Title: - Memories
Author: - Bella
Rating: - PG
Characters: - Nick, mentions of Stephen
Warnings: - Angst. Spoilers for end of Series 2
A/N: - Part 1 of a series. I decided to have a go at the whole 'resurrecting Stephen' thing. This would be the introduction. Not Beta-read, any mistakes are my own.
Memories
It has been months since Stephen's gruesome death, four months and three days to be precise. But to Nick it seems longer. Long days stretch ahead, twisting into even longer nights, nights when he wakes gasping, sweat covered, scared to close his eyes and see the scene the inside that room because it seems to be permanently etched on the inside of his eyelids. It seems odd to him now, that once time had passed quickly, flown even, because now, in the empty void that is his world without Stephen, time seems to have lost all meaning. Nick worries it might just stop altogether. But what worries him more is that he sometimes thinks that might not be such a bad thing.
He spends his days as normal, working on the anomalies, encouraging Connor, helping Abby, sniping at Lester. Life goes on for them. And the others seem to think that he's moved on as well. But he hasn't. Nick has never been very good at letting go of the past, and now is proving to be no exception. He holds it together at work, for the simple reason that they need him. They need him to lead them and to hold them together. He thinks he's doing a surprisingly good job, when he's falling apart inside.
Yes, work is bearable. Just. It's going home that seems to be the problem. Everything he sees reminds him of Stephen. This photograph. That book. The artefacts on the sideboard. And every time he sees them it hurts. Because Stephen has always been by his side, always standing there, and now he's gone and Nick finds that all these reminders of him are no comfort at all. He knows that it's stupid but he still lives in hope that somehow, by some insane miracle, Stephen can be returned to him.
That all goes out of the window the day that the package arrives. Photographs. Nick remembers finally getting his arse into gear and sending off some films for developing after almost a year of not bothering. When he flicks through them, he finds that they are almost all of him, Stephen, or him and Stephen. There's one particular photograph, taken on the final night of their last trip to South America. It's of Stephen and him, leaning against a tree in the gathering twilight, arms just touching, Stephen's head thrown back as he laughs. Neither of them had even realised it had been taken.
And just for one moment, looking at the picture, he can remember that night so vividly, as if it were happening right now. The smell of smoke, the crispness of the evening air, the sound of Stephen laughing, the heat of his arm, and just that warm, happy glow he'd felt inside.
But it slips away, just as suddenly as it comes, and Nick squeezes his eyes shut for once, willing the image to stay. But still it fades. And that's when it finally hits home. That Stephen won't be coming back. There will be no miracle. Not this time. Stephen's gone and he won't be returning, his life has slipped away, as easily as the image has slipped from Nick's mind. That's all that Stephen is now, and Nick knows he has to accept it. He's just scattered images, remembered in a few seconds of clarity before they fade away into the ether. All he has left are the things he remembers, and the things Stephen left behind.
Just memories.