Hey everyone, okay I know it's been a while since I last wrote anything for SVU, but there was just something about this story that I felt compelled to write. I think it's because I can personally relate to this oneshot to some extent, and it's just a story I felt had to be written and a story that had to be told. I home you all enjoy reading this and I encourage all of you whoe read this to please leave a review. :) Thank you.
Song: Who Knew
Artist: Pink
She could remember the day she met Detective Olivia Benson as if it were yesterday. She remembered sitting on her front porch while tons of cops and forensic teams swarmed in and out of the house. Through her eyes everything was slow motion. She remember people coming up to her and asking her questions. "Are you all right?" "Are you hurt?" A few people even tried to move her out of the way. But she refused to move. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and let the darkness over whelm her.
She wanted to be left alone. She never wanted to talk to another person as long as she lived. But that's when she heard Olivia's voice.
"Dakota? My name is Olivia, can I sit down?" Olivia had asked.
Dakota looked up into the eyes of this new person she had not remembered meeting before and replied with a nod.
Olivia sat down beside her and let a few moments of silence pass between them. "Dakota, I know this must be hard."
"No you don't." Dakota replied. "No one knows just how I'm feeling at the moment." Dakota took a shuddering breath as she tried to hold back tears. "My mother just killed herself . . . and I should be feeling sad. But I'm not sad. I feel relieved. It's like I was set free."
Olivia sat starring at the 13 year old beside her. She picked up Dakota's had and gave it a small squeeze.
"My mom was an alcoholic and her boyfriends would abuse me. I was always left cleaning up after her. And now that she's gone, I don't know, I just feel free. Shouldn't I be feeling horrible?" she asked, and starring deep into Olivia's eyes, searching for an answer.
Olivia felt an overwhelming urge to huge this young girl. In all her years of working she had never felt more connected to a victim. "No one can tell you how to feel. I know what you're going through, Dakota." Olivia took a deep breath and brushed away a tear from her eyes. "My mom was an alcoholic, too. And when she died, I was upset, but at the same time I felt free. Because I, too, was always trying to clean up her messes and take care of her."
Dakota sniffled and wiped at her cheeks. She turned away from Olivia and starred out into the sky. "What do I do now? I have no where to go. I'll have to go to foster care huh?"
Olivia knew that the only place for Dakota was in foster care. She also knew how horrible the foster care system could be. Just by looking at Dakota, Olivia knew that what she needed the most was someone who finally loved her and would take care of her.
"There's always adoption." Olivia stated.
Dakota let out a bitter chuckle. "Yeah, because every couple out there wants a thirteen year old daughter whose mom just killed herself."
Olivia knew she was right. The adoption system was already over flowing and older children had a very slim chance of getting out to a family.
Without thinking it through, or knowing exactly why she said it, Olivia took a deep breath and looked into Dakota's blue eyes and told her, "You can come with me."
"What?" Confusion plain on Dakota's face.
Olivia liked her lips and repeated herself. "You can come home with me."
"You would do that for me?" she asked in amazement. "You hardly even know me."
Olivia stood up from the step on the porch and smiled as she pulled Dakota to her feet. She patted Dakota's hand, "Everything is going to be all right."
You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's
The next several hours of Dakota's life moved along so fast and she hardly knew what was happening. She remembered Olivia took her to the 1-6th Precinct and had her fill out some statements about her mother and what happened. She remembered talking to a couple different detectives and repeating the same story of her mother over and over again.
After a couple hours Olivia brought her some lunch and let her eat alone in the interrogation room. Lunch was followed by more questioning from new people that Dakota didn't bother learning their names.
It took Olivia several times signing her name and talking to social workers before they allowed Olivia to officially be dubbed Dakota's "legal guardian".
As Dakota sat at a chair by Olivia's desk, holding onto a small duffle bag of her belonging, she saw a handsome man with brown hair a dark blue eyes walk up to Olivia.
"Hey, El" she heard Olivia greet.
The man named "El" smiled at Dakota and then turned his attention back to Olivia. "Liv, Are you sure about this?"
Olivia stopped what she was doing and looked up at the man. "Elliot, I'm scared out of my mind. I've never been a mother, and I've never had to take care of a thirteen year old girl who just lost her mother. I never even had anyone to show me how to be a good mother." Olivia took a deep breath and shook her head.
Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder.
"But," she continued. "As nervous and scared as I am, this is the only thing I've ever felt so sure about. As crazy as this whole thing might seem, I'm ready for it. And somehow I know everything will be all right."
Elliot smiled and hugged Olivia. "You know I'll always be here if you need anything. I'm just a phone call away."
"Thanks Elliot."
Olivia grabbed her bag and turned towards her new daughter, "So, you ready to go home Dakota?"
Dakota nodded and together they walked out of the precinct and into their new lives.
- - - - -
Now, only three years later, Dakota sits on the porch of her new house. The house she shared with Olivia. And once again she sits there wondering, Why? Why me?
Dakota knew it wasn't supposed to end the way it did. She knew it wasn't fair. But then again, who ever said life was fair?
She sits there on the porch as memories race through her mind, and an empty hollow feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. She had loved Olivia with her whole heart, and she knew that Olivia had loved her back.
She sits there missing Olivia. Dakota looks back at the house that had been purchased by her guardian only you and a half years ago. As Dakota closes her eyes, she can still remember the day they moved in.
- - - - -
Dakota ran up the porch and down the long hallway into her brand new room. On the floor there was a tarp and buckets of yellow paint laid all around the room. In the corner by a wall stood the woman who rescued her six months ago. Olivia stood in a pair of jean shorts and a plain white t-shirt, her pair pulled back in a pony tail and with a paint roller in one hand.
"The room is looking really good." Dakota laughed when Olivia turned her way because Olivia had yellow paint in splotches on her cheek and nose.
Olivia smiled and sighed. "Thanks, I hope you like the color."
"Of course I do. And I love the house."
"I'm sorry it isn't bigger. But at least you get your own room." Olivia smiled.
Dakota thought about the new house– it had two small rooms, one and a half baths, and small yard in the back and front, a decent sizes kitchen, and a comfortable living room with a small den. Although Olivia thought it was a bit small for a house, Dakota thought it was like a mansion. The house she had once called "home" was a tiny one bedroom, one bathroom, and the kitchen and living room were practically the same room.
"Well, I just talked to Elliot on the phone. He said he'd be here in about ten minutes with the last of the boxes." Dakota said.
"Wow, it's really happening isn't it?" Olivia questioned, starring out the window which flooded the yellow room with golden sunlight.
Dakota knew exactly what Olivia was referring to. Only six months ago Olivia had adopted Dakota as her own daughter and slowly struggled to become a mother. And at the same time, after Elliot's divorce to his wife, Olivia made a plunge into a relationship she had waited so long for.
Dakota had grown to love having Elliot around their apartment all the time and she knew Elliot enjoyed spending time with her as well. That's why when the decision had finally been made to buy their new house in Forest Hills and to have Elliot move in, Dakota had no problem with it.
Even three months ago when Olivia confessed to Dakota that she was pregnant, Dakota was thrilled. She had never had any siblings or cousins to play with, and the thought of having a little "brother" or "sister"- blood related or not- was just amazing to her.
That's why now, as Dakota sits mourning the lose of the woman who meant so much to her, she felt like she was in a dream. She remembered Olivia telling her that everything would be all right and that she'd always be there for her.
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right
When Elliot and Olivia were running late that night, she knew something was wrong. Normally if they got held up at the precinct one of them would call and let her know. But that night no one had called her for hours and she began to worry–it wasn't like either of them to behave that way.
Dakota had eventually fallen asleep by the window with the phone in her hand. When the phone finally rung she jumped up and answered immediately.
"Elliot! Where are you? I've been so worried." she breathed.
Her frantic voice was met by a moment of grim silence and then Elliot's voice sadly and quietly explained where he was and why he hadn't called. As she listened to his words her heat felt like it had been ripped out of her chest, and breathing became more of a challenge.
"A-A c-car accident?" she stuttered. "She okay though right?" Her breath caught in her throat and tears built up in her eyes. "Right? Elliot . . . Olivia is okay, right?"
After hanging up with Elliot, Dakota didn't know what to do. She threw the phone across the room and knocked over the coffee table out of anger. Tears fell furiously down her cheeks and she sunk to the floor against the wall.
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better cause you said forever and ever
who knew
The floor boards of the porch creaked under Elliot's weight as he carries his two year old daughter and his two year old son, Juliana and Joel, out to where Dakota sits. He sits down beside the sixteen year old.
"What are you thinking about?" Dakota asks in a small voice.
"About how Julie and Joel will never get to grow up near the most wonderful woman in the world." Elliot replies.
Dakota smiles at the twins and plays with the little bit of hair on top of Juliana's head. "You know what I'll miss most about Liv?" Dakota says. "The way she hugs. She just makes you feel so safe and warm. She was like my own personal super hero. And she always smelled so good. The first couple weeks I moved in with her, I would wake up every night with nightmares. Olivia would never say anything, she would just take me into her arms and let me cry."
Elliot closes his eyes and breaths in a deep breath. "I can still smell her perfume."
"Do you think the twins will remember her?" Dakota takes Joel into her arms and bounces him on her lap.
Elliot thinks about the question and says, "Well, they still cry for her. They ask for her all the time. And I know they'll remember her from all the pictures and all the stories you and I will tell about how wonderful she was."
Dakota laid her head down on Elliot's shoulder and lets a few tears stream down her face.
Elliot closes his eyes again and remembered the first time they went out on an official "date".
- - - - -
"El," you don't have to go through all this trouble. I would have been happy if we went to Denny's of all places." Olivia laughed as hey walked through the doors of one of the fanciest Italian restaurants in New York City. "Besides, I don't enjoy getting so dressed up." She complained as she looked down at her red v-neck dress and her black high heels.
Elliot pulled a curl out of her face and smiled. "You look beautiful tonight. And booking these reservations two weeks in advance was no problem at all." He laughed.
Elliot remembered that dinner so well, he could still smell the way Olivia's perfume mixed with the smell of bread sticks and pasta. He remembered the way her curls bounced on her shoulders as she laughed. All night they joked round and acted like fools, just enjoying each others company.
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no
Elliot remembered the way her skin felt silky smooth beneath his finger tips, they way her lips curved as she smiled. He memorized every curve of her face and every movement she made. Even how the sunset made her eyes dance with colors he had never seen before.
He was caught up in each moment and thinking about the next, thinking of how wonderful his life was knowing that he was with the woman he loved. He always assumed Olivia would be there by his side. He imagined them growing old together and watching their grandchildren running around their house on Christmas and them playing outside with sparklers on the Fourth of July.
He loved her beauty but never actually stopped to appreciate it because he believed she would always be waking up next to him. And now it seemed almost impossible that he will no longer share that same bed with her. That she was no longer his partner in life as well at the precinct. They had vowed to each other when they got married that they would cherish and love each other each and everyday. That they'd be there for each other always and forever.
Now she was gone.
He had lost his best friend, his partner, and the love of his life.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything
Whenever he looked into the eyes of his two children that Olivia brought into the world, he could see her reflected in their eyes. Juliana had her smile. Joel even had her eyes. They both had parts of her personality and he knew they were truly her children.
He never imagined she would be gone. She was so full of life and was having so much fun. Olivia had the largest heart and the greatest ability to love others around her despite everything she had personally been through and everything she saw at work.
Olivia was indeed a one in a million kind of person. Elliot could see in the way she looked at Dakota and they way she always laughed around her, that she was truly meant to be a mother. Elliot could see how she was over joyed with happiness when she held Juliana and Joel for the first time.
He remembered how Olivia would talk about how she wanted to take all the kid to Disneyland when the twins turned three. With every thought of a new experience as a parent, Olivia's eyes would become wide with excitement and she would giggle like the little girl she never got to be herself.
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how, I was all wrong
They knew better, still you said forever and ever
Who knew
Every night as Dakota gets ready for bed, she goes into the twins bedroom and tells them a story of their mother. She tells them of how she rescued her from a horrible life and gave her a second shot at becoming an amazing person.
She tells them of how beautiful she was, and how she is always watching over them from far above. And sometimes she picks both Julie and Joel out of their cribs and take them to the window where she points out the brightest star in the sky and lets them know that the star is their mommy.
As Dakota drifts off to sleep, memories of her "own personal super hero" sweep into her mind and she dreams of the wonderful person who is no longer in her life.
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
At work Elliot tried his hardest to stay focused but sitting across from an empty desk made everything seem so much more real to him. Everyone from Cragen to Munch tried to make him feel better. But the truth was, nothing could change the way he was feeling.
He never expected Olivia to leave him, and now the unthinkable had happened. Even though he witnessed the unthinkable happen everyday at work, he never imagined it would hit so close to home.
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
Nearly a year after Olivia's death, Elliot prepared spaghetti in the kitchen and carried out a tray of bread sticks to the table. Sitting around the table he looks at the smiling faces of his three year old twins, Juliana and Joel, and his seventeen year old, Dakota.
"It smells great, dad." Dakota says, as she reaches out for a bread stick.
"Ghetti!" Juliana shouts as she holds up her fork.
"Ghetti!" Joel imitates.
Elliot places bowls off spaghetti in front of everyone and as he sits, he takes the hand of Joel and Dakota. Dakota takes Juliana's and Julie in turns takes Joel's hand. The four of them bowed their heads and said a short prayer, and as they all say "Amen," they follow with a hushed "I love you" for the one member of their family who was no longer with them, but who is never out of their memories.
That last kiss, I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling . . .
Who knew
If you enjoyed this, please leave a review. And I'm thinking about writing a story on what happened in between Dakota being rescued and the horrid "car accident" so please, I hope you liked this one enough for stick around for the rest of the story. :) I love you all.
3Cilla