medicine." She hadn't used any medicine since the trial. Something she was very proud of. Like there hadn't been any need for her breathing exercise. It had been a long trial, or it felt long to Sara, but at the end Trevor went to jail and she felt like somebody took away a burden. Her past still haunted her, she wasn't over it but she was able to forget it more often. Her life was better since Trevor was in jail, she faced him and her demons from her childhood. It wasn't over but she made a few steps in the right direction.

"Who doesn't? You know it can help."

"Yes. You chose the right moments for medicine. I trust you, Jules."

"Do you trust your doctor too?"

"Yes."

"Good." Jules took a chair and placed it a little bit behind Sara. This way the brunette knew she was there but she wasn't in front of her eyes, didn't take Sara's focus of her doctor.

After a deep breath Sara started carefully choosing her words: "I got a phone call from my mother yesterday." Since the trial eighteen months ago Sara hadn't talked to her mother. When she needed her mother to send Trevor, the man who raped her as a child, to prison and her mother denied her support, told her to let the past stay in the past. Sara stopped having contact with her after the meeting. The pain that her mother wasn't there for her – again – was too big. Trevor was sent to prison and there were other women who came forward and told the police similar events like Sara's. Some were before Sara's time, some after. It didn't look like Trevor would ever leave prison again.

"She told me my brother called her and she wants to see us both."

"What did you feel at that moment?"

This question wasn't a surprise, she had expected it. Thought about it the last hours. Thought about her feelings when she heard her mother's voice, her request and when she ended the call. Felt since then. "Hate. Desperation. Fear."

"Did you respond that way?"

"I switched off my phone without an answer and haven't switched it on since then. I know I can't go on like this, I could change my phone number but that won't solve the problem."

"What would solve the problem?"

"When my mother never ever tries to contact me."

"How would that help you?"

"I don't have to talk to her anymore this way." Repression of reality never helped, she didn't need another lesson about it. They had been through this a few times.

"Will it change your feelings towards her? Your hate, desperation and fear?"

"No." Sara closed her eyes. Her behavior wouldn't change anything, she was aware of that. But when she could keep her mother out of her life she would think less of Trevor, of the trial. Wasn't it enough that she was still in therapy? Getting better and better but still…and a simple phone call could make her lose her head again.

"Why am I not over it? After this long time in therapy?"

"Because a lot of things happened to you, we haven't been through everything. Like you never told me about your brother, for example."

"Sam is five years older, when I got taken into foster care he ran away. End of story."

"What do you feel for him?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

No, of course not. It was a lie, a very bad one. "Okay, I'm mad. He left me alone. When they came to get me he could have taken me with him. Instead he left me alone, left me to the strangers and saved his ass. I hate him for that. I really hate him from the bottom of my heart."

"Did he know what Trevor did to you?"

Sara bit her lips, turned and looked at Jules. It was time for her support.

"Sara?" Doctor Luria got the attention back at herself. "She is there, you can tell me without her by your side."

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"We never talked about it."

"You're a very sensitive woman, you know when people hide something and I can imagine you were like this when you were young. Like you know your mother knew about the rape. Did Sam know it too?"

"He has never been around when it happened."

"That's not a real answer."

Sara was aware of that. She tried to get around the answer, it brought too many thoughts with it. Things she didn't want to think about. "I think he knew. He hated Trevor, he was often angry and…I don't know."

"Did Trevor touch him?"

"No." Nobody touched Sam. He wasn't a victim, he was a fighter. If Trevor had tried to touch him, Sam had put up a fight and hurt the man. He had been tall and strong. So different to Sara.

"Can you imagine meeting your mother and your brother?"

"No."

"What do you think would happen if you meet them?"

"Either I yell at them, assault them or I have a bout. I didn't have a bout for over one and a half years, I don't want to risk another one. Why should I meet them anyway? They both left me alone when I needed them most. There're no reasons to meet them, talk to them. They all should leave me alone and rot in hell!" Sara jumped up and wanted to leave the room but was stopped by Jules who stood in her way.

"Running away isn't a solution, I thought you remember our sessions better, Sara." Jules voice was calm. She didn't touch Sara, only looked into her eyes.

"Fuck." Sara sat back down. "I don't want to see them. Over and out."

"Okay, it's your decision."

"You don't like it, I can see it in your face. You want me to see them, talk to them."

"In my opinion it would be better when you face them, you won't get over your problems when you try to ignore them. Repression doesn't help. They are a part of your problems. If you can't face them, can't talk to them, you're not over your past, not over your disorder."

"You want me to go there? Meet them?"

"I want you to be able to live a life without fear, without suffering, without worrying if the bouts come back. You made process Sara, you worked hard on yourself, you reached a lot of goals and I want you to reach the final goal."

"When?"

"That's something I don't know, can't tell you."

"I come to therapy for almost two years. This wasn't supposed to take such a long time." She felt frustrated. When she agreed to see Jules she thought of a few months and not a few years. Therapy started to annoy her and cost a lot a of money. A lot of money for getting her nowhere. Waste of money. "I'm sick and tired of therapy, doc."

"You're not there, Sara."

"It feels like I'm stuck."

"You know Trevor has to face court again?"

"Yes. Another woman stepped forward, he raped her when she was twelve, now that she's twenty-one she wants him to pay for it. I thought of going to San Francisco when the trial starts. Hopefully they find him guilty and make sure he will never get out of prison." The idea her attacker would stand in front of her door one day scared her, had ruined a few nights already.

"She needed eleven years to step forward and I'm sure that your trial last year helped her a lot. When she tells her story now she will know people believe her. She has to tell her story in court, you will hear what he did to her."

"I'm afraid he did the same to her like he did to me. The friend of her father, the parents out of house, the nice friends offered to look after the daughter and when they're alone he gets into her room and rapes her. After that he threatens her not to tell anybody or very bad things will happen to her, her family, if she has, to her pets. I told you he threatened to kill my parents and my brother so I had to go into foster care. They do nasty things to girls in foster homes." Sara swallowed. The words were still in her ears, she could hear them like he just said them to her.

"For being stuck and not making any process you can talk about the abuse without trembling or getting close to a bout." Doctor Luria smiled lightly.

"We've been through it for over eighteen months."

"I've a patient who had to go through the same you did, Sara and she's in therapy for over twenty years. With a few breaks, changing therapists, one, two or three appointments per week. She still can't talk about what happened to her without trembling, without crying."

"Over twenty years?" Was she supposed to feel good? Feel strong? Proud of herself? Right now it scared her. Such a long time and no success. What if the same happened to you? When she was stuck too. Twenty years, another eighteen years of therapy?

"Yes. You are making progress, Sara. He hurt you for a long time, not only once which is already bad enough, you buried it for almost thirty years deep inside you, it takes some time to get it out completely. And when you are over it you can talk to your mother and brother without worrying they might talk about the trial. And if you don't want to talk to them it won't have anything to do with what Trevor did to you."

Sara closed her eyes. Twenty years and still therapy. Was that her future too? Would she end up for the rest of her life in therapy? Spilling her guts, working on a goal that seemed to stay out of reach.