AN: Slightly AU – my take on season 3 after the death of Kakistos. WARNING: Explicit scenes of sexual & physical abuse, rape, self harm, drug use. Italics mean flash back. Buffy/Faith pairing – don't like it? Don't read it.

I Look At her In That Paper Dress.
I Wonder Why She Won't Burn.
She's Just A Paper Doll,
That's All, Just A Paper Doll.
I Dress Her Up She Knocks Me down.
They Try Her On For Size she Fits, Nice.
One Size Fits All.
Now Her Soul Is Dead, Now Her Bodies Raw,
You Can Numb Her Pain
Watch The Blood Run Down Her Face.
But Don't Take Notice.
Watch The Blood Run Down Her Arms.
Please Don't Take Notice.
I Know You Have Her Soul.
(and) I See It In Your Eyes.
She Knows You Have Her Soul.
(and) She Sees It In Your Eyes.
Now Her Soul Is Dead, Now Her Bodies Raw,
WASH AWAY HER PAIN
She Wants You To Eat Her Pain.
She Wants You To Eat Her Remains

Paperdoll - Kittie

Chapter 1

Kakistos was dead. The source of her motivation to keep running for the last 6 months was gone. The scoobs had taken their insular little gang to a private celebration at the Watcher's house, somehow forgetting to invite Faith now that lives weren't in danger. She was all alone with nowhere to be but inside her own mind.

That's how Faith ended up crouched in the corner of her cheap motel room one hand wrapped around the leg of the dresser, one dug deep into the dirty polyester carpeting, trying to anchor herself to the present and failing terribly. While her body was in Sunydale her mind had traveled back to Boston, back to the night her Watcher had first found her.

Faith had fucked up – again. Itching for a high but with no money to score she had gone looking for her regular dealer, always willing to trade his wares for Faith's body. She was down on her knees in the dank alley staring intently at Tony's waiting erection, recalling the first time she had ever seen the male member.

One of her mom's many boyfriends had found his way to her room one night after mom had passed out and he had grown bored of fucking her unresponsive body. Little Faith was startled awake by the weight of him on her bed, the stench of booze and cigarettes and something else that she would soon come to identify as the smell of sex and violence. His big hand covered her mouth to prevent her from screaming. "Be a good girl for me and I won't tell your mommy what a whore you are…"

Faith was brought back from her memory when Tony slapped her across the face, getting impatient for her to take care of his hard need. He grabbed her roughly by her hair, forcing her mouth onto his cock. Just as she started gagging a loud voice shouted from the end of the alley "Get the FUCK off her you piece of shit!" this warning was closely followed by the distinct sound of a gun being cocked. Horny but not totally stupid, Tony quickly dropped her hair and took off at a run, not noticing as he dropped the dope Faith had been trying to earn.

Forgetting the yelling and the gun for the moment Faith quickly scooped up the baggie and had her nose in it before that voice could even make it to where she was still kneeling. Just as Faith began to feel the effects of the cocaine traveling to her brain she became aware of a strong presence above her. Turning as quickly as her drug addled body would allow, Faith was greeted by the warm brown eyes of her Watcher for the first time.

She couldn't take it anymore, all the noise, all the pain, the guilt. Faith lunged from her crouched position violently pulling open the top drawers of her dresser. The bottle of Jack caught her attention first she unscrewed the lid and drank deeply. While the alcohol was still burning it's way down into her stomach Faith found her true objective, a sharp razor already crusted in her blood. Pulling off her leathers and sitting heavily on the bed Faith began pulling the sharp edge against her scarred skin, watching at the razor peeled her skin apart opening her up and letting all of the pain flow out from torn capillaries.

"Hey Faith! I thought you were going to follow us back to Giles's house, but you never showed. I realized that you were probably just sitting here by yourself so I brought over some pizza and…." Buffy's ramble was immediately cut off as she looked up from the carelessly unlocked door and saw Faith on the bed, blood flowing freely down her leg, blankly staring out into the room.