Now:
.
The problem with Tony Stark is the fact that when he sets his mind to something, there's very little that can dissuade him from getting his desired result. This is, in short, how he ended up in his current predicament. Namely, completely naked and caught in the headlights of his teammates stares, with an equally naked Bruce Banner hiding his face behind Tony's back.
Tony does the only thing he can think of, he laughs.
.
A few weeks earlier:
.
"You know that won't work."
Tony stops short of sticking Bruce with the electric prod and lowers his arm, pouting.
"You take away all my fun, Doctor Banner," he says, sounding every bit as petulant as he knows he looks.
"You've been trying for months," Bruce says, shaking his head with amusement, "It didn't work before we destroyed half of New York, what makes you think it will work now?"
"First," Tony says, tossing the prod aside and moving next to Bruce to lean against the table, "It was not "half of New York." Major exaggeration there. Secondly, the fact that it hasn't happened since then is what makes the experiment all that much more interesting! Is it the pain? The surprise? Or maybe I'm focusing too much on your torso. Maybe if I jabbed your leg, or ar…"
"Tony, no," Bruce says, cutting off his impending rambling. "Nothing short of you actually trying to kill me is going to make the Other Guy come out. And even then, it's only 50/50."
Tony looks suitably confused, and Bruce decides it's a fun look on him. He makes a note to try to make it happen more often.
"He likes you," Bruce says, shrugging.
"Well," Tony says, grinning for a moment, "There's no accounting for taste, is there?"
Bruce just shakes his head again and goes back to his work. Tony eventually gets bored and decides to go weld something, but not before sticking Bruce with the prod one last time, sighing when all Bruce does is roll his eyes.
.
The next day, Tony decides that maybe he just needs a new tactic. Bruce has come to expect the shocking, especially in the lab. He removes his shoes and socks for extra stealth and heads to Bruce's floor, intent on jumping out at him as he leaves his bedroom for dinner.
Thor's making pasta; it's bound to be interesting. Clint's promised to help, but Tony's not sure if that's better or worse. Natasha is there, too, but he knows she'd rather watch it all go to hell with a smirk than help cook.
He pads to Bruce's door as quietly as he can, frowning when he sees the door is slightly ajar. He can't very well hide behind a closed door if it's open. Shrugging, he reaches in to close the door, but it swings open at his touch, and he finds himself walking in after it before he realizes what he's doing.
That is, of course, when Bruce comes back from the bathroom, rubbing a towel over his wet hair. It doesn't escape Tony's notice that he is very much naked, and a lot more muscled than he'd expected. Lean muscle, but still. It's a good look.
"Uhh," he says, because Bruce still hasn't noticed him, and real words seem to have escaped him for the time being.
Bruce, for all his bookish professor tendencies, apparently has no qualms about being naked, and doesn't make the mad scramble for cover that one expects.
"Can I help you?" he says, and oh yes, that's definitely sarcasm in his voice.
And Tony knows from sarcasm.
"I just…" Tony says, looking nowhere and everywhere at once, "Uh, Thor's cooking. Was coming to get you and…yeah. Pants are probably a good idea for dinner, though."
"I imagine so," Bruce says, dryly, before making his way to his closet and pulling out clothes.
"I'll let you do the whole 'pants' thing," Tony says, backing up. "See you at dinner."
Bruce gives him a quick smile and nods, and then Tony's gone.
.
Dinner is a surprising success. It turns out that Thor can handle boiling water and cooking pasta just fine. Coulson helps him make a sauce, and Steve shows them how to make meatballs the way Bucky's mom used to. They're eating, in that comfortable silence that only happens at their meal times and post battle rests, when Bruce's hand slips on his plate, covering his thumb in sauce.
"You got a little sauce.." Tony says, gesturing.
"Hm? Oh, thanks," Bruce says, locking eyes with Tony as he licks a stripe up his thumb to clear the sauce.
Tony swallows hard. If he didn't know any better, he could swear Bruce Banner was flirting with him. A quick glance around to the others gives him no clues, as they're all engrossed in their food. The next moment, Bruce is back to his food, and Tony's back to being confused.
.
A few days later, Tony wakes up absolutely determined to make Bruce hulk out. He's not sure why, but the need for it is eating him up, burning under his skin. He sneaks up to Bruce's room like before, glad to find the door closed this time. It's nearly seven, and Tony knows that Bruce will be coming out at any moment. He presses himself against the wall and waits for the click on the door.
When it finally comes, Tony jumps out, electric prod at the ready.
He's slammed against the wall before he even knows what's happening, prod on the ground and his hands pinned above his head by a very pissed off looking Bruce Banner.
There's no hint of green, though, so Tony isn't too worried.
"Surprise?" he says, weakly. And wow, how didn't he notice how gorgeous Bruce's eyes were before? And his lips. And his hair. And really, his whole face.
"God. Dammit. Tony." Bruce says, eyes flashing with anger.
For a split second, Tony regrets his plan, but then Bruce is kissing him, and hey, wow, wasn't expecting that.
Not that he's complaining.
He kisses back with equal enthusiasm, and maybe that anger wasn't anger after all. It's messy and rough and too much but he doesn't want to stop. Not with the way Bruce is pressed into him, still holding his arms up with one strong hand. His other hand is pressed against Tony's chest, splayed over the arc reactor, like he's trying to push him away and pull him closer all at once.
And God, Tony knows that feeling.
Eventually, they need to breathe and Bruce pulls away panting.
"Sorry," he says, rubbing at his reddened lips and stepping back to give Tony some space.
"Hey," Tony says, letting his arms drop before grabbing Bruce by the shirt and pulling him back. "Don't be."
Tony thinks that maybe there aren't enough words in the English language for everything he sees flash in Bruce's eyes, but it ends with more kissing, so maybe English is overrated.
He'll try Italian later.
.
It's as far as they get for a week; stolen kisses in hallways. Some heavy petting if Tony's lucky. For once, he wants to talk about a relationship, or potential relationship, but Bruce is better at avoiding that than he'd given him credit for. He surrounds himself with the others, making a yoga buddy out of Natasha and a sparring partner with Clint. He even spends an entire evening explaining the important differences between the Harry Potter and Twilight phenomenons to Thor.
When Tony finally manages to catch him alone, Bruce tries to wave him off by saying he needs to sleep, but Tony sees through it. He follows Bruce into his bedroom and kicks the door shut. And really, he hates all these old fashioned doors that Bruce requested. Give him a automatic door any day.
"You know," he says, leaning against the closed door and looking at Bruce, "I'm usually the one who's running away from 'the talk.' What gives?"
"Can't we just be having fun?" Bruce asks, but it falls flat to both of them. They know that's not the case, even if Bruce was that type of man.
"I'm all for fun," Tony says, giving Bruce his very best rakish grin, "But most of my fun doesn't run away when I try to undo it's belt…"
"I…" Bruce goes to deny it, but stops, moving to sit on the bed as his shoulders slump. "You make me nervous," he settles on.
Tony can't help but tease him just a little bit.
"Are you scared for your virtue, Banner? Didn't take you for the blushing virgin type. Especially since I recall you kissing me first."
"Don't be an ass," Bruce says, but he's smiling slightly.
"Then what's the problem?" Tony asks, moving to the bed faster than Bruce anticipates.
He's suddenly met with a lap full of Tony Stark, who is taking way too much joy in straddling him for the serious conversation he seemingly wants.
Bruce looks up, searching Tony's eyes for any hint of mocking, but finds nothing there but curiosity and more than a little bit of concern.
"It didn't even cross your mind, did it?" he asks, resting his hands on Tony's hips.
"A lot of things cross my mind," Tony says, "Most of them at the moment involve you getting naked, to be honest."
"The Other Guy, I mean," Bruce says, "You've been trying to get him to come out for months, yet it didn't even cross your mind that he could make an appearance if we… if I…"
"Won't happen," Tony says, dismissively.
"You don't know that," Bruce says, "If my heart rate gets too high…"
"You can control it," Tony says, with more certainty than Bruce has ever felt. "Plus, I'm betting the other guy can tell the difference between good and bad reactions. He reacts when you're in danger, and I wouldn't be putting you in danger. Plus, you already said he likes me."
Bruce reaches up to cup Tony's face with one hand, tracing along his cheekbone with his thumb. Tony thinks that maybe they don't need a relationship talk after all, if Bruce's expression is anything to go by.
"I just don't want to hurt you," Bruce says, and it comes out so sad that Tony feels physically ill for a moment. Nobody deserves to sound that way.
"You won't," he says, and pushes Bruce back to lie on the bed, "I promise."
Bruce looks up at Tony and takes a deep breath before giving him a crooked grin.
"Come on then, metal man, show me what you've got."
Tony's delighted whoop can be heard from floors away, but the others pay no attention.
.
The next morning, Bruce wakes up to a snoring Tony sprawled across his bed, invading Bruce's side and pillow, a mess of tanned skin and mussed hair against the white. Bruce smiles at the sight, and the memory of the night before.
Tony had been right, a fact Bruce knows he won't soon let him forget. But he doesn't mind so much if it results in nights like that. He looks over at the clock and decides that a few more hours sleep won't cause any harm. He presses a kiss to the wrist that's resting on his pillow before giving back into unconsciousness.
.
At first, nobody notices anything different between them. Sure, they'd decided not to tell the team just yet, but Bruce still expects them to be able to tell. Especially Agent Coulson. He just knows things. Tony is less concerned, as he generally doesn't care what people think of his relationships, and his relationship with Bruce doesn't stop him from flirting with everything that walks. Bruce doesn't mind, though. Tony flirts like it's an essential function, but it's only superficial.
It's only when Bruce stops to think about it does he realize how much time they spend with each other, even before they started sleeping together. They work together, in and out of each other's workshops. They hang out together, watching TV or playing chess that always ends in a stalemate. They even end up fighting together when the team is called, Hulk protecting Iron Man just a little bit more than the rest.
He realizes, quite suddenly, that Tony Stark has been his best friend for months now. And as weird as it is to have friends again, a best friend is something else entirely. He likes it.
.
Steve walks in on them just as Bruce has a hand slipped into Tony's jeans. He pulls away so fast that Tony actually feels dizzy. Bruce moves to look at a screen while Tony coughs and moves behind an erection-concealing tall counter as inconspicuously as he can manage. Steve, thankfully, had been reading a letter as he'd walked in, so he'd missed the scramble.
"Hey guys," he greets them, giving a friendly grin, "Director Fury wanted me to deliver this to Tony. Says he knows he doesn't open the ones that get sent to him by mail."
"You're reading my mail, Rogers?" Tony says, cocking a brow.
"It was already open!" Steve defends, "Plus, it's nothing secretive. Just regulation forms we all need to fill out."
"You still haven't filled out those forms?" Bruce laughs. "They've been on your dresser for a month."
His face practically goes white as he realizes what he's said, but Steve doesn't seem to notice the implication. He just hands Tony the papers and crosses his arms.
"Fury told me to wait until you've filled them out and then bring them back."
"Doesn't he have an intern to do that or something?" Tony asks, grumbling as he finds a pen. "Aren't there more important things for Captain America to be doing?"
Steve shrugs easily. "It's been a slow week. Plus, the interns are too scared to try to get you to cooperate."
"I think I'm offended," Tony says, affecting mock-horror. "I happen to think I'm very personable. Right, Bruce?"
"Mm-hmm," Bruce says, pressing things at random on the screen in front of him.
"You see what I put up with?" Tony says to Steve, gesturing at Bruce.
Steve laughs. "You could always find another lab partner. No offense, Bruce."
"None taken," Bruce says, and he means it.
Tony sighs, deep and dramatic.
"But then I'd have to teach someone new the secret handshakes and access codes. It sounds exhausting."
"Guess you're stuck with me," Bruce says, and even though he's still facing the screen, Tony just knows he's smirking.
"Guess so," Tony muses, before grinning up at Steve, "Unless you want to give it a go, Rogers. Feel like a crash course?"
Bruce is beside him suddenly, making like he's grabbing schematics but really kicking Tony hard against the back of his leg.
"Just finish the paperwork, Stark," he says, voice surprisingly light for the amount of force that went into the kick.
He moves away again, leaving Tony to hide his wince as he finishes the forms.
When Steve is finally gone, Tony spins on his heels to face Bruce.
"Really?" he says, too amused to think of anything especially clever.
Bruce debates acting dumb or pretending he wasn't jealous, but he knows it's no use.
"Shut up," he says instead, "And Steve isn't allowed anywhere near our science."
"You like Steve," Tony says, "And who knows, he could have a knack for…science. He's a bright kid."
"Will you please just shut up?" Bruce says, but he's laughing and letting Tony invade his space again.
"So I can kiss you?" Tony asks, already leaning in.
"So you can kiss me," Bruce agrees.
And he does.
.
Thor walks in on them shirtless in the gym, on the expansive exercise mats. Before they can stop him or explain, he's whipped off his own shirt and is asking what Midgardian exercise ritual they're doing today. Tony nearly passes out from trying not to laugh, but Bruce just smiles calmly and walks them all through some basic yoga. Thor ends up falling asleep in the downward dog position, and Tony and Bruce take the opportunity to escape to Tony's room.
.
There's an awkward moment one morning when Bruce is coming down from Tony's room to the kitchen, and he nearly runs into Clint, who is headed the same way. They exchange guilty looks, before realizing that the other one couldn't possibly know what was going on simply from an early morning in the kitchen. Bruce coughs to break the silence and offers to make coffee. Clint accepts and goes about making toast. They talk about the weather.
.
Natasha stops Tony one day as he's leaving his room. He values his life, so he stays put.
"I know," she says, smirking.
"Know what?" Tony says, though he can see it in her eyes.
She doesn't bother justifying him with an answer.
"I know," she repeats, "I don't particularly care, but I know. Don't let it affect the team. Courtesy of Coulson."
"Understood," Tony says, and Natasha makes her exit.
When he tells Bruce later, he groans.
"I'm telling you, Coulson just knows stuff. It's scary."
"Natasha is scary," Tony adds, "And sexy. But mostly scary."
Bruce doesn't even bother being jealous. Natasha would kick Tony's ass in under a minute.
.
Now(A few minutes before):
.
It's his hot tub, Tony thinks. He's allowed to have sex in if he wants. And oh, he very much wants. He's got Bruce leaned back against the side of the tub, legs spread wide to accommodate Tony's body as he leans in to bite up the line of Bruce's neck. They're both hard and more than ready, but Tony wants to drag it out just a little bit longer. He just loves the way Bruce comes undone when he's held off so long.
But then Bruce has two fingers inside him, stretching him slowly, and Tony thinks maybe faster might be better this time.
And that's when they hear the wolf-whistle.
Bruce's eyes go wide as he takes in whatever is behind Tony, and he pulls his fingers free in a flash.
Tony turns around.
.
Now:
.
So, he laughs. He laughs so hard that he shakes Bruce's head away from his back, where he's tucked it.
"OK, who whistled?" Tony asks, eying Clint suspiciously.
The archer just grins, and yep, Tony totally called that one.
"Um, what's up, guys?" Bruce asks, peeking his head out.
"Don't," Tony warns Clint, whose eyes are lighting up at the too-easy joke.
Clint scowls, but doesn't say it.
Tony looks up and takes a headcount. Just four; Steve, Clint, Thor, and Natasha.
"Did Coulson send you?" he asks.
Thor nods agreeably. "Indeed! He says there is to be a team meeting presently. I admit, the choice of location baffles me."
"There's no meeting," Bruce says, "Can you all just…go away?"
They leave after a few more knowing looks and snickered comments, mostly from Clint. Steve gives them a genuine smile and an actual thumbs up. Bruce finds it endearing, Tony is just confused.
"I'm going to kill Coulson," Tony says, leaning back against Bruce, who chuckles as he wraps around him.
"No you won't," he says, "In fact, if this has been anyone else, you'd have done the same thing. A lot sooner."
"Yeah, yeah," Tony says, because he knows it's true. "But I am going to get back at him. I'm just not sure how yet."
"I'm sure it'll be spectacular," Bruce says, very obviously placating him. But Tony doesn't care, he's too busy scheming in his head.
That is, until Bruce continues what he started earlier, catching Tony's breath in surprise.
When Bruce finally pushes all the way in, Tony sags with relief. He leans his head back on Bruce's shoulder and kisses his neck, moaning as Bruce angles his thrusts just right.
It's slow and sweet and perfect as the water rushes around them, pushing against them in the best ways.
They shower together afterward, stopping every few minutes to kiss, but eventually they're clean and dry and very much in need of nap. Bruce's room is closer, so they head there. They have to pass the kitchen to get to the elevator, and the rest of the team is there, chatting and snacking.
They freeze for a moment as the others notice them. Natasha gets bored first and goes back to her orange. Steve ducks his head a moment later and picks up the nearest magazine to read. Clint leans over to whisper something to Thor, who straightens up and grins at Bruce and Tony before speaking.
"Yes!" he says, "Brother Hawkeye informs me that is customary to congratulate Midgardians on their successful coupling. Congratulations, friends!"
"Dammit, Barton," Tony says, shaking his head. "Thor, that's not true. We don't do that. Unless there's a wedding. Or a baby. And neither is happening right now."
"No?" Thor asks, looking genuinely disappointed.
"No," Bruce confirms, "After all, Tony wouldn't want to lose his girlish figure."
Steve cracks up, before hiding his face with the magazine. Natasha remains unimpressed.
"Aye," Thor says, eyeing Tony, "you do not have hips worthy of birthing. Perhaps it is for the best."
"…Thanks," Tony says, grabbing Bruce's hand and giving a tug. "We're just gonna go now."
Tony leads them away and Bruce, in this moment, is pretty sure that nothing in the world could feel better than their joined hands swinging between them as they walk.
.
THE END