Lost

A Gundam 00 ficlet by Mangaka-chan

Disclaimer: Gundam and its characters belong to Sunrise, not me

Sumeragi Lee Noriega traveled down a corridor on the secret asteroid base. In the weightlessness of space her hair floated behind her in an auburn cloud of curls. She and the other surviving members of the Ptolemaios had been directed here after the battle with the United Nations Army by Wang Liumei. The facilities here were small and resources were limited, but this was hardly a time to pick and choose.

Still dressed in her space suit, Sumeragi hadn't had the time, or rather, the desire to change back into her casual attire despite it having now been almost 48 hours since the battle ended. Coming to a stop, she touched a keypad on the way and the door in front of her slid open.

"How is he, Dr. Heyer?" she asked. Her voice was tired and slightly hoarse as she spoke, but her attention was completely focused on the doctor standing before her and the unconscious patient behind him.

"His condition has stabilized. I dare say had you gotten to him any later-half an hour, perhaps-his chances of survival would've been significantly lower." Heyer replied wearily to Sumeragi. He wore a white lab coat and his blond hair was reminiscent of the late Dr. Moreno's. But unlike Dr. Moreno, this man was no older than 30 years old and had faint stubble on his unshaven cheeks.

Sumeragi nodded silently. Her gaze turned towards the person lying within the sickbay's ICU capsule. Tieria's eyes were closed and his expression appeared peaceful, but Sumeragi could see a tinge of sorrow from the boy's slightly creased eyebrows. He was prepared to die, Sumeragi thought to herself. In the meantime, Dr. Heyer continued giving his report on the patient's condition to the former tactical forecaster of Ptolemaios.

"I won't burden you with the details, but while his unit's restraint system was able to absorb some of the GN beam rifle's energy he still took the brunt of the shock waves and sustained major injuries to his lungs. And with the unit losing life support, his space suit was unable to protect him to much extent, especially with the internal damage he sustained." The young doctor looked up from his notes. "But like I mentioned earlier, he was lucky and we were able to get him in the capsule in time. The nano-machines and high oxygen environment inside the capsule should allow him to make a complete recovery in four weeks' time."

"Thank you," Sumeragi said sincerely and sighed in relief.

Heyer however looked at her solemnly and said softly, "You should get some rest. The last two days have been hard on you and you've already done everything you can. Let others take care of the rest."

Sumeragi smiled bitterly. She knew what was going to happen if she took a break. The only true form of solace she could find at a time like this would be in the bottle, but there was none on this small backup base. Weariness would have to act as her anesthesia for now and deaden the pain that would otherwise overwhelm her.

When Dr. Heyer saw her expression he could only shake his head. "You are a tactical forecaster. You should be aware of what would happen to your body if you keep going like this," he said as Sumeragi turned towards the door.

"Yes, I know," she said, looking over her shoulder at him. "But I also know what would happen to me if I stopped right now. Wedged between two evils, I would prefer to go with the lesser one."

The doctor frowned but said nothing. Pausing at the door, Sumeragi smiled at him and said, "Please keep me updated on Tieria's condition."

Heyer affirmed her request with a nod as the door closed behind Sumeragi.

Once she had left the sickbay Sumeragi made her way to the containers that housed the recovered Gundams. Loud mechanical noises rang out and echoed against the walls as Sumeragi approached Ian Vasti.

"How's Tieria doing?" Ian immediately asked when he saw Sumeragi at the door.

"Dr. Heyer said he's stabilized now. It will take a month's time for him to recover, though."

Ian sighed heavily. "If only Nadleeh had thicker armor, then maybe he wouldn't have been injured so badly. Or if I had installed a better safety system then…"

"Ian, saying these things won't help us now, and it certainly won't help Tieria recover any quicker." Sumeragi argued even though she knew full well how Ian felt.

"Yeah, I know…" Ian took a deep breath and looked back at Sumeragi with calmer eyes. "Now, about the Gundams we were able to retrieve I can only say that all of them are completely wrecked. No wonder the UN army wasn't interested in retrieving them, considering how badly damaged they are." Sitting in the container dock, the broken and burnt remains of the Gundams looked like the outcome of some horrible engineering disaster. It was hard to imagine at that moment that these were once the pinnacle of mobile suit development.

Ian continued, "But I ran some basic tests on the solar furnaces we were able to recover and they seem to be operating normally. Miss Wang tells me she will be getting ahold of the other ones, and I'll run more thorough tests at Krung Thep once we have all four solar furnaces back."

Then half to himself, Ian said, "Guess it turns out we're gonna still need them after all. You'd think with the Gundams destroyed the world could pull itself together. But after hearing your predictions…"

Sumeragi looked off at the Gundams. "The world might've worked together to defeat the Gundams, but some countries will not be able to let go of their individual militaries despite the consolidating presence of the UN army. That will clash with the ideals of the United Nations and conflicts will be born because of that."

"And that means our job isn't done yet," Ian finished. "For that we're gonna have to get all the solar furnaces back in order to rebuild the Gundams."

Rebuild the Gundams… Sumeragi repeated to herself. Ian was right. The solar furnaces were the most treasured possessions of Celestial Being; they were the core of Aeolia Schenberg's plan. But what of the pilots? The Gundam Meisters?

Sumeragi's eyes darkened.

Despite their information being filed under the highest level of security within Veda's database, the pilots were in fact disposable. The most important thing was seeing the eradication of war become a reality, and it didn't matter so much who the people were that realized it. It didn't matter that Lockon, Christina, Lichty, and Dr. Moreno were died, that Setsuna and Allelujah were missing, and that Tieria and Lasse were injured. The goal was all that mattered, not the method.

But it did to Sumeragi Lee Noriaga.

If it did not, she would not have joined Celestial Being after that incident. Her job, and indeed her talent, was to find ways to take lives efficiently. But while that may have been a curse she could not escape from, she wanted to be able to protect the lives of those around her. She wanted to eradicate war, not out of the grandiose and noble reason of bring peace to the world, but to ease her own guilt.

Sumeragi could not keep these thoughts at bay as she traveled away from the cargo hold. Trying to find something else to distract herself, she ran through the list of things she needed to attend to, but found she had either already addressed the issue or it had been updated very recently. She had just spoken with Ian. Wang Liumei was away negotiating the return of the remaining solar furnaces. Lasse was resting, as was Feldt who was asleep in her room, exhausted physically and emotionally, and Sumeragi did not want to wake either of them.

Maybe I should go check on the base security system, she thought, trying to grasp at anything that might keep her mind occupied. Just then a sudden jerk made Sumeragi blink in surprise. The guided hand rail had reached the end of the hallway. In front of her was an intersection, but being new to the facility Sumeragi had no idea where she was or where the paths before her lead to.

She was lost, she suddenly realized; lost in so many ways that she didn't want to comprehend them all. She had lost the Gundams, had lost the lives of crew members, and moreover she was lost as to what she should do. In which direction should she go? Should she help to rebuild Celestial Being, or should she stop and leave the task of eradicating war to someone else, putting an end to the sorrow, the heartbreaks, and the guilt? She didn't know.

The road they walked was supposed to be clearly marked; the destination, inevitable. Through their own destruction they would bring peace to the world, but they could not allow themselves to be destroyed until that goal has been reached. For that goal, no matter how many people died, they had to press forward.

But at that moment Sumeragi found herself unable to push herself any further forward. She had been working in a nearly masochistic manner to distract herself and now she suddenly felt exhausted, the fatigue from two days of continuous work beginning to overwhelm her senses. Her body ached, her eyes were heavy from the lack of sleep, and her mouth was dry from mild dehydration.

A sob escaped her throat as her body succumbed to exhaustion and the emotions she had tried to suppress began to break through the mental barriers she had erected. There was no alcohol on hand to wash away the grief. Opening her eyes, the tears she blinked away floated like beads of liquid crystal in the weightlessness of space. Here, tears could not fall and vanish into the earth. They remained suspended, hauntingly, drifting as reminders of the evils of anguish and sorrow.