Author's Note: All right, before I begin I want to say that this is NOT, I repeat NOT, a ZADR fic!!! Got that? True, Zim and Dib are playing the lead characters who happen to end up being romantically involved, but it's totally against their will and they are not happy about it as you will find out. I kidnapped them and forced them to be in this parody, and lord only knows why I decided to write this. Everything in this fic is meant to be humorous aka FUNNY. I'm totally making fun of the movie 'Titanic' and poking a bit of light fun at ZADR. That is the purpose of this story, to make you laugh, so don't take anything too seriously, okay? Also, I in no way shape or form am making fun of the actual disaster that happened back in 1912, so I've avoided using hardly any actual historical characters and am going completely by the characters made up for the James Cameron movie. Just so we clear on that, dig? Uh-kay, you may go on now… Oh, also I'd like to point out that this is my first fic done in script form. And don't ask me what I'm on because I don't know where you can get any.

Disclaimer: I don't feel like trying to come up with some witty, smart-ass disclaimer to put here, so suffice it to say that all the Invader Zim characters are © to Jhonen Vasquez, and Titanic is © to uh, someone who's NOT Jhonen Vasquez, but not me either.

Pre-production: What the fook is the author sniffing?

It's a bustling day at the movie studio and everyone is arriving at the set. Actually, Dib and Zim seem to have just appeared on the movie set in a flashy flash of light, with no knowledge of how they got there.

Dib: Hey, how'd I get here. (sees Zim) And what're you doing here? Is this another one of your schemes?? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Zim: Don't insult me by suggesting I pull off something so stupid, Earth stink! I don't know how we got here anymore than you do.

A mysterious voice: Well, I'm glad to see you two could come! Welcome to my movie set.

Dib: Movie set? Then you're…

Director: That's right, I'm (flings her arms out and does one of those over-the-top Anime' poses) the director!

Dib: (narrows an eye) …Uh… huh

Director: And you guys are going to star in my latest Invader Zim fanfic! Your brain overflows with happy excitement juice, yes?

Dib: Uh, that depends. What's the fic?

Zim: (eagerly) Is it about how I finally crush the Dib into human paste and conquer this filthy spinny dirt planet?

Director: Oooo, so close… but no. It's actually a parody of the movie 'Titanic'.

Dib: Titanic?

Zim: You mean the one with that little weaselly faced thirteen-year-old preadolescent?

Director: Leonardo DiCaprio?

Zim: That's the one.

Director: Well, you don't have to worry about him. In my movie, Dib will be playing the role of Jack.

Dib: Um… I've never seen the movie, is… is that a good thing?

Director: Well, you get to be the strapping young hero of the film and cause hundreds of thousands of teenybopper girls to flock to theaters in record numbers just so they can get a glimpse of your gorgeous, hunky, heart-throb self.

Dib: (smiles) Hmm, I guess that sounds good.

Director: (quickly and under her breath) Of course then you'll go on to act in a bunch of bombs and be reviled by anyone with half a brain cell and never work in the movies again…

Dib: What was that?

Director: Huh? (puts on a big fake smile) Oh! Oh, n-nothing… eh heh heh. All right, now since you seem to be excited about playing Jack, how about I introduce you to your co-star? They'll be playing the lovely, fragile girl torn between high society and the love of her life.

Dib: (eagerly) Yeah, okay! Where is she?

Director: Right there! (points to Zim)

Zim: Wha-?

Director: Yes, Zim, I've picked you especially to play Rose. I have no idea why I did, but might have something to do with the fact that I haven't slept in fifty-eight hours.

Zim: HAVE YOU THE BRAINWORMS!!?? I will NOT sink so low as to play some lowly, carbon-based human ball of meat! And another thing-

With a few clicks on the keyboard, Zim's mouth is magically welded shut.

Zim: Mmmphhhh!!! Mmmmmm! Mmmmhmhhh!! (Translation- Um… something I can't say in a PG fic)

Director: Now… will there be any more protests?

Zim: (shakes head) Mmmm…

Director: Dib?

Dib: (nervously) Um, no Miss, um…

Director: Call me Spectra

Dib: Miss Spectra.

Director: (claps hands) All righty then! Shall we start the fic?

Dib: (sighs) The sooner we start, the sooner we get it over with I guess.

Zim: (garbled mumbling)

Director: Whee! Okay, please follow me to the dressing rooms.

The director (Me) shows Dib and Zim to their dressing rooms. Dib goes into his to get his costume on, but Zim refuses to put his on when he sees what he has to wear… a pretty white pinstripe dress with matching purple hat, and a dainty little umbrella.

Zim: Oh no, no way! I'll not set one body part into that… that disgusting human female garb!

Director: (glares at the uncooperative Irken) Look, I didn't want it to have to be this way. I'm not really into slash or ZADR or any of that stuff, but there's no one else to play the female lead! Do I have to demonstrate my omnipotent abilities as a fic author again?

Zim: (growls) Grrrr… Curse yooooouuuuu!

Director: Yeah, whatever. Now suit up Shorty!

Zim: Shorty?! HOW DARE YOU!! You will live to regret having ever insulted the mighty Irken elite!

Director: (smacks her forehead) Look, just get in the dress already.

Zim: Why couldn't you get Gaz to play Rose!? She's on the show too you know.

Director: Oh please (rolls eyes) I'm not even gonna tell you what's wrong with that one.

Zim: What about Tak? She just showed up in the cast.

Director: Because in a matter of 48 hours after the 'Tak- the Hideous New Girl' episode airs, there'll be a swamping of Dib/Tak fanfics pouring in, and I really don't feel like adding to the pile thankyouverymuch. Besides, she said she didn't want to be in the fic when I told her you were in it.

Zim: Well why couldn't you make that smelly Dib human the girly one?

Director: Cause… (looks to the sky dreamily and pictures Dib in the Jack costume) I just didn't.

Zim: Well still, I don't want to!

Director: Too bad, you're Rose.

Zim: But why?! Why do I have to play a girl?

Director: Oh… (fingers the wad of hundreds in her pocket from all the Bishie Zim fans) … No reason. Just, um, directors intuition. Now get in that dress before I use my spooky, fanfic author-y powers on you.

Zim: (Grumbles and puts on the dress. He starts to leave)

Director: WAIT!! You forgot this! (holds up a curly, red haired wig)

Zim: (makes a face that could stun a yak) You're just begging for some doom…

Zim comes out of the dressing room a few minutes later in his costume and comes across two more fellow cast members, the Almighty Tallests. Purple is dressed up in a rather dapper suit, and Red is in a 1900's style dress and hat.

Zim: My Tallests?

Red: Ugh, unfortunately…

Purple: (to Red) Heehee, get a load of Zim's get up!

Red: Hey!

Purple: Oops, sorry buddy, I forgot you were wearing a dress too.

Zim: (to Red) She's making you play a girl too?

Red: Don't even talk to me about it. (hides his face in his hands)

Zim: How did you get roped into this horrible situation?

Purple: We didn't really have a choice. That director has scary fanfic author powers. Oooo… (does that spooky alien wiggle thing)

Red: Yeah, even we can't stand up to them. (aside) Of course she didn't mention Zim was gonna be in this fic. If she had maybe we'd have tried a little harder.

Zim: Did she do the mouth clamp thing to you too?

Red: No, but she turned Purple's head here into a pineapple. Here (holds out a cup), we made juice!

Purple: (smiles) It tastes like my head!

Zim: (uncertainly reaches for it) Uh…

Just then, Zim is saved as Dib makes his grand appearance. He's wearing the Jack costume, which consists of a white button up shirt, Tan jacket, brown pants and shoes, and suspenders. He looks, to coin the phrase, simply smashing.

Dib: Tah-dah!

Director: (mops the drool off her face and slaps herself back to the real world) Oh wow, Dib, you look fantastic! (thinking to herself) Especially when you consider that white shirt's gonna be soaking wet by the end of this fic ^^)

Dib: Thanks. (spots Zim and bursts out laughing) BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Zim: (just stands there with his arms folded looking pissed)

Dib: HAHAHAAAA!!! Oh man, forget anything I said before, it's worth being in this fic if I get to see you like this!! HEEHEEHAHAHA!!!! (more pointing and laughing)

Zim: (ominously) Laugh now pitiful Dib. You're the one who dies at the end of the movie.

Dib: HAHAHAH- Huh?

Director: Never mind that, lets just get started okay?

Dib: But wait, what was that last-?

Director: (loudly) Come on, come on, people! Everyone in their places! Great, everyone good? Spiffy! Now let the fic begi-! (is interrupted by something tugging on her jacket) Huh? (looks down to see GIR standing there) Oh, hi GIR!

GIR: Helloooo!

Director: What're you doing here?

GIR: I came to be in the movie with Master and the greasy head Dib!

Dib: HEY!

GIR: I'm gonna be a Supastar!! Heehee!

Director: (sadly) Oh, I'm sorry GIR, but all the main roles are filled up. I couldn't find anything for you.

GIR: (his metal lip starts to tremble) I… I don't gidda be in the story? (starts to cry)

Director: Aww… tell you what, GIR, how about you get to be my special helper!

GIR: (sniffles adorably) What would I do?

Director: Uh… you see that buffet table over there?

GIR: Yep.

Director: Well, you get to take anything you want from it AND you can sit here and help me direct! And, if the actors get out of line, you get to unleash… the penguins (insert eerie thunderclap here). Sound fun?

GIR: YAAAYYYY!!!

Director: (does that Mr. Burns finger thing) Excellent. (Puts a hat on GIR that says 'Special Helper') Okay, now lets get this thing rolling! Sam! Fade it to black and cue the title…