Atopos - Well, Happy Holidays everyone! I know it might be a little late to be putting a Christmas story up, but I finally got around to doing one. This one might go right into through the holidays if I do it the way I want. This is only the first chapter. Please Review, and remember that I only borrow the characters on a day-to-day basis.

Another thing, for those who liked my story 'The Dreaded Love Potion', I'm currently making a sequel. I've kind of run out of inspiration at the moment, but it will be better than the first!

What I Want for Christmas

I've learned over the past few years that holidays spent with the Akatsuki are never like they are when you spend them with a real family. Then again, for some of us, Akatsuki is our family. Itachi-san wants to kill us, Kakuzu-san wants to sell us to ready-to-buy fangirls, and Sir Leader regrets buying us back time and time again. Okay, so we're a family with a few issues, but who doesn't know some of those? Either way, I love my family. Whether or not they love me back doesn't matter… I don't think I want to know the answer anyways.

So, you might be thinking about why I'm talking about the upcoming holidays. I don't really care if you said no; I'm going to tell you. You see, we celebrate practically everything. My personal favourite is Different Colour Sock Day. Don't ask. Hidan-san also likes holidays, just not the ones the rest of the world enjoys. He sees us as heathens for celebrating such wonderful things. He also wants us to die, and is willing to kill us off in one swing. It's a good thing Zetsu-san protects me for reasons unknown.

Well, now that we celebrate Christmas like the rest of the (sane) world, I'm stuck finding the tree. Zetsu-san hates this part of Christmas, so I always volunteer. He finds no problem with eating human children, but as soon as it comes time to chop down a tree, he goes all angsty on us. I think I have a weird teacher. I used to anyways. I know have Deidara-sempai as my teacher, and everyone knows how much better we get along together.

Back to the work at hand. I stare down the tree I've been thinking about chopping up for awhile now. I didn't really 'stare it down' because that's impossible. You have to have like really strong beams coming from your eyes to take down an entire tree… How do I keep getting off topic?! That was the dumbest argument I've ever had with myself in a long time. So, this tree is particularly evil because it blocks all the sunlight we can get in the bedroom I share with Deidara-sempai. Speaking of the devil, sempai was right here a moment ago…

BANG!!

FOUND HIM! I don't know how Deidara-sempai thinks he can do undercover missions. He's the most obvious person in the entire world. He blows stuff up randomly, he has this odd temper that has him beating people up when he's angry (coughmecough), and let's not forget the bestest and oddest part about him; he has a fanboy! Um…that would be me…

…………

Well, let's not go crazy here. I don't hear any "Oh my God, no way! Tobi, the good boy, has a crush on an evil genius?!" As a matter of fact, yes, yes I do. But it's a small crush. Like, for example, if I could hold his hand for just a second, I would be prepared to take on any ninja to protect his honour. If I could make him smile for only a moment, I would be the happiest person in the entire world. If I could kiss him for only a short amount of time, I would probably die from being too excited. So…yeah, it's only a tiny crush…

I'll tell you something else that might really shock every single one of you. Nobody else knows. Wait a minute! You can't tell anyone about this! If anyone finds out, there might be trouble! As much as I love (yes, I said love) sempai, I would never want anything to hurt him. I don't want anyone to know I like him until sempai knows first… I've also learned that I am a very complex person.

I'm pretty sure most people know, though. Hidan-san is always looking at me, then looking at Deidara-sempai as if he can see the tiny red string that ties our hearts together. Or maybe it's because sempai wants to destroy that tiny red string so that he can leave me without me finding him. The red string is like a leash I've learned. It ties two people together (or more, depending on what you're into), but it can also make one person want to strangle the other with the leash or one person will just let go of it and let the other wander off until they find a leg to hump… Wow… Okay, now that was just weird, right? Right.

"How are we gonna get it back to the hideout?" I ask after staring at the tree, acting as if I hadn't just compared Deidara-sempai to a dog and our love to a leash… That topic might come back up in my mind when I have time to think about sexual opportunities. Maybe this whole 'make the tree look big' was Zetsu-san's hidden ploy. Get Tobi to want the big pine tree that stands next to the hideout because it looks so perfect, then turn it into a ninja-eating monster. It sounds like a good plan since I am now having second thoughts about it. "Scratch that, how will we chop it down?"

Normally, I'm a very optimistic person, but this seems impossible to me. As smart as I like to think I am, I've never thought my plans out. I take another look at the tree and realize for the first time that it could even be frozen to the ground. The only people I know with enough strength aren't anywhere nearby, too. Hidan-san doesn't want to help and Kisame-san had a mission to do since this morning. Now, we're officially stuck.

"You're a dumbass, un."

Guess who said that. That's right. God. No, I'm kidding, but I'm very close. Deidara-sempai said that. The best part of it is that he said it to me. Yup. Deidara-sempai is paying attention to little ol' me. I feel very happy now as this only happens like once a day. Of course, what he said wasn't very nice, but it was to me, so no one should get in the way of our little love fest. We're too much in love to care about what the little people think.

"What do you suggest, sempai?" I ask cheerfully. Of course it's cheerful! I'm talking to a walking sex God here! Maybe you guys don't understand how hot sempai really is. Well, you see every part about him is just gorgeous. His eyes, his lips, his hair, his chest, his hips, his… Yeah, everything. See, I don't really know where my infatuation with him came from. From the moment I saw his face for the first time, my life became centered on him. He brings the sun up every morning and makes the stars twinkle every night. The river is jealous of his voice and all the flowers in the world are jealous of his beauty.

As I said before, I only have a tiny crush on him.

"Just watch, un."

I do every morning, but I don't think he's talking about my recent hobby of watching him bathe or change his clothes… Um, yeah, sempai looks good when he's mad at me for staring, and running after me with just a towel on, waving a thing of shampoo threateningly…let's just leave it at that.

So, sempai opens up his light blue coat and pulls the zipper on one of his clay pouches. He has this thing where he thinks he's going to be attacked when we're not in the hideout, so he brings his weapons with him. It's hard to be spotted, though, since some of us where normal clothing when we're out not committing crimes. When we do this, we look like teenage ninjas out looking for a good time. I am, but I don't think sempai is…yet. Me, I look like a ninja with an orange mask on. So much for incognito when you're with me… Maybe that's why sempai brings his weapons…

Back on topic once again. For some reason, I always seem to drift off every few minutes. Maybe that's why I'm always happy. My mind is usually occupied with the usual things that make up my life. There's the normal stuff like walking, sleeping, eating, and breathing. There's also a much bigger part of my life in the other side of my brain, which is made up of candy, sempai, funny jokes, sempai, being a powerful ninja in an evil organization, and most of all SEMPAI!! I might have an obsession over my mentor, and I might steal his underwear for special rituals when I think no one's watching, but at least I'm not reading my thoughts out of pure boredom. Take that! Ooooooh, burn.

You might be able to guess now that we were able to get the tree out by blowing out the bottom of the trunk with my sempai's clay. He's very wonderful if you don't stand so close to him. I've done it multiple times, and I think the only reason he tries to kill me is because he knows I'm staring at his ass (I got that word from Hidan-san, among a few others that are insults to many in the organization) when I'm behind him, and I'm staring at his…other things when I'm in front of him. His face, you bad perverts! It's very pretty.

Tobi's also a closet pervert. The good boy outer shell is just a cover up for all the dirty things I wish to do to my younger, sexier, more talented teacher. He's a tease and I think he knows it. Otherwise, he wouldn't have an attack where he has to open his shirt or use the mouths on his hands. Sempai must be a pervert, too…I hope.

"Now we drag it back, un," sempai says with pride. This might prove to be quite difficult. Like I've already said, I'm usually optimistic until I know I might have trouble. Neither sempai nor I are powerhouses. We're both rather weak without our gear. And I don't remember the first few years of my life, so I'm out of any techniques that could have helped us. Yup, we're completely useless now.

"How are we going to manage that, sempai?" I ask thoughtfully. There are moments when I think I am the mature one out of the two of us. There are also times when I can talk to sempai without getting yelled at. While we're at it, I bet there are times when unicorns sprinkle fairy dust on top of elves to make them want to start a war with the opposing garden gnomes.

It seems that sempai also has this problem solved before I even begin to think about if the gnomes will carry little crossbows or not. Could prove to be interesting. My attention flies to sempai when I see his hand disappear. To my disappointment, he's only gathering some clay, and I watch curiously as he makes a small centipede. In a word, ew. I hate those things, especially when you wake up and you're completely covered in them because your cute, blond partner got bored.

The small centipede crawls from sempai's hand to underneath the tree. The tree was still on it's side from the explosion, and it moved shakily as the centipede picked it up on to it's back and grows to match the size of the tree trunk. I was amazed. Sempai was always smart when he thought people doubted him. This person is usually me, or Itachi-san, or Hidan-san…typically Itachi-san.

Sempai turns to me with a proud smile, as if wanting me to point out a flaw with his plan. I saw none, but the smile that rested on his lips causes my breath to stop somewhere between my throat and my nose. I think I hear angels singing…or that could be my ears ringing from lack of oxygen. This has to be one of the best days of my life. Sempai turns away when he doesn't hear any praise for his work. I still want to say something, but I can't think past the bright smile he gave me.

He starts heading back to the hideout with one of his many masterpieces behind him. I can't watch him when I know I've disappointed him so much. Sempai is always looking for praise, yet I can never get the words out. I love him so much, so when he turns to me for attention, I'm so surprised and I can't begin to think about how much I care for him. There rests my problem. If I can't tell sempai how wonderful I think he and his work is, how will I possibly gain his heart?

Sigh…

I kick at the snow with the same old frustration. Poor, poor snow. The ground always seems to be on the receiving end of my aggravation. It's not like I can take it out on others. It would shock the pants off anyone, though… Not a bad idea, I should try that sometimes… Just not around Itachi-san. Hold on a second. EWWWWWWW!

I'm okay now. Well, you know how I feel about Deidara-sempai, and I believe it's quiet clear how he feels about me. I don't know if I should give up or keep on trying. As the saying goes: If you really love something, let it go. Then again, Deidara-sempai isn't a something, he's a special someone. And there's no possible way I'm going to let him go.

Yes, I'm a romantic at heart. I also realize that I'm a lot different when I'm thinking everything over for a change.

"Hey, moron! Get your ass in here before you fucking freeze!"

Yes, that would be our beloved Hidan-san screaming at me from the Akatsuki's entrance. If that doesn't show people where we are, I don't know what will. Nonetheless, I walk over to him, a smile behind my mask.

"Thank you, Hidan-san, I didn't mean to make you worry." Take that, I am the king of hidden sarcasm. Now, if I could only get sempai to be my dashing queen.

Hidan-san does give me an odd look to my response. "That's not why I'm fucking yelling at you! I just don't want to get into any fucking trouble from the fucking leader when we have to drag your dead fucking corpse back in here."

He's very caring, I swear. He can be such a pussycat sometimes that I forget he knows how to be evil at all.

… Maybe now isn't the best time to go through with this with Hidan-san since he keeps giving me that 'you're so dead, asshole' look instead of the normal 'why the hell are you still here' look. I know how to read pretty boys! Be afraid, very afraid!!

I skip into the hideout as fast as I can to avoid Hidan-san's wrath. It's a terrible force that strikes even the strongest ninjas. Hidan-san is very unpredictable much to our worry and fear for our objects. It's the same with Deidara-sempai, and we've yet to learn who's the worst for temper tantrums overall. My bet is on Deidara-sempai since he's the best at everything.

Speaking of betting, Kakuzu-san walks out now. We could have a party out here now!

Kakuzu-san glares at me as if he's read my mind and disagrees strongly. "Why the hell are you two standing out here for?"

"The ass was out here dancing around my fucking bedroom window," Hidan-san answers, pointing at me.

I wasn't dancing, but I was probably at his window. This might get awkward of the conversation goes on for much longer.

"Get inside," Kakuzu-san growls fiercely. Awwww, he worries about both of us. Let's see if anyone comes out to worry about Kakuzu-san. "You're letting all the heat out. I have to pay for that, you know."

Of course, we all can't be nice, there has to be a reason for everything. Might as well do as they say. I can start dinner, take a shower, and bask in the bedroom as Deidara-sempai works on his art. I couldn't think of a better night if I had years to try.

Christmas only comes once a year, after all. Who knows, I might get lucky and catch Deidara-sempai under the mistletoe this year… Unlike last year when Sasori-san got to him first when we first started celebrating Christmas…

CRASH!

Note to self: don't think to yourself when wandering around the hideout, you could bump into things without noticing. It really hurts, especially when thinking about a naked sempai.

Ow…

TBC...