I have previously posted a one-shot, but this will be my first multi-chapter Scandal fic. I would appreciate any kind of constructive criticism! I plan on updating twice a week and I hope you will enjoy this.
He took another sip of his fourth drink of the night and swallowed it slowly. The amber liquid no longer burnt his throat – he was too used to it to feel the effects it was having on him. Fitz sighed, pushing the papers around on his desk, unable to concentrate on anything. It was too late to be working productively, but too early to go to bed. Here, alone in his office, he could pretend that he was busy, that he was doing something important. Here, he could be alone, away from his wife, his personal responsibilities to his family. Locked away in the Oval Office, he could pretend he wasn't suffering through another day of loneliness and utter emptiness.
He was, though, and if Fitz was truly honest with himself he could admit that he was suffering terribly. Every single day of his life. He had not seen his two oldest children in months, and although he talked to them regularly, it did nothing to fill the empty spot their absence left in his heart. His youngest son was right here, living under the same roof, but he still seemed unavailable to him. It was never possible to simply walk into the nursery and play with his little boy, hold him, read to him, be with him. No, that was not the kind of life Fitzgerald Grant was living. He made appointments – small windows in his ever-busy schedule – to spend time with his baby boy. Because that's the kind of parent he was. That's the kind of parent Mellie had made him to be.
Mellie. In the last ten months he had leaned on her, because after all, she was the only one he could lean on at all. He did not trust her, he did not count on her to be honest to him, but he appreciated not being completely alone. Lonely yes, but not alone. In a little under a year, he had slept with her twice. Both times had left him feeling so empty that it physically hurt. After the second time, he had left their bedroom, moved to the couch in the baby's room and cried. Fitz had cried for almost an hour because he felt so lost and so deeply sad. While his life was far from perfect before, it was an utter mess now because he didn't have her.
He didn't have Olivia.
Fitz had not seen her in ten months. He had not spoken to her in ten months. He had not touched her in ten months. He had not been with her in ten months.
And it was the sole reason for his heartache.
It hadn't always been easy to be with her, far from it, but it gave him something to look forward to, something to rely on, and something to feel happy about. He'd been so incredibly mad at her, so disappointed when he'd learned about her involvement in the Defiance fiasco, and he had promised himself to get over her, move on, and hate her. After ten months, it was becoming obvious that Fitz was not succeeding in any of his attempts. While his anger had since begun to wear off, he did not feel any less disappointed in her and her decision to betray him. Still, he had not gotten over her, had not moved on, and did most definitely not hate her.
Olivia was still, and always would be, the love of his life. That in itself was the President's biggest problem. He was undeniably one of the most powerful – if not the most powerful – men in the world, but she had brought him to his knees. After having loved so deeply, so wonderfully all-consuming, Fitz was left a broken man. Maybe Olivia would take him back now, if he'd ask. Sure, she was hurt by his actions and the words he had spoken to her that faithful day during the Supreme Court Justice's funeral, but God knows he regretted them and if he tried, really, truthfully tried, he might still have a small chance with her.
But Fitz was too proud, too hurt to take that step and bring her back into his life. She had told him she would wait for him, said no to a marriage to a prestigious senator, but he had pushed her away and out of his life. Now, they were both living with the consequences of their actions.
Another sip of his drink did nothing to numb the pain, but he took it anyway. Fitz knew he drank too much and he knew that the people that were around him all day had noticed, but nobody would dare to say anything about it, until they did, he would continue on his self-destructive path. Maybe one day he'd get drunk enough to actually numb his feelings.
The door to his office opened and Cyrus walked in, his ever-present frown even more apparent at that moment. He closed the door and stopped, lowering his head and taking a deep breath.
"What do you want, Cyrus?", Fitz asked, his patience already beginning to wear thin.
Cyrus had been his best friend for so long. Someone he trusted and counted on, someone that literally dedicated his life to serving the country that they both loved. Since Fitz had found out about Defiance and since Olivia had been forced out of his life, things were much different. More often than not he found himself making decisions without Cyrus, and while he knew that wasn't necessarily a good thing and that it most definitely hurt Cyrus, he no longer cared. Just one more person in your life that's betrayed you, he thought.
"We have a problem."
"Don't we always?", he snorted, feeling bitter.
"An Olivia Pope problem, to be exact.", Cyrus replied in an eerily quiet voice.
Fitz' head snapped up at the sound of her name and he could feel his heartbeat quicken. Just the sound of her name made him feel anxious immediately.
"What happened? What does she want?", the President asked, already trying to figure out how he could avoid having to deal with her.
Sure, he loved her. Sure, he regretted not having her around any longer. However, Fitz knew that seeing her, even just hearing her voice, would break the walls he had worked so hard to build and he would get terribly burnt in the end. Olivia Pope was a person that he needed to keep out of his life at all costs. She was dangerous to him, because she knew him so well that she could worm her way into his very soul. Their initial meeting had shown him that all too clearly. Olivia Pope had entered his life by throwing the truth into his face like no one ever had before. Sure, she'd said what everyone else was thinking, but to be so forward had been shocking to him. Soon enough, Fitz had come to appreciate her bluntness and her strong opinions. They were such a contrast to her sweet smile and almost shy looks she'd given him in the days leading up to their very first intimate moment together.
Fitz sighed, running a hand through his curls in regret. He should never allow his mind to go there at all.
"Approximately 15 minutes ago, Olivia's car was in a head-on collision with a delivery truck. She crashed on the scene of the accident, but paramedics were able to bring her back. They are on the way to George Washington University Hospital."