Her gaze continued to swap between the dazzling promise of a united future, in the form of a wedding ring right in front of her euphoric eyes, and then back to the golden globes of flawless beauty that were the eyes of her groom to be, Edward Cullen.
"Oh Edward" Bella murmered.
Edward smiled warmly in response.
"This really is so crazy you know"
The pair had just been enjoying another perfect afternoon in the meadow when he sprung his question on her.

Little did they know the teary eyed pear of Jasper and Alice where watching in the bushes.
"How romantic" Alice cooed.

Bella continued in her awe struck blabber.
"This is so fast… its crazy… this is madness"

A dark tint entered her lovers eye.
"Madness?" he scowled.
Before Bella replied Edward howled a blood curdling howl, "THIS! IS! SPAAARTTTAAA!" then kicking her into a gigantic hole used to deposit the mountains of forty year old Egyptian women's heads constantly found in children's toy boxes.

"Wow I didn't see that coming" said Alice, breaking the awkward silence that follows after one kicks ones bride to be down a gigantic head depository hole.
"Yeah hey" agreed Jasper. "That was as out of place as a walrus in the desert, or an owl at the beach"
"Or a leopard in a swamp" agreed a solemn Alice.

Jacob came bounding into the clearly.
"BEEELLLAAAAAA!"
Unable to resist the comic gold the situation presented Jasper cheerfully added,

"Is a fella"
"Bella's a fella?" asked a dumb struck Edward. "This is as terrible as the time I went onto , entered parody and tried to find something that would make me laugh"
"Oh yeah I totally agree" stated Jasper. "Like you have those stupid little chat room stories, it's like… all the joke writers of all the T.V award shows ever collaborate on this website" he continued.

Meanwhile

"EDWARD!" roared a distraught Jacob.
"You killed my Bella!-" ….

"the fella!"
Alice slapped Jasper on the back off his head for the rude interruption.
"Now you must die!" Jacob continued.
Jacob quickly ran his girly ass into some unseen Indian shack in the bushes, and coming back in a very short period of time with an extra 30 pound of muscle.
Whilst this was occurring, Alice was painting dodgy looking abdominal muscles onto Edwards pale long abdomen.

The pair then commenced to shuffle around, hands by their sides, eyes staring at the sky and talking to themselves, respectively saying.
"What do you mean steroids I didn't take no steroids" and "What do you mean painted on?"
After they had done convincing themselves, a long deep moan bellowed from the pit where Bella had been previously kicked down.

She began floating in the air, rising up out of the well, covered in 40 year old Egyptian woman heads. And seemingly murmuring "What do you mean the chick that plays Hermione would be way better for the role then me, I don't smoke pot"
She shed her skin and Chuck Norris came forth.
Sipping on a can of Victoria Bitter Beer.
At the same time, Link, from the legend of Zelda ran into the scene caught in an insane rage.
He picked up some pots and threw them on the ground, molestererered several chickens, and stole some green rubies.
Before Chuck killed them all.