[Neon Genesis Evangelion][Fanfic][Chained]
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Evangelion: Chained
Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by...you know the drill lets get on with the fic. But with that
note I do own all of the ACCs so just drop a line if you want to use them.
Evangelion: Chained was written, created and whatever else you want to say by Ryo Kusanagi and K-Ley Laskitt and published in the year 2001.
Evangelion: Chained
Any email about the fic - Queries, comments, additions, fan/hate mail are to be sent to
storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Warning Section
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Warning: This fic is a recipe for disaster -
Ingredients - 300 grams of an anime series with characters that seem so real and lively.
- 20 grams of a great plot
- One totally screwed up brain beyond recognition (recommended: Brain of psychopath)
- A pinch of new and fresh characters and events to season
Method -
Step 1. Place the anime series and plot into a blender or food processer.
Make sure there are only the very small refined pieces left after the process.
Step 2. With a very sharp knife, cut an incision directly down the middle of the brain.
Try to keep in the centre or else the final result won't make any sense.
Step 3. Scoop out any confusing ideas and cheap jokes out of the brain and fill with the anime series and plot.
Step 4. Place brain into a pre-heated oven at 200*C. Let this bake for about 30 minutes
Step 5. Take out of the oven and season with new characters and events
Enjoy
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"So if x is equal to negative 3, then y would equal what, Hikari?"
Hikari jumped, realising she'd zoned out completely and had been staring at Touji for the last fifteen minutes. Silently, she chastised herself. "Y?" she repeated.
"Why not?" Kensuke cracked, earning him class wide laughter.
"Y would be equal to, uh -" Mercifully, Hikari's algebraic stumbling was interrupted by two familiar voices coming from outside the classroom.
"You jerk!"
"Do you think you could do one thing I ask you just once in your life?" Shinji asked, his voice far more curt than usual.
"Oh, shut up!" Asuka snapped. A pause. Then, "You're going the wrong way, idiot!"
"I'm trying to get to my damn locker!" he shot back.
"Who cares about your damn locker?" she retorted. "Do you really think we're going to be able to do anything?"
"Oh, for Christ's sake!"
The classroom door flung open, revealing Asuka, with Shinji standing behind her. Kensuke and Touji offered their friend a sympathetic look. "Shinji, over here," Touji called, at the precise same time Hikari called, "Asuka, over here!"
Shinji and Asuka exchanged pained looks before saying, in perfect unison, "We can't."
"Why not?" Kensuke inquired.
Again Shinji and Asuka exchanged pained looks. "Because we're -" Shinji began, but was cut off by a kick in the shins.
"Don't say anything!" Asuka hissed, blue eyes burning into him.
Shinji rolled his eyes. "Asuka, be realistic. They're going to find out sooner or later."
"I prefer later!" she insisted, silently begging him.
Shinji ignored her complaints and turned his eyes to Kensuke, to answer his question. "Why?" he began dryly. "Because of this." He lifted his hand, which was handcuffed to Asuka's.
"Kinky," Touji commented, his comment causing laughter from the class and a dark and vicious glare from Asuka.
"It's not like that," she said, rolling her blue eyes, hoping her face wasn't too red. "We woke up like this."
Asuka realised too late that her wording held double meaning and the whole class erupted into laughter, even their math teacher. She uttered an exasperated cry and turned to Shinji. "Explain," she said shortly.
"Asuka's right," Shinji began, the class falling silent to hear his explanation. "We did wake up like this. But not in the way you think. We're not quite sure what happened, but we woke up in an alley handcuffed together this morning."
"In an alley?" Hikari echoed, her nose slightly wrinkled. "Doesn't that mean you're all dirty and stuff?"
Asuka eyed her friend. "Hikari, we're not exactly in a situation where we can shower and get dressed," she pointed out dryly.
"I bet Shinji wouldn't mind," Touji said, his words slow, his tone meaningful as he locked his eyes onto Asuka's, waiting for her reaction. As he knew he would, he got one. Asuka grabbed Kaia Wynfield's pencil box and with surprising precision, threw it at him. It smacked him in the side of the head, clattering to the floor. Touji winced and rubbed his temple. Asuka smiled triumphantly.
The teacher spoke up for the first time Shinji and Asuka had entered the room, most likely because he had absolutely no clue what to do. There was absolutely no mention in the school rules of handcuffs.
"I'm not sure what to do," he admitted, a surely brave thing for a teacher to admit. "There's no handcuff rules at this school . . ."
"Actually," Hikari corrected. "There is." Everyone looked at her, trying to gauge whether she was joking or not. "No, seriously," she insisted. "Rule number, like, 1407 is that no student is to handcuff any student, teacher or anyone else associated with the school to the back of a bus."
The teacher winced at Hikari's reminder. "Oh, that's right. I remember when and why they made that rule." He shuddered. "That was messy for all involved."
An uncomfortable silence fell over the class for a few seconds, before the teacher continued. "So, uh, why don't you two just sit down and we'll figure out what to do later, OK?"
Muttering in a way that hinted that they weren't complimenting the teacher or each other, Shinji and Asuka proceeded to sit, realising they had no choice but to sit next to each other. Asuka went to fold her arms, and realising she couldn't, yanked her and Shinji's arm for no other reason but to hurt him. He yanked his arm back, she yanked hers back and they ensued in a big tug-of-war for several seconds before both exhaled and gave up.
The teacher tried to remember where he'd left off. "So, Hikari, Y would equal what?"
Hikari cursed silently. Chisato Kudoh, who was sitting behind her, tapped her shoulder and gestured towards Touji, who was trying to get her attention.
"73 point 8," he mouthed. She smiled gratefully, and turned back to the teacher.
"73 point -"
"Ow!"
Hikari was cut off by Shinji's indignant cry of pain. "Jeez, Asuka!" he exclaimed. "Are you trying to rip off my arm?"
"Well, it's one solution," she shot back curtly. They both turned their backs on one another; unfortunately, they failed to realise that the chain linking them was too short to do so, and before long, both yelled out in pain.
"You jerk!" Asuka yelled.
"How is it my fault?" he yelled back.
The teacher rubbed his temples and sat down, resigning to the fact that no one was going to be learning what Y was equal to today.
It was going to be a long day.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
By the time lunchtime rolled around, both Shinji's and Asuka's wrists were red and sore. As they yelled at each other for the immense pain that they were both in, Touji couldn't resist pointing out that if they didn't insist on pulling the cuffs they wouldn't be in pain. Touji soon found out that he should have resisted.
"Oh, shut up!" they both shot back, their tempers fraying.
Hikari, like always, was sitting with Asuka for lunch. Asuka, much to her annoyance, had no choice but to sit with Shinji. Shinji, like always, was sitting with Kensuke and Touji, and thus the five ended up together.
"I can't believe I'm sitting with the Three Stooges," Asuka griped, giving into an urge and pulling Shinji's arm once again. "I mean, there goes my reputation."
"Or what was left of it," Shinji retorted, with a surprisingly sour edge to his voice.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded indignantly.
"Can you just shut up?" Kensuke, Hikari and Touji cried, exasperated.
The shock on their faces was priceless; Kensuke briefly wished he had a camera on him. Surprisingly, Asuka didn't react violently or even nastily. Instead, she signed with resignation. "I can't believe this," she announced. "I've got no lunch, I so need a shower, my hair is a mess, and above all, I'm handcuffed to the Invincible Shinji!" She punctuated the last two words with a tug of the handcuffs. "Can it get any worse?"
"Probably," Shinji acknowledged, grimacing.
Asuka's head turned sharply. "What do you mean, probably?" she demanded.
He offered her a weak grin. "You're probably going to hurt me when I tell you this but..."
"But what?"
"I need to pee."
Asuka had insisted he hold it for twenty minutes, the desperation on Shinji's face increasing as the minutes ticked by. Touji pointed out that holding it for too long can cause internal problems, Asuka pointed out she didn't care, and Shinji pointed out that he was about to pee regardless of whether he had somewhere to do it or not. Finally, after twenty minutes of arguing of whether Shinji was allowed to pee or not, Asuka agreed, only because Shinji had threatened to pee on her.
"Don't you dare think of involving me in this," Asuka warned as Shinji dragged her into the bathroom. A couple of boys Shinji and Asuka didn't know were leaving at the same time they were arriving, and seeing the handcuffed pair, their jaws dropped.
"Oh, take a picture, it'll last longer," Asuka snapped as they passed each other. She turned her attention back to Shinji. "I mean it, Third Child. Don't you even think of involving me in this."
"Oh, yeah," he shot back sarcastically. "That's my dream, Asuka. For you to help me pee. I've dreamt about this moment, how did you know?"
"Oh, shut up," she muttered, hoping the heat she felt spreading across her cheeks wasn't visible. "Just get it over and done with, OK?"
"I'm trying! But someone keeps interrupting me!"
Asuka did her very best to turn away from Shinji to give him the privacy he was entitled, even though a certain annoying voice in the back of her head was persuading her to turn around.
"Aren't you done yet?" she asked impatiently, knowing she was blushing profusely.
"Does it sound like it?" he replied dryly.
Asuka's cheeks were burning so much she was afraid that she was going to spontaneously combust. She tried to calm herself down for fear of how Shinji would put her out if she did burst into flames. After what seemed like an eternity - a highly embarrassing eternity - Asuka's ears told her Shinji was done. A brief flashback of some stupid movie called Austin Powers came to her but she dismissed it. Shinji wasn't Austin Powers. For one thing, she reminded herself, Shinji was about ten times more attractive than that...
Asuka cut off her thoughts as soon as she realised what her thoughts were.
"Can we go yet?" she asked.
"Hang on," he said, a touch of impatience in his voice. "I'm not used to doing this with one hand."
"You seemed to manage fine at the beginning," she pointed out.
"That was different," he said, and Asuka could tell he was grinning. "There was desperation then."
Asuka sighed deeply. "Just hurry up."
"What's your rush? I'd have thought you'd be curious as to what the guys bathroom looked like."
"Yeah, like I haven't been inside one of these before," she retorted rolling her eyes. She fell silent as soon as she realised what she'd said. "I mean -"
"Save it, Asuka," Shinji responded, possessing the upper hand and knowing it. "Your reputation precedes you."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded, and though Shinji couldn't see her face, he could picture it all too well . . . in particular the indignant rage that would be lighting up her big blue eyes.
"Just something I heard," he said vaguely, wondering how long he could drag this out. "It's not important."
"Spill it, Third Child!"
"I'm just kidding, Asuka!" he cried, rolling his eyes. "You're paranoid, you know that?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit picking on me and let's get going."
"Oh, heaven forbid I should pick on you for once."
"You know what Shinji?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
The lighthearted attitude that they were sharing didn't last. Five minutes into the next class, Asuka was ignoring Shinji, examining her hair for split ends. A paper airplane flew into Shinji's lap. He unfolded it, realising it was a note from Touji and Kensuke.
'Suicide would be noble in your situation.'
Shinji laughed, and Asuka turned to look at him. "What's so funny?" she demanded.
"Nothing," he lied, trying to shove the note into his pocket without her noticing. Unfortunately for Shinji, Asuka was very astute. She grabbed at the note and he pulled it back. She grabbed for it again and missed. This kept going on for a few seconds. Asuka grabbed for it again and this time got a hold of it. Shinji tried to repossess it, and, in his haste, fell off his chair, taking Asuka with him. The two landed sprawled on the ground, in a tangle of limbs.
Asuka hit Shinji on the head. "Pervert." Then she plucked the note from his hand and read it. She crumpled the note, then looked at Touji and Kensuke, her eyes surprisingly calm. "So would homicide."
As Touji and Kensuke laughed, Shinji tapped Asuka on the elbow. "Asuka, can you get off me?" he asked, his voice pained. "I can't feel my legs."
She belted him again. "I'm not that heavy!" she snapped, nevertheless jumping up, jerking Shinji's arm violently as she did so. As he swore, the teacher watched the scene and sighed.
"We really need to do something about this."
"Don't even talk to me!"
"Get a grip."
"Yeah, sure. How about around your neck?"
"What is your problem?"
The angry exchange was fast turning into a spectator sport, with the class watching the rapid-fire exchange of dialogue from various vantage points around the room. But Shinji and Asuka didn't notice the crowd that they had drawn. They were too busy insulting each other.
"What is my problem?" Asuka repeated, eyes flashing. "Think about what you said five minutes ago!"
"All I said was that you practically broke my legs!" he shot back. "Which you did!"
"I am not fat!"
"I didn't say you were! I said you practically broke my legs!"
"Which means you think I'm fat!"
"You're so unreasonable!"
"I am not!"
"Look at you. You're being ridiculous!"
"I am not!"
"The least you could do is argue properly!"
"I am!"
"Oh, for crying out loud! This isn't an argument!"
"Yes it is."
"An argument's not the same as contradiction."
"Can be."
"No, it can't! An argument is a collected series of statements to define a definite proposition. Contradiction is just the automatic gain saying of anything the other person says."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is!"
"Look, if I argue with you I must take up a contrary position."
"But it's not just saying 'no it isn't'."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't!" Shinji stopped and thought about what he'd just said. He decided to take up a different tactic. "You know your problem? You're a brat!"
"And you're a self absorbed jerk!"
"I'm self absorbed? Asuka, look at yourself for a second. You don't give a damn about anything or anyone if it doesn't affect you!"
"Why don't you look at yourself?" she retorted. "You don't care at all what I'm going through here! All you can think about is how you'd rather be chained to Wondergirl!"
"Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm thinking about how I'd rather be chained to Rei," he confirmed sarcastically. "God, are you insane?"
Asuka's temper exploded and she glared at him, her breathing loud. "You know what, Shinji?" she said acidly. "Fuck you."
"No, I'm busy tonight, actually," he retorted. "How's Monday night for you?"
As soon as the words left his mouth, he came close to regretting it. The look on her face stopped, or at least temporarily halted, his regret. For once, Asuka Langley Soryu was speechless with shock. The spectators, too were silent.
Asuka stared at Shinji with a mixture of disbelief, shock, anger and the tiniest hint of hurt. "When the hell did you grow a spine?"
Shinji really did regret his next comment. "Around the same time I grew the unmistakable urge to kill you!"
Asuka's blue eyes were cold as ice, but were burning with anger at the same time. She turned and yanked the door open, slamming it behind her.
Unfortunately, Asuka had momentarily forgotten about the handcuffs and had slammed the door after she'd left the room, but before Shinji had. The door bounced off the metal chain, rebounded back, and slammed Shinji in the head. The class watched, stunned, as Shinji fell to the floor, unconscious.
On the other side of the door, Asuka was dragged down by Shinji's unconscious weight.
Silence. Then a long winded string of Japanese, English and German swear words came from the other side of the door.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Asuka looked on as Misato banged her head on the wall. "What is wrong with you people?" Misato wanted to know, clearly frustrated. "Can't you just be two normal people?"
Asuka nodded in approval. "I can be two normal people if Shinji can."
Misato turned slowly, her eyes taking in her two dependents, one of whom was suffering a severe case of unconsciousness. "This isn't funny, Asuka," she warned.
"It's pretty funny."
Both Asuka and Misato looked towards the doorway, where a doctor was standing, holding a clipboard. "We haven't had this big a laugh since a certain NERV employee was admitted in a pink Wonderbra," he continued.
"What's wrong with that?" Asuka wanted to know. "She can wear a pink Wonderbra if she wants to."
"She was a he."
Misato and Asuka absorbed this. "Oh," was all they managed to say.
"Anyway, Shinji will be fine," the doctor assured them. "He should snap out of this unconscious state soon. You whacked him pretty good."
Asuka bowed her head with false modesty. "Well, I try."
"Asuka, this isn't funny!" Misato cried.
Asuka pointed to the doctor. "He thinks it is."
The doctor nodded. "Can't argue there. She's right."
"You still haven't explained to me why you're handcuffed to Shinji in the first place!" Misato exploded. Asuka observed that the pressure had finally gotten to her guardian.
"Yeah, how did that happen?" the doctor wanted to know. "We've got a betting pool running down at the nurses station."
Misato looked at the doctor in amazement. "Could you be more unprofessional?" she wanted to know.
The doctor considered this, not at all offended. "I could leave a surgical instrument inside someone," he suggested.
Misato wished fervently that she were somewhere else.
"I told you," Asuka said with uncharacteristic patience. "I don't know why we're handcuffed together. We just woke up like this in an alley."
"After a night of blackjack, cheap booze and really disturbing sex games?"
The doctor looked surprised. "Hey, I think I was at that party, too!"
"No!" Asuka exclaimed, horrified.
The doctor folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Listen, here, missy. You young bucks aren't the only ones who like to have a good time."
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Authour's Notes
Well there you have it. Like it or not you read it. Any questions, comments, fan/hate mail to storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Ryo Kusanagi
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Evangelion: Chained
Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by...you know the drill lets get on with the fic. But with that
note I do own all of the ACCs so just drop a line if you want to use them.
Evangelion: Chained was written, created and whatever else you want to say by Ryo Kusanagi and K-Ley Laskitt and published in the year 2001.
Evangelion: Chained
Any email about the fic - Queries, comments, additions, fan/hate mail are to be sent to
storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Warning Section
=================================================================================================
Warning: This fic is a recipe for disaster -
Ingredients - 300 grams of an anime series with characters that seem so real and lively.
- 20 grams of a great plot
- One totally screwed up brain beyond recognition (recommended: Brain of psychopath)
- A pinch of new and fresh characters and events to season
Method -
Step 1. Place the anime series and plot into a blender or food processer.
Make sure there are only the very small refined pieces left after the process.
Step 2. With a very sharp knife, cut an incision directly down the middle of the brain.
Try to keep in the centre or else the final result won't make any sense.
Step 3. Scoop out any confusing ideas and cheap jokes out of the brain and fill with the anime series and plot.
Step 4. Place brain into a pre-heated oven at 200*C. Let this bake for about 30 minutes
Step 5. Take out of the oven and season with new characters and events
Enjoy
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"So if x is equal to negative 3, then y would equal what, Hikari?"
Hikari jumped, realising she'd zoned out completely and had been staring at Touji for the last fifteen minutes. Silently, she chastised herself. "Y?" she repeated.
"Why not?" Kensuke cracked, earning him class wide laughter.
"Y would be equal to, uh -" Mercifully, Hikari's algebraic stumbling was interrupted by two familiar voices coming from outside the classroom.
"You jerk!"
"Do you think you could do one thing I ask you just once in your life?" Shinji asked, his voice far more curt than usual.
"Oh, shut up!" Asuka snapped. A pause. Then, "You're going the wrong way, idiot!"
"I'm trying to get to my damn locker!" he shot back.
"Who cares about your damn locker?" she retorted. "Do you really think we're going to be able to do anything?"
"Oh, for Christ's sake!"
The classroom door flung open, revealing Asuka, with Shinji standing behind her. Kensuke and Touji offered their friend a sympathetic look. "Shinji, over here," Touji called, at the precise same time Hikari called, "Asuka, over here!"
Shinji and Asuka exchanged pained looks before saying, in perfect unison, "We can't."
"Why not?" Kensuke inquired.
Again Shinji and Asuka exchanged pained looks. "Because we're -" Shinji began, but was cut off by a kick in the shins.
"Don't say anything!" Asuka hissed, blue eyes burning into him.
Shinji rolled his eyes. "Asuka, be realistic. They're going to find out sooner or later."
"I prefer later!" she insisted, silently begging him.
Shinji ignored her complaints and turned his eyes to Kensuke, to answer his question. "Why?" he began dryly. "Because of this." He lifted his hand, which was handcuffed to Asuka's.
"Kinky," Touji commented, his comment causing laughter from the class and a dark and vicious glare from Asuka.
"It's not like that," she said, rolling her blue eyes, hoping her face wasn't too red. "We woke up like this."
Asuka realised too late that her wording held double meaning and the whole class erupted into laughter, even their math teacher. She uttered an exasperated cry and turned to Shinji. "Explain," she said shortly.
"Asuka's right," Shinji began, the class falling silent to hear his explanation. "We did wake up like this. But not in the way you think. We're not quite sure what happened, but we woke up in an alley handcuffed together this morning."
"In an alley?" Hikari echoed, her nose slightly wrinkled. "Doesn't that mean you're all dirty and stuff?"
Asuka eyed her friend. "Hikari, we're not exactly in a situation where we can shower and get dressed," she pointed out dryly.
"I bet Shinji wouldn't mind," Touji said, his words slow, his tone meaningful as he locked his eyes onto Asuka's, waiting for her reaction. As he knew he would, he got one. Asuka grabbed Kaia Wynfield's pencil box and with surprising precision, threw it at him. It smacked him in the side of the head, clattering to the floor. Touji winced and rubbed his temple. Asuka smiled triumphantly.
The teacher spoke up for the first time Shinji and Asuka had entered the room, most likely because he had absolutely no clue what to do. There was absolutely no mention in the school rules of handcuffs.
"I'm not sure what to do," he admitted, a surely brave thing for a teacher to admit. "There's no handcuff rules at this school . . ."
"Actually," Hikari corrected. "There is." Everyone looked at her, trying to gauge whether she was joking or not. "No, seriously," she insisted. "Rule number, like, 1407 is that no student is to handcuff any student, teacher or anyone else associated with the school to the back of a bus."
The teacher winced at Hikari's reminder. "Oh, that's right. I remember when and why they made that rule." He shuddered. "That was messy for all involved."
An uncomfortable silence fell over the class for a few seconds, before the teacher continued. "So, uh, why don't you two just sit down and we'll figure out what to do later, OK?"
Muttering in a way that hinted that they weren't complimenting the teacher or each other, Shinji and Asuka proceeded to sit, realising they had no choice but to sit next to each other. Asuka went to fold her arms, and realising she couldn't, yanked her and Shinji's arm for no other reason but to hurt him. He yanked his arm back, she yanked hers back and they ensued in a big tug-of-war for several seconds before both exhaled and gave up.
The teacher tried to remember where he'd left off. "So, Hikari, Y would equal what?"
Hikari cursed silently. Chisato Kudoh, who was sitting behind her, tapped her shoulder and gestured towards Touji, who was trying to get her attention.
"73 point 8," he mouthed. She smiled gratefully, and turned back to the teacher.
"73 point -"
"Ow!"
Hikari was cut off by Shinji's indignant cry of pain. "Jeez, Asuka!" he exclaimed. "Are you trying to rip off my arm?"
"Well, it's one solution," she shot back curtly. They both turned their backs on one another; unfortunately, they failed to realise that the chain linking them was too short to do so, and before long, both yelled out in pain.
"You jerk!" Asuka yelled.
"How is it my fault?" he yelled back.
The teacher rubbed his temples and sat down, resigning to the fact that no one was going to be learning what Y was equal to today.
It was going to be a long day.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
By the time lunchtime rolled around, both Shinji's and Asuka's wrists were red and sore. As they yelled at each other for the immense pain that they were both in, Touji couldn't resist pointing out that if they didn't insist on pulling the cuffs they wouldn't be in pain. Touji soon found out that he should have resisted.
"Oh, shut up!" they both shot back, their tempers fraying.
Hikari, like always, was sitting with Asuka for lunch. Asuka, much to her annoyance, had no choice but to sit with Shinji. Shinji, like always, was sitting with Kensuke and Touji, and thus the five ended up together.
"I can't believe I'm sitting with the Three Stooges," Asuka griped, giving into an urge and pulling Shinji's arm once again. "I mean, there goes my reputation."
"Or what was left of it," Shinji retorted, with a surprisingly sour edge to his voice.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded indignantly.
"Can you just shut up?" Kensuke, Hikari and Touji cried, exasperated.
The shock on their faces was priceless; Kensuke briefly wished he had a camera on him. Surprisingly, Asuka didn't react violently or even nastily. Instead, she signed with resignation. "I can't believe this," she announced. "I've got no lunch, I so need a shower, my hair is a mess, and above all, I'm handcuffed to the Invincible Shinji!" She punctuated the last two words with a tug of the handcuffs. "Can it get any worse?"
"Probably," Shinji acknowledged, grimacing.
Asuka's head turned sharply. "What do you mean, probably?" she demanded.
He offered her a weak grin. "You're probably going to hurt me when I tell you this but..."
"But what?"
"I need to pee."
Asuka had insisted he hold it for twenty minutes, the desperation on Shinji's face increasing as the minutes ticked by. Touji pointed out that holding it for too long can cause internal problems, Asuka pointed out she didn't care, and Shinji pointed out that he was about to pee regardless of whether he had somewhere to do it or not. Finally, after twenty minutes of arguing of whether Shinji was allowed to pee or not, Asuka agreed, only because Shinji had threatened to pee on her.
"Don't you dare think of involving me in this," Asuka warned as Shinji dragged her into the bathroom. A couple of boys Shinji and Asuka didn't know were leaving at the same time they were arriving, and seeing the handcuffed pair, their jaws dropped.
"Oh, take a picture, it'll last longer," Asuka snapped as they passed each other. She turned her attention back to Shinji. "I mean it, Third Child. Don't you even think of involving me in this."
"Oh, yeah," he shot back sarcastically. "That's my dream, Asuka. For you to help me pee. I've dreamt about this moment, how did you know?"
"Oh, shut up," she muttered, hoping the heat she felt spreading across her cheeks wasn't visible. "Just get it over and done with, OK?"
"I'm trying! But someone keeps interrupting me!"
Asuka did her very best to turn away from Shinji to give him the privacy he was entitled, even though a certain annoying voice in the back of her head was persuading her to turn around.
"Aren't you done yet?" she asked impatiently, knowing she was blushing profusely.
"Does it sound like it?" he replied dryly.
Asuka's cheeks were burning so much she was afraid that she was going to spontaneously combust. She tried to calm herself down for fear of how Shinji would put her out if she did burst into flames. After what seemed like an eternity - a highly embarrassing eternity - Asuka's ears told her Shinji was done. A brief flashback of some stupid movie called Austin Powers came to her but she dismissed it. Shinji wasn't Austin Powers. For one thing, she reminded herself, Shinji was about ten times more attractive than that...
Asuka cut off her thoughts as soon as she realised what her thoughts were.
"Can we go yet?" she asked.
"Hang on," he said, a touch of impatience in his voice. "I'm not used to doing this with one hand."
"You seemed to manage fine at the beginning," she pointed out.
"That was different," he said, and Asuka could tell he was grinning. "There was desperation then."
Asuka sighed deeply. "Just hurry up."
"What's your rush? I'd have thought you'd be curious as to what the guys bathroom looked like."
"Yeah, like I haven't been inside one of these before," she retorted rolling her eyes. She fell silent as soon as she realised what she'd said. "I mean -"
"Save it, Asuka," Shinji responded, possessing the upper hand and knowing it. "Your reputation precedes you."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded, and though Shinji couldn't see her face, he could picture it all too well . . . in particular the indignant rage that would be lighting up her big blue eyes.
"Just something I heard," he said vaguely, wondering how long he could drag this out. "It's not important."
"Spill it, Third Child!"
"I'm just kidding, Asuka!" he cried, rolling his eyes. "You're paranoid, you know that?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit picking on me and let's get going."
"Oh, heaven forbid I should pick on you for once."
"You know what Shinji?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
The lighthearted attitude that they were sharing didn't last. Five minutes into the next class, Asuka was ignoring Shinji, examining her hair for split ends. A paper airplane flew into Shinji's lap. He unfolded it, realising it was a note from Touji and Kensuke.
'Suicide would be noble in your situation.'
Shinji laughed, and Asuka turned to look at him. "What's so funny?" she demanded.
"Nothing," he lied, trying to shove the note into his pocket without her noticing. Unfortunately for Shinji, Asuka was very astute. She grabbed at the note and he pulled it back. She grabbed for it again and missed. This kept going on for a few seconds. Asuka grabbed for it again and this time got a hold of it. Shinji tried to repossess it, and, in his haste, fell off his chair, taking Asuka with him. The two landed sprawled on the ground, in a tangle of limbs.
Asuka hit Shinji on the head. "Pervert." Then she plucked the note from his hand and read it. She crumpled the note, then looked at Touji and Kensuke, her eyes surprisingly calm. "So would homicide."
As Touji and Kensuke laughed, Shinji tapped Asuka on the elbow. "Asuka, can you get off me?" he asked, his voice pained. "I can't feel my legs."
She belted him again. "I'm not that heavy!" she snapped, nevertheless jumping up, jerking Shinji's arm violently as she did so. As he swore, the teacher watched the scene and sighed.
"We really need to do something about this."
"Don't even talk to me!"
"Get a grip."
"Yeah, sure. How about around your neck?"
"What is your problem?"
The angry exchange was fast turning into a spectator sport, with the class watching the rapid-fire exchange of dialogue from various vantage points around the room. But Shinji and Asuka didn't notice the crowd that they had drawn. They were too busy insulting each other.
"What is my problem?" Asuka repeated, eyes flashing. "Think about what you said five minutes ago!"
"All I said was that you practically broke my legs!" he shot back. "Which you did!"
"I am not fat!"
"I didn't say you were! I said you practically broke my legs!"
"Which means you think I'm fat!"
"You're so unreasonable!"
"I am not!"
"Look at you. You're being ridiculous!"
"I am not!"
"The least you could do is argue properly!"
"I am!"
"Oh, for crying out loud! This isn't an argument!"
"Yes it is."
"An argument's not the same as contradiction."
"Can be."
"No, it can't! An argument is a collected series of statements to define a definite proposition. Contradiction is just the automatic gain saying of anything the other person says."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is!"
"Look, if I argue with you I must take up a contrary position."
"But it's not just saying 'no it isn't'."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't!" Shinji stopped and thought about what he'd just said. He decided to take up a different tactic. "You know your problem? You're a brat!"
"And you're a self absorbed jerk!"
"I'm self absorbed? Asuka, look at yourself for a second. You don't give a damn about anything or anyone if it doesn't affect you!"
"Why don't you look at yourself?" she retorted. "You don't care at all what I'm going through here! All you can think about is how you'd rather be chained to Wondergirl!"
"Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm thinking about how I'd rather be chained to Rei," he confirmed sarcastically. "God, are you insane?"
Asuka's temper exploded and she glared at him, her breathing loud. "You know what, Shinji?" she said acidly. "Fuck you."
"No, I'm busy tonight, actually," he retorted. "How's Monday night for you?"
As soon as the words left his mouth, he came close to regretting it. The look on her face stopped, or at least temporarily halted, his regret. For once, Asuka Langley Soryu was speechless with shock. The spectators, too were silent.
Asuka stared at Shinji with a mixture of disbelief, shock, anger and the tiniest hint of hurt. "When the hell did you grow a spine?"
Shinji really did regret his next comment. "Around the same time I grew the unmistakable urge to kill you!"
Asuka's blue eyes were cold as ice, but were burning with anger at the same time. She turned and yanked the door open, slamming it behind her.
Unfortunately, Asuka had momentarily forgotten about the handcuffs and had slammed the door after she'd left the room, but before Shinji had. The door bounced off the metal chain, rebounded back, and slammed Shinji in the head. The class watched, stunned, as Shinji fell to the floor, unconscious.
On the other side of the door, Asuka was dragged down by Shinji's unconscious weight.
Silence. Then a long winded string of Japanese, English and German swear words came from the other side of the door.
-C- -H- -A- -I- -N- -E- -D-
Asuka looked on as Misato banged her head on the wall. "What is wrong with you people?" Misato wanted to know, clearly frustrated. "Can't you just be two normal people?"
Asuka nodded in approval. "I can be two normal people if Shinji can."
Misato turned slowly, her eyes taking in her two dependents, one of whom was suffering a severe case of unconsciousness. "This isn't funny, Asuka," she warned.
"It's pretty funny."
Both Asuka and Misato looked towards the doorway, where a doctor was standing, holding a clipboard. "We haven't had this big a laugh since a certain NERV employee was admitted in a pink Wonderbra," he continued.
"What's wrong with that?" Asuka wanted to know. "She can wear a pink Wonderbra if she wants to."
"She was a he."
Misato and Asuka absorbed this. "Oh," was all they managed to say.
"Anyway, Shinji will be fine," the doctor assured them. "He should snap out of this unconscious state soon. You whacked him pretty good."
Asuka bowed her head with false modesty. "Well, I try."
"Asuka, this isn't funny!" Misato cried.
Asuka pointed to the doctor. "He thinks it is."
The doctor nodded. "Can't argue there. She's right."
"You still haven't explained to me why you're handcuffed to Shinji in the first place!" Misato exploded. Asuka observed that the pressure had finally gotten to her guardian.
"Yeah, how did that happen?" the doctor wanted to know. "We've got a betting pool running down at the nurses station."
Misato looked at the doctor in amazement. "Could you be more unprofessional?" she wanted to know.
The doctor considered this, not at all offended. "I could leave a surgical instrument inside someone," he suggested.
Misato wished fervently that she were somewhere else.
"I told you," Asuka said with uncharacteristic patience. "I don't know why we're handcuffed together. We just woke up like this in an alley."
"After a night of blackjack, cheap booze and really disturbing sex games?"
The doctor looked surprised. "Hey, I think I was at that party, too!"
"No!" Asuka exclaimed, horrified.
The doctor folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Listen, here, missy. You young bucks aren't the only ones who like to have a good time."
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Authour's Notes
Well there you have it. Like it or not you read it. Any questions, comments, fan/hate mail to storm_ridar@hotmail.com
Ryo Kusanagi
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