Restless
Disclaimer: I do not own Thor, Loki or the Avengers. They belong to Marvel/Disney.
Six months since the convergence, and Jane Foster ignores the elephant in the doesn't know if Asgardians believe in ghosts. Jane's rational, scientific mind means she hasn't ruled out the possibility of ghosts, but either way, Thor is being haunted.
Loki's dagger sits on the nightstand by Thor's side of the bed. Sometimes, when he doesn't think she notices, he'll pick up the knife, running his fingers over the blade, or more often, just holding it, eyes closed. Jane wonders what he thinks, but Thor won't answer when she asks. His grief is almost tangible. He denies it, but losing the two most important people in his left left its mark. So they go on about their daily lives, acting as if nothing has changed.
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Staring at the television, flipping channels. Midgardian entertainment is sometimes banal. A word Thor learned from his brother, something Loki would probably marvel at the fact he actually knew how to use correctly in sentence.
"BBC," Darcy said, sitting down by Thor on the couch. "Gotta love it. Gimme the remote. I'll find us something to watch."
Thor hands over the controller without a word.
"Darcy called. Said she was going to be late again," Darcy said. "We have a couple of choices for dinner—leftovers, breakfast cereal, or takeout."
"It doesn't matter," Thor answered.
"Uh, yeah it does, Thor," Darcy said.
"Whatever pleases you, then," Thor said.
Darcy frowned. Thor, always so polite, but the spark was gone from his eyes, like he was dead inside. She scooted closer, throwing an arm around him.
"I know despite everything that happened, you miss him. I can totally understand that," she said. "And your mom. She sounds like she was awesome. I wish I could've met her."
A ghost of a smile played over Thor's lips. "I think she would have enjoyed meeting you, Darcy," he said, giving the girl's shoulders a squeeze.
"So jealous Jane got to go to Asgard," Darcy said.
"Maybe one day you'll be able to go," Thor said.
"Hopefully," Darcy said. "Dinner. Chinese OK?"
"Yes."
He gives Darcy a peck on the forehead before she stands, going to the kitchen to get the takeout menu. A familiar scene of late, the two of them, or sometimes Ian joins them. Good company, but sometimes strained by the tension in the air. Thor thinks he is wrong about his suspicions, but he wants to trust someone, so he brushes it away. No, he will not ruin what he has now, because he has no other home.
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Sometimes, during the first few months, Jane wakes to find Thor gone. Not in the flat, just gone. Eventually he reveals he takes walks when he can't sleep. She's fine with that, but later, even that changes.
The first time Thor leaves, it's for a few days. He feels the need to get out, see something besides London, get some air. Taking the bus to Amesbury, he walks the rest of the way to Stonehenge. The day is rainy, and there aren't many tourists, but he finds the stones welcoming. They're old, almost dating back to the time of the first war with the Dark Elves, and he wonders if the stones were erected to mark the convergence 5,000 years ago.
He comes back, feeling a little more at peace, but even that doesn't last, especially with Loki's name day coming. Thor wants to be away. Solitude fits his mood, and he wants to be elsewhere. He has access to Stark's Jarvis on his phone, and the AI makes all the arrangements for him. A few days in Norway, in the mountains called Jotunheim, after the place where Loki was born. He camps, staring up at the stars at night, watching the lights dance. It reminds him of the times when he and Loki were boys, sneaking out to watch the stars in Asgard's sky, imagining their future. He continues on to Iceland, a land of ice and fire. He finds it beautiful, and the language the people speak hasn't changed much from the times the Allfather dragged he and his brother across the northern reaches of Midgard while they were growing up.
Thor's gone two weeks, and only texts Jane a couple of times, letting her know he's all right, and when he'll be back. And when he's in London, he is restless. He doesn't sleep much, and when he does, it's fraught with nightmares. Jane suggests he see a therapist, but Thor knows the root of his sleeplessness. It's his own guilt for not protecting his brother, and leaving his body behind in the black dust of Svartalfheim.
He wishes he could talk to his mother. He could return to Asgard, talk to his friends, but Thor doesn't want to burden them with his sadness. Or he could unburden himself to his father, but what good would that do? He left his father on even terms, but their relationship wasn't in decent shape. Two days after the battle on Midgard with Malekith Thor spent warring with Odin while Jane waited. Those two days he spent talking his father out of punishing his friends in their part in helping him escape with Loki, but Odin relents. Too much death and destruction made him more weary, and the thought of losing the only child he has left, his only tangible reminder of Frigga, is devastating.
Thor left with the assurance his friends were all right, and Asgard was in good hands, and when he returned to Midgard, Jane couldn't believe he chose her. But the days wear on.
And again, Jane is away with Erik at a conference in Cardiff. Only a few hours away, but it's time Thor has to himself. Darcy is in the flat with him, but he doesn't mind her. She is his friend. Maybe he needs that more than what Jane has to offer? Does it even matter anymore, he thinks. A year he's been in Midgard. A year since he lost Loki for good. He goes out for a walk. Winter has set in, and Thor is glad. The weather suits his mood. He walks down the block, away from the flat, when out of the corner of his eye he thinks he sees someone. Which is preposterous. It's 2 a.m., freezing cold, and who in their right mind would be out in it? Oh. Right.
Someone is standing on the corner, not moving. A man with long dark hair, wearing a tailored suit and overcoat. Someone familiar.
"Loki?"
"Hello, brother."
"How. . ." Thor askes, reaching out a hand, but he pulls back. "You died."
"A trick," Loki says.
"A trick," Thor echoes.
He stares a moment, before choking out one word.
"Why?"
"I had a few things requiring my attention," Loki said.
"Such as?"
"Thor, I didn't come here to fight," Loki said.
"Then why come at all?"
"I wanted to see you," Loki said. "That's all."
"After all this time?"
Loki nods in affirmation, and Thor closes the distance between them in two steps, engulfing Loki in an embrace.
"What now?" Thor asks as he lets go.
"Were you finished with your walk?"
"No," Thor said, putting his hands in his coat pockets, staring at Loki. They step off the curb, and into the night, silent as Thor leads him around the neighborhood he calls home. They eventually find themselves back at the flat, and Thor lets himself and his brother in.
"You'll stay?" Thor asked.
"I'll stay," Loki said.
They fall asleep as they did so often as boys, facing one another, a hand clasped between them.
It's still dark out side when Thor feels Loki shift beside him, but he doesn't open his eyes. Loki brushes a hand across his cheek, then Thor feels Loki's lips upon his own. His brother presses something into his hand, and Thor feels the slide of magic across his skin. Opening his eyes, he sees Loki's scarf is in his hand, and his brother is simply gone.
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Another month, and it all falls apart. Thor leaves. He can't take it anymore, the accusations in Jane's eyes. Like he's not good enough, why can't she be enough? He hasn't told her of Loki's return. Darcy guessed, and she's kept his confidence. For that, he is grateful. And when he leaves, Darcy goes with him.
They end up in New York, at Stark's tower. Thor has an entire floor to himself. More room than he needs, but he won't complain. Darcy becomes the assistant to Stark's lady Pepper, and they both settle in among their new surroundings and the Avengers. They are his friends, but are becoming more like family. His family. It won't replace what he's lost, but Thor is grateful to have found them.
Another simple pleasure is how he enjoys Pepper's company. She is so very tolerant of the band of misfits under her care. Compassionate, but with a will of iron as tough as any warrior. They talk about books, and Midgard in general.
Also, Thor slleeps better knowing Loki is out there, but he worries and waits, hoping he'll come back. But when he left this time, it felt like Loki was saying goodbye. He wishes he could undo all the damage between them, make things right again. Possibly there will never be another chance. Thor knows he's a fool for still having faith in Loki. His mother had faith Loki would change. If she never doubted, then why should he?
So the night Jarvis wakes him, telling him Loki is on his way, Thor doesn't know what to expect. He hears Loki enter the room, and he sits up, waiting, surprised at Loki's appearance. He is Jotun—blue, with blood red eyes and lines and whorls standing out against his skin. Loki is beautiful, as he always is, but Thor doesn't understand, nor care why Loki is in the form he supposedly hates.
"What do you want, Loki?" he asks, getting out of bed, standing, facing his brother.
"You," Loki answers, kissing Thor with a fervor he has never felt, and he finds himself pushed back onto the bed, and things take their natural course.
After, they lay tangled together, Thor tracing the lines on Loki's skin.
"Why did you come?"
"I thought it was obvious," Loki said.
"You came here just to seduce me?" Thor asked.
"It had crossed my mind," Loki answered with a chuckle. "That's not the only reason."
"Then why?"
"When I left you in London, I thought it was good-bye," Loki said.
"It truly felt like it," Thor said.
"I went back to Asgard that night," Loki said. "I went to speak with the Allfather."
"You went risking his wrath?"
"I did face it at first," Loki said. "But he relented when he learned I had a proposition that would benefit not only Asgard, but all the Nine Realms. So I made a deal, and here I am."
"What kind of deal, Loki? What have you done?" Thor asked, pinning Loki beneath him.
"I gathered the remaining Infinity Gems," Loki said. "The Allfather has them. A way needs to be found to destroy them. I'm to help find a way, with your help. That and I've been banished here to Midgard until further notice. Stripped of my sorcery, except what Jotun magic I was born with."
"What?"
"He said it was for the best. I agreed," Loki said.
"Why?"
"Because otherwise I couldn't do this," Loki said, kissing him.
Thor broke the kiss. "Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, but why didn't you tell me what you were planning?"
"I didn't want to get your hopes up," Loki said. "The Allfather was surprised to find I was still alive. It never occurred he would even care this time. He called me 'son' and welcomed me back."
"Are you telling the truth?" Thor asked.
"Why would I lie about this?" Loki said. "Call Heimdall. Go see for yourself."
"In the morning," Thor said. "We'll go together. I'm just going to have to trust you, aren't I?"