We are all a little Mad
The American McGee's version of Alice Liddell receives a letter from Hogwarts, this is her first year.
I do not suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
–Edgar Allan Poe–
Chapter 1 – A New Hole
Alice woke from her recurring nightmare once again. It has always been the same a burning house on a lonely hill. Their screams into the night and she was unable to do anything about it.
"Good morning Rutledge. Oh how I hate your stench," Alice greeted the new day.
It has been almost four years since she has been placed in Rutledge Asylum. If memory served, today was her birthday. Alice waited until the door opened surprised to see someone she never saw before.
"Morning Doctor, lovely day isn't it? May I ask what your specialty is then?" Alice greeted the new person. "You look the type to stick steel rods up in my brain. The last doctor gave me an awfully good electric massage. I still remember the aftertaste of that disgusting mouthpiece."
"Hogwarts is not a place for the insane Ms. Liddell, I assure you." The woman spoke in a Scottish accent.
"How odd, they said the same about Rutledge, yet if you look out the window it clearly reads Asylum for the Underage." Alice countered. "Now doctor, if you have not come to stick steel rods in my brain. Why, pray tell, have you come?"
"My name is Prof. Minerva McGonagall, deputy headmistress of Hogwarts Secondary School for the gifted. It was around the age of six, that your name appeared on our radar and we wish to have you attend on a full scholarship."
"I am cautious to accept, Hogwarts sounds like a boarding school and I have nowhere else to go should the year end." Alice turned toward the high window. "After all Wool's Orphanage said I was mad and sent me here for observation and I was never returned."
"Since we do offer the scholarship we are also providing alternative housing starting today."
With that said Alice never though that she would be allowed to just walk out of the asylum, yet here she was walking down the street with a total stranger and no one seemed to notice she just left the nuthouse.
They walked the entire distance until they reached a small Pub & Grill called The Leaky Cauldron. They walked through it to the back ally where McGonagall pulled out a stick and tapped the wall. The entire wall shifted not unlike the rabbit hole and opened up into a large shopping district.
"Ms. Liddell, I would like to welcome you to the magical world. This is Diagon Ally."
"Have I finally gone around the bend completely? As I recall I have receive shock therapy because I claimed to have followed a rabbit into a magical world." Alice pinched her behind. This seemed so real, but was it really?
"I assure you, you have not gone mad, nor were you ever. However going on about a magical world does raise questions amongst the muggles. This was the earliest we were able to intervene."
"But wait, the way you phrased the invitation, was it because of the doctors back in Rutledge?" Alice asked curiosity getting the better of her.
"Indeed, if I phrased it any other way, we would not have been able to leave together. Also the scholarship was a stretch. Mr. Lewis Carroll, a friend of your family's, was a powerful wizard and he set up a trust for you."
"For me?" Alice was truly surprised. "Why would he do that?"
"You were the first in your magic to perform magic. And since he did not have an heir, he left everything for you once you come of age. Mr. Carroll passed a few days after the fire cost you your family. He stayed here in Diagon Ally, his house and house elf now belongs to you. However we will first buy your supplies for school which starts on September first."
They walked down the ally towards a large white building. They entered after reading the warning on the door. Alice was curios on these creatures, they seemed smart but vicious. It would be rude to outright ask them what they were, but there are other ways to find out.
"We are here for Banker Ragnarok." McGonagall told the free worker.
"Ragnarok has not seen anyone since Carroll's demise." The worker said as he led them to a back room and left.
"Carroll has left his entire fortune to a girl outside his family since he was unable to have an heir." Ragnarok said as they turned towards him. "And there is but one way to determine who that girl is." He pointed towards a vorpal blade.
"How strange, I feel a connection towards it." Alice said more to herself.
"If you are indeed Alice Liddell, then go ahead and pick up the vorpal blade." Ragnarok said a wicked grin exposing his sharp teeth.
Alice walked over to the blade and picked it up effortlessly. She turned to see the relief of McGonagall's face and the disappointment on Ragnarok's. Ragnarok then pulled a small folder and handed it to Alice directly.
"Carroll had a cruel sense of humor, one that we goblins respected. He was also very wealthy and until his appointed heir arrived we had control of his vault and belongings." Ragnarok motioned Alice to open the folder.
"This is a list of everything he owned and the amount of currency he had, it now belongs to you. Should you have to pay for anything, just show them the vorpal blade and the money will be transferred to their account. Carroll did not believe in carrying money when he could be carrying something deadly instead."
"It makes sense, one asks for your wallet and you pull out a deadly weapon. If the person has logic they would run. If not you can cut them as payment." Alice rationalized.
"But that is where Carroll's brilliance shines, none but his heir or appointed heir can hold this vorpal blade without causing damage to their person." Ragnarok smirked. "I hope to see you in the future Alice Liddell."
McGonagall led Alice out of the bank, she had known Carroll for many years and the mad was the embodiment of oddities. He had created a world in order to test a little girl's magic. And upon his death the world destabilized. McGonagall was just glad she could get to Alice before she had to face that twisted madness.
They walked to the start of Diagon Ally and entered the shop there, Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions. Inside they were met by a portly witch that looked slightly confused. Until McGonagall told her that they were getting the shopping done early. Alice was fitted for her robes and given several different colors as well as other clothes.
The next shop was across the lane, Flourish & Blotts. They bought a few books and the standard books required for all first years, the only book missing was the Defense Against the Dark Arts book. McGonagall explained that for the past decade the post was hardly filled for more than a year.
They got all the other equipment and ingredients next with Alice asking if she could attempt to brew lesser potions since she has never been good at cooking, and potions is kind of like cooking. McGonagall agreed and added some more supplies to the list.
Alice had her fill of animals and decided against getting a pet. The Cheshire would most likely show up at some time anyway, so all that was truly left was to get her wand. McGonagall led Alice to Ollivander's. The peeling gold letters belied the mystique that the shop held.
Mr. Ollivander took one glance at Alice not bothering with his rituals. He walked to the back of the shop and came back with a single wand. Alice took it and it reacted instantly. Mr. Ollivander smiled at her.
"I have been saving that wand for you, yet I did not know it at the time." He said then glanced at the wand. "Yew wood twelve and a halve inches, springy. The core is the most rare that I ever had the fortune to use. This dragon sometimes goes by the name Jabberwocky."
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
He took his vorpal sword in hand
Long time the manxome foe he sought
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
And stood awhile in thought
And, as in uffish thought he stood
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood
And burbled as it came
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back
And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe
These words came back to Alice and brought a frown upon her face. However neither Mr. Ollivander nor McGonagall seemed to notice this. McGonagall then took Alice to her new home where she would spend the summer with adult supervision. Alice walked about and got acquitted with the house elves, Dee and Dum.
"But wait, you said I will be here for the summer where am I to go now?" Alice asked.
"You are coming to Hogwarts earlier where we can supervise you. There is no telling what a girl your age can do if she is left on her own, please take my arm." Moments later it felt like Alice was forced through a very tight tube spinning very fast. Once she discarded her meals of the day. She gasped at the beauty that met her on the hill.
"Welcome to Hogwarts," McGonagall said and led Alice up the hill.
They entered the castle and made their way up to the seventh floor. There McGonagall opened a room and showed Alice inside. The room was cozy, with three doors leading out of the main room, the first towards a bedroom, the second the bathroom and the third into a kitchen. Dee and Dum were already in the castle setting up the rooms and cleaning the cobwebs.
"This is normally reserved for married students but it hasn't been used in a long time. The headmaster has given you access to it until the school year is done in less than a month. You will find that the kitchen is fully stocked so you need not interact with the current students if you do not wish to."
"The room is ever so lovely Doctor. Much better than any other room I had, save my room at home." Alice thanked the older woman.
"My quarters is just down the hall should you need me." McGonagall said as she left the room.
"Right then, shall we begin?" Alice said as she turned to the house elves.
Alice arranged everything to allow her mind to process them better, for anyone coming in or going out it might look a mess, but a few years of your brain slowly frying, you tend to see things differently.
With her room sorted Alice had finally calmed down enough to process what has happened over the last day. With a pencil in hand she began writing and drawing. She got so wrapped up in her thoughts she barely registered the door opening. She flung the vorpal blade at the intruder.
"Bloody hell!" she heard two identical voices say.
"What are you doing here? I was promised privacy." Alice turned addressing the twin red headed boys.
"We were going to use the bathroom, we weren't aware someone has moved in." they spoke in twin-speak, something Alice could follow as if they were one and the same person. A feat rarely heard found.
"I may be inclined to allow that, should you provide me with your true names. I am well aware that twins change often and in the future I would not care, but for now honesty would grant you immunity." Alice then whistled for the vorpal blade and it returned to her hand.
"I'm Fred Weasley," the twin smiled, he had a dimple on his left side.
"And I'm George," the other twin smiled a dimple on his right side.
"Very well, you may use my bathroom. My name is Alice Liddell and I shall begin my classes after the holidays." Alice said turning back around. "At times my undergarments might be stowed in the bathroom do not disturb them for I shall know, and be ever so upset."
"Thank you. You are most kind Ms. Liddell." The twins said.
"Kindness is but a word. Rather I am tolerant when I am not provoked. Enjoy your bath Mr.'s Weasley.
The twins smirked they might've found an equal.
The weeks rolled on and every time the twins showed up they got more conversation out of Alice and they enjoyed every minute of it. But like all things it had to end as the school year drew to an end. The day before the school year ended Alice was busy packing up her things when the twins showed up.
"So you're leaving this lovely room, today? It truly is a shame we would miss you next year." They said.
"I highly doubt that since I shall be coming to this very school." Alice said before Dum showed up and took over the packing. "Now boys if you will excuse me I shall be going, I am to meet Prof. Flitwick in the entrance hall. Apparently he lives close to my home away from here."
Flitwick was a small man, Alice almost mistook him for a goblin or an elf, but that would just be rude. She curtsied in greeting.
"Ms. Liddell, are you ready to leave here for the summer?" Flitwick asked.
"Hogwarts is very lovely, but I imagine it could get lonely, I am as ready as I shall ever be." Alice said as she took hold of the offered rope.
Not much has happened during the holidays other than Flitwick showing up early each morning to make sure Alice was fine. He didn't seem to mind the controlled chaos that Alice created in her house, in fact it seemed like he encouraged it. Flitwick also took Alice shopping for her last school books.
And then it was time to go to school again. Alice was looking forward to it, she may only have had a few months to adapt to the magical world but it was more then enough. On September first Flitwick asked Dee and Dum to take Alice's trunk and supplies to Platform nine and three quarters. He and Alice took a different route. Flitwick felt that Alice could do with some muggle influence and took her to a teashop that was open at all hours of the day.
They had a breakfast of crumpets and three different teas. Alice found this odd, but she did enjoy the company. After that they proceeded to King's Cross and got on the platform. Flitwick, being a master duelist, occasionally stood security over the students before heading to Hogwarts via port key.
Alice got on the train and thanked her house elves before they left to guard her home. It felt weird, taking a train to go to a school of magic, but then a rabbit hole normally does not transport one to another world either. Alice was just starting to think that maybe there was another way to get to school, when the twins arrived.
"You are cutting it a bit short." She said jokingly.
"Having as many brothers that we have, you can't really be expected to be on time, yet they want us to be anyway." The twins said in their twin speak. "So are you looking forward to your first year?"
"If I go by how many times you showed up at my door before the holidays, can it really be so bad?" the twins had to admit, they were able to skive on their studies, yet they still did surprisingly well.
They welled down into casual conversation after that. It was only interrupted by the lady with the trolley asking them what they would like. Alice bought a box of Bertie Botts, a few sets of chocolate frog boxes and two boxes liquorish wands.
"Now this is how this will work boys," Alice announced as she opened the beans. "By closing your eyes and picking a bean, if you get an unsavory one you get a wand, a savory one you get a toad. Lie and you will receive these marvelous sweets, each lined with a different potion that would last for the remainder of the train ride, since the magic of Hogwarts would cancel the effect." Alice took a bag from her pocket and placed it next to the sweets.
"What kind of effects?" George asked eyeing the candy suspiciously.
"Oh nothing too rash, each one leaves a nasty letter on your forehead that would eventually spell: I am a cheater."
"Oh but we are such skillful liars how would you know?" Fred challenged.
"Easy, I gave each of you the strongest, legal, truth serum when I hugged you." Alice smiled.
"And is it working? Have we lied to you yet?" George asked.
"I haven't tried, yet." Fred said. "My name is G– G– Gred." Fred blinked a few times. "I can tell it is working, to an extent. You try brother dear."
"I shall brother mine. I am F– F– Feorge. You are right, seems like we've been handle by a witch not yet sorted."
"Although I do like the sound of Gred,"
"Feorge, does sound wonky, however Forge does not."
"We accept your challenge." They said in unison.
"Lovely." Alice said then held the box out for them.
The game lasted for about a few hours peacefully, when the twins excused themselves to get into robes. Alice did the same in their absence. She laughed to herself. Both Fred and George tried to play her bluff until they realized that the sweets left them itchy. They both had 'I AM' in angry red marks on their foreheads.
When the twins retuned Alice divided the remaining toads and wand between them and they started to clean the compartment. Alice didn't like to leave stuff unresolved once she left somewhere. As they cleared the last morsel of their presence the conductor announced that Hogsmead station was just around the bend.
At the station the twins escorted Alice to Hagrid and introduced them, they then went up to the carriages pulled by skeletal winged horses and was taken up to the school. Alice turned when another girl greeted her.
"They are majestic aren't they?" The girl said with a smile.
"I do hope you weren't referring to the twins, I doubt they'll agree." Alice replied in good humor.
"I meant the Thestrals of course, though the twins are easy on the eye. I'm Katie Bell by the way."
"Alice Liddell, you say those horses are Thestrals? It is too bad they carry that reputation, they are lovely."
"Firs' years this way," Hagrid called, stopping the chatting between the girls.
And as they round the bend their breath was taken from them. Sure Alice has seen the castle before, but from this angle it was truly remarkable. They got into the boats with two other girls as it careened them across the still waters of the black lake.
Hagrid lead them to up the stairs to the entrance hall and knocked trice. McGonagall greeted them at the door and took them to an antechamber off the hall. There they remained until McGonagall called on them.
They were lead into the Great Hall and to the very front of the tables. Alice noticed the banners over the house tables and realized that she and the twins won't be in the same house unless she could convince the test giver that she'd rather go to their house.
"Bell Katie," McGonagall called the first name after the hat had sung its song.
"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted and the twins got up and clapped politely, Alice knew that it was to show her what their house was. They did the same for every student that went to Gryffindor.
"Liddell Alice." Alice nodded in reply before sitting on the stool.
"Easy sorting," the hat whispered in her mind before Alice stopped him.
"I am well aware that I belong in Ravenclaw, yet I do not wish to go there."
"Are you sure?" the hat was about to shout the very house's name.
"Positive," Alice said, "You see Ravenclaw is for the studious yet I see myself not as such, sure I am curious, but until I arrived in Wonderland books without pictures bored me silly, it still does. I feel that, pranking aside, Gryffindor would suit me best, I met two students already, and dodging their pranks would keep me on my toes and allow me the distraction I need to focus on my studies."
"This goes against everything I am, but I see your logic, have fun in: GRYFFINDOR!" Alice took of the hat and headed towards the Gryffindor table and sat between the twins across from Katie Bell.
This is the second idea that floated in my head. I ended the chapter here for the simple reason that the school year will start next and Alice's journey will begin. If I continue from this point that is, let me know what you think.
–Foxy Talia Potter–